Crying It Out

Hi J.,

I totally feel your pain. When my son was little like yours, as soon as I would lay him down, he would wake up. I personally do not let my kids cry it out, I too would feel guilty. I read an article once that said for those babies who didn't cry it out because their parents comforted them quickly grew up more secure than those parents who let their kids cry it out. So it's something to think about. And the funny thing is, my sister let her child cry it out all the time and you can see his lack of security compared to my child (and they're the same age).

i would advise against letting them CIO, ESPECIALLY at this age. i understand the need to not hold them thru naps - i was there too. i finally picked up two books that helped me teach them to sleep without leaving them to CIO, one of them being the baby whisperer solves all your problems (NOT the secrets of the baby whisperer, an earlier version and much less helpful.) it is a middle of the road approach to this issue.

I don't know if I am making a correct assuption, but twins are usually born early and are a little smaller. I had a preemie son (3 1/2 lbs) and when we got him home from the hospital after 5 weeks, he was still only 5lbs. He did the exact same thing at first, where he would wake up screaming the moment I put him in the crib. The only sleep I got was in 15 minute intervals, holding him on the couch while he was sleeping. The nurse at the breastfeeding group got upset with me for doing this because of the possiblity of suffocation. She suggested getting a cosleeper that goes right next to the bed. It was a miracle! As long I stayed in bed for a short time (or a long time if I needed it) after I put him down, he slept very soundly. I know what you are going through with three young ones is a lot harder than what I did, but give it a try.

Also, here something the nurses had me do in the hospital to help him sleep. I slept with a small blanket at night then brought it in the next day and put it in the incubator. Maybe you can put a mommy scented blanket in their crib.

The best thing I ever did was let my daughter cry. My husband and I argued over it for two months and then finally he was on board because he too was exhausted. Put them on a routine. YOU decide when their nap time is and put them down when they are awake and walk out of the room. They will cry the first few times and then they will be used to it.

I know it seems cruel but it isn't. Babies need to get good sleep and they need to learn to fall asleep on their own. Two months is not too young to do this. When they get a little older you might start putting them down with a certain blanket or bear or something. This turns into a signal that it is time to go to sleep and it will be a comfort for them.

A good routine is feeding them when they wake up, have a little bit of awake time/play and when they start to fuss it means they are tired. Put them down at this time. Do not let them fall asleep at the boob or bottle. If you follow this routine about every three hours they should be sleeping through the night soon. Feed...wake time...sleep

Your mother in law needs to get on board. Tell her your plan ahead of time and do not let her interupt.

I have several friends who have had this issue. Most recently, one of my good friends bought a CD on amazon called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and "Dunstan Baby Language". The first CD focuses on the primary needs of babies to help them feel content, the second helps you to understand your babies' cries so you know what they need. I have since recommended these two resources to my friend with twin boys and they have had great success with both programs.
Additionally there is a book out there entitled Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I was also told that this is an excellent book with great tips.
Hope this helps!

Hi J.,
One thing my mom taught me was to not let my girls manipulate me. She also says that when babies cry it helps their lung development (not sure if this is true but I think she has said this to my sisters and I so that we don't feel guilty when letting our kids cry). My husband travels 8 months out of the year and so as a single mom I have to do my best to keep my sanity and sometimes it's letting the girls cry themselves to sleep. there's nothing wrong with that. It sounds as though you have the same struggles with your mother in law that I do and I've had to sit her down and tell her that I am not being cruel to my children and that unfortunately she is creating a behavior that ultimately negatively affects you because you are left holding the bag so to speak when she is not there to help. It hurt my mother in law's feelings but she understood eventually. Good luck. It does get better.

Pray and meditate first to bring your excitement over the issue down. Be calm when you think of how to handle this one so you don't become so flustered. Now, I have mixed feelings on this one. Do you have a swing or little vibrating chair that might help you out with them? I would've had a different answer, maybe, if the children were older, but they are still so young. Holding them is part of the bonding experience, though not all all all the time. You need to hold them, if you ask me, sometimes when they are tired- that way they know mommy's there, but to relieve your tired body and exhausted mind, find some time and a way (for yourself) when you are not holding them so that they fall asleep. Invest in some vinrating or rocking chairs, and then place one of those head positions behaind their heads so they feel or think someone is there holding them. See if it works. It worked for me. I am a mother of a 1, 2, 4, and 16 year old. Many Blessings with this!

Dear J.,

I'm not a cry it out type - I think at this stage babies developmentally need to be held, and it's not an indicator of overdependency- but who knows how much that would change if I had twins AND a toddler!!

But, I wanted to offer you one suggestion that might help a little- try wearing the babies instead of carrying them. You can use a Moby wrap and carry both babies on your body. 2 ring slings might be even easier because you can take it off your body and lower with them in it. The other thing I've heard moms swear by (although mine didn't care for it) is a good fast swing. Maybe the swing can be your arms for a while. Don't feel bad about being exhausted! You can't help it and you are doing your best.

Oh- when my parents came to help my dad always carried my daughter to sleep and we did have a month or so of difficulty when we couldn't do that, but she is 7 months now and lets us put her down. (And we didn't CIO). So it can get better even with the indulgent grandparent!

Good luck.

you've already gotten a lot of advice...i didn't read all of it, but i thought i'd suggest a babysitter. it would be worth the money!!!! you must get out. i only had one but he had horrible colic forever and never slept thru the night (until after he turned 3). i don't believe in letting them cry it out - EVER!!! but you need a break!!! oh, here's a thought that worked for me...go on constant walks...you don't have to hold them and they might like it - you at least won't have to hear the cries! play at the park could tire your other little guy out too : )
just keep thinking - "this too shall pass"

I personally think crying it out at this age is a little harsh, but, you are only one person and you can't hold two newborns and take care of a toddler at the same time. Have you tried a swing for each of them? When my second child wouldn't sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, we put him in the swing and he'd sleep better there. We had a fisher price swing that went either front and back, or side to side. Also, tight swaddling at this age helped both of my babies. We managed to swaddle and get them into the swing with the straps wrapped around them. Also, maybe a sling or moby wrap for one of them and you could alternate between who gets the sling with mom and who gets the swing. Just some ideas. Good luck, you must be exhausted

You are not cruel!
Babies need to cry.
With my first, we coddled him constantly, never letting him cry himself to sleep; and you have twins! I can't imagine, plus a toddler!
My mother can't let the babies cry either.

You need sanity and your babies need to cry. They'll be fine. Take care of their needs: full belly, clean diaper, fresh bedding, etc. then take care of yours: a shower, food, a cup of tea, etc.
They will go to sleep.
You are not cruel.
Your sanity will prevent post-partum depression from rearing its ugly head.
(I would go days without a shower because I couldn't let my baby even make a peep! With #3 on the way, I've learned! And everyone is much happier for it!)
Good luck

You poor thing!!!

I hate listening to my son cry, I know that is hard and I can't imagine two of them! I would HIGHLY recommend that you look at Dr. Harvey Carp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" (there is a book and a DVD, I'd choose the DVD) He teaches you how to "turn on" your baby's "calming reflex". It is AMAZING how quickly/well it works. If you get the DVD there are calming sounds included which you can play all night if necessary. It is really only intended for 0-3mos. but some of it will help beyond.

Good luck!

Hi there!
The Happiest Baby on the Block is great. Also, I feel that 2 months is to young to let them cry it out. They don't understand why there needs aren't being met.

I do not have twins, but when my daughter was that little all I did was hold her. Because really at that age they are still use to the womb. How about a baby carrier such as the Bjorn or bouncy chairs that vibrate. We also found that the swing really helped. We let our daughter sleep in the swing as well as the bouncy chair.

Can you hire a mother's helper or nanny that can come in and help you while your husband is at work?

Hi J.-- I'm a mom with 4 month old twin girls. My best advice is to follow the routine from the Baby Whisperer book-- Eat- Awake- Sleep- time for YOU. Keep those babies on a routine where they eat, then play-- or just get a diaper change sometimes. It's not always long with newborns, and then they go to sleep. You get a break and then they wake up and you start over again with eating. This routine helps keep your babies in order between day and night, as there is no "play" time in the middle of the night, just right back to sleep. I've got two babies sleeping throught the night at 4 months, and I can't tell you how wonderful it is. This routine is a life saver. When the babies know what to expect, the sleep part starts to not be so bad. You can see them yawning, wrap them up how they like it, get a pacifier, or whatever you use, and put them down to sleep. When they cry, go in and comfort them until they stop, but don't pick them up- just soft touches and gentle pats. The break in the crying is your signal to leave the room. Then, you can go back again and repeat until they fall asleep. This is not cruel, as they know yoiu are there, but they have to learn to fall asleep alone! i'm all for a sleepy baby snuggle every once in a while, but this routine overall will save your sanity! I used it with my 4 year old, and it works wonders with my babies now! One of my twins hates to go to sleep and screeches when we lay her down, but I have followed the baby whisperer and their routine now comforts her and it is not so bad. Basically, it takes 3 full days to change any behavior like this. It seems like forever, but it's really not that bad. I can't emphasize enough that you don't have to let them "Cry it out" if you don't want to. The baby whisperer book is all about creating positive routines and comfort for your baby and the type of baby that they are. It's also about fixing bad habits, like a mother in law who holds your babies while they sleep. If it causes a problem for you and their routine, you must put a stop to it. End of discussion. You are their mother and she's not around at 3 am when they both want to be snuggled back to sleep and you are delirious and wish you could put them down to fall asleep on their own! So, don't be afraid to establish a routine and expect anyone, husband, mother, mother in law, to respect your wishes. You have another baby to take care of, and your toddler is still young and you can't be holding sleeping babies all day, so don't put up with any resistance. Trying to navigate your way with two babies is hard enough. Routine is key to your happiness and to your success. Everyone will have their days where they get more cuddling and less cuddling and more sleep and less sleep, but if you're consistent, the babies catch on quickly. good luck, and hang in there-- you are doing better than you think! M. S.

I found this book to be a Godsend:

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
by Elizabeth Pantley

You can get it here:
http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-9780071381390-2 or at any bookstore.

Good luck and hang in there.

Hi J.,
I also have twins but they are 11 1/2 months old. It gets better! I do remember those days (and sleepless nights)at that age. I recommend buying the Fisher Price Aquarium swing (2 of them for each twin). After feeding and burping, I would wrap them tightly in a swaddling blanket and hold them or let them lie against me until sleepy (not fully asleep, just drowsy) and then place them in the swing and put it on a low rocking setting with the ocean sound music or the rain falling sound position. The swing keeps them slightly upright so it is good if they have reflux too. They would sleep until the next feeding 3 hrs later, sometimes 3 1/2 hrs at night. I also have the Graco twin pack n play which they slept in so they could be near each other. I also used sleep positioners (the foam wedges from babies r us) and swaddled the babies before placing them to sleep. I found the swing was more useful though and still use it now. I put them in it for their morning nap and give them their bottles and they feed themselves now and dose off to sleep.

Try to keep them more awake during the day so that they will sleep more at night. Stimulate them during the day with music, games (buy Penelope Leach's book on Child Development From Birth To 5 Years Old for great info). Sometimes taking them for a brief walk in the stroller after dinner helps them to sleep as well as a gentle massage before bedtime with or without a bath before that.

I also recommend Jill Spivak's book The Sleepy Planet, which teaches you how to sleep train your baby. You can buy it at Amamzon.com, Borders, or at their website: <www.sleepyplanet.com&gt;. I really recommend putting them on a sleep schedule as soon as possible. esp w/ twins or you will lose your mind. It made a world of difference for me. Most babies start sleeping through the night by 3 months or at 10-12 lbs, but mine were born early and started at 5 1/2 months. Sleep planet website has guideline for sleep/eating schedules on their website too for different age groups.

My twins had bad colic at 2 months old w/ crying fits sometimes for 4 hrs straight mostly at night. I tried everything and found that switching their formula to Enfamil Nutramigen helped, which is made for colicky babies. I didn't find that Gripe water did anything...my babies would just cry and throw it up. I also tried soy formula and Nestle Good Start, etc and nothing worked. I found a difference in their colicky behavior after switching in 24-36 hrs with the Nutramigen. I would mix my breast milk with the formula (1/2 and 1/2).

Hope some of this helps. If you can get a night sitter at least 1 night a week to do night feedings so you can rest, I highly recommend it. You need your sleep and strength so you can be healthy for your babies.

Best to you and your new family,
E.

Have you tried swaddling them? It makes them feel held. It was the only way my little girl would sleep on her own. It will get better, they grow out of needing to be held so much.

Do what you gotta do girl! You have your hands full and it sounds like you love your babies so you can't do anything wrong.
Hang in there and they'll find a groove,
S.

Don't feel guilty! You only have two hands and three babies (yes, 18 months is close enough). I have 4 kids and by #'s 3 and 4, I HAD to sometimes set the baby down to take care of the others. By the time I went to pick them back up, they's already fallen asleep. They were both MUCH better sleepers than my first baby who we held constantly and always rocked or fed to sleep. My first baby would wake up several times a night and always had to be held to fall asleep again where my last two would happily lay down in their crib at bedtime and fall asleep by themselves. As long as they have beed taken care of (fed, changed, burped) there is no harm in letting them cry for a little while. They will learn to calm themselves and you won't go crazy.

its not cruel i did it with my daughter. what i think you need to do is talk with your mother in law and tell her that if she notices the twin she is holding is getting drowsy she needs to put him/her in bed. maybe try to offer them a paci or swaddle them. what i found that worked for my daughter and my twin nephews was to do a big no no and place them on their stomaches to sleep (only do that if your comfortable i wouldnt want you to try it if your not). or try to offer them a bottle to lay down with if you do the propping thing (i know a lot of moms worry about sids with that) good luck i really hope you find something that works!

I can only imagine how tough this is for you. Having a toddler and two babies! We had the exact same issue with my now 4 month old from the time she was a newborn until about 12 weeks. I found that either myself, dad or grandma was rocking her to sleep and once you put her down, she would cry. The only thing that really helped us was time. Also, what helped for us was putting the baby down in her crib the second she showed signs of sleepiness with a pacifier and a heart beat bear. She would soothe herself to sleep in a few moments without crying. I also think wearing the babies or a swing would help you have your hands free for a few moments each day. Good luck..I know it seems like this phase will last forever, but it will get better. A month from now..you will barely remember this phase and be on to a new chapter. Enjoy them!

Have you tried swaddling them.... not to tight but enough(like the pressure of you holding them? OR maybe baby carriers? I have read that Ergo baby has ones you can use more than one at a time for twins or 2 small children.... good luck

Personally, I do think that 2 months old is too young to let them cry it out. Having said that, though, I have twins also, and I know how absolutely draining it can be. Do you have them sleep together? My twins (who are 3 1/2 now) slept together in the same crib until they were nearly 2 years old, and that seemed to help tremendously. When I tried to separate them, they just weren't happy, but co-sleeping with each other seemed to comfort them. I also have a favorite book about babies' sleep issues that has worked wonders in our house - it's called Good Night, Sleep Tight (you can search it on amazon) - I've read lots of sleep books over the years with my kids, and I found this one to be the most practical, yet gentle, and it truly worked for us.

Good luck!

OK these babies are getting used to "the arms" as my grandmother used to say. Have you tried swaddling them when you put them down to sleep? You know, wrapping them up almost burrito style in a receiving blanket like they did in the hospital. If this doesn't work, you are going to have to let them cry it out until they get used to getting put down to sleep. I know it's hard - I had one of my sons do this to me. Another thing that might work is putting them in a baby swing or rocking infant seat and letting the motion do the work. Good luck J.! Just remember that this too, shall pass...my kids are all grown now. Even though from your point of view it might not seem likely, these baby days are gone before you know it. Hang in there, girl.

J., when my twin daughteres were born as one of many adjustements I had to do was to reshape how I felt about crying. We tend to see crying as a bad thing, where in fact it is merely a way to express our feelings, emotions, and by letting your children cry and learning not to feel guilty about you will teach them that it's okay to feel your feelings and express them. I fully understand how tired and emotionally stressed you are. It's a tough path, but by letting their crying and your guilt go you will do both you and your kids a huge favor. I wish you good luck.

Hi J.,
I have never had twins but my first daughter was very much like your twins. I called her "velcro baby" because I did everything with her attached to some part of my body. I struggled with getting her to sleep at regular times, and without my assistance. I walked many miles in the stroller, drove miles in my car, and spent many sleepless nights trying to keep her asleep for stretches longer than half an hour. I breastfed, tried supplementing, tried a gazillion pacifiers, tried letting her cry it out....just when I thought I had "figured it out" something would happen to throw things off two days later.
In hindsight, and with two other babies who started their little lives with similar complaints, I believe my daughter was not feeding well. I believe she was hungry. When I look at my other two, whom I weaned at 5 and 6 weeks mainly because I could not keep up the breastfeeding of one and care of the other two, in hindsight I feel I should have paid more attention to how my firstborn was eating, how much at a time (not throughout the day), and try harder to have put her on a very strict schedule (which I HAD to do with my other two).
I have a feeling you are on a strict schedule, but are you making sure they are not falling asleep while feeding? How does their natural sleep pattern correspond to their feeding times, so when do they doze on their own? Perhaps the babies are not on the same sleep schedule (their natural dozing off time) and thus should be on different feeding schedules as well? Perhaps the babies should nap in separate rooms so they don't hear eachother until they get used to a regular napping schedule.
As a former daycare provider, I had many moms who complained about their babies not sleeping for them, wanting to be held and so forth...in my daycare, they might have fussed the first few times, but once they were fed, had their play time, change their diaper, if it had been more than 4 hours since their last nap...it was just time for them to chill! So I put them down. They would do it for me, but not at home. So we need to ask ourselves why? Predictability, knowing it was just what happened here, letting them cry it out the first few times (and yes of course I would check on them to make sure it wasn't anything else), feeling rewarded after their naps because they were genuinely refreshed and ready for another play session or another bottle. I wish I had learned all that before having my first baby!
So to sum it up, it was a viscious circle: not enough food in my belly, not enough sleep, never feeling refreshed.... mommy exhausted.
Like I said with my other two: I bottle fed them earlier in life (some was my milk, some was formula), could get a really good reading on what they ate, monitored their dozing habits and geared their schedule of naps and feeding around it, let them cry it out in the beginning....I might have been a captive of their various schedules, but I finally had three happy youngsters I could have more good moments with. And yes of course, had to help my mother in law understand that although her intentions are good, and that she may not have liked my program or felt I was neglecting my daughters, that actually in the end, I was right: it worked for me, and this how I could finally make sense of it all.

A couple things to remember also: crying it out seems to usually be interpreted negatively. There is a difference between cryingit out and SCREAMING it out, and surely you can see the difference in your baby's agitation. The other thing is, once the babies have played, and they are in their down cycle, if they cry, it will eventually release those feel-good endorphins that will help them relax that much more. Don't we know how much better we feel after a good cry? So do they... Now, again, if they are on a solid schedule,had their play time, full belly, clean diaper, ready for a slow down/doze time, go for it: put them down, slowly, huggingly, babyburrito style (as long as it's not too hot where you are), and you will see them drift off in peace. And then...you go take a rest, rest your body, rest your sole, have your mother in law take your toddler to the park...
My heart goes out to you! You are not alone! I hope you find some serenity in your day to fully enjoy these wonderful blessings our children are.
In Friendship,
V..

J.,
I know you are sleep deprived and stressed - especially since you have an 18 month old also, but babies only 2 months old NEED to be held and should never be left to cry. You are building a bond and trust that could be broken if you don't go to them when they cry. They are still newborns. They sleep for 3-4 hours after crying from exhaustion. The reason they were crying still exists. They were attached to you - growing inside of you (part of you) for 9+ months. They still don't know they are separate beings from you so they want to be with you 24/7. I would enlist more help from friends if your MIL can't help more. Get a sling and wear your babies. I saw a women with twins wear 2 "Over The Shoulder Baby Holder" slings - one on each hip with her babies. They will fuss less and sleep more. If they are too heavy to carry often get swings side by side that they can be rocked in. Swaddle them too - they love that - it makes them feel safe. Please don't let them cry. They just want to be with you. My 10 month old still wakes 7 times each night and I always go to him. It will get better.
Congratulations on your newborn girls!
D.

J. -

First - I too am a twin mom (18 month old) with babes that went to sleep in my, or someone else's, arms. You have gotten quite a range of responses, you must still be so confused. It is really hard to have two crying babies at once, but I will say that the majority of sleep experts (even those who say to cry it out) will say that 2 months is too young. Most will say to wait until they are a year, some will say 6 months. But at 2 months they still haven't totally established sleep patterns yet. I think the best suggestions you have received so far are the swadling, sling and swing ideas. If you aren't swadling that can make a HUGE difference. If you swadle super tight they won't even know the difference when you put them down. As the days get hotter I have heard of gauze swaddlers that are light weight. We swaddled the boys until they started rolling over. My boys also slept in a moses basket which gave them a sense of being enveloped, versus a crib at that age which feels so empty to them.

I know A LOT of twin and singleton moms who used a swing. One even until her daughter was a year (and she was able to transition her to a crib no problem). My babies have always had sleep issues but I have come to realize that some babies sleep easier than others. No matter what we do. I wish I had tried harder to use the sling because it seemed to hard to do with two babies - so I would say start using it when you have someone there to hold the other baby. Let them stay asleep in it for a while - like 15 minutes - then try either removing the baby and putting them down in the same position, or removing the sling with the baby in it and then sliding it out from under them as you put them down.

One of my boys has continued to have sleep issues and the other hasn't - so that for me reiterates that no matter what you do, to some extent, they are going to be who they are. My only caveat to that is my feelings about what happens to little ones when we let them cry it out too soon. That said -remember that there is a big difference between being left alone to cry it out, and crying in our arms. For a lot of GREAT tips try the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. If you live near Long Beach I will even lend you my copy. Good luck - sorry for the long post - and feel free to give me a shout.

P. - mom to 18 month old twins

Have you tried swaddling them so that they still feel secure when put down? It worked everytime for my son. Try the Happiest Baby on the block book or video. There are many great tips there on how to help make the baby feel secure and develop good sleep habits! Good luck.

Hi J.!
CONGRATULATIONS on your twin girls and BIG Brother! You REALLY have your hands full so PLEASE do not feel bad/guilty about being tired.
I would try swings (battery operated) OR the infant seats that vibrate. Even if they don't like it at first, keep trying. Eventually maybe at least one or BOTH will like it and give you back your arms and some rest for a moment! I like the idea of trying to "wear" them.
I'm hoping this will all work for you. :)
Take care,
R.

I think the faster you teach them this is the way it is the better. If grandma can't take the crying she needs to leave and come back when they are awake and ready to play and take baths and eat. When all is said and done you are the mom and the sole care taker and you have another child whom needs mom time too. So put them down and let them cry it out. It won't last forever they will soon realize this means time to sleep. And you will feel better about this whole thing. Have you tried putting them to sleep in the same crib? Maybe they are just use to being with someone and they would sleep better with each other. Then when they get this down put there beds next to each other so that they can still touch each other through the bars, but get use to sleeping in their own beds, at some point they won't care that they are touching each other. But try diffrent things sometimes the darndest things work.

Good Luck! J.

Hi J.!

I say let them cry! Getting into a habit of holding them while they sleep will be something you regret later, if you don't already.
Teaching your girls to "self Sooth" is good for them. If they start to learn this now you'll have an easier time at nap and bed times from now on. Not to mention, when they awake in the middle of the night they'll be able to get themselves back to sleep.
I've been allowing my daughter to self sooth since she was at least two months old. Now, I didn't do it as much as I do now (she's 10 months) but, I did do it. Especially during naps when I could close the door to her room and get other things done. I am now able to lay her down for Nap Time in her bed wide awake and she'll roll over and go to sleep, same with bed time.
I try to keep a steady schedule. Nap time at 11 until 3 and then a bed time routine which includes dinner, bath, jammies and bed.... keeping things the same will help your girls remember and recoginize when it's time to sleep.

As hard as it is, it is better to let them cry. As you have already discovered, they will cry until they know it is time to sleep. If you are consistent, they will stop crying.

I have a 2 year girl that was on a heart monitor at birth and I was breast feeding so I found it easier for her to sleep with us. Now, almost she is almost 3 and she is still falling asleep in our bed and then I have to move her to her own bed every night.

I also have a day care. When one of the girls first started, her parents did not put her in her bed. She cried when I put her down at first but each day the crying became less and less. She now asks to go to bed here and her parents still cannot get her to lie down to go to sleep.

Children are very smart and learn very quickly what they can do. Trust me the best thing you can do is place them in their bed or you will become too tired to care for them properly. You will need to the time to get other things done or just to relax. And the babies are fine; they are not hurt, they are just mad.

Good Luck,
K.

My kids doctor told us not to do that until they are at least 3 months old, and that is when we started the crying it out thing. It only took us 4 or 5 grueling days, but when it was all over we were all happy!
Good luck! However, when your mom in law is there to "help" she is setting you back. She may think she is helping but she is not, unless she is there to hold you while you let the twins cry it out. lol.

Ooh, I remember those days all too well, and I only had one. I, too, didn't really like the cry-it-out approach, and ended up holding my son for all his naps for 4 months. Can't believe I did that! lol! I know how exhausted you must be.

Here's what worked for us: the Glow-Worm toy (about $15 at TArget). You push a button on his belly and a song plays and his face lights up. I would put my kiddo down and play the glowworm until he relaxed and went to sleep (yeah, it took about 30-45 minutes at first!) Then we gradually just played it until he relaxed and stopped, and then played it a little more if he got fussy. Then one day he fell asleep on his own after I put him down. Hallelujah!

Anything you can find that works to help your kids relax and fall asleep on their own will do the trick. That just might be crying, if nothing else is practical. The most important thing is to be consistent. That means MIL does it, too!

Either give her the heads-up and get her on board, or have her take a break until your kids are going down well on their own. Otherwise you AND your babies will just go nuts.

Best of luck to you. It does get better, I promise!
C.

When my now 33yr old daughter was 2 months old she did the same thing to me. She wouldn't take the breast,she didn't need to be changed she had already learned how to work me. My husband told me to let her cry and to go for a walk. It nearly killed me. She cryed for 45 minutes. The next day she cryed for like 10 and would wait to see if I was coming, crying off and on waiting to see if it would work. After like the 3rd day she would cry for 2 wait and see and next thing she just started falling asleep when I would lay her down. It was a hard thing to do at first but well worth it. I just made sure that she didn't need anything first and stuck to it. I hope this works for you!

You are a better woman than me. I raised my twins alone from the time they were 15 mos old...but I had no other kids to have to concern myself with. So hats off to you first off!

My twins have NEVER wanted to sleep anywhere but at home or the car. That means any day trips to the mall or friends house meant sacrificing naps and resulting in MEAN babies :) Most often, like yours they would fall asleep while being held and wake up and scream the moment they were put down. I know how frustrating it can be. But honestly, the only thing that worked was to let them cry it out :( Sometimes this meant I had to go sit on the front porch and cry myself so I couldn't hear them...or take a shower with loud music on. I don't know about yours...but mine seemed to sleep better together in the same bed. But you have to get them used to sleeping on their own or you will go slap stick crazy! Mine are fifteen years old now...and you know what...although no I don't have to hold them to sleep any longer ;)....they really don't ever like to sleep anywhere but their own bed. That means picking them up at midnite at slumber parties...they want to go...not sleep somewhere else. weird...maybe some of us are just homebodies at heart..from birth. But J....you have to be able to do things while your babies sleep...try the cry it out. I have never been a fan of the cry it out thing...until I had this same problem as you are having. If someone has some better advice wonderful...I sure wish you had been around fifteen years ago :) If yours will sleep in the car seat....when I was REALLy desperate for them to sleep after hours and hours of fussiness....we would just drive and they would take their afternoon naps in the car cruising thru town...sometimes I could even park the car and read a book while they finished napping. Best of luck!
Soshi

Hi J.,

I don't have twins but I was heard that if you put them in the crib together (you may be doing this) they help soothe each other. Also, maybe check into getting one of those noise machines that makes sounds like a mom's heartbeat or the ocean. That might keep them calm in the crib and they would feel like you are near.

Good luck with everything!
L.

I recommend investing in a swing. We had a fisher price take along swing that was a lifesaver for me. I could put the baby in it and she would sleep until she was hungry. As she got older, it also helped her have bowel movements...=)
Good luck. Remember to sleep when you can.
R.

Hi J. - God Blss you, as you really have your hands full. I can undertand your mother-in-law not wanting to hear the babies cry, but she is doing them an injustice by holding them and having them fall asleep on her and continuing to hold them. Any sleep therapist will tell you to never put an infant in bed already asleep (just drowsy) or to hold them while sleeping. Although it feels wonderful for both holder and holdee, it will make it worse as time goes on. If your child is not wet or dirty, is not hungry or hurt, there is no harm in letting them cry themselves to sleep. I think 15 minutes, even though it seems like an eternity, is normal.

Good luck - stick toyour guns - you are the MOM.

I wish I had an easy solution for you, but I have come to learn that some babies just need more physical contact than others. My daughter was the same way. I drove myself crazy trying to "follow the rules" of what you are supposed to do to get them to sleep.
The best thing I found that worked was to keep my hand in the crib while she cried herself to sleep. It's a pain and it takes awhile at first, but somehow my physically being there comforted her enough to help her sleep. I would take a book into her room with me and just read with my hand in her crib while she cuddled up to it. Sometimes it does just work to let her fall asleep and then put her in her crib. I know that is a big no-no, but she's been sleeping through the night.

I hope you are able to get some rest!

Do whatever you are comfortable with. If you can handle letting them cry then do it. Some moms can and some moms can't however no one is wrong. I believe it is truly what you feel is best, there are good arguments on both sides. I can't relate to twins but I did let my son cry it out early on. I am one who really needs sleep. I would put him to bed in his crib if he cried I would let him. I am one who can handle crying as long as I know there is nothing wrong with him. When I put him down I knew he had a clean diaper and was just feed and he needed to soothe himself because he was tired. He got the pattern down within about a week then at max he would cry 5 mins. if he cried at all. It is rough when you start but if you need to let them cry it out so you can get rest and be better the next day then I would do it. If you are concerned about it being to early I think that would depend if you are trying to make them sleep through the night. Good luck!

J.,
You know in your heart what is right for your girls and you. You have to decide what course of action you are going to take and just go with it. I have never had twins but i have 4 children. All very much different people. I had to and have to treat them differently to a point. I have had to let my babies cry it out and then fall asleep. It is ok to do this. You will know when it is too much. It only takes a few days to get into a routine. They will catch on pretty quick. So my suggestion to you is to write down a routine and have everyone involved with the girls follow it. Even if they do not like to hear the babies cry, they need to let you be the mom and make the decisions. You need your rest.
Good luck to you.
B.

J. I hear you and NO your not a bad mom for letting them cry sometimes. They have learn that if they cry you pick them up. Also it might help if you do not let them sleep during the day also alot so they are tired when they do go to sleep. Also it doesn't say where you live. If your in the Cali area ask one of your friends to help you out once in a while. If you know of no one and your near Pasadena or Monrovia area give me a e-mail and I will gladly help you.:)
D. K.

Have you tried swaddling them? My twins liked to be swaddled for quite a while, as did a friend of mine's daughter. It makes them feel safer.

B/c you have two I would say. . .let them cry. Only one of my twins needed to held to get her to sleep but then when she was in her crib she was fine (at night--naps were a different story--se still wanted to be held). It went on too long but mostly I kept doing it b/c she had terrible reflux and if I put her in her crib to "cry it out" she would end up vomitting A LOT.

Work on letting them settle themselves, and def. try swaddling for a week or so.

Hi J.

Congratulations on your twins! Must be hard work, especially with an 18 month old as well!

Anyway, when I had both of my children (not twins admittedly), I wanted to hold them all the time, and people kept telling me not to, because they would be clingy. People told me to let them cry etc, and I couldn't - it broke my heart.

Then a girlfriend who had three children, all older than mine (and therefore in my mind had more experience than me, and more recent experience than my mother, aunts, uncles, mothers in law etc), told me that I should cherish every moment of holding my children. She said that there was nothing wrong with holding them, and that they grow so quick and then they won't WANT to snuggle with me. So I took that as a green light and snuggled my children as much as I could. It meant that my children would fall asleep in my arms and ____@____.com put them down to sleep and they'd cry a little. So I'd put my hand on their tummies so they could still feel me and I'd talk to them, and then move around the room, sometimes humming quietly, so they knew I was still near.

I can truly say that both of my children sleep well and soundly in their own beds without assistance from me, and have done for a long time.

I really hope this helps. I'm just trying to say that whatever YOU want to do is RIGHT. Your children feed off YOUR emotions and levels of stress/contentment. So if you want to let them cry it out, then that's the RIGHT thing to do. If you want to hold them until they sleep and pick them up when they cry, then THAT'S the right thing to do. If you are happy, your children will be happy, and that's all that counts.

Good luck
C. x

Hi J.,

I have a very fussy 7 week old and I am torn as well.

Try these two links.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp#T051205

[if this does not take you to the section; you can find it under "Fussy Babies" on right side of site, then look for "Letting them Cry It Out"]

and...

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,###-###-##...

After reading these two articles I am leaning more toward the advice at Dr. Sear's site.

Hope this helps.

-J.

I could have written your post word for word! I also have two month old twins and yes I let them cry it out as well. There are time when I am home by myself with the both of them and I can't tend to both of their needs at the same time. I usually pick the one who seems to need me the most and tend to their needs while the other one cries. I try not to let them cry longer than 5 minutes or so.

Hang in there, I am told that in the next month things get a little easier. I really hope so! :)

You poor thing! you have your hands FULL for sure! Hats off to you for getting this far :) Unfortunatley with twins I would think you would might have to do the CIO (controlled) thing....or try and see if you can put them down when they are DROWSEY, but not quite asleep, that is the best compromise I think, hopefully they will learn to go to sleep on their own- if they fuss/cry when you put them down try picking them up agin to calm them and then putting them down again after they are calm and/or drowsey- repeat as needed, hopefully they will get the picture they they won't be held all the time while they sleep - it may take a few days of this......try and get grandma on board if you can as well- otherwise they will get confused - I am sure you are already using music, white noise, dark room, etc...but if not you should try that at nap time as well....GOOD LUCK!!!!

J., I know it is hard to hear your babies cry, but it might be better for all of you if you just let them do it. I am a mom of 13 month old twins and there is no way you will be able to hold both of them while they sleep. If you know they are feed, dry, and have no other reason for crying. Let them cry it out. I had to let my twin boy cry it out in the beginning and he would usually only cry for about 10 minutes. It was so hard, but he just fell asleep and got used to falling asleep on his own. I used the book "Baby Wise" and followed it as best as I could and it has been such a blessing. Both babies go to sleep in their beds at night with no fuss. They used to do the same at nap time, but now they laugh at each other from their cribs and play instead of napping sometimes. The point is, if I put them in their cribs, they know it is time to rest and they don't cry. My parents and in-laws came for a few weeks in the beginning to help and did not approve of crying it out at all. I would catch my mother-in-law holding or rocking him to sleep, when we told her not to, but now she thinks we did the right thing when she comes to visit and they both go down at nap time and bed time with no crying. Good luck!

I also agree about the dvd happiest baby on the block .

J. - Are you in OC? Check out www.smomc.org, a great organization for Mothers of Multiples, offering tons of support from other moms who have been there.

At 2 months, I think it depends on how long they cry. If it's just a few minutes, then I'd say let them, they are on their way to learning to self-soothe. If longer...hmmm, that's a tough one, I know how tiring it is to have newborn twins! Perhaps consult with your pediatrician as well. Also, are you familar with "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" by Weissbluth? It's a phenomenal book.

Good luck!

I have a seven month old and it's the same - he basically requires being held if he's not sleeping. HOWEVER, although I'd gotten lax about it, I recently started swaddling him again and that's the only thing that calms him down. You need bigger blankets and it's kind of a pain, but I'd recommend it. ALSO, if I sit him in a little reclining chair (I don't know what you call them, but they are slightly bouncy) AND he can SEE me - he is calm. I'm not one for letting them cry it out either. Not for extended periods of time anyway. Try the swaddling and the chair - hope it helps!

hi.....i feel your pain.....i only had ONE fussy baby who had to be held and bounced or swinging constantly.....we got some releif with "The Happiest Baby on the Block"...but get the DVD that shows the doctor actually putting the babies to sleep with the 5 s's....it sounds strange but it works.....and the white noise was key....good luck....you are in my thoughts...

The fact that it doesn't last very long, and that they fall asleep afterward, means these aren't cries you really need to worry about. Either extreme - letting them cry for hours, or trying to make sure they never even whimper - is a bad idea.

The best thing you can do for sleep patterns is make sure that they learn to fall asleep on their own. For most of our lives, we get into bed while we're still awake, and then fall asleep. If your girls learn how when they're still very young, it'll help them and you in the future.

I'm a fan of CIO but I do think the twins are still too young for that. I can only imagine what it's like dealing with fussy TWINS. I could barely do it with one. If you can make it another several weeks until they are about 4 months, I feel like that's a more appropriate time for CIO. Best wishes to you.

Hi J.! I have 20 month old twins and I want to tell you it will get better and easier. I know how you feel and my mom did the same kind of thing too. It's a grandma thing.Anyway, are you swaddling them? Do you have a sound machine (white noise)?are they sleeping together? I was not doing any of those things(they were sleeping together though) until I had a mulitple specialist come in and help me although what I will tell you holds true for singletons. This woman came to my house swaddled my girls,put on a sound machine for them and they slept for hours (@ 3 weeks!) I was shocked. The babies probably sleep in your arms because it feels comfortable (and tight) they want to feel how they did in your belly @ this age (think of how cramped they were inside you!) and the white noise mimics the sounds of the womb which is very comforting to them. I could go on and on-i now have a woman who is my "nanny" who has helped me more than I can tell you. My girls eat @ the same time,nap @ the same time and go down for the night @ 7 pm and sleep until 7 the next day(since they were 4 months) I never thought any of the things were possible! My mom was also not so down w/all these things but I needed sleep and sanity-she now sees how well these things have paid off-my girls are really happy and rested! my person does consulting for multiples and I know she would be happy to help! Let me know if you would like her info.Good luck!from a former sleep deprived twin mom!

Two months is much much too early for Cry it out. Even the advocate of cry it out stated that 6 months is the soonest you should even try it and many say you shoudn't do it till later and then some not at all. They are only 2 months and still need to know you are there when they cry. Unfortunately sometimes sleep doesn't come regularly till later. Try Elizabeth Pantley's "No cry sleep solution" she talks all about how to get into a routine to help them out. But sometimes you just gotta hold them. I agree with the others "Happiest Baby on the block" is brilliant also. They are babies you can't spoil them, all you can do is love them (which at this age is taking care of their needs even when they cry and you want them to sleep) and help show them how sleep works. In time this will pass if you give them a routine they can eventually hold onto.

Hi J., first a word of encouragement, you have your hands full. Not only with the twins but with the additional toddler too. You must be exhausted.
Are you breastfeeding? I just wonder so you can eliminate discomfort. I think it is important to rule those issues out first. If you are not breast feeding, maybe they are having digestive issues and feel more comfort being held. If this is not the case (you are breast feeding) Then maybe you can inlist the help of others with what is really happening. I sense you are trying to be the perfect mom and don't want anyone to know you have crying babies...that doesn't make you a bad mom. You just have to find out why they are crying first. If it is really that they just want to be held, then problem solve with those around you who are there for support.
Right now, they are learning to trust their needs will be taken care of. So yes, it is important. That being said, they are also learning to push buttons! Babies are smart. Can you rub their tummies, sing to them etc. to help them feel your presence yet fall asleep not in your arms, I put a pillow (of course use good judgement here on what to use)next to my children so they felt the sense of someone there. With twins, you need some help as you can't be in two places at once. Where is dad when help leaves? He needs to come into the picture here.
See if you can't get grandma to help you by caring for one twin while you try to get the other down during the day and then try the other in a different room until you get them both used to going down not in your arms...

Good luck, my heart goes out to you...

Hello fellow twin mommy. Hang in there. Well, I am dealing with sleep issues with my 11 month old and I can personally say, 2 months is probably too early to let them cry it out. Is it cruel? No. You need to do what you need to do. With that said I do believe a 2 month old can't grasp "crying it out" yet. Sure, they will eventually fall asleep (no matter what age) if you let them cry it out, but I question if they will "figure it out" and learn from it at such a young age. Heck, my 11 month old barely gets it... He will scream for an hour, then I give in! But I do know this, if you break the falling asleep in your arms habit now, or the needing to sleep in your arms habit, life will be so much easier later on. I think there are so many ways to do that. But at 2 months, thats tough. A swing was great for us with our twins and my new one, but you then just have to break that habit later on. I really like the super nanny's ideas about sleep training (dont know if she has any shows on 2 month olds tho). I am currently trying it with my 11 monther. But it is a long process. Could it be that they are waking eachother up when you put them down, how about seperating them? I sit right by my sons crib, with my arm in patting him. Eventually I will stop the patting and just sit there, then move closer and closer to the door over the course of a week or month... or year! ha ha. But with 2 (especially if you separate) that is hard. One will have to cry while you are working on the other. Maybe you can get your mother in law on board and have her with one twin doing exactly what you are doing in another room. Or perhaps do just the oposite... snuggle them together tricking them to thinking it is you near them. Perhaps swaddle them in the same blanket. I never tried that with my twins, nor thought of it. Anyhow, I cant wait to hear what suggestions you get. Sorry I dont have many. I just know if I would have broken that habit early, I would not be doing what I am doing now with my little guy. Good luck!!!

I am sympathetic, having an 18 month old & trins is a handful. I have just a 5 year old & a 5 month old (who is at this moment crying in his crib while we do our 1st night of Ferber sleep training). I'd say it's not cruel at this age if they go to sleep quickly after a few minutes of crying. The bottom line is that you have to have some time when you're not holding a baby (which is not often I am guessing) so do what you need to do! And your mother in law needs to respect your decision.. Good luck lady! It will get easier.. in time, I promise.

I am from the school that says you are doing the right
thing by letting them cry. You will save yourself a lot of anguish later on if you stick to your guns(tell your mother-in-law if she doesn't want to hear them cry then come back later). You have your hands full. Good luck, babies can be trained the same as they can train the parent, take your pick. A.

My son was the same way... thank goodness I only had one! I never did the CIO method. I personally think it's cruel although many of the moms swear by it. I try to put myself in the baby's place ... how would I feel if I had only been on the planet for two months and now I'm thrusted in to an unfamiliar surrounding and being expected to function and not be scared? Anyways, my son now happily sleeps in his crib for 7-9 hours. I used to have him sleep on my belly. Try some white noise or the lullaby CD at Target. I also pat his tooshie or rub his head until he falls asleep.

Hi J.,

Hang in there! I'm with Grandma, two month olds only know how to get there needs met. You are right they are used to being held because you have been holding them inside your body for their whole life. You are not getting them used to being held all the time they were born being used to being held. If it were me I'd fix a big comfy bed and sleep with both of them. I know that is not what you want to hear. I feel strongely about attachment parenting. Do what feels right to you! All the best!
Steph

I think they are still a little to young to cry it out, Sorry!!! There is a book called the happiest baby on the block, I read it and recommend it to anyone! It talks about running the vacumm etc. It worked like a charm. I recommended it to a friend of mine with triplets as they were having the same problem, except 3 babies 2 arms, so they got the book. They sent me flowers 2 weeks later!! Try it out. Good tricks to use!

Hi J., I also have twins and the first 10 months were very hard. I got very little sleep. I think 2 months is too young to cry it out. We waited till 10 months. I would make sure everything else is okay in the rrom. Get blackout curtains (or like I did stick black cardboard or Ralphs bags all over the windows). Get a white noise machine (off amazon) to block out any other noise. Get a humidifier in case they are getting too dry and thirsty. get a thermometer so you know how cold or hot it is. It should be 68 -70 in their room. Are they ins separate rooms? It might help. Swaddling them helps and so does a bag to sleep in. Maybe they have a pain? Have you tried switching formula? I used Earths best organic. I know all this because I had to consult a sleep specialist to help with ours.

Or maybe they just like being with you. Can you take them into your bed and have a sleep with them? Is your DH helping you? With our my DH did almost as much as me. One wanted to be carried all the time too. Good luck. Make a few changes like the ones above and see if it helps.

I recommend the 3 day sleep solution that is often advertised at the bottom of the Mama Source daily newsletter. It's designed for babies 4mo+. Use Dr. Carp until then and then get them on the 3 day program. I started it when my baby was 5 mo and I was at my wits end. Getting up all night. No sleep and then trying to function at work. The 3 day solution was a miracle. It's a cry it out solution. At first my baby cried for 30+ minutes, but now she hardly cries at all when I put her down and she is sleeping 12 hours at night and 2-4 hours for naps during the day!

No, you're not bad. I had to do it too and trust me, you're better for them when you have had a bit of time to rest than you are when you haven't slept in days. It took me six years to learn that one and man am I ever tired. :)

Maybe you should talk with your Mother In Law alone and let her know your concerns and how tired you are. If nothing else it might help you two to see eye to eye

My twins were exhausting at that age also. I had to learn to let them cry it out. The best advice I ever got was that babies don't know what to do so God gave them crying to wear them out so they would go to sleep. One would sleep in the swing chair as long as it was moving, one would stay in the play pen. I used a heat source and you can try the beating heart sound, that seemed to calm them and I didn't use it long. Would your mom in law take the 18 month out for a walk instead of holding the twins? I did not have another child to deal with and often walked around the house with a baby hanging in a sling on my front and back. If they were early like most twins are it can take a while for them to sooth themselves. Mine are 28 now so they do grow up!!

Hello J.,
What I did with my son was I would lay him down and when he would cry I would wait like 1 minute at first (it feels a lot longer when they are wailing) and I would go into his crib and NOT take him out and just lay him back down and rock him in the crib. I would do that for a little while and then walk out. If he cried again I waiting 2-3 minutes and then went in again and did the same thing, waiting longer in between each time I went in. the most important thing about this technique is to NOT pick them up. My son has been sleeping through the night since he was 8 weeks and takes great naps and I know that this technique has worked wonders for me in particular. I have a friend who still has to hold her daughter to fall asleep and she's 18 months now. As for your m-i-l, if you want to implement a new style than she should help even if she can't stand the crying. I hope that helps. I'm sure everything will be fine. Good luck

J.,
First of all let me commend you for raising twins, that has to be a draining job.
On the sleep subject I would say that as long as you know that they are getting plenty to eat, they have clean diapers and their other needs are met, then it is fine that they cry a while before they go to sleep.

May I suggest however, if you are breastfeeding exclusively you should try (at least on one occasion) to give them some formula when they seem to be crying when you put them down just to make sure they are getting enough to eat. I had the same problem (if I put my son down he would cry and he fell asleep in my arms only) and once we tried a little formula he would be happy to lie down in his crib and sleep alone. It turns out that I wasn't producing enough milk and he was just hungry. He would eventually go to sleep out of pure exhaustion. Once we supplemented with formula he never had trouble sleeping on his own again.

If you are 100% sure they are getting enough to eat then letting them cry for a period of time is fine. Babies need to learn to self soothe and put themselves to sleep just like anything else. Which is why it is a good idea to put your baby down for sleep when they are tired but not yet sleeping.

As far as your mother is concerned, maybe she could step out for a while at naptime. If she is holding them while they are sleeping and you are putting them down to cry it will only make it harder on the twins. They need consistency.

Hope this helps,
M.

www.sittersnow.com

I have five month old twins and a 29 month old toddler so I feel your pain. Except having an 18 month old I think is worse because he/she probably hasn't grasped the idea of actually listening to you yet (not that my 29 month old has either but he's better than he was at 18 months!). There were times when I was by myself and I'm sorry but I only have two arms and can only do so much. {{{{HUGS}}} I know my girls cried. Sometime for awhile and it wasn't because I was letting them CIO it was because I was busy with the other twin or their brother. There is only so much you can do and an exhausted mom is not a good mom. You have to do what works for you and if your MIL isn't helping, you need to talk to her or have your hubby talk to her. Put down some ground rules. I know there was one day we fought with them all day to go to sleep and they finally did, about 10 mins before my IL's were to come over. I told hubby he needed to tell his family they can not touch the girls until they wake up because they need to sleep. And they understood.

Hang in there. It gets easier as the days go by. {{{{HUGS}}}}

J., I have been where you are now, and I know what you are going through! I had the same issues with my twin boys. I promise you, it does get better! Twins often lag behind singletons developmentally, so you can't compare them to what your friends' babies are doing at that age. The fact is, they really NEED to be held a lot. At this age they are too young to manipulate you, which means if they are crying it is for a reason. Even if that reason is, I really need mommy to snuggle me. Some things that helped me get through this were swaddling the babies, tandem nursing on a nursing pillow made for twins ( I think it is call the EZ-to-nurse twins nursing pillow). It is like a boppy, only much bigger and sqaure around you. It is cut foam that is slanted to put twins in just the right position to stay on the breast at the same time. Once you master that, things get easier. Plus, even though I didn't use one with my daughter, I found battery operated swings to be a life saver. I bought two of the aquarium Fisher Price swings, and they were wonderful. The babies love the ocean wave sound and the gentle rocking and it helps them sleep when you just can't do it. Hang in there. Once the babies are mobile, things will be completely different. Oh, take lots of pictures. You won't remember much of this time period because you're exhausted. Good luck!

Oh my goodness you have your hands full. I would say you are doing the right thing. Do you swaddle your little ones??? I highly recommend that. They will fall asleep much quicker and stay asleep much longer if you swaddle them. I use these blankets from Nordstrom and they were the best investment of my life. They will be fine if you let them cry. it will not hurt them and they will survive. Wrap them up tight and lay them down and they will learn to fall asleep on their own. I would just be firm with your mother-n-law and let her know you so appreciate her help but, this is how things are going to happen around your house. Maybe she can tend more to your 18month old and let you deal with the girls. Good luck.

I have 6 month old twins. My son is a great sleeper now. However my daughter isn't the majority of the time. The swing is a life saver in our house. She loves it. And sleeps great most of the time. I don't agree with crying it out or what ever it is. You can tell the difference if your kids are fussy or really need you. If my daughter is just fussing I leave her. If she's wailing she obviously needs something. Life without sleep sucks, but they have no other way of telling you what they need. My daughter also had constipation issues. Once we resolved that issue she's done better. Unless she's really overtired she usually does pretty well. Aside from the fussing and whining.

I am a firm believer in crying it out..as long as they are not sick, soiled, etc. I have a 10 month old little girl and she does have good sleep habits. She doesn't seem to struggle too much when going to sleep. We trained her at about 3 months age. The girls need to learn how to self soothe and right now you are doing it for them. They are still a bit young possibly but if you are at your wit's end, I would start sooner than later.
A great book that is my "bible" is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It is FANTASTIC and very reassuring. Many of my friends use it and are happy with it. It just explains the different methods and doesn't make you feel bad if you let them cry it out OR decide to lay with them as they sleep...although the latter is easier to me!
Your mother in law, although she is trying to help, leaves at the end of the day and then you are stuck dealing with cranky babies. Also, as they get heavier, the holding will become increasingly difficult. When my daughter wouldn't stop crying and I KNEW she was overtired, what other option was there? I had to let her cry..it was very hard! However, after we got through that, things did improve and our daughter slept better. If you can look at it as you are helping your daughters learn how to sleep rather than trying to do it for them, that may be a bit easier to think of when you are listening to it! :(
Good luck!

J. - You have probably heard this before, but it's okay for baby's to cry. Children need to eventually learn how to calm themselves down. I had to learn this with my daughter. It is one of the HARDEST things to do, but you can do it! It's possible! Turn out the bedroom light at night, leaving just a little light in the room. Make sure there aren't any toys in their beds, calmly lay them down and keep calmly laying them down if they keep sitting up. Sit on the floor if you have to, but scoot a little bit at a time towards the door to eventually leaving the room. Again, you might have to keep getting up to lay them down, but putting them in separate rooms until they can get to sleep without you holding them every time might help too.

The help doesn't always help. You must talk with your MIL about the holding. Not to make her feel badly - but let her know that you are going to let them cry for the good of them and your household. They will get over it. Question though, are they sleeping together in once crib/bassinet??? I don't have twins but I have always heard that they are so used to sharing inside mom, that they miss each other when they are not together. I would suggest having them soothe each other by sleeping side-by-side. Of course, that doesn't change the united front with your helpful MIL. Good luck & God Bless!

J.,

It's okay to let them cry. If you know that they are dry, fed and not hurting, it is okay to let them go. You are right not to want to carry them all the time and tis is a behavior that is learned not natural to them. It is great when family comes to help, but remember if they constantly carry them, especially when they are sleeping, you are assisting in creating this bad habit. I learned after my first one who we carried all the time. By second child, I made sure all his needs were taken care of and when it was sleep time, put him down. Yes, he cried but that too does pass.

Remember, raising a child goes in stages for botht the child and parent. I applaud you with twins and this must be difficult especially with an active toddler around also.

Have a talk with you MIL and ask for her help in getting the twins down when it is time for a nap. She needs to understand that as precious as they are to continuously carry, you cannot offer that same service while caring for your other child. By working togther, this will become easier as the days go by.

Just remember, you are a good mom and keep up the great work raising your children.

I know you have 40 responses....but, I can't stress enough how well swaddling works. Also, it sounds like you are incredibly busy - I'll send you my copy of Happiest Baby on the Block if you want.
-C.

If you don't have time to read happiest Baby on the block, you must get the DVD. They show you exactly how to soothe your baby and get him/her to sleep. It works 100 percent of the time on our baby. My husband does it and it's become his little ritual with our daughter. I got my DVD on amazon in the used section for $10 instead of the full priced new one.

I'd also recommend Dunstan baby language so you can tell if your baby is crying b/c he or she is hungry, gassy, uncomfortable (too hot, too cold, etc).

Armed with these two resources has made our lives so much easier, our daughter is 6 wks and sleeping 6-7 hrs a night.

Good luck!

I feel your pain! I can't imagine dealing with twins. My 5 week old has the same sleeping problem. After trying everything under the sun we tried something new and it finally started to let her sleep on her own! We swaddle her in the "Miracle Blanket" and then place her in a tiny bassinet that has a sleep positioner in it. That way she is in a super small space, tightly wrapped, and sleeping on her side since she hates being on her back. When I was trying to get her down in a crib she always woke back up. But I think the small space of the bassinet is our new savior! If you haven't tried this combo give it a whirl. I hope it helps! Good Luck!!!!!

You are in a really difficult situation. I've been there - my son was 20 months old when my twins arrived, so actually a little farther apart than yours. It was inexplicably difficult. If crying it out sometimes is working well for you, then by all means do it. You have three babies and it's not physically possible for you to be able to hold them at all times. My twins had to cry more than my firstborn ever did and now that they're 17 months, I have to say that I see no detriment to them having done this. They are happy, well-adjusted babies. You just need to do the best job that you can possibly do under challenging circumstances. As far as your MIL, she means well. She probably figures that with an extra set of hands, they don't need to CIO. Please let her know the stress you are feeling when she's there, even though you greatly appreciate the help. Speaking with her about it will likely clear the air and you may be surprised to find out that she's stressing about ensuring they don't cry while she's helping! Best of luck. I can't stress enough how much easier every month will become. You are in the midst of a very daunting period in raising you children. While things are still hard for us, there is no comparison to those early months. In fact, there are awesome moments now where we see the three playing together. Hang in there. Feel free to contact me if you need to vent or have questions.

I really feel your anguish. Wow.
I think, personally, 2 months old is too young for the CIO method.

have you tried putting them in a vibrating baby swing/seat or anything?

Sometimes gas pains can also make them unable to sleep.

Are they getting enough intake? Sometimes, if they are not feeding/nursing well and not getting enough intake, this can affect their sleep. At this age, they are generally drinking about 3 ounces or so, and feeding about every 2-3 hours, or every hour sometimes if you are nursing. Roughly. It also depends on their size/weight. If they are gaining weight appropriately, then they are probably getting enough intake.

They probably fall asleep because after crying and being over-exhausted, they are just pooped out. Crying a lot tires babies out.

My firstborn was also like this... and clingy and wanted to be carried all the time. But we learned, that she had a lot of gas problems. She rarely farted, and we gave her the infant gas drops. This helped a LOT. The Hyland's Colic tabs are also great... it's homeopathic, so it's safe. It really helped too. My girl did not have colic...but it helped her with her gas problems and pain, AND sleep better. Here are some links about it:
http://www.amazon.com/Colic-Tablets-Quick-Disolving-Hylan...
http://www.evitamins.com/product.asp?pid=2506

At some point, try to get a sleep routine for them. I know it's not easy...but this will help in the long run as they get older, and help to make things saner for them and you.

Put them down at the SAME time, SAME place, SAME way everyday. A baby has a pattern of: wake up, feed, play, sleep. The "awake" time is about 2 hours (3 hours at most) at this age. Then they will be tired, and "need" to nap. Don't wait until they are "over-tired" to put them down, being over-tired only makes babies more fussy and "hyper" and harder to sleep. At this age, infancy, even a diaper change and a bath is an "activity" and this all plays into their "awake" time routine.

Oh, a great book is "Secrets of The Baby Whisperer- how to calm,connect,and communicate with your baby" By Tracy Hogg. It really worked with my firstborn. You can probably find it anywhere or online or at Amazon.com

I hope the best for you and hope this helped. All my best, and take care,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

I have 2.5 year old twins and a 5 month old. I am able to be more lax with the singleton because there is one. I let my mother hold him while he sleeps and I get up in the middle of the night to feed him. I can do this because there is only one of him. I absolutely could not do that with my twins. By 6 weeks I was almost falling over with exhaustion. My mother wanted to hold them while they slept but I could not give her that luxury if I was to be rested and stay sane. This is what I did- I let them cry it out and I was extremely, extremely consistent. I read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and followed The Three Day Sleep Solution very closely (I had an in-home consult which changed my life and I have the DVD if you're interested). Now we are going through the terrible twos but I always know they will sleep through the night and take their naps so I am so glad we started early because you only trade one set of challenges for another. I don't know what I would do if I had two 2 year olds who don't sleep.

The best advice I ever recieved on child care came from an over bearing pediation I had with my second child. She was absolutly adiment that you follow her advice to the letter. One of her deals was that an infant should be left alone to settle into sleep the miniute they were brought home form the hospital. The time for holding, and all other inter action was when they were awake. The opposite of what most people do. Often the baby is put into a swing or baby chair to entertain themselves while they are awake, and when they get sleepy mom imeadeatly grabs them up and inter acts non stop untill they go to sleep. Which is pretty much what I did with my first child. I had seemly ends problems getting him to go to sleep every night and this lasted for several years. My second child who had to learn to settle her self to sleep from day one, did just that. Even when she was about 18 months and was starting wake in the night again, she would just play quietly with her toys and then go back to sleep. She never thought she needed me to fall alseep and she didn't. The problem is in the pattern that babies learn for settling themsevels into sleep. If you train them to need you go to sleep and in this case to stay asleep then they probably will not be able to do it on their own. You've got a tought road ahead retraining them, if I was you I would start today. Tell grandma thanks so much for her imput and now this is they way I have to do it for my sanity. Yes they will cry. There are a lot of books out there on how to do it. Basically you will be training them to settle themselves and they won't like it. But it's best for them too in the long run. About addressing their needs, it is quite possible to give them every bit of the social inter action they need while they are awake. That's the time for singing, talking, book reading and holding. You're the mom, your children's well being will dpend on you being able to take care of the most important person in your children's life. You! My son did a whole lot of crying even screaming when we had to retrain him. He seems pretty well adjusted now a days. The crying is harder on the parents really. My daughter is even better adjusted person than my son. (Now 15) The sooner you do this the better for everyone. Be good to yourself, you deseve it too.

Have you tried swaddling them. Since they are so fresh from the womb, they may feel that being in the crib alone is too "loose" and scary. Swaddle them tight and then put them down and see if that soothes them enough to go to sleep. And if your mother-in-law continues to always hold them when they cry, then that behavior wont ever change. They will know how to get held; just cry

My baby boy was crying like hell all the time day and night. He had colic and the only thing helped with his colic was Babies magic tea!

Hello,
I had the same issue when my daughter was around one month. I felt that they only way she would sleep is either with me, or on me. I ended up having her sleep with my husband and I every night. My husband was not too sure about this, but everytime i put her down she would wake up and fuss. So one day I was reading the BABY BOOK by Dr. Sears. It mentionded this issue and said to put down the babies around 20 minutes after they fall asleep on you. That when babies fall asleep the first 20 minutes are a super light sleep- they wake up from noise, or movement. But after the first 20 minutes they're breathin is more calm and they fall into a more deeper sleep. I tried this, and it worked! I keep my daughter for around 20-25 minutes- then put her down- it works like a charm ( i also swaddler, so she cant startle her self awake). you have twins so this must be way more difficult- but its worth a try! Hope i provided some help!

J.,

If you don't have a swing (or two), it is a good investment. Just get one that reclines like a baby car seat because your babies are so small. I've had two babies (thankfully not at the same time) and both of them didn't like to be put down for months after they were born. but they would swing happily and sleep in their swing without a problem. With two of them, obviously sometimes you are going to need to put them down.

I don't think a little bit of crying here and there will hurt them but I wouldn't let them cry for extended periods of time.

Since both of your babies are fussy, I'd highly recommend talking to your pediatrician about reflux. My second son had "silent" reflux which is reflux minus all the spitting up. He was refluxing into his esophogus (sp?) so he had a belly ache (similar to heartburn) all the time. Once we got his reflux under control things were much better. It isn't unusual for babies who have reflux to want to be held all the time. They feel a lot better when they are slightly upright (which is why they do better in a car seat or swing than laying flat).

Also, my son has food intolerances. He's intolerant to both dairy and soy. Treating his reflux didn't do all that much until we figured out his food intolerance issues. He screamed a lot because he had a bellyache all the time. I was breastfeeding so I did an elimination diet (dairy, soy, eggs, caffeine, chocolate, fish, shellfish, citrus) and he improved dramatically so I started adding stuff back in. If he wouldn't have improved, I would have added gluten and corn to my list of things I was avoiding next.

If you are formula feeding, try a hypoallergenic formula like Neocate or Elecare (you can special order it from pharmacies or order it on the internet). It will take a solid week or more to see improvement because it takes 3-4 weeks for dairy proteins to leave your body but you should see at least some improvement within a week.

Most "colic" is actually food intolerances and treating the food intolerances can be a miracle. My son went from a kid who cried constantly and only slept for 10-15 minutes at a time to a happy, content baby. I'm sure you can imagine how much better my sanity was once he started sleeping and quit screaming.

Good luck!

T.

P.S. I have both a pediatrician and a pediatric GI doctor for my son and both are lousy sources of information on food intolerances in babies. The only way you can tell if you've got a food intolerance is to eliminate that food from the diet and see if that helps. Worse case scenario if you try an elimination diet is that it won't help anything but it won't hurt anything either. It is totally harmless to try so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Oh hunny, I feel for you, I have a 2 and half year old son and 5 month old twin girls. I have been on the lucky side with very little crying episodes. My girls are sleeping 14 hours a night and have since they were 5 weeks old. I love the colic tabs or the teething tabs. They are all natural and my doctor swears by them as well. I also felt as though my girls were way to hungry all the time and began putting a little cereal in their bottles at about 5 weeks (WHAT A DIFFERENCE THAT MADE) I also had problems with my formula and it took about 2 months to find out that they really do much better on soy (which i was against at first) and since I found something that helped settle their tummys without me holding and rocking for comfort they were much more content. I also have a baby classical cd playing music in their rooms all night on repeat to keep them comfortable and keep the noise outside of their room to a minimum. I know it's exhausting and feels overwhelming at times, I've been there, but it can only get better from here. Good luck!!!

Hi J.-
You are doing a great job!! If they cry for 20 minutes or so then sleep for 3-4 hours, then it seems like the 20 minutes of crying has been worth it :) For your sanity too. Let's face it, these girls are going to have to get used to sharing you.

Maybe you can suggest to your mother- in- law that although you appreciate her help, in the end she making your life more difficult since you can't do what she's doing. Or have her run around after your son so she can't interfere with the twins:)
Good luck!

I say do what feels right. Hold them when you want to hold them and let them cry when you're "done". Also, try to remember they won't be like this forever. Just do your best and don't beat yourself up about any way you handle it. Love them and hold them when you can, and when you "can't" then take a break.

i'm sure that since you are dealing with twins, it's double the work, but all i can say is hang in there. having your mother in law there, although can be helpful when juggling 3 kids, is not helpful in this case. i would have her leave or step out before the its time to put the twins down, so that you can do it on your own terms. and if she really wants to help, then she needs to follow your lead. rather than letting them fall asleep and then putting them down, wait til they are drowsy and then put them down. if they start to cry then maybe rather than picking them up, patting their leg or rubbing their tummy so they still get that "touch" benefit. i also know that a bedtime routine or any routine for that matter is helpful. good luck

I feel your pain! I don't have twins, but I do have a 4 month old, a 6 year old, and a deployed husband. He has been deployed since my baby was 4 weeks old and trying to take care of the kids on top of the house and everything else was overwhelming. My baby also would only sleep with me, in my bed, while nursing. I was completely exhausted and always on edge. I knew I had to make a change for my own sanity and for the sake of my poor daughter who I was constantly snapping at. What I did was make his crib as comfy and inviting as possible. I put a Fisher Price aquarium light in his crib, followed the EASY routine that another person mentioned, swaddled him and made sure he had a lot of mommy time before putting him down. I started all this at about 2 months old. There was some crying at first, but I either stayed by the side of his crib rubbing his head or came in every few minutes to reassure him. Babies need their sleep and it sounds like you need to NOT have babies sleeping on you all the time. You are never getting a break! Now my 4 month old goes down beautifully most of the time and is on a pretty regular schedule. He still wakes once at night to eat, but that is just fine with me. I recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It gives all kinds of suggestions and you can use what works best for your situation.

Best of luck and this phase WILL end!

J.,

I feel your pain!!! I have twins also (turning 9 tomorrow) and it is very hard but you have to let them cry it out. I learned with my first one that you cant give in and when the twins came along I stood my ground. It paid off and they learned quickly. It made my life easier...having newborn twins is difficult enough but having newborn twins that depend on you to put them to sleep is impossible. It will be tough but you will thank yourself later on!! :)
Twins get easier as they get older...then you start to realize the perks that come along with having twins :)

~A.

YOU ARE THE MOM!!! You decide how your children will be treated, not mom-in-law. I read the book "On Becoming Babywise" and practiced this with my two kids and it worked great. In my opinion, especially at this age it is OK to let them cry to fall asleep. They will learn to soothe themselves to sleep and that is soooo important esp since you have 2 of them. Time how long they cry - it seems painful and endless when it is happening, but in reality, it is probably no longer than 15 minutes. If it feels better, set a timer, and say "if they are still awake after 20 minutes, I will intervene" and I bet they are sleeping soundly at that point. You are doing fine. Stay the course.

Being a mother of 4 and grandmother of 8 (including identical twin girls- now 16), there is nothing wrong with letting babies cry. Newborns are tough enough, with twins you have twice the J. but also twice the work and they learn quick what works to get attention. If they are not wet or dirty and they have been fed let them cry a bit you will always be able to tell if they are just being fussy or if something is actually wrong.

My baby was like your two- fussy, colicky, no naps would wake up every hour at night and wanted to be held at all times, I was a wreck w/ little sleep and a baby who was probably cranky b/c it wasn’t sleeping either (however, I cant even imagine doing it w/ twins and contending w/ another little one). At 2 months (like you) I had to resort to the Ferber method (crying it out) for the babies sake and for sane and safety reasons for my self. It wasn’t easy and my husband made it really h*** o* me b/c he didn’t want the baby to cry (however, he didn’t want to be the one to console our baby either, he would do the hand off to me). The little one was stubborn and would cry and cry and cry when I put him down and it didn’t happen over night. With consistency and time it did work and was sleeping thru the night. My husband swears by the method now and the little one proves to be just as stubborn and strong willed at 4 yrs as at 2 months but is a very happy, confidant and a social kid. If you don’t have it yet try reading Solve Your Childs Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber, M.D. in my book I focused on Chapter 5. I will be doing this method again if I need to w/ baby #2. Hang in there

First of all,they are USED to being held.So now,they think it's an everyday thing.But it is'nt.So,you need them to get used to sleeping without being held.I also do'nt think it is cruel for them to just cry without you doing anything.You can't help it.

Thank your mother-in-law and tell her politely to go home. It isn't bad for the babies to cry and you need to save your sanity. You need to find your way to cope and train the children. Enlist your husband's support.

M., mother of four, ages 15-22

Sounds like you have a caring grandma that cant bear the sound of her grand babies cry. While I feel the same way as her, I would also think it tiresome to hold the babies 24/7. Have you checked with your doctor? I know from experience, if a baby is full with a clean diaper they should be sleeping most of the day. Their only means of communicating to you they are possibly sick or still hungry is thru their cries. Maybe they aren't getting enough to eat or aren't satisfied with the formula or breast milk you are providing? Or, possibly their tummies are upset or colicky? I have a hard time imagining a 2 month old baby can be "spoiled" at such a young age. I would check with your doctor. I hope you get the help you need and the much needed rest you deserve.

Wow, people always tell me I have my hands full with 2 boys 15 months apart, but I have no twins! I can imagine how exhausted you are and I know you really need rest, and you only get that when they sleep! I don't like the term "crying it out" mainly just because it has gotten such a bad rap from the mainstream, but most people think that the term applies to just leaving your baby to cry and ignoring them. Babies do a lot of crying because that is about the only way they can communicate in the beginning. I never could bear to hear my babies cry, but not all crying is "bad." (My mother-in-law even told me that some reputable university did a study on babies crying and found that crying helps their brain development. Hearing that, especialy from my mother-in-law, encouraged me in those early months when there was a lot of crying at bedtime!) If a baby is fed, burped and clean, usually the only thing left is sleep. If you know your baby is tired (or has been awake for 1-2 hours at this age and should be tired) the only thing left is to sleep. And if they cry it is probably because they are tired. The advice I followed (a book called On Becoming BabyWise by Ezzo and Bucknam, and an online book called SleepSense by Oberman) recommends putting your baby down awake so they can get themselves to sleep on their own in their bed, a place that should become familiar and comfortable to them. At their age, they go through sleep cycles every 20-40 minutes or so and sometimes will awaken between cycles. If they are going to sleep on their own they will be better able to get themselves back to sleep if they awaken between cycles. My babies always cried in the beginning when put down awake, most do. Let them cry for a bit, whatever you're comfortable with (I usually did about 15 minutes). Remember you are not abandoning your baby to cry, you are trying to give your baby what is best for her, and at that moment the best thing for her is to go to sleep on her own. If she is still crying after the set time, go in, pat her and speak softly telling her you love her and it's time to sleep (I think they say that picking the baby up at this point ends up being more disturbing than comforting if they are 3 months old or more, but you can see what works best with your babies). She will probably cry again when you leave the room, and the cycle starts over again. I think it typically took 30-45 minutes for my boys to get to sleep in the beginning, some can take even longer, but it gets better, usually after a couple of weeks, but maybe even after only a few days. When my youngest was about 2 months old, I had a terrible time getting him to take naps, he cried when I put him down, then would fall asleep only to wake 20-40 minutes later (sleep cycle) and would cry another half hour before getting back to sleep. But by 4-5 months, they were going to bed happily. My youngest would still occassionally like to voice his objection, but he would be quiet by the time the door was closed. I also swaddled my babies very tightly for the first several months, they both liked that, then their swaddling blankets became their "snuggle" blankets. Hopefully your mother-in-law will not be a hindrance if you decide to use a method like this. It is always harder for grandparents to hear their grandbabies cry (my Mom couldn't bear it at all with my first, with my second, she still didn't like it, but she saw how it worked with my first so she would keep quiet). I highly recommend BabyWise. It will help you with getting a routine established, which will be a great help to you, especially with twins (and a busy toddler!). I also found SleepSense to be helpful, but it is only about sleep and is a bit expensive. Best wishes to you!

As an exhausted mom, I believe you get to do what works for you. A stressed out, sleep deprived mom is no good to 3 small kids. Happiest baby on the Block is great, crying it out works too, but two months old seems too little for that, although I know a lot of people who do it, so don't feel guilty if that's what you need to do.When you do lay them down, are they really deeply asleep? It takes forever because of the way their sleep patters are, but maybe they wake just because they are not fully asleep. Also, do they sleep in the crib together? Maybe they could soothe each other. If so and they are still craving you, try sleeping with their blankets a couple nights so the blanket smells like you and then swaddle them in it, it may feel like mommy is there. Hope this helps, hang in there.