4 Year Old That Is a Very Picky Eater

He's probably bored with his food! My 4year old will not eat green beans with out first a dip in the honey. He loves to eat bologna only because he bites a smiley face into it before he eats the whole thing. Every time I fix my 3 and 4 year old sandwiches they pick out which cookie cutter they want and they each have their own shape. Kids pay more attention to how food looks than how it tastes. Provide a variety of shapes and colors and he may give in! Good luck:)

My boy was the same way. I did lots of reading and research. The best advice I found was that the kid won't starve himself. It's my job to offer healthy meals, but it's HIS job to eat them. So now I plan meals based on what all of us like. Sometimes it's hot dogs and he eats; sometimes it's chicken and he doesn't. Although it means for dishes to clean up, I serve everything family style and he can help himself, or not. I always have bread and butter on the table and fruit for dessert. And if he's really hungry and unhappy, he can request a bowl of breakfast cereal. Meals are much more pleasant, I'm less stressed out, and the pediatrician is happy with my boy's health and weight. Good luck!

Firstly, unless your child is medically anorexic, he will not starve himself. The best advice I have read and used is to continue to offer the foods even though they are rejected at first. I have 3 kids who each like different things, so I make a meal that I know contains something each of them will eat. Once in a while they suprise me and eat the thing they don't care for. Also, don't make a big deal about it, just serve the meal and eat or don't. My youngest refused to eat eggs for the longest time, but I kept giving them to her. Finally, she tried it and now she eats them. Of course, sometimes they stop eating things they used to love (my 6 year old will not eat bananas now, I don't know why). Don't stress too much about it. Judging from my 4 year old, I think all boys their age are specifically programmed to drive mommy crazy;)

The only advice I have is that he will not starve himself...giving in just means you will be a short order cook and making different meals for everyone.

Kids can go days without eating and when he is hungry he will eat what you have fixed...my son is 3.5 and will refuse just about anything we put on his plate even if he loves it.

Although lately I buy miniature cupcakes, and if he wants one he has to try everything on his plate. They are only for after dinner and if he has eaten what we are having and tried everything. I do not force him to clean his plate just eat some of everything and usually he will end up asking for more of at least one thing on the table.

Good luck...they will eat, just don't give in!!

{{{{hugs}}}}

Hi B.,
I have 2 picky eaters as well, boys 6 & 4. What I do is give them there dinner w/the rest of us. They have to try x amount of bites or eat all their veggies w/some of the other stuff to be done. If they totally won't eat then they have to be done for the night...I make sure they understand that if they don't eat theri dinner then they get NOTHING else the rest of the night. I usually leave their dinner out & if they want it later then they can have it then. If others have dessert then that is too bad for them unless they want to eat their food first, which will usually do then. (i know it sounds like bribing them to eat but its not intentional & i'm not for bribing them to eat b/c it sends mixed messages& also we don't always have a dessert but when we do, that's the rule) however, i have found w/my 4 year old if i give him a taste of sweet (usually chocolate) he eats a lot more & eaiser...this comes from my his dad's family several of them have chocolate w/their meal! so you could try that too. also, kids go thru a bland stage where they like everything they eat to be pale or bland colors like bread, pasta, corn, mac & chesse, etc. also, i have found if i offer an apple just b4 or after dinner my kids love it! i usually let them have that while watching a show (which helps me get dinner ready) then i know they've had something good too! my 6 year old claims he HATES green beans but he has to eat them b4 being done & he knows that so he makes huge bites & gobbles them down asap. bascially you just have to let them know you mean business & not give them what they want if you've prepared an entire meal for everyone else.
sorry i went on & on. i've been thru a lot w/food issues w/my kids & still have some. i hope this helps.
good luck!
~L.

Aside from giving him choices, like "do you want this or that?" (sometimes this works for us), I really don't know since I am in the same boat. I'm curious as to the other responses. :-)

My daughter did the same thing (ie: ate everything up until a certain age - and then suddenly didnt like anything). As parents we never know - is this a phase or a permanent dislike - so the problem with this is more from the "uncertainty" of the situation. my daughter is now 23 yrs old - and still doesnt eat much. I didnt want to be in that constant eating battle - because she too would just not eat. So - i talked with her and found out what she would eat (hot dogs, chicken nuggets, cheerios) and i stocked up on that stuff, along with vitamins. Then - i taught her how to fix her own meals so she could do it as she wished when she was hungry (yes - even at 4 yrs old - she fixed her own meals). Giving her the freedom to eat when she wanted gave her responsibility as well - and she had to clean up after herself too - and she did. I recommend this action because giving them the control over their own meals takes away the "control issue" in case this is what the picky eating is about. If it is not about parental control - then it just gives your child more maturity to do things for themselves and takes away a constant food battle. Now at age 23, she still dislikes most things - even tho her boyfriend has introduced many new things to her that she will actually eat - and he is a chef!

On another note - she did complain for many years about stomach aches. I thought it might be "attention getting behavior" because the stomach aches never seemed to slow her down from doing things she wanted to do. When she was age 19 and in the ARMY, after being out on maneuvers for three days and awy from real food - she returned to the base on a HOT day and headed directly for the ice cream. within 20 minutes she was doubled over - and thus we discovered the stomach aches had actually been Lactose intollerance!

So - even tho it is weird to us - some kids just do not like foods because they do not always tolerate them well - they just arent aware of it tho. This is the time to be flexible!

About me - A 54 yr old working mom of two grown kids and grammy to one. Married 31 yrs.

Hey B.!

this is completely normal hun. Kiddos go through phases where they may not eat more than a handfull of cherios in a day, when they are growing they are starving all the time. as long as he is drinking, and not loosing weight he will be fine. I would say giving in is ok on occasion, but you do not want his little taste buds to only get used to those things, then he will never like the other stuff. Maybe just offer him smaller portions and let him decide. Your doin great :) Oh and remember his little tummy is only the size of his fist! portions among us aer out of control! I tried very hard to make sure my babies only ate what they needed!

Almost all children go thru this stage. Your son is still in the exploratory age. He explores his surroundings including
food. He also is trying to impose his will on others,
temper tantrums, staying awake at night, and not eating, etc.
Unless you want to spend the rest of your life making
individual meals, you cannot give in. Remember another
child and probably a husband (I would have) are watching
to see how you handle this before they start their special
requests. Make a well-balanced meal. Allow your son to choose from what is made or even choose not to eat, do not force him. Missing a few meals will not hurt him. Include
a few meals of his favorites. I think he will come around.

Parent of seven

I heard a doctor say once to give them what they want as long as it's nutritious and they're still getting all the vitamins they need. I think, though, that my son needs to eat what I've prepared for him. I'm not unreasonable - I don't try to feed him liver and brussels sprouts, so he should eat it. If he doesn't, that's fine. But he's not getting anything else and no yummy breakfast - he can have toast. When he gets hungry enough, he will eat. I noticed the bulk of our problems with dinner was snacks during the day. OR you could make him take a "no thank you" bite of everything you've made, then he can have what he wants. There's lots of options, it's just how stubborn he is and how resolute you want to be.

Read the book "Bread and Jam for Francis" to your son. It is a great book about eating different foods. Francis never wants anything but "bread and jam" and that is what she gets...for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She gets upset when the family continues to get different foods including ones she knows she likes, but no...it is only bread and jam for Francis!

I also think that "try it bites" are a good rule. If I fix something, then the kids have to at least try one bite...this has resulted in some pretty good eating once they realize it tastes good despite what they thought.

I would be a little more firm with him...sounds like he threatens you with not eating...it won't hurt you a bit if he doesn't eat. If he doesn't, let him be excused from the table, but let him know that you will save his plate and when he is hungry later, instead of snacks, he has to eat his food from dinner. Good luck with your battle of wills, may you be triumphant!

dear B.,
in my experience children will ALWAYS eat, when their hungry. i think his stubborness is based more on knowing hell get his way. set his dinner on the counter and go about your evening. when you put no energy into it, hell give in.
M.

You're right, he probably won't eat if he thinks he doesn't like it. He might have something called selective eating disorder, the same thing happened with me and my mom when i was just 3 I ate EVERYTHING then all of a sudden I wouldnt eat veggies or anything. If he has this it's actually scary for him to try new foods (or old ones he thinks he doesnt like) talk to your dr and ask him about it and see what info he has on it. But i can tell you its a very real thing and if you ignore it now you'll regret it for a long long long time. I'm 22 and am STILL having to fight myself to try new things I didn't touch a salad or green until i was about 19! Good luck, if he's anything like i was he'll probably fight you till the end, but it will be worth helping him have healthy eating habits!

Hey B., He may just be going through a stage, but if I were you, I'd have his throat checked. When my son was 4 he stopped eating anything but yogart, ice cream, potatoes, applesauce etc. It turns out that he had a throat infection that was BEHIND his tonsils. Once we had his tonsils and adnoids removed, he slept and ate much better.
L. W. mother of 2, wife of 39 years.

We have had the same problem with our son, who is 3. We used to make 2 seperate dinners (3 when we lived with my in-laws). It was just ridiculous! We finally made a rule that he had to eat what we eat- and that's it. If he doesn't eat what's on his plate first, he is not allowed anything else until breakfast the next morning.

My hubby & I both work, so evenings are hectic as it is. We know he eats well at preschool and he has a snack when we first get home while I'm cooking dinner, so I know he's not going to starve. For him it's all about testing the limits. When we started putting our foot down, he started eating what we gave him.

Fix his plate at dinner time, insist that he take at least one bite of everything on his plate. When he does that, he can leave the table.
Be sure to fix one thing every day that he does enjoy eating. Allow him a reasonable serving so that he does not glut at that enjoyable meal.
When he is hungry, he will eat what you put before him. At the same time, he will be experimenting with everything that you cook and eventually he will eat a sampling of most of the foods you serve. If he is adamant about not liking a particular food after he has 'tasted' it several times, it can be assumed that his taste buds reject the flavor. He must be taught that to get sufficient vitamins and protein to be healthy. M. K

Try a book called Deceptivly Delishous by Jessica Seignfeild.

Don't continue to give in or you will be doing it forever. Let him go without. As a pediatrician told me, when he gets hungry, he will eat. I know from experience this is true. Most children do this at some time or another. They are learning how they can control their parents

Hi B.,

It's aggravating isn't it? I've been through this twice with my kids and once with my nephew, who lived with us. You HAVE to set your foot down at this age or life-long habits will be developed with him. Explain that you cook a meal for everyone and you only fix what you planned on fixing. No special requests! That he has to eat what you put in front of him or go hungry. And he WILL refuse to eat, believe me, but he will also eat when he gets hungry enough. He will NOT starve! Put smaller portions on his plate at first, so you won't be wasting food. Then IGNORE him when he won't eat. If he throws a fit, ask him to leave the table until he can get himself under control. It won't take long for him to realize not only who's the boss, but that if he wants to eat anything, he better eat what you give him. I know it sounds harsh, but it works and raising a child isn't easy anyway! Good luck and please let us know what happens.

We offer dinner and that's what our daughter has. If it is something I know she doesn't truly like, then I will adapt hers slightly. Example - there is a pasta dish that she doesn't like the sauce. so i save out the noodles and she has those with butter and salt.

Do NOT make a seperate meal. You eat what is given to you. a night or two going to bed hungry will not hurt them and they will eat what you provide. if it is something truly 'new' or unusual then i offer cereal or mac'n cheese but it is MY choice.

you will drive yourself nuts making so many different meals and he'll never learn to try new things. we have her try it and then if she doesn't like it is 1 other dinner option - peanut butter, mac n cheese, cereal...

If he doesn't eat, he doesn't eat. trust me it may be hard the first few times but this works.

NO dinner NO dessert. PERIOD, that works when they see you having a 'treat' and they can't. i buy the little tiny ice cream cones for our daughter.