Behavior--Daugher Going Nuts?

Sounds like a little OCD to me. And the more you let her whine like that the more she will do it. At school she does not do it cause she knows she can not get away with it.

I ditto what Mum4ever said, and add that if the behavior continues take her in to her pediatrician for advice.

So, if all else is normal in terms of her health and she is not sick, like Angela mentioned below...

I think you are one too nice of a mommy. I would explain to my child, one time that I did absolutely nothing wrong, i.e. changing sheets, labeling our items...and she had better stop it RIGHT NOW. And if she can't get a hold of herself, go to her room and only come out when she can be calm and reasonable. Good Bye.

I would honestly stop your nice mommy approach and get a handle on this obnoxious behavior. Tell her stop it instantly. Do not let this just go on in front of you.

D., honestly, you did nothing wrong to deserve this irrational behavior. Please tell her to save her tears for something real and noteworthy.

GL!

Post Edit - OMG D., I just read your post about your husband....and you wrote..."My husband gets angry at the drop of a hat".....She is acting like HIM...right back at you. She sees you as the weak one and she is mimicking her daddy. You need to tell your husband to stop it too and that you will not be yelled at anymore in front of your daughter. And if he does you are leaving until he settles down, or he leaves until he settles down. Remove yourself from this verbally abusive role model for you daughters sake.

Watch this a bit more over time, and bring it up to the pediatrician if it continues. Our oldest has OCD and he'd flip out over things like this, too, before treatment. For instance, we couldn't take him to karate class because we didn't tie his belt perfectly (both sides with equal extra fabric). It meant a good 30 minute complete meltdown because it "wasn't right." Kids with OCD want order and have it in their minds that things must be just so. When that doesn't happen, it's far more dramatic than with regular kids ... it's a crisis, like you've told them they can never see their best friend again.

D., I really think that you ought to talk to your ped about this. It sounds very much like she has OCD tendencies, and that can become debilitating. Obessive-compulsive disorder, if it's bad enough, can hijack your lives. And it's worse with little kids who can't reason through it.

I do think that you are apologizing too much, but it would be best if you got an expert on OCD to tell you how to act about this. I think that's really important.

Good luck from D. B.

Double-ditto what Mum4ever said.

All three of my kids are this way. When my oldest was little, I worried that she had some kind of a disorder or something, but my mom told me she's just very particular about what she wants and how she wants things. My middle child followed suit and is even more intense than she is. Now the youngest is starting in, and I'm an old pro at dealing with it now! Some kids are control freaks and they like to feel like they are in complete control over every aspect of their lives. Their bedrooms and belongings are one thing that they generally have a lot of control over, so they wants things where they want them.
However, if your 5 yr old has never acted this way before and this is a new thing, maybe something is bothering her and she's expressing her frustration this way. When my daughter is upset or unhappy about something at school, her strong-willed personality kicks into overdrive at home.
Good luck!

We have a daughter with high anxiety and OCD that demonstrates very similar behaviors, mostly over items in her room, but it does extend to other parts of her life as well. We misread it for years as just her personality or phases, so treaded lightly around the things that would upset her. This only enabled the behaviors to continue and strengthen. What we really needed to do was continued exposure to the things that upset her. At age 5 you may just want to watch for a few months to see if it is a phase, but I wouldn't wait too long to consider counseling. A good program will include exposure therapy. If she does have OCD, the early in life she can learn to manage it, the better off she will be. As friends begin to come over, it will have a huge impact on her future relationships. I know this first hand.

Children with high levels of anxiety behave this way. They feel a need to control their environment to make themselves feel safer. She may not be just playing you, take her to a therapist.

This may sound nuts, but I would research PANDAS (pertains to strep), especially if this behavior isn't like her. It can cause OCD-ish symptoms.

My son didn't always have traditional symptoms when he had strep, but it did make him extremely irritable almost every time (he had it 4-5 times in kinder).

Good luck - hope you can figure out what's going on.

My older daughter is like this too; she sets everything up just so in her room and (wants to) freak when something is out of place. She's in second grade now, and despite her desire for perfect orderliness, she has been losing stuff (like homework). Because she hoards everything.

Therefore, I told her that I would honor her stuff by not getting into it or letting her little siblings touch anything, but when it comes to responsibilities and her own behavior, yelling and freaking out is not allowed; it doesn't solve any problems and she's too old to react like that. When she does lose something she needs, I make her throw some stuff out and let me in to go through things too. She usually ends up accepting this and helps.

You can't change her personality, but model good (non yelling) behavior and teach her that her reactions are inappropriate and won't fly in the real world. She'll have to find other ways to deal.

Mum4 ever has the right idea. Daughter is doing what husband is doing. I think you need to talk to your pediatrician. If you can talk your spouse into counseling this may have the biggest impact. He needs to see and understand where his daughter's behavior is coming from. I am hoping you are not being treated badly by both of them. You need to set boundaries.

I would talk with her doctor - it can be a number of things from a phase to autism
good luck

At 5, I don't think this necessarily translates to something worrisome like OCD. However, I suggest, at this point in time, that you just resolve it by letting her arrange her own room and write her own name on her clothing (or not, as she prefers).

If it IS any kind of OCD-like tendency, the more she feels like she has no control over these things, the more she will obsess on them. Better to nip this possibility in the B., by letting her have control, and therefore neutralizing the issue. OCD is about control.

It sounds like you don't need to worry about her taking care of her things, anyway.

One of my boys at 5 had similiar issues. He would get upset at any change. He had to feel that he was in control and when things changed he felt like he was not in control. I could never surprise him - too upsetting for him. He always had to know what to expect and I would have to plan and prepare him for any upcoming changes in routine. He would always comment with concern when things were moved (decor) in parts of the house and would want it moved back. I would think most 5 year old boys would have no interest. He was really out of sorts if he didn't know what was going on or what to expect.
Also, kids have to be good at school all day - they come home and explode because its a safer environment to do so. I would suggest that when its time to clean or change her sheets be sure she is involved so things are where she wants them. And let her feel like she is in charge of her stuff.

Keep an eye on this and if it's frequent behavior, talk to a doctor about it. My son has had these traits since age 3. He was not diagnosed with OCD but does have PDD-NOS. You can google that if you'd like, but it's an autism spectrum diagnosis, and the OCD behaviors fit into it. I'm not one to act like "if my son has it, surely yours does." It's just my experience.