Calling All Co Sleepers

I co-slept with my oldest till he was about 4. Then we bought him his own bed, and we had a 1 year old that slept in his crib. So, I've done both, and both have benefits. As to moving them out, you could make it thier choice by giving them a nice bed, a bedroom decoration, or some "thing" that makes it more fun to be in thier own room. I also did stars all over the cieling, painted the room in my oldest's color scheme (less the black) and put Thomas all over the walls. I was glad to have slept with him so long, and joyous that I got my bed back (he's a kicker) too.

I co-slept for a year with both children and also night nursed. However, when it starts to become disruptive to sleep and the children aren't learning to self sooth, then it's best to teach them to sleep separately.

Even still, our 5 or 3 year old will sneak in and sleep with us, but they needed to learn to do it on their own. It's a healthy progression for them to be able to self sooth and learn sleep dependence. When you cry it out, you don't just let them scream, you still take care of them, but you do it in a way to help guide them in their transition. It is a healthy milestone for them to reach.

Also, the 10 month old is old enough to start on solids, that will help with the night hunger. Otherwise, I'm thinking she is waking to nurse out of habit/comfort instead of hunger.

Dr. Sears has some excellent advice on sleep issues:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

We co-slept, but only until a year. I loved it though! It's not abnormal for my 4 year old to crawl into bed with us a few times a week.

I would start slowly. Maybe get the 2 year old a mattress (or a bed if you have the space) and put it in your room. If you're able to get a bed, you could put it right next to your bed. You'd all be in the same room, so the transition should be easier than if you were to just put the 2 year old in a separate room. After the 2 year old gets used to sleeping in their own space, you can bring up the subject of getting a big kid bedroom. Decorate it all up, make it fun! Let them know that if they ever need anything, they can come into your bed.

Or get a bigger bed ;)

I get better sleep without them. They get better sleep with me. So, it's a toss up. I have made them learn to sleep in thier own rooms, but I still let them crawl in with me sometimes. I dont think the only way to put them in thier room is to let them cry it out. You can still tend to them when they need you. It might be a rough couple days or even weeks until they understand the new arrangement and that may bring about some tears. But in the end, kids have to learn to self soothe at some point. They need to have the flexibility to sleep without you , in case they ever stay the night with a friend or at grammas. For the 10 month old I would introduce cereal, expecially before bed. That will keep her full longer. And when she nurses at night, keep jiggling her awake to eat, dont let her fall asleep and wake up 30 minutes later to eat. Be sure she gets her tummy completly full before you let her go to sleep. That way you can get a few uniterrupted hours.

Here's the thing--some use CIO early on with their babiesand it works after only a few days with minimal fussing simply because they have children with easy temperaments IMO. For those who have coslept a long time--I personally think CIO is pretty severe. If the parent allowed and welcomed them to their bed and then decides to make a drastic fast change--its just not fair to the child. You created the expectations for them for what is normal and to change that all at once is not the best method. IMO it is not how long they cosleep with you so much as how you choose to transition them to their own spaces, wherever that may be. I personally had a child that could not deal with any ambiguity--no cosleeping once and awhile for her--all or nothing--or else when I tried to put her back to her crib she was a wreck. I used Baby Whisperer and have heard good things No cry Sleep Solution. Gradual methods that will take time to implement but much gentler on everybody especially since you baby is still nursing. Best of luck!

We are a co-sleeping family. This works well if you want to get them out of your bed and into their own room. Put a mattress on the floor next to your bed. Every night for a few weeks, move the mattress closer and closer to the door towards the room. Practice napping on it and then when it finally gets in the room, continue with moving it until it reaches the bed etc. Works great and isn't stressful or a cry-it out method for the little ones. Best wishes!

M

We coslept with our kiddos off and on for about the 1st yr or so. We just slowly put them in their rooms after they fell asleep. They would come back, crawl in bed go to sleep, then back again. It was a rough transition, but it worked. All three 13, 3 and 5 all sleep in their own rooms. LOL my 13 yr old would love to still sleep with me, if dad would go sleep in the living room. The little ones come in our room in the early morning to cuddle, get under blaknets and then off they go to the living room. Good luck hand tough and go for it!!

I still co sleep with my 3 and 1 year olds. Its great! when I was breast feeding my 1 year old it was hell, she would too nurse all night long. One day I decided to wean her off of it for about 3 days she cried all night and not only was it very exhausting but it would break my heart, by the end of that 3rd night she was used to it. After that I was able to sleep throughout the night. If you think its time to get your kids used to sleeping in a different bed, just do it, don't think back about the past and just move forward. If you think you should still co sleep go for it or if you don't then go with that! It is most important that you do what is best for you and your family. I weaned my daughter so that I could feel better and have a better night sleep and that made things much better because during the day I am now more energetic and happy, but they still sleep with me (they are both great sleepers). I will say that although I care about my kids so much I have to think about myself and my needs too, if you don't you will be a very tired, sad mommy. Motherhood is something wonderful and very difficult at the same time. Good luck to you!!

I totally get where you are coming from. Your instincts are correct in not wanting to use "cry it out". Most of the time co sleeping families get more sleep because since they are with you they are secure enough not to cry. It is waking your two year old though and i can see how that might be tasking. Since you are happy with your decision maybe you could just alter it. Coax the 2 year old to sleep in her own room while being in there with her (get her a bigger bed that fits you and her and the baby) then when she goes to sleep take your baby to your room with you. You can repeat this process with your youngest.

You can provide them better sleep, while still co-sleeping(at least partly) and NOT use CIO. Its preferable not to IMo. But it is going to require a little bedtime work from you.

If your husband is home, and helpful maybe you can get him to hang out with the baby while you comfort your two year old to sleep. Who knows maybe he will even have her tuckered out by the time you get in there.

I co-clept with both my babies and loved every minute. Let them fall asleep next to you then move them to their own beds sometime during the early morning to get them used to being on their own. Gradually move toward laying next to them in their own bed until they fall asleep (and you may too for a bit) then go to your own bed. A gradual process will work much better than cold turkey.

Once my oldest discovered the joy of not fighting for the blankets all night long, I couldn't get her back in my bed. :) Your 2.5yo may have the same reaction. Who know. Just remember, whatever you do, stick with it and don't go back. If they pitch a fit and you give in, you've just taught them how to manipulate you. Good luck.

When my daughter was 2.5 we had a talk about her being a big sister and what that meant. Part of that was being able to sleep on her own (in her own bed in our room). I think having the her bed in the room made it easier for her to transfer. At that age she was able to understand enough and almost wanted to be the "big" sister in that way. Now if she wants to sleep with me I tell her she's just too wiggly and she keeps me up but I also tell her she can come snuggle with me for a few minutes in the morning and of course I let her sleep with me on the weekends if she wants.

Regarding your 10 month old, I think the reason why she wants to eat all night long is because she can smell you and the milk you can offer her for comfort =) Others had some good suggestions - the only thing I would suggest is have her nap in the same place you want her to sleep at night. I'm assuming it's in a crib or something similar? Nurse her to sleep when it's bedtime and then place her in that same napping place. If she wakes up DON'T immediately go to her as babies her age will wake up several times throughout the night. Give her a few minutes to go back to sleep, if she starts to cry... not the same as being fussy... then go ahead and do what you feel is right whether it be sooth her and put her back or bring her back to bed with you.

Both my girls sleep in the same room as me in their own beds. My 4 month old didn't/doesn't need to sleep with me so I didn't encourage it. Sometimes she does like snuggles in the early morning so that's when i get my snuggles in and sometimes when she naps she wants me to snuggle too. I sometimes miss the co-sleeping with her but I realize either way she will get all the love I can give her in other ways =)

Also, I do think co-sleeping is great for some parents and their children despite the lack of sleep. The way I got through the first 2.5 years of being woken up ever 3-4 hours was to know that in our lifetime, those hours, minutes, seconds are just a fraction of time that I would have with her until she would be too busy for her Mom. I wouldn't mine if my youngest decided to co-sleep for a while with that thought in mind...

I coslept with 3 of mine, not the oldest.
By 3ish my girls were in there own beds. My son was with me on and off until almost 7. Daddy was deployed for most of this time. INcidently he is not a M.'s boy and very independent.
I have heard that some moms put the crib right up near the big bed. THen after a few nights they move it away, but close enough to get to it easily. THen move it across the room, and then to the child's room.

My girls started in their rooms, when they were in the toddler beds, but came into our bed at night. We finally bought the really pretty white bunk bed and new curtains and bedspreads. I made a huge deal out of the new room. We also had the little guy coming.

Both my kids got kicked out of my bed when they learned to roll over, so about 6mo or so. The place we lived in with my 1st was tiny, so even though he was in his own room, it was about 15 steps from my bed. Where we live now, I was able to set up a mini crib in my room until my 2nd outgrew it at about 10mo.

I started with naps in their crib, and when they were napping consistently and well in their crib, I had them sleep in there for the first part of the night. My son didn't start sleeping more than 2-3 hours at a time (waking 4-6 times per night!) until almost 19mo, so there were A LOT of trips back and forth, but my daughter first started in the crib, she would wake about 4 hours after she fell asleep.

After those 2 times were consistent, and they were sleeping well, they were in their crib all the time. My 17mo daughter still wakes once/night, and we go to my bed to nurse, then I take her back to her bed.

I don't remember how long this process took, but I don't remember it taking very long... maybe 1-2 months. However, my 4.5yo son has been sleeping with his dad for 6 months now. (we have separate bedrooms because he gets up so early for work) Dad and son sleep marvelously well together! Makes me kind of jealous that *I* can't sleep that well with my kids because I'd sure love to. I'm just too light a sleeper :(

You don't have to do the CIO method; I don't agree with it at all. It's different if the baby/toddler is just complaining or crying out in their sleep, but most moms know the difference, and it's beneficial to let them try to work things out. Crying, sobbing uncontrollably is no way to treat your child with respect, although I'm sure we all have our moments where we tell ourselves "I'll go get him/her if he/she's still crying in 1 minute...."

The almost 3 y/o should be fine overnight, waking very infrequently - mostly due to thirst, bathroom or night terrors/dreams. The 10 month old should be able to search for your nipple while you are sleeping - without you having to wake up - to nurse if she needs to. I'd sleep without a shirt on from now on, until the night feedings lessen (around 2 y/o). This should make it easier for you to find sleep.

I co-slept with my daughter for about 2 years. Then we transitioned her to her own bed. I loved sleeping with her, but I wasn't getting enough sleep and neither was my husband, as she's a serious sleeping wiggler/kicker. I definitely thought the transition would have been easier if we'd done it earlier because she wouldn't have "known as much" to be upset about. Anyway, our pediatrician happens to be a national sleep expert (who knew?) and recommended a great book to us: "Sleeping Through the Night" by Jodi Mindell. It's on Amazon for around $10. I didn't have the heart for Cry It Out and this book was perfect for that. This book explains a kinder, gentler way to do it, as you never leave the child crying for more than a few minutes before reassuring them. It was still painful to hear ANY crying, but it did work for us pretty quickly (like within a week). And we got to our goal, which was her sleeping all night in her bed, then coming into ours first thing in the morning for a nice cuddle. And she still does this at 5. I didn't want to do the super-slow transition of a mattress in our room, then her room, then her bed because I didn't get much sleep on "transition" nights, so I didn't want to drag out the transition any more than necessary. This book was the perfect balance of quick effectiveness and less crying that I was looking for. Although if you do decide to do a slower transition, both our pediatrician and the book recommend that you transition to the right ROOM first. So if your goal is for your child to sleep in his room in his bed, have him sleep there with YOU on a mattress next to his bed. Then gradually you get a couple feet farther and farther away from his bed until you're back in yours. Call me old but I didn't want to sleep on a mattress on the hardwood floor :o) Anyway, I highly recommend the book. It was the only one of several that I read that helps with transitions at an older age. All the other books seemed to preach one method or another from the beginning. Best of luck!

I coslept with all my boys. The oldest was out of my bed at 2 the middle at 1 and my baby is 13months and about 11.5 mos he was kicked out too..lol I breastfed the baby and he too wanted to nurse all night and I was soo tired I just couldn't take it. If he didn't want to nurse he would still be with us. I didn't let him cry it out though. I just went in his room each time he cried and put him back to sleep, I would not nurse him until 5am It was rough he would get up every hour the first couple nights. It took a little over a week and then one night he slept until 5am. When I put my oldest in his own bed at 2 I would sit with him until he fell asleep and then go in when he cried or walk him back to his room. He was very easy though we bought him a train bed and he couldn't wait until we moved into our house so he could sleep in his choo choo bed. My middle was the easiest of all it took like 2 nights and he was falling asleep on his own is his crib. I would start with the baby first and then once baby is in own bed for a couple weeks or so work on the older one. She has been with you longer so she may be harder especially if baby gets to remain with you.the baby really doesn't have that concept yet she just wants to be with you. Good luck and get some rest....I have been there 3 times and I am loving sleeping alone

I partially co-slept with my DD. Still do when she's having a rough night. (she will be 1 next week.) When she got really dependant on being in bed with me, I had to gradually move her back into her crib. (But she is still in my room.) I started by letting her fall asleep with me like normal, then moving her into the crib. When she woke up I would just repeat until she was used to waking up in the crib, and didn't freak out about it. Then I started putting her down in the crib more and more awake, until now I can put her in fully awake (but drowsy) and she will fall asleep in it with no problem. As far as the nursing all night, I did a 'time limit push' with her. I started out by refusing to feed her until 3 hours had passed. I would cuddle her, rock her, sing, anything it took to keep her as 'asleep' as possible until the time passed. Eventually she realized that I wouldn't nurse her every 20 minutes, and would wait for time to pass. Then I did the same concept to get her down to 2 specific times. Sometimes, if she's in a growth spurt, sick, teething, anything like that, I will bend the time 'rules'... but usually she sleeps fairly well. I'm thinking I could probably get her to sleep clear through the night if I really pushed it... but I feel like the extra breastmilk can't be a bad thing. :)

shouldn't have gone on past 2 months in my opinion and your experience is the reason why...

I co slept with both my children. My oldest who is two, weaned himself off of cosleeping around 6 months. He kept wanting more space, and would wake himself up in the night when he moved around. We had the crib in our room and once he was comfortable sleeping in it, we moved it to another bedroom, which was done around 18 months of age. He would cry at times, and my husband would sleep on the floor for a few hours until our son fell asleep. Took him about a week to get used to the new room.

Our daughter is 9 months now, and she has mastered crawling. Loves to crawl and roll around the bed, which scares me, so I have the crib butted against the bed as a gaurd, so that she dosent fall. She also loves to sleep very very close to me, and sometimes it's gets hard for me to sleep well. Have to consciously keep myself from moving, so not to disturb her. After a couple of nights where she took over more than half of the king size bed, I decided to move her to her crib. We are on day two. It's hard, and I do miss her sleeping with me. I don't like the cry it out loud method. The crib is still in our room, and I make sure that she is clean, dry and well fed before deciding not to pick her up. My husband and I take turns soothing her by shushing and patting. She dosent like pacifiers like my son did, so it takes a bit longer for her to soothe herself. If she wakes up in the middle of the night, I breastfeed her and the process starts all over again. It has gotten better. She just woke up from an hour nap in her crib, and didn't fuss!!! :) I think the key is to pick a good week or two, where your mentally determined. There was other times where I thought she and I were ready, but it always backfired, because I was too tired, or she had growth spurts and developmental milestones. Having help, helps too! In my opinion, I would try to get your oldest comfortable in a crib first, in your room. You might want to feed your youngest solid food before bedtime. It might help the frequent feeding issue, or might be having a growth spurt? On the question about feeling if I should have put my kids in their room a long time ago? My answer is no. I enjoyed co sleeping with them. It would have been a challenge no matter what age they were. I don't sleep well at times in my own bed alone, so I don't expect them to either.. Lol :) Hugs to you, and hope you and I get better sleep soon. ;)

Hmm, that's a tough one. Do you go back to sleep after the 10 month old starts nursing? I hope this isn't TMI, but I remember just nursing them and leaving my breast out there and falling asleep that way; then if she started being restless again I would switch sides and have her start nursing and fall asleep again with my breast out there. I did this for both babies, and it worked for us, because I always was able to go right back to sleep and didn't really care that I was pretty much a permanent milk station. :-)

When my daughter was two and our son was born, we put her in a toddler bed next to our bed; she transitioned out of our bed to the toddler bed first, then when she was almost three we transitioned her into her own room. By that time we felt like she was old enough to sleep on her own and stay asleep through the night. It was a little tough at first, but it worked out in the end. It definitely wasn't anything traumatic like crying it out. We would read to her in bed, tuck her in, turn off the light and turn on the nightlight, close the door almost all the way (except for a crack), and if she got up I would just tuck her in again. She slept with all her stuffed animals in her bed with her and had a teddy to cuddle, and she adjusted pretty quickly. I was pretty firm with her, though; if she tried to come back into our bed I would tuck her back in to hers and gave Sophie (her teddy) to her to comfort her. She didn't cry, and we were consistent with putting her back in her bed, so it worked out in the end. I loved co-sleeping and plan to do it again if we have more kids. Good luck!

Dear J.,
Having two definitely makes co-sleeping more of a challenge. I think, like you seem to be doing, you have to go with your gut but also make sure you don't become totally exhausted. I don't have any advice specific to your situation but it seems like you've gotten some good advice already. I will say that if you're not a cry it out person (or even if you are) you have take things really slow -- there's absolutley no quick fix. I also have a great resource for night time weaning and weaning in general. Technically, this Dr believes you should wait till baby is 1 year but you could at least take a look. http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html (The comment section is actually pretty informative too.) Best of luck Mama! Just remember, these years of cuddles and cozy times won't last forever - hopefully you can find a happy, healthy balance.

Ours are not as close in age (ours are 2 1/2 years apart), so our situation was different. We began putting them in their own bed (twin size mattress on the floor in their room) when they were about 18 months. We always welcome them in the middle of the night.

Having them begin the night in their own bed has helped them to be excited about their own bed. They know it is their own space. They also know they are welcome in our bed if they get scared or are sick or just want to suggle. Our 2 year old joins us about half the time. Our 4 1/2 year old comes once in a blue moon, but he knows he can anytime.

My (co-sleeping) son was 18 months old the first time he slept through the night. So...it could be awhile for things to "happen naturally," lol.

Do you have a partner that could handle some of the night wakings? That worked well for us, Daddy would snuggle him (or even get up and rock him), and then if he kept fussing, it meant that he was really hungry. That reduced the night wakings, at least.

Oh, and I'm at the point now where I don't know how to STOP cosleeping, lol. DS is fine and has no interest in sleeping in his own room and says he never will, lol.