Do You Think This Is Tacky?

That is completely tacky.

I can't imagine hosting dinner party at my house, and expecting my guests to pay their way!?!?! That's insane!

The ONLY thing I could possibly see is if a guest OFFERED to bring a dish, I might be ok with that as the hostess, but I'd never ask anyone to give money to fund the dinner I'm hosting. Totally weird and tacky.

If she called all of you as she was ordering the Groupon and asked you if you wanted to do this then it could be ok. If she did it then went ahead and invited you and then askef you to pay it is all out wrong. Worse than tacky.

IF she was hosting the whole meal and requested each person to bring a bottle, not too strange or tacky, but for the $$ request - tacky!
In terms of the sitter, you and others would have had to foot the bill for that anyways, so that is completely ok and just the cost of going out - unless I missed something and you all are footing the bill for her kids, too. . . .

Yes, it's tacky and it's really rude.

I have no issue with asking guests to bring an appetizer OR a drink to share, but to ask them to do so AND help pay for the evening. No way! I'm guessing that what she "paid" for was the chef, not the groceries and ingredients!

We "won" (auction) a dinner party with a chef in our home and invited three other couples. It never even crossed my mind to ask them to chip in! Geez.

ooh man....totally tacky...if i'm hosting a party - i don't ask people for money - period.

if I get a baby sitter - then it's MY choice - not yours...and not your responsibility to pay....

IF we were going to a restaurant - we would be paying for ourselves...going to a home? no...the HOST takes care of everything.

I think that is very weird. You dont invite people to your house for a dinner party then ask them to pay for a portion of it, in my opinion. If you can't afford to do it, then dont ( as the host that is ). Whenever we even have a cookout or anything else when we invite people, we dont expect them to bring anything. I wouldve seized the opportunity when she asked on the phone if it was weird and wouldve screamed, YES!

If all the couples besides your GF are paying $20 and bringing a beverage, what exactly is she paying for and contributing. I think you just paid for her dinner party. Yes it's very tacky to invite people to a party and ask them to pay.

Totally tacky. If you wanted to be tacky back, show up without any money.

Hi H.-

Yes...very tacky...

But could it be that the 'groupon' was a 'tease' of sorts...and now the real cost of the chef (and all those 'cheffy' ingredients) has spiraled up??

I would just ask...and look at it as an adventure...a peek at how the 'other' 2% live!!

Have fun!
michele/cat

2 things...

First, if she wanted to do this dinner with everyone to go in on, she should have checked with everyone before hand to see if they wanted to do such a thing. It is weird and sounds quite awful to invite people over to dinner with a $20 fee and she can't even provide the drinks for them?

And secondly, if the party cost her $50 and their are 4 couples (including herself) and she is asking for $20 that would be $80, what is she doing with the excess of money?

Uh, yeah, that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. The one & only way I can see there to be an exception would be if you guys get together regularly & always do a potluck type meal where everyone brings something. Even if that is the case though, why oh why if she only paid $50 is she asking people to bring a total of $60 to her plus 3 bottles of wine...??? The whole thing kind of confuses me to be honest.

VERY tacky, i think at this point, i'd take my $50 and do something else...

You really need to find out what the $10, now $20 is going for. Either way, it is tacky. Even if someone OFFERS to pay or bring something when I host a dinner, I tell them no. Talk to your friend. Communication is key.

Good luck.

Tacky - definitely - in the extreme.
The original invite was ok.
I'm all for bringing a dessert or a side dish - our neighborhood does pot lucks all the time.
Once she started asking for money in the follow up note, I would have declined.
And that would have spared me getting another note which further upped the ante.
If she couldn't afford to throw a party she should not have staged one.
Now it sounds like not only is she trying to re-coop her cost but actually make a profit on this.

If the meal was a group decision then it wouldn't be tacky, except that she then raised the price. So I guess she had meant $10 a person the first time. So yeah, that's a bit tacky.

If this meal was completely her idea then yes, asking you to bring the $20 is tacky.

TACKY. I think I would develop some sort of "virus" and go have date might with my husband.

A hostess always foots the entire bill...... She is being so cheap I'd be afraid to eat whatever she had.

.

That does seem a little odd. I'd probably do what you did, though, and not really say anything. If I were hosting and had gotten such a great deal I wouldn't ask others to chip in, but then again, sometimes we'll have a bbq and ask guests to bring a side to share so I guess it's not that odd. I don't know. The weirdest part is the price increase and it sounds like it will more than cover the cost...is it for tip or something?? Chalk it up to it will be a nice relaxing evening at someone's home with a private chef and no kids. I'm sure it will be a great time.

I wouldn't be going! No way! That's manipulative. That's very excessive.
Just go out to eat instead. Lol

Yes - tacky.

The food should be her treat. Its ok to ask each couple to bring a bottle of wine or an appetizer.

Its also ok to ask each couple to chip in for the babysitter.

If she did feel compelled to ask for money, she should have put it in the initial invite.

Put it in the past, though. $50 is not too much to have a nice evening with friends and no kids. Enjoy yourself!

So tacky! Basically she spent $50, but is going to re-coup the entire cost, plus some by having you each pay $20. I would tell her I was going out to eat instead.

So tacky! I am more passive but my husband would probably refuse to go. If she doesn't have the money she should have just grilled some hot dogs and burgers people just like the company anyways. I have been invited to things and have been ask to bring your drink of choice, and had no problem with that.

Yes... I'd ask why if she was hosting, why are you all paying for it? $10 - sure that could go mostly towards a tip for the chef... but if she wants to have a kid free dinner - she may have to re-adjust her request for $20.

You should have told her, "Yes, that is weird. What's the deal?" You certainly have a right to ask about the increase. If she is the host, then she should pay. You guys didn't discuss and agree to all of this, did you? It's perfectly appropriate for her to suggest that you bring your favorite drink.

yes, tacky.
I'd have to ask her "why?" after the fact.
Obviously she over spent for the occasion and is trying to make up for it.

That's a helluva cover charge! Tacky. You are not the only one thinking that in your group either. Talk to your friend to see what it is about and what she was thinking. I'd hate for her to lose a friendship over this....or for others to not want to do things with her. They may be afraid to get a bill in the mail.

I think it is tacky. Unless she was under the impression that you were all splitting this Groupon, it was her choice to buy it. You shouldn't pay. I hope she will at least use the $60 to tip the chef on the original price and not the Groupon price.

The cost of a babysitter is always your own business, so that should not be considered in your question.

Yes, it's weird to ask for $20 from everyone -- if she couldn't afford it she shouldn't have done it -- but if you like her and the other people who will be coming go ahead and pay it. If she asked me I'd say, "Yeah, it's a little weird, but you're worth 20 bucks." And then I'd pay it and go..

Is there any chance she talked with the other gals and it was all agreed on to have this fun experience and share the cost and the others knew if things were more than first expected that theyd chip in more? And, is there any chance you might not have been there when it was discussed or she told you and you forgot? Or she thinks she told you but didnt? Just grasping at anything that makes sense and stops me from thinking your friend is tacky. When she called and asked you if it was tacky, it sounds like one of the others might have said that to her,, and shes thinking maybe shes made a mistake. If anything,, just go with it, and enjoy the experience of havng the chef cook for you all. It sould be fun!

Still cheaper than going out to a restaurant for dinner. We used to do things
like that long ago.

Tacky, rude. At most I would have put on the invites to bring a bottle of wine to share or other beverage of your choice to share.

My guess is she got "blind sided" or did not read the groupon throughly and found out she is paying for the chef with that groupon BUT she still needs to pay for the food. Either way it is she who needs to deal with that not put it on others. If all of you were in on this together then spilt it up BUT if she did this on her own she needs to deal with it.

I would simple tell her that you can bring a beverage to share. If she is a close friend ask her why the changes and request for money. Hopefully she is honest and then you can decide if you want to chip in for yourself but not at the request of her.

If the original invite was "Do you guys want to chip in to pay for a personal chef to come & have a fabulous meal with 2 other couples?" or something like that, then the original request of $10 was okay (I still think tacky, since I think that unless it's a potluck, the host needs to cover the expenses!!!). But the 2nd request for more money was really bad, imo.

Yes it is strange. Asking you to bring a drink is fine, but asking for money is tacky.

I have a cheap friend too. Yes i do think its tacky, but some people are just tacky about money and pointing it out will do no good.

It's the host's responsibility to pay for any food unless it's understood to be a potluck. I think it was tacky...even if it's only $10. That's like someone making you a dress for a party then charging you for it.

That is tacky to me. Especially if she only paid $50 to get this whole meal done, and not even have to cook!

She is inviting you to her home, and no you shouldnt have to pay. That is the hostess job.
And to ask you bring your own drinks as well?

I could see, asking if you all would bring a bottle of your favorite wine, that would be fine, but asking for money is ridiculous.

Ask her what changed for it to go from $10 to $20, just to satisfy your curiosity!
THEN go and have a Great evening out w/ Friends :-)

Ugh. Some people have NO idea how to host a party, and your friend falls in this category. It sounds like she forgot about having to tip on the ORIGINAL value of the voucher - which would be around $50 bucks or so. So, if you add that to the $50 she spent, it makes $100 that she SHOULD be paying out of her pocket. She is now paying less than what her guests are paying ($60 between the 3 couples) to come to her party, and that, in & of itself, is super duper tacky.

You had the perfect chance to tell her how tacky it was, so why didn't you? I'm assuming since she's your bestie she wouldn't be mad if you were honest with her. I don't think I could've kept my mouth shut.

LOL.....that's funny.
I've wanted to have parties and wasn't able to.....because you pay, as the host. When I have had parties, I saved up and made sure it was within a basic budget (some were pretty extravagent, but budgeted that way...others were small and simple get togethers, and budgeted that way). If you don't have the money to host a party......don't host the party until you do. :) It's awesome that you accept an invite and THEN get told to bring money, and THEN get told to bring more money. Yes, it's a little off. But you can chalk it up to a learning experience and make a mental note to communicate more thoroughly next time and enjoy the evening, or have an awkward time. Hopefully everyone will have fun....and learn how to host parties for the future. :P
I do love potlucks! And I do have a "rule" that we never go to anyone's home without something (even if just a bottle of wine, a 4 pack of Boddingtons, or a 2 liter of soda). If someone else comes with nothing, no big deal. It's just a better safe than sorry rule that we've set up for ourselves. If hosting a potluck, I usually do the entree and maybe a dessert I'm excited about, but if anyone asks I'll let them bring a side dish, appetizer, dessert, drinks, whatever (sides are my weak points: what goes with what? I never know). But to ask someone for money is wack. The only time someone would pay at a dinner party is if I've arranged for a big dinner at a restaurant or something....as a host at one place, you can order 2 large entrees (family style....we'll do a meat and a chicken), 2 large salad bowls, a dessert, and an appetizer for a certain price (Will feed 8-10 adults). If someone goes off the "party menu" in a situation like that and orders their own thing, then they can pay for it. Last time we had a dinner party there, 2 people had never been there and didn't know how it worked. We just gave them the menu for our party as part of the invitation: basically saying something like hey, come join us for a party celebrating the new promotion; we'll be having (the menu we'd chosen) and 2 drinks at ___". Then they knew what we'd ordered and what to expect when we got there. I haven't had anyone be daft enough to try to order their own thing after the fact (because they knew what we were doing when they accepted), but if they did, I would just quietly take them aside and mention this was the package, and if they did go out on their own, then they'd be paying on their own. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, I'd take it more like I was letting them in the know on how that worked.