Desperate for Advice

Get someone to help you if you can. Give tylenol and oragel for the teeth. It will get easier my youngest is almost 4 mnths and it is already easier to deal with both kids.

So sorry you are going through this. You got pregnant really fast with the second one - bless your heart.

The first thing you have to do is let her know that you still love her. When baby sleeps, have quiet time with her, reading a book together, playing with her toys together, even asking her to help you when you are working in the house (honey, can you hand me the clothes? when you are folding laundry, that kind of thing.)

Pull out her baby pictures and say "See how little you were when you were born? Just like your baby sister! See how much we loved you? Just like we love you now!" And hug her when you say it.

Tell her that your baby is HER baby too. Tell her that baby will love her big sister.

Doing all this will help try to curb her jealousy. I think it will also help with the losing weight because she will feel more like eating.

Next, you need to deal with her tantrums.

Tell her that she needs to show you what she wants. She is probably not talking (?) but if she is, tell her to "Use your words, Khadeeja." Get down face-to-face with her and speak very softly. If you are speaking softly, she cannot hear you if she is screaming. Hopefully she will calm down enough to listen to you.

If she wants to do something she isn't allowed to do, tell her you know she is unhappy, sad, angry (whatever the emotion is) and you understand that, but the rule is that she cannot do it, or have it, whatever it is. You must be consistent and not give in just to make her stop having a tantrum. If you do, then she will have many tantrums, over and over.

If talking to her doesn't help, pick her up and sit with her (even on the floor, if you need to) with her back to you, and put your arms around her arms and your legs over her feet, and hold her tight. Either speak very softly and say "It's okay" or sing softly to her. Wait until she gets all the fight out of her before you let her go. Then take her to her room and tell her she needs to stay in there until she calms down. Don't let her come out until she is not crying anymore. Then give her a hug and tell her that screaming is not allowed and she will have to go back in her room if she does it again.

Do this every single time she has a tantrum. Every single time. If she is just screaming and crying, take her to her room and tell her she has to stay there until she isn't crying anymore. Ignore her when she is crying in her room. If she comes out, put her back in. You can't let her out of timeout until YOU say it's time to come out. And you don't give her an audience when she is crying either. That's why she is to stay in her room.

It will be hard, mama, because she will keep coming out over and over. But you can't let her. Honestly? This is harder than having a brand new baby. But if you are 100% consistent, she will get over this, and you will have a well-behaved child.

You would need to learn to do this with Khadeeja ANYWAY, even if you hadn't had a baby. Children around this age start this business with tantrums and screaming to get what they want. And sometimes they don't even know what they want. They get frustrated because they can't speak well, and don't know HOW to say what they feel. That's why it's good to say "Use your words" to them, to get them to THINK about how to say it instead of screaming.

Go to the drug store and tell the pharmacist how much Khadeeja weighs and how old she is. Ask for the right medicine to help her with teething. Look on the computer for ideas to help her with teething. You can put teething rings in the freezer to get them cold, provide her with Zweeback (a hard biscuit) to let her chew on, that kind of thing. (The computer will give a lot more examples.) Make sure you give her the exact dose that the pharmacist tells you to give.

I would not have a third child anytime soon, I.. Both of your children need you to spend time with them and pay attention to them, and you have to learn how to transition them from infant stage to toddler stage. You haven't had a chance to learn how to do that, and it's very difficult when you add another baby into the mix.

Good luck.

I don't really think your one year old's behavior has anything to do with the new baby. The nature of one years olds is to show they are independent of you. Flows into the terrible twos.....

Try your hardest not to change your oldest schedule and hopefully, the newborn will adjust. i.e., if your 1yo takes a nap at 10 and 2, then keep her nap times at 10 and 2, etc. When the baby is sleeping and your 1yo is awake...make that be special time with her and don't spend it doing housework...that will get done eventually. Try to have her help with the baby...like help hold the bottle...or if you are nursing...then make that also be story time.

As others have said, part of this is the beginning of the 'terrible twos'. Pick a method for dealing with tantrums now, and stick with it. My method was to put my 1 year old in the pack 'n play (set up downstairs) and tell him that he could come out when he was all done crying. And that's what I did. It makes a good time-out spot when you have your hands full with a baby, because you don't have to continuously put her back in (unless she figures out how to climb out).

As for coping with the new baby, involve her as much as you can. Learn to use a moby wrap or a ring sling, so you can hold the baby hands-free. I spent a lot of time with the baby on my chest in the moby wrap, sitting on the floor playing trains with my older child. If you are nursing, try to get good with the boppy pillow and one hand, so you can turn pages of a book with the other hand. Have her help change diapers by letting her throw away the wet diapers after you take them off and have them wrapped up. Or hold the bottle if you bottle feed.

And remember to give a LOT of praise for good behavior!

And for you, please get help if you can. Find a MOPS group to go to, where your older child will have fun with the other kids and you get to talk to some other moms to share ideas. Everyone needs a break every now and then. The 1st 3 months with a newborn are the hardest, and they are harder the second time when you have an older child too. It will get better!

Are you getting support and help -- real physical help? It's obvious you need it. Thats first and foremost. Is your hubby helping or unable for whatever reason, do you have mom, sis, friend, neighbor? Get some help that is understanding and knows what to do. You care for the baby and they can help care for the one yr. old. This will help ease things and give her some quality time.

The teething - use homeopathic teething tabs for pain as well as grumpiness. Tylenol or other things like that if need be. Do not over medicate. Cold teethers help and cold, wet clean washcloth too, some kids like these more. Teething can cause all kinds of issues, things you wouldn't necessarily associate with teething, so keep an eye on it. And try to sooth her as much as you can. Some babies like a ice cube or two while they sit in their highchair. Sometimes they're just so ill from it.

Until the one yr old is feeling better I wouldn't deal with the new born yet. I know she's very lilttle, just a baby herself, but once she's feeling better, give her an example of joy and have her there with you as you care for the baby. Sing a song or two that you sing all the time that will bring in the joy as you go through the day.

Well this is something anyway, there is more to say but I'm sure others will give you advice on managing more so. Just remember to try to relax and enjoy. I know it can be pretty nerve wracking right now, but it'll get easier. Sometimes you can just do what you can do, don't expect too much from yourself, just care for the babies. Remember too you're going through a lot of hormonal changes and all. This too shall pass.

Take Care and God Bless you each and all with joy and lots of love ---
Congratulations

At one it's not the new baby, and it will pass. My youngest had her most difficult fits etc at age one (no new baby) and I started disciplining her at a much younger age than older sibs.

Love her up and try to get her through teething pain and eating trouble until waters calm down. Give her extra attention, but dont' let her boss you into ignoring baby with fits. She'll be used to the baby soon-it's all a hard new phase, but it will pass. If she continues to escalate fits etc even after teething stops hurting, she's not too young for discipline, and that will save you lots of future drama. I have three close in age, and this book saved my sanity: Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.

The new baby has nothing to do with your little one adjustment. She is miserable because she also needs attention and she is possibly teething. Don't give meds unless the 1yr old is experiencing a fever. Try ice in a clean sterilized cloth to chew on to soothe the discomfort.