3 Yr Old Whining

Updated on June 18, 2010
A.F. asks from El Mirage, AZ
6 answers

My 3 yr likes to whine instead of talking, or asking nicely for things. I've made her repeat herself nicely and then given her what she's asked for, but I was wondering if there was any way to speed up the learning process for this. Help!!

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A.R.

answers from Albuquerque on

I am be having this problem with my three yr old too and have been hearing from other mothers of three yr olds in my mamma group that they also have this prolem. We are thinking it is an age thing but I know that doesn't make it any easier. It is embarassing in public and frustrating all the time. I have tried ignoring it, not giving her what she wants until she talks like a normal person, bribes, napping, and nothing is working to end it more than for a few second (to get what she wants). I am not going to let her whinning win out and she is not getting what she wants still and I do ignore if it is whinning for no good reason but I have just come to accept that this is a developmental thing and I will have to suffer through it for a while. Some moms say it goes away before they hit four...I hope so!

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D.L.

answers from Phoenix on

one of my friends kids did that and they way she got her kid to stop was she told her son he couldn't have whatever he wanted unless he told heer what he wanted and didn't whine for it.

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R.M.

answers from Phoenix on

I think your right, it must be a developmental thing, every 3 yr. old I've known does it to some extent. In fact my 4 yr. old still does it sometimes and my 6 yr. old will on a rare occasion. I think it's the transition from being a baby where they communicated through crying and to child where they actually know how to express themselves verbally. The crying instinct became a habit that hasn't been broken.
I think you are doing everything right. I've always used the line "Talk like a BIG girl" or "I can't understand you unless you talk like a big girl". Also, make sure you praise her when she is talking like a big girl you say things like. "Wow, you are really growing up, I like how you are talking like a big girl". Hang in there!

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M.S.

answers from Albuquerque on

Have you tried ignoring her when she whines? Usually ignoring a child is the best deterrent to unwanted behavior. Try it. Good luck!

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G.M.

answers from Phoenix on

Hi Aimee,
My son is two and a half years old and he does the same thing. Only more with his daddy than me. We do the time out thing, and it seems to work. With kids, we just have to keep repeating ourselves. There's no fast way to do it. This is what kids do to see what their limit is. If your daughter whines, tell her you will not pay attention to her if she does that, and stick to your guns. You can also tell her that if she does not talk to you without whining, then you will put her in time out. And do so immediately when she whines and stick with it. Since your daughter is three, then three minutes in time out will sufice. My son usually straightens up after he is out of time out. If your daughter has a habit of getting up off her chair without being told she can come out of time out, then put her back in the chair with an extra minute and tell her what that extra minute is for. Consistancy, follow thru, communication (meaning letting her know exactly why she is being punished etc.), and lots of love. Hang in there! I wish there was a speedier process for this type of matter. My son can be so unruly at times. Like today, we had to go to several auto body shops and he was whiny and wanting to do things that he couldn't and really threw a fit. I had to take him outside to wait, and I was frustrated because it feels like we can't take him anywhere without him fussing and throwing tantrums. But I also know that this is part of being a parent and every kid goes thru this stage. Unfortunately. HA. Best wishes, G.

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M.J.

answers from Des Moines on

I have a 4 yrs old typically whines when he doesn't get to play his older brothers' video games. Or if he wants something and doesn't get it. I usually tell him to knock it off. And then fix the problem at hand. My bf's kids are ages 15 months (girl) and 3 1/2 (boy). They stay with us every other weekend. I have noticed that his daughter whines for everything and flips out over everything. His son doesn't talk to us, he whines everything he says. Beings they spend more time with their mother, I can only assume she allows this behavior. I am not a patient person by nature and I have a very difficult time dealing with it. We've tried everything to stop him but it doesn't seem to matter. I think his daughter learned the behavior from her older brother. In our case, there have been other behaviorisms over the past 2 years that have alarmed us as well...hopefully he'll grow out of it.

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