Books on Discipline

"Have A New Kid By Friday" by Leman. Easy read, practical, not derogatory, sensible.

Ditto "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, & Listen So Kids Will Talk."

There is a book that we used when I was teaching called "Discipline without Stress, Punishments, or Rewards" by Dr. Marvin Marshall. I have used a lot of those strategies with my own son.

Parenting with Love & Logic

How to Talk So that Your Children Will Listen, How to Listen So that Your Children Will Talk

Good for you! One of the very best things I've ever done as a parent, and as a grandparent, has been to read and find out what fit me best.

I'm grateful that so much actual research is being done now on how different parenting strategies actually affect children. So I like those books and websites that explore those angles. Googling terms like Emotion Coaching, or Positive or Peaceful or Empathetic Parenting, will bring up a great deal of material by John Gottman (author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child) and others who specialize in childrens' learning and psychology.

Additionally, I have utterly loved:

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, and have used those principles with my grandson since he was around 2.5. The book shows how real parents learned to set the conditions for their children to address problems. Though we don't usually think about young children in these terms. they can be creative problem solvers, and teaching them to do this early in life is a wonderful gift. So far, this book is my all-time favorite.

Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD. I'm just reading this now, and it's a gem, especially for parents who may have had a very strict and rule-bound upbringing themselves. You can catch kids with honey, even if vinegar has no appeal for them.

The Science of Parenting – based on studies by brain researchers measuring the effect of different parenting techniques.

For more challenging, need-driven children, I've also heard glowing recommendations for a book I haven't read yet: Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Kurcinka.

For toddlers, the techniques taught in The Happiest Toddler on the Block, by Dr. Harvey Karp are priceless.

A new one, Nurture Shock, New Thinking About Children, by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman, is a genuinely surprising exploration of why so much of what we believe about raising kids is just plain wrong. You can get an overview of one of the chapters in this article on the right and wrong ways to praise children: How NOT to Talk to Kids, by Po Bronson: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

Loads of great, quick tips are available here: www.AskDrSears.com.

Finally, a new one recommended by one of my favorite moms on this site: Taking Charge: Loving Discipline that Works at Home and In School. I plan to read this one next, since it comes from a mom who offers child care and has extensive experience in positive discipline with her charges.

My best to you – I'm sure you'll find an approach that suits you well.

I just finished reading and responding to your other question...I hope you aren't tired of listening to my ideas already !!! :-)
Could I suggest that you look at Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen and any books by Dr Jim Sears. They have become some of my 2 daughters "
parenting bibles" as they raise their 2 young boys.
Good luck...I am glad you are looking into all of this !!

I have Positive Discipline and it's a good book to refer back to every now and again. I have Positive Discipline A-Z and that's good too, but I think it's only valuable if you're read the original book and use A-Z as a quick-reference guide.

I recently read "The Kadzin Method for Parenting Your Defiant Child" and I can't rave enough about it. It's along the same lines of PD but much more focused. No family meetings, no feeling like you need to carry out complicated reward systems forever, and very, very concrete examples of how to apply the technique to different ages and situations. I especially like that it gives tips on using the method in a group setting and among siblings. This is classic cognitive-behavioral therapy and it works! It was recommended by a psychiatrist and I really can't say enough about this - if there is just one book in your library, I would recommend this one.

ETA: Peg M. has a great list. Raising Your Spirited Child is a lifesaver, but only if you have a child who you just feel is "more" and you can't really put your finger on what's not working. This is the book for parents of children who cry longer than you imagine a child being able to cry, sleep less than you think is possible, cling with a strength you can't imagine, carry the weight of the world on their toddler shoulders, are pessimistic at age 2, etc. If you don't have a "spirited" child you'll look at the book and wonder what the heck is wrong with these parents who can't control their children LOL. If you do have a spirited child, you'll read descriptions of the kids in the book and cry with relief that someone else gets it and it's not your fault.

I'm a fan of Parenting with Love and Logic! Love it!

I loved the book Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. H. Karp I think my third child was much more cooperative than my others because of that book

Peg took my answers!:)

I just wanted to comment on Birdie's post-- she's right. There are some books out there which are more 'theory' and less applicable advice. And each child is different, each day is different. Sometimes Playful Parenting-styles of discipline work really well and other times, we have to do a lot of prep with our kids (I won't say precorrection, because I'm not big on that--kids usually wind up with the assumption that we are expecting them to act out) in letting them know what's going to be happening.

And you are wise (so wise!) to pick and choose what you want, instead of blindly adhering to one philosophy and forcing your daughter make it work for her. Have fun with the reading. "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen...And How to Listen So Kids Will Talk", The Science of Parenting, and Taking Charge are all good reading, too.

One more suggestion, come to think of it (and this is along the more philosophical side, but actually easier to apply by changing one's mindset) is Bruno Bettelheim's "A Good Enough Parent". There are no easy directions or answers in this book, but the discussion throughout the book of having confidence in our children and also being true to who we are was enlightening for me as a parent.

Happy reading!
H.

I think Positive discipline is in a league of its own. Its its own thing and represents a whole parenting philosophy. I was also recommended positive discipline on this site and read it. It also left me wanting for more because while the methods sounded nice, they didn't produce any results. I'm very glad I got my hands on a book called "the strong willed child". I realize it has the opposite parenting philosophy but am so glad I read a gammet and tired both because one worked way way better in our home.

I'm not sure how old your daughter is but I really learned a lot from Love & Logic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years, by Jim and Charles Fay. Love and Logic is actually a whole series with conferences and techniques that professionals use but I found this particular book to be really easy to read and take advice from. I'll warn that it can be a little "fruity" in the language but the principals make so much sense and have really helped me to positively discipline my challending 3.5 year old. http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp...

In case all the positive parenting books don't manage to help certain behaviors, this one is really great: Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. It's not an anti discipline philosophy book, but it is very loving and effective. We have no discipline issues in our home with this perspective.

If you go to amazon.com and search for that book, you'll often find similar books under "People who bought this book also liked:" and "Cutomers also bought books by" and has several like-minded authors, and at the very bottom of the page "Listmania" and "So you'd like to" lists. You still need to read the summaries and reviews carefully lest you end up picking up something moronic (in my opinion) by the likes of James Dobson or John Rosemond. If you like the Positive Discipline books, you *probably* will NOT like the "Magic 123" or "Love and Logic" series.

Personally, I'd also recommend Mary Sheedy Kurcinka ("Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles", and "Raising your Spirited Child")

If you have a boy, really like "Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys" by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson. They've written several books on raising boys, and Kindlon has one on girls, too, called "Alpha Girls: Understanding the New American Girl and How She is Changing the World" (kinda the flip side of "Reviving Ophelia").

And the following are kinda old school, but classic:
"How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" by Faber and Mazlish
and "How to behave so your children will, too" by Sal Severe

Good luck

"Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline & Jim Fay (there are many versions, including ones for early childhood, teens, grandparenting, etc.)

"The Everything Parent's Guide to Positive Discipline: Professional Advice for Raising a Well-Behaved Child" by Carl E. Pickhardt

I have heard these are very good also, but haven't read them myself:
"How to Behave so Your Children Will, Too" by Sal Severe
"Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" by Dr. Kevin Leman
"Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman
"1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas W. Phelan PhD (several versions)

I absolutely love Dr Sears book. I recommend it to everyone.
http://www.drsearsfamilyessentials.com/The-Discipline-Boo...

lots of his tips are online as well:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

One I am really wanting to read is Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen:
http://www.amazon.com/Playful-Parenting-Lawrence-J-Cohen/...

I'm a little research and reading crazy, so I have read countless books on this topic. Not really to have a step by step guide, but I like reading the research on different parenting styles and how to handle different issues. Once book I really like is The Well-Behaved Child by John Rosemond. He talks a great deal about balance. He is gives a practical no-nonsense approach. Just my thoughts :)