Dont Know What to Do - Tucson,AZ

Follow-up to earlier private message.
One of the moms said have a conversation with husband
away from kids; in a quiet non-stressed time.
YUP. DO THAT.
In particular, explain to him how much easier/better
EVERYTHING would be if he would come home as early as possible
and BE PART OF THIS FAMILY.
Jeesh!
Oh . . . . have him read ALL the answers to this question.
Maybe he'll see the light.

If you can get past this stage of constant nursing, you'll get some relief in the coming weeks. I certainly remember those long afternoons spent on the couch nursing while my other 2 ran around like a bunch of loons and the house was constantly a mess.
But I had to give myself credit b/c at that moment I was doing what I needed to do for my baby. My older 2 survived, and maybe even gained a little bit of independence and confidence b/c they had to do for themselves for a change.

Its a little sad to hear your husband isnt supportive of you nursing. I think you need to let him know you are doing what is best for your (and his) baby and you would really appreciate his support. Show him a can of formula and all the chemicals that are in there. And then remind him that you breast is made up of 100% milk made especially for your baby.

This time is short lived. In a few short months she'll be on solids, drinking from a sippy cup and nursing less. I know its hard, but cherish the time you get to spend with her as a newborn. My little man is already 10 months old. Seems like just yesterday he was a newborn.

Best wishes to you.

Continue to breastfeed if it is working. Baby could be colicky due to a number of reasons, perhaps supplementing with a soy based formula will likely help with that. Or, you can pump... breastfeed, and supplement with your own breast milk in a bottle, so your husband can help feed the baby and it can cut down on the colic.

Explain to your husband that things would be less stressful if he was there to help. It's so not fair he abandons you in a time of stress just so he won't have to deal with it. As far as chores and cooking goes, he can certainly pull his weight and do more around the house. Have a meeting with him o things he can do to help. My husband is amazing at helping around the home, some men just don't get it that they need to contribute as well.

Do you have friends who can take the older child for few hours a day or two a week?

I nursed both children until they were about 16-18 months. It's always more in the first few months. I was doing the same as you with my first, it felt like I was always nursing. My pediatrician told me the baby was nursing as a comfort and basically using me as a pacifier and it would be okay to lessen the feedings. So long as your baby is still have a healthy amount of dirty diapers and is gaining weight, he/she is going to be okay.

Also, try baby wearing. You can nurse or feed your child while he/she is in a sling and you can still cook/clean... while doing nursing.

Hang in there, it will get better. Don't stop breastfeeding her, it's best for her. Your husband will feel better about things in a month or two when the really difficult period is over. It's common for tired, overwhelmed men to be grouchy about newborns.

You have your hands so full.
What you really need is a little more patience from your husband if he can muster it.
You have a cranky baby, but is the baby really hungry or just cranky? Sometimes even the breast won't help in these situations and you have to distinguish comfort from feeding.
If you know you baby really can't be hungry if you just fed her, try other things for comfort and if you have to, let her cry sometimes for a bit. Sometimes babies just cry because they don't know what else to do and we can't fix it. My mom always said God made babies cry so their lungs would grow strong. If they never cried, it wasn't good for them.
There's no such thing as a baby that doesn't cry. Get some earplugs. Buy your husband some. Instead of staying away, maybe he can help with the other kids until you can all ride this phase out.
I am no expert, but I don't think that switching formulas too often is a good idea. I supplemented with my daughter, so I'm not judging you. But, their tummies have to get used to digesting things and switching formulas too much isn't good. That's just my opinion.
Don't worry about house chores.
Yes, some things need to be done, but nothing has to be perfect and like I said, get your husband some earplugs if he doesn't want to listen to fussiness and let him have at loading the dishwhasher or washing machine.
I truly think that when we get overwhelmed, our kids can feel it. There's not enough hours in the day, we get tired.
I hope you and your husband can think about putting up a brave front and having the attitude of "we will sail through all of this and survive it" and your kids might pick up on it.
Life is truly chaos sometimes and you just have to know you're not alone, other moms go through it and so do dads. The kids also turn out okay.
I really hope your husband can help you out more. At least emotionally for heaven's sake. Just because your baby is fussy it doesn't mean you're not doing something right. Staying away so he doesn't have to deal isn't fair.

Hang in there!
Best wishes!

Wow. Did it ever occur to your husband that if he came home earlier and pitched in a little you just might be less stressed out and he could help with the fussy baby. Sheesh.

you should probably have an open dialogue about all of these concerns with out the kids around and in an unstressful environment ... it will be easier to discuss these things in that type of an environment. This is a great opportunity to test your communication skills.

It is a tough situation! It does sound like going back to full breastfeeding will help your baby. I'd say the #1 thing that would help is getting a sling or wrap so you can nurse while doing your normal routine. There are videos on youtube for how to do that. Offer the breast first before any supplements so you can rebuild your supply. I'd say pump as well, but I can understand if you just don't have the time for that.

Get in touch with your local La Leche leader for on-going support. (http://www.lllusa.org/web/TucsonAZ.html)

As for your husband, I understand how this is difficult for you. I don't know what I'd do without my husband's support. Here's some tips that may help:

- Praise small steps - anything positive he does.
- Tell him specific things he can do to help.
- Emphasize that you save money breastfeeding (not buying formula, not as sick)

Good luck!

Wow, sorry to hear that your hubby is not that supportive. He needs to get on board and realize that he needs to help!!! I am a mother of 5...14 yo, 8 yo, 4 yo, 19 mos, and 7 weeks. I know what you are dealing with. Its hard. Sometimes chores will have to be put on the back burner and your hubby is just going to have to step up and help out. (Although I have a couple of older kids, they too have their days) But my hubby is great especially on his days off from work. It give me time to do things that are neglected during the week. Or giving me a break from the kids. Your hubby has to realize that not coming home just makes it worse. You need help and by not coming home makes your stress level increase.

I also nurse my 7 week old and formula feed him. (I use Similac Advance w/Iron) The thing is, is that I will nurse him on one breast for 15 mins and the then the other for 15 mins. He will sleep for about an hour or two and then I will repeat. But then the next time he wakes up I will give him formula (3 - 4 oz) just to make sure he is getting enough to eat. (My Mom, too, would say that he wasn't getting enough to eat, thats why I started giving him formula.) At night before bed I give him formula, but when he wakes during to the night I just nurse. He has not been colicy as of yet, but I am definitely knocking on wood. I think that switching formula will cause some discomfort, so stick with one and see how it works. Then if you need to change, change it. You might want to talk to your pediatrician, too. Its up to you about nursing, continue if you want. Although formuIa feeding is easier, I enjoy the bonding between us. And it is so much cheaper!!

So good luck to you and know that it will get easier and better.

Hang in there! I had 4 babies in 5 years and no twins. I gave up on breastfeeding within a few weeks of each of their births. I gave up because they wanted to nurse all the time and I felt like I was stuck to the couch 24/7 and unable to fulfill my other obligations. I was unable to produce enough milk for my 1st and my 4th babies. They were losing too much weight and I was forced to supplement to keep them out of the hospital. So, apparently I wasn't producing enough milk.

Switching to formula did NOT stop the babies from being colicy. 3 of my 4 babies were miserable. I switched formulas, used Dr. Brown's bottles, followed guidelines for dealing with babies with Reflux, swaddled, wore the babies.....Nothing I did made them less fussy. You may just have to ride this out.

You need to tell your husband what you need from him. My husband can not stand to hear babies cry and would avoid the babies. However, he was willing to do dishes or clean up.

Whether or not you continue breastfeeding is a personal choice. Get a lactation consultant if you want to keep breastfeeding. They will help you with everything!!! If you want to go to formula, do so and don't feel guilty!! Best wishes to you!!

Hi J.,
Hang in there it will get better. A couple of things. I would contact a lactation consultant. I am not sure where you live. If you live in AZ let me know, I have an amazing recommendation. My son was nursing for long periods of time too and come to find out I didn't produce enough breast milk. I had to supplement. I would discuss this with a lactation consultant.

Also, I had a daughter who had a cows milk protein allergy. You may want to try soy, however, a lot of babies who don't tolerate cows milk protein don't tolerate soy. In this case you may want to try a hypoallergenic formula. You would also need to cut cows milk protein out of your diet if you are still nursing. I would talk to your pediatrician about this.

You may also just have a colicy baby or maybe your baby is taking in too much air with the bottles. Again, talk to a lactation consultant about this. You may also try another bottle like Dr. Brown's to decrease gas.

I hope you get some relief soon. I would definitely hook up with your pediatrician and a lactation consultant and talk about what is going on.

J., My heart goes out to you as I also have 3 kids now ages 5 1/2, 2 1/2 and 11 months. My youngest 2 are 20 months apart and lets just say it was pretty tough those first 5- 6 months with a new baby. I did manage to exclusively breastfeed, but I rarely was able to sit down while I nursed during the day. I nursed while carrying baby in a Baby Bjorn (the kind with the lumbar support). I think you can use wraps to do the same thing too, but I just used what I had. I just loosened the straps to get the baby down where he could comfortably nurse. I am pretty small breasted so I realize the Baby Bjorn may not work for everyone. A friend who has larger breasts ( and has 4 children) used an Ergo Baby Front Carrier to nurse her youngest ( a more challenging nurser who was tongue tied). That being said, you have to do what works for you. If exclusively breastfeeding is just too difficult, remember that any amount of breastmilk is wonderful.
My husband was not the most supportive while I nursed our oldest child (she was a very challenging nurser with a discoordinated suck and failure to thrive at age 2 mos), but after we got back on track with help of a lactation consultant and she began to gain weight and stopped crying 4-6 hours a day, he was sold on it. You might consider talking to a lactation consultant because sounds like you may have some underlying issues that make breastfeeding even more challenging. Wishing you the best and praying for you today....R., nurse-midwife mom of 3 little ones.

I didn't take time to read all your answers so someone may have suggested this already, but maybe you could just pump instead of nurse the baby? Then you can feed her a bottle whenever and she might eat the bottle a lot more quickly than if she is nursing. I have inverted nippes and was not able to breastfeed either of my children, but was able to pump and feed them bottles, so they still got Mama's milk. Also, this way you can kind of set your own schedule when to pump (like when they are napping or right before they get up in the morning and right after they go to bed, etc) That's how I kept my sanity when I had two kids under two!!

As to the husband part, well, I don't have much nice to say, so I shouldn't say anything. Just try to communicate to him that he helped make these children and it's his responsibility to help take care of them.

Good luck and hang in there Mama!

I would definitely step up the breastfeeding. It's so much better for the baby and you, in the long run. You are stressed, so that could be affecting your milk. Here are some other random thoughts:
Ask for help from friends or family. You need to nurse right now. Get help with household jobs and childcare.
Come up with a list for your husband. If he has a plan for his time home, that might help. He can do childcare of the others and that will help you out a lot.
GET A SLING. Wear this baby and the 14 month old when necessary. They get attention they need and you can get a few things done.
Change your expectations for household jobs, especially if help is not an option.
Write your husband a letter. With only gentle words explaining how you feel. No accusations.
Honestly, husbands need to step up. It's their kids, too! But to tell them to just snap out of it won't be very effective :)
It's too much for you to have the kids that long. You are sleep deprived and exhausted. Both physically and mentally that is HARD. Ask him for ONE HOUR a day. That might not seem so daunting to him. Once the one hour is done a few times, he'll probably realize he CAN help more. At first, let him decide what the one hour will entail: laundry, bathing the older kids, cooking, washing dishes. It will probably expand and things WILL get easier as the baby grows.

I applaud you for returning to breastfeeding. I encourage you to eat quality saturated fats so your milk is very nourishing. Avoid trans fats at all costs. Then your milk will be more satisfying. Quality saturated fats include coconut oil and butter (the BEST one). Good luck.

dont stop breast feeding yet. supplement first. I tried that and got told I wasnt making enough milk to quit breastfeeding. but try supplementing at night only first.