2 Wedding Planning Questions...

CONGRATULATIONS!
I'm all for short engagements--we got engaged in fall and married in Feb! Don't stress over "saving" money--just plan a nice simple wedding that you can afford.
Could you all light O. candle from many candles at the ceremony? I've seen that & it is nice.

I don't really have any good suggestions for question number 2, but my hubby and I got engaged in December of 2005, and were married May of 2006. It wasn't nearly as hard as people think to get it all done. I had to have a game plan, and I had to stick to it. If this week was flower week, then I went to as many shops as I could until I found the "perfect" flowers at the price I needed. It was not always easy, but my wedding was absolutely wonderful, and no one believed I pulled off what I did in 5 months. You can definitely do it! :) Good luck and congratulations!

My hubby and I were engaged over Thanksgiving and married in June. We had plenty of time to plan things out (we had a small and relatively informal wedding).

As for including your daughters, there are definitely ways - he could give them each a locket or something like that to symbolize the relationship.

#1 -- People often set the date based on availability of where they want to get married. Things may be booked for this summer, you may want to start asking at the church or reception hall where you want to hold it. It's not too soon if you can pull it off.

1) the date - I had a 2 yr engagement. Way too long!! The time between the engagement and the wedding should be long enough to save up the money needed - not to go into too much debt and to give guests time to plan/get there. If you want to get married at a particular venue, start there and see what dates are open, then go from there. If you can afford it, get married Summer 2011, or sooner. No need to wait a whole year. I planned 2 family weddings in 4-6 weeks each. That was a bit crazy, but we did it, all of the bases were covered. Really once you find the place and the dress, the rest is just gravy. BTW - they used a Justice of the Peace that came to the church. By law in VA (2007) , he's only allowed to charge $50 + travel expenses. We found the list of JOPs on the Prince William Courthouse website. Richmond should have something similar.

2) The girls - my cousin had 3 boys when he remarried. They had a section of the wedding where the bride basically took vows to the boys and them to her to treat each other as their mom/son. To love and respect. You could have your groom give each girl a necklace or charm bracelet, etc.

Congrats.
M.

You're "supposed" to set a date that allows you time to make arrangements and get invitations out to key people you want to attend.

My husband had 2 daughters - they walked out with us since we had no other attendants. My husband wrote a wonderful piece that the clergy member read, about relationships being more about chemistry and less about biology. You could also include some exchange of vows between adults & kids if you want, not to overshadow the marriage vows.

Depending on the age of the kids, they could say something or write something. Our kids did the invitations and invited the guests - we did the wording and used some of their drawings on the invitation, then they colored them. We only had about 30 invitations so it wasn't too big a deal. The invitations said that "Jessica and Sarah invite you to the wedding of their dad, Dan, and soon-to-be step-mom, D...." and so on.

A friend of ours got married to a guy with 3 kids. They were the bridesmaids and her 2-year-old was the flower girl, but she was fussy so the groom (also "Dad" as in your case) had to walk her down the aisle and put her with grandma since she didn't get what she was supposed to do. There were no other attendants. Definitely have lowered expectations for them so you don't have to worry about them doing their "job"!!

Make sure you have a kid-friendly reception too. I would go more for fun and something that reflects your lifestyle than try to save a ton of money to blow on one day.

Setting the date far out just gives you more time for planning. If you want something big, you need more time. If you are keeping it simple and are very organized, you can work with a shorter time frame. The important thing is to plan a wedding that will be meaningful to you, without much stress, and enjoy the process! I've heard of situations where there is a point in the ceremony where the new dad makes a committment to the kids too, like the whole family is getting married, not just the two parents. Good luck, have fun, and congratulations!

Setting the date out gives you more time but if you can pull it off this summer then go for it. Just pick a date soon and send out "Save the Date" cards so people don't make other plans. Send invitations out 6-8 weeks in advance (which means you will need them ready much, much sooner than most things). If you are going w/a traditional wedding dress, you have to give most places several months for alterations (or find someone on your own but then the dress place will not cover it if something happens). The only thing I found when planning my wedding (engaged in July, married in April) was it was really difficult to plan w/a child around. My husband has custody of his son from his 1st marriage and I underestimated how much work wedding planning was going to be and how much time I was going to spend doing homework, cleaning up after a little boy, etc. It was a huge adjustment (I moved in when we got engaged) and it ended up being a mad dash at the end and a lot of things weren't how I would have liked. Just a thought since you will be handling 3 kids while planning. I think the "traditional" wedding planning w/out kids is much, much different and you may not need a whole lot of time! As for your daughters, make them bridesmaids or Jr. bridesmaids so they are up front w/you. Or you can get a large candle w/five wicks and they can "help" you light it during the ceremony - a unity candle for your whole family coming together. When my husband and I got married, my stepson gave me a simple band w/his birthdate engraved on the inside before the ceremony. Maybe they could give him something sentimental like that too.

I found a great book - 1001 ways to save money and still have a fabulous wedding. It's great to have the bash, but there are better things to spend money on, especially when you have kids, etc. so focus on the joy/fun aspects. Hit the bookstores/libraries to find info re. cost saving methods to get most bang for buck, and employ friends and family who have talents that would be useful and ask them to give those talents, etc. as their wedding gift.

Pick the date you want, that works for what you'd like venue-wise (that's usually the hardest to find) and budget wise.

I think it would be lovely if your girls walked him down the aisle, one girl could walk you/one with him and all four of you could stand together at the front?

Have a lovely day, think outside the box and make the day yours! Don't let anyone who has a picture in their head of what your wedding "should" be get in the way of what you want it to be. You want to have FUN at your wedding and look back with a smile on it :)

Whew! This summer seems close! I was with my guy for 3 1/2 years before we got married and engaged for 1 1/2 years. It took all that time to plan the wedding. He adopted my daughter, but before that, at the wedding we gave her an engraved locket that said "daddy's girl" on the front with a picture of the both of them in it. She still has it and wears it on special occasions. :)

Hi R. - congratulations on the upcoming wedding! Remember that this is YOUR wedding...no "supposed to" about it. If you want to get married in the summer, the sooner you set the date, the better though. Summer weddings become more difficult because of family vacations (so for your friends & family who will travel for your wedding, they will need as much head's up as possible) & booking your wedding venue & such.
As for including the girls - so awesome! I don't have personal experience but I have seen a few things done: 1) a special set of vows between your girls & the fiance, &/or 2) when you do the ring exchange, the girls can get a special piece of jewelry too...I think it is awesome for you & your girls that you have found a man who loves all 3 of you like that. Best of wishes to you & your family!

I don't know what to say about the first question, I think that it is totally up to you two and your finances.

But on the 2nd question, my son knows my husband as dad also so we decided to get him a bracelet that had the date of the wedding engraved on it with a special saying. We also did unity sand since we got married on the beach. We had a special glass float made for all three of us, we all went and watched it being made and then we each chose a different element to put in it. My hubby was a dark sand, I was a light colored sand and little man had different stones, drift wood and shells that we found together on the beach. We also had written something special to say to him, kind of like our vows to him. It was very emotional and special and he totally loved it! :)

Congrats and good luck!
N.

when my cousin got married he said vows to his bride and then separate vows to her daughter. it was very sweet.

We have pulled off a wedding and reception is less than a day. The cake was the only thing that we worried about. My FIL made and decorated my wedding cake so we called him about 8pm the evening before the wedding and said "What do you need to do a wedding cake for a wedding that is tomorrow at 1pm?", he said powdered sugar. He had the cakes in the oven when we got there, he lives 14 miles away plus we had to go buy the sugar. He had the cakes baked, cooled, leveled, sealed, and ready to frost by midnight. He stacked and decorated the cake the next morning. We picked it up around 11am and it was beautiful.

The bride just wore a regular white dress she had in this wedding.
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Now about the wedding we pulled off in 4 days.

The bride to be was 16, had been home schooled in high school and had graduated. She was about to go off to college in a couple of months.

Her boyfriend had joined the armed forces and was being stationed somewhere East, maybe in Virginia and was leaving the following Saturday. She didn't want to be left behind and was going to go with him and just live together. Her parents said no and used the reason as they won't let you live with him unless you are married. She was determined to go so they secretly decided to go to the court house and get married,this was Monday. Of course that wouldn't work so they finally told her parents on Tuesday they wanted to have them sign so they could get married. The parents talked all night and finally decided to sign, this was Wednesday morning. They told the couple they would not sign the papers unless the couple told his parents that had not known anything as of yet. They told the boyfriends parents on Wednesday evening. They totally freaked out. The girl went to a bridal shop with her mom on Wednesday, ordered a tea length wedding dress to be overnighted, the order went in Wednesday evening. The dress came in Thursday evening for a Friday evening wedding. We decorated the girls parents home and sat up chairs in the living room and cleaned all day Thursday and Friday. The groom did all the flowers, artificial. He bought books at Hobby Lobby and read up and made them Thursday evening.

The house was gorgeous, the bride happy, the parents still in shock, but the wedding was lovely. The girl just had a second child and this wedding was around 1994 or 95.
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My point is that a joining of two people isn't about all the fuss, stress, the spending money, finding just the right place, etc...it's about having a beautiful day that you can remember forever.

You might watch the TV show on TLC where the brides compete for a honeymoon by comparing their weddings. There are usually weddings where the couple are joining 2 families and I have seen some beautiful ceremonies where the kids were included.

My advice is to get married soon. Why wait? There is no set amount of time. The people in my circles get engaged and then marry within 4 months max. Yes, you can pull it off, and they are all lovely, big, full weddings. The industry has us scammed into thinking we need months and months to pull off a wedding. Not true. We have friends who just got engaged in November. They are getting married in 2 weeks. They are both in their 30s, first marriage. We can't wait to celebrate with them! Don't wait. Just go for it.
Congratulations!

My SIL just got married and her daughter of course was the flower girl (she's 4). After they exchanged rings, the preacher (or whatever he was) said, "and now Kyle has something for Ember," and he pulled out a little ring for her and put it on her finger and whispered something to her and gave her a big hug. It was very sweet.

A short engagement makes sense to me, too.

1) I set the date when I could get everything on the same day. I think a year is good but it depends on how busy the place is and time of year.

2) Lots of things they can do besides being in the wedding he can give them a special necklace.

In response to your second question... My niece recently got married and she and her hubby both had children from previous marriages. They did a sand ceremony. They had a tall clear vase (with a lid) and several small jars, each with a different colored sand. First she and her husband each poured a small amount of their two colors into the vase. Then each of the children poured their individual colors in, and my niece and her husband topped off the vase again with their colors.

Is fiance legally dad? You might want to take care of this immediately-if something, God forbid, happened to him-the children would at least get social security until they are 18-if they don't marry and stay in school, full time. Or are you waiting for biological father to do something rash? Hint of a wedding may bring out the best in him. I don't know the back story-and I am not judging-just keeping it real. A trip to the courthose is the way to go-it doesn't mean that you don't get all dressed up and register for gifts and host luncheon afterwards-it's just a money saver, and someday, you may be glad you did it! Best Wishes!