Baby Shower for Baby #5? - Winter Park,FL

Updated on December 14, 2009
A.G. asks from Winter Park, FL
29 answers

Hello Moms, I have a question for you all... What do you think about a baby shower for a 5th baby? I have 4 children with my ex-husband. I am currently pregnant with my 5th child with my new husband. He wants to throw me a baby shower, but I'm not sure since it is my 5th child... whats the etiquette on that? I only had a baby shower for my first child, my second and third pregnancies (I have a set of twins) were my friends putting money together and taking me out for a girls day out and shopping for the baby. My closest friends do not live in Florida, so I don't think that would work this time.

If it was the same father I would not do one, but he seemed offended somewhat that I did not want to do a baby shower. Should it make a difference that it's *our* first baby together? I would probably have friends from work/kids' school and our family.

Any ideas for a not typical baby shower? I was thinking maybe calling it a "Celebration of Life"...

Thanks for your advice!

A.

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So What Happened?

Thank you for all your advice and opinions ladies, it made me feel better and appreciate his excitment more :> His cousin wants to throw the baby shower with him so I'm gonna go for it. Once I got over "what others might think" it was exciting making plans to celebrate our little baby boy! Thanks ladies!

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S.K.

answers from Miami on

Every baby is a new being coming into the world and deserves a shower. MOst people give more for the first shower, but every baby is precious. Go for it and enjoy it!

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B.C.

answers from Ocala on

I do not think it matters how amney baby showers you have. each baby abd each pregnancy deserves a baby shower. just call it a baby shower and have it and be happy.
Just have you shower and have fun--go with the usual snacks, finger foods, punch or whatever and a few games.

I would not call it a celebration of life some people call memorail servies that when someone dies--so do not go there.

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T.F.

answers from Orlando on

I don't care what anyone else says-- every baby and every pregnancy is special. Anyone who is offended or cares about some made up etiquitte rule can decide not to attend the shower.

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S.B.

answers from Tampa on

I find all of the comments interesting... you need to do what you feel comfortable with. I am part of a Mommy group & we throw showers for 2nd babies (especially if they are different sexes). Because showers tend to be for women & your husband is so excited (very nice :)then I would either do a co-ed shower/party or have it with women & have your husband get with one of your closest Fla friends & maybe they can plan it together? I think your friends will find his excitement adorable. Best of luck with your blessing!

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B.B.

answers from Naples on

I think it would be just fine! It sounds like he is excited and very proud. Go for it!

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S.A.

answers from Tampa on

Have a baby shower, since it's you and your husband's first child together. Maybe just invite friends and family that are in common with you and your husband. Good luck, you are so lucky.

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S.H.

answers from Tampa on

I say go for it. If people are offended then boo-hoo for them. I thought it was very touching that your new hubbie wants this ... Enjoy! :)

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T.P.

answers from Daytona Beach on

I say have the party...worry more about hurting your husband's feelings than what other people think. Anyway....people who know you well enough would never accuse you of being tacky and would bring you gifts regardless of if you had a formal shower or not! Have fun, be blessed, and enjoy your new little one!!!

1 mom found this helpful

M.S.

answers from Ocala on

It doesn't matter if this is your 1st baby or your 100th. A baby is a gift from God.
You need to think about your husband. You don't want him to feel like you do not
want to do this for his child. Don't send him the wrong message. He is the daddy, do you want
him to care or to not give a care at all?

Have a big and beautiful BABY SHOWER. Don't name it something else.

Enjoy your husband and everything he wants for you and your children and for
this new love in his life ( the new baby ). = )

Merry Christmas.

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A.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

It's very sweet that he wants to participate in a shower. That's a good sign that he is excited about this baby. since your other kids are older and you were a single mom for awhile, letting go of your baby items, it is understandable that you need new things. However, it is considered tacky for the parents to throw themselves a shower. A shower is just that, a party to shower the parents with gifts for the new baby. It's like planning your own birthday where the focus is on bringing you gifts. I would let him know that you would really enjoy a shower, but we need to let someone throw it for us. If no one throws you a shower, you can always host a "meet the baby" day about 2 weeks after the baby is born. People will always bring gifts. You can buy a Welcome cake and it will mimic a shower, but it will be a time for everyone to get together and meet the new baby.

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M.G.

answers from Chicago on

By the 5th child, some baby gear you used for your first is broken or dated (car seats). I think that calls for...a baby shower!!!

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M.M.

answers from Orlando on

I can see both sides of this. But, since this is your hubby's first I say let him enjoy it and do this special thing for you. I think the main reasons people think it's tacky to do multiple showers is because a lot of the times the same guest lists attend a woman's multiple showers and so they end up feeling obligated to buy you all these gifts. I've seen some cool ideas like having a diaper party (where everyone brings diapers) or a formula party. That way if you have everything you need anyway you get something useful. Also, I've seen people ask for donations for a women's shelter or children's home instead of presents.
By the way...I love the idea of a celebration of life!!!! That's what it's really about anyway.
God bless and best of luck with all!

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C.S.

answers from Miami on

A.,

Have a family style party instead. Let's face it, no one or almost no one likes the stupid put a string around your belly games that are traditionally played at showers. You can invite the families of your Florida friends and your husband's friends and families. Make a party that your children will be comfortable with...and make sure other kids come if possible.

Also, feel free to register in advance. Maybe your husband wants to help with this, mine enjoyed it and liked having some say. You will need some stuff regardless of what you might have from your other children. Keep in mind that carseats aren't recommended to be used longer than 5 years, check your playpen/pack n' play/crib to see if there have been recalls and if they are in good condition. You'll need a new mattress for the crib-it isn't recommended to use a mattress more than 3 years, etc.

Best wishes,
C.

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K.C.

answers from Tampa on

I think that as long as it is with your new hubby, its ok. You probably have new family and friends, since its a new husband, so I think its a good idea to have a baby shower. Everyone loves shopping for babies!:) Good Luck!

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M.B.

answers from Tampa on

Showers should be for the mommies and not about the things you acquire. Try a Blessing Way...a native american tradition of honoring the mom with floral foot baths, henna belly and so much more. For my shower I had everyone right a wish for me and the new baby and put it in a special box for me to read during labor to empower me. Also everyone held a special rose quartz crystal and empowered it with their love which I wore in a pouch around my neck during my pregnancy. If you do need a baby item, maybe have everyone go in on one big thing together. This is your rite of passage to being a mother (again) to a very special spirit.

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L.P.

answers from Jacksonville on

I would definitely do it!! If it was the same relationship, I would still do something low key but since this is his first, I would want to give him every experience of a first time dad.
When I had my second son with my boyfriend, it was his first child and it was so enjoyable to experience all those firsts with him.
If you feel like there are some who may think it's inappropriate--who cares!! And if you want to invite them, then mention that you're having it and see what they say...if they wanna come, they will. If not, move on!
I wonder if you could even have a couple's shower or just a big family party and have some fun games that everyone could do--your children included!!

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A.F.

answers from Orlando on

A., let that man give you a shower!!! I think it's adorable that he wants to shower you with blessings for your first child together.

Let me say you are a better woman than me to have a 5th child!!! Bless you!!!

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J.N.

answers from Orlando on

Congratulations! Of course you should have a baby shower! I believe you should have a shower for every baby, not necessarily for the purpose of the gifts, but just to celebrate another little one on the way! If it makes you more comfortable, just have a shower that's more of a get together for a "girls day" of manicures or something, or just have everyone bring a photo of themselves as a baby and play games. Your baby certainly deserves to be honored as if he/she were your first, so enjoy your day!

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R.H.

answers from Tampa on

You should absolutely have a babyshower and be excited about it :-) Since this pregnancy is the first w/ this father, it is special and should be celebrated. You may offend him if you downplay it and don't want to have one.

He hasn't gone through the excitement w/ you on the previous pregnancies, so join him and be excited about this baby, even though it's your 5th.

Congratulations!!

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K.P.

answers from Tampa on

I say have it and have fun with no worries, it seems like this is something your hubby wants to do for you so let him.

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J.C.

answers from Fort Myers on

I'd do one, even if it is very small and only 3 people come, and take pictures.
I say that because if the child. I was not a first child and therefore no baby shower was thrown for me. Does that mean MY life is less important than my siblings? Of course not, but that's how I felt going through baby pictures with my mom and I was the only one who dudnt get a shower. The childish feelings I had then seem so petty now, but as a child they were real, and it hurt.
I suggust you celebrate EVERY child you have, even if you have 10!
PS: don't worry about people getting "offended" if they are offended or against the shower, they just won't come!

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H.M.

answers from Lakeland on

Honor that it's his first and your first together. Don't discourage his excitement in having a child. Women make the mistake of not allowing the husband to do things for them...why? If he wants to throw you a baby shower, be thankful and enjoy it. And so what about the etiquette part? Is it better etiquette to your husband to say no? Enjoy what he has to offer and remember who it is you have to live with. :) And if he's willing, let him plan it. Don't take it from him. If he wants your feedback, then offer it. But don't have the mentality that it's the woman's thing to plan the baby shower and take over. And don't be hung up on the outcome...whether it was the ideal baby shower or not...it's the thought that counts and that he cared enough to do it in the first place.

Merry Christmas,
H.

1 mom found this helpful

R.M.

answers from Jacksonville on

Hi i know what you are going through. My oldest is 4 years old and was from a previous relationship, so when i got pregnant with baby # 2 my husband and my mother in law wanted to throw me a shower and at first i felt guilty, but i had gotten rid of all my daughters baby items a long time ago because i had no place to store them and i was a single mom and needed the money so i really needed these things again. So i let them throw it and thank god i did because my husband ended up losing his job when i was 5 months pregnant. I guess what im trying to say is have fun and let them throw it, if you feel that bad about it suggest that everyone stock you up on diapers in multiple sizes, wipes, bath products,baby tylenol, stuff you will really need and probably dont have left over from your older children. Good luck and congrats.

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J.A.

answers from Jacksonville on

Baby showers are usually for first babies, for subsequent children something like what you had, a girls day out, is appropriate.

Baby showers are thrown by best friends, mothers and mother in laws, not usually husbands. It's very tacky for those who are going to receive gifts to plan the occasion (with the exception of house warming parties where no gift is required). Traditionaly the husband does not attend a baby shower.

If you must have a shower type party, wait until the baby is born and have a "welcome to our family" party for the baby, include your current children in the planning, and invite closest friends and family to the event. Dad can attend this event.

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L.C.

answers from Tampa on

A.,

If you husband wants to throw you a shower- let him. Just don't let him go over the top. I am sure he is just excited to have a child of his own. Forget proper ettiqute. Plus based on your profile your youngest is 5 yr. So I am sure you can use stuff.

He can just invite friends here. I sent invitations to close friends out of state & I did get stuff. But that wasn't the reason I sent the invitations. I just wanted them to know if they were here they would be invited.

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A.G.

answers from Punta Gorda on

I agree with Tammi. Every baby is apecial. Maybe since he is so excited you should consider having a coed shower so that he can be a part of it. Good Luck! Congartulations!

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S.S.

answers from Daytona Beach on

even if you only invite his side of the family if your family doesn't thing that it's a good idea. it's been 5 yrs since you had a baby....i think that etiquette says if it's been more than 4 yrs? but if he wants to give you one, let him.

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T.M.

answers from Orlando on

What about a diaper party? It is a bit tacky to have a shower, thrown by your husband, for baby #5. Most would assume that you were doing it just for gifts...and anyone having baby #5 that couldn't afford to get the items needed on their own, well, shouldn't be having baby #5.

I would do a diaper party, where guests come and celebrate the pregnancy, play traditional games and food is provided...but guests are just asked to bring a pack of diapers if they choose to bring a gift. Many people bring a gift of diapers when they come to meet a baby after the birth, so focusing the party this way would not be considered tacky in my opinion.

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C.W.

answers from Miami on

if it were me... i would have a pamper mommy party. serve tea and have "baby shower" games, and if someone wanted to bring a gift, have them bring somthing that would pamper mommy. i went to one, for a baby munber three and loved it. more than anything it was just ladies having fun together.
best of luck, and Congrats.

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