Having Twins

Hi L.,
I just had twin boys in June and added them to three siblings-5 year ols girl, 4 year old girl and a two (just turned three in Sept.) year old boy.
My 3 yr old boy took it he hardest. The twins came 7 weeks early and had a 31 day hospital stay. So my son didn't really realize the twins were born, other than mommy's tummy was smaller and we went to the hospital everyday.
Well, two weeks after the twins came home my son told me to return them to the hospital. Well, once I told him that his brother will get big like him and then they will wrestle with him, he told me we can keep them.
My little trick to is do something daily with him. I know it is hard adding TWO babies- yet alone one. (Because on top of adding twins to my family- I also hoem school my older two-- so call me crazy, I call myself crazy, but devoted)
YOu know- his requests are never crazy. He asks for simple things: he wants to help me make chocolate milk, or he wants to read a story, or built a tower with blocks. things that just take 5 or 10 minutes, but mean the world to him. The key is to let HIM deide what you two do together.
They other thing I do is have a few small (inexpensive) toys around, wrapped. So when he seems to have a hard day or I just don't have 10 minutes to give him, or the energy to read him a book. I give him a present to open. He doesn't know that it only cost $1 at Walmart. But that new Hot Wheel means the world to him.
-V.
mother of 5
Riah, Ana, Adi, Eli and Zeke
____@____.com

Hi L.:

First of all, congratulations! My husband and I are also expecting twin boys in February. Anyway, when I got pregnant with my now youngest (1 y.o. daughter), my son was the same way. He was 2 when I was pregnant. At first, he was so excited about a "new baby", but by the time I was about 7 months and really showing, you could tell the novelty wore off. Every time I'd tell him that his baby sister was going to come out of my belly soon, he'd tell me "no she's not. She's staying in there" or something to that effect. I think that after he could visibly see the change in me (my big belly), he realized that something really was going on. I was so scared. I'd heard all the horror stories of the older sibling hurting the baby, being mean, turning into a terror, everything.
Don't let yourself get stressed out over this. Everything you've described that you're doing with your son are the same things we did. Just keep up the reassurances, make sure he knows how special he is because he's the "big brother", and so on. It seems like with all the help you have arranged, he'll not want for attention, but remember he'll still need it from you; maybe even a little more at first.
Needless to say, my son was absolutely wonderful when we had Caitlin. He was never mean or aggressive towards her. In fact, it was the exact opposite, he seemed to be more protective of the baby. Your son will definately need an adjustment period, but I think this is just a normal reaction to the new family addition. Congratulations again, and good luck.

cONGRATS ON THE TWINS! Its the most beautiful disaster Ive ever created.I have 5 mo old twin girls and a 5 yr old.It was very hard at first,you will have so much help it may not be too bad.My son created "Mommy Love" about 1 mo into it.He says I need Mommy Love when he feels left out or at the end of a crazy day before bed.Now I need Jacob Love just as much,a squeeze from him takes baby blues away...He will adjust and let you know what he needs from you.My son does love being Big Helper,fetching what ever mommy needs,and helping with baths,feeding etc.Not usually much HELP but keeps him happy...Good Luck,twins or not most older siblings go through it.I cried in the driveway when they brought my sis home!

L., I feel for you, but just know that with time everything will setlle down. I have a five year old and three month old boys and even for a five year old it was hard to adjust when we first brought the baby home. For about a month he had so many tantrums, he was like a different kid. Like other moms said just try to find alone time with your two year old and let him help with the babies. Eventually he will love his brothers and won't imaginge any other way. My older son is so into the baby now and back to his normal self.

I have never had twins, but a girl in my neighborhood did and she invited some of the young girls in her area to watch over the older child so she could have more 1-on-1 time with twins. Being a new mother is going to be hard because no matter what, you always have to take care of the physical needs while children are young. Maybe your child could have a chart and earn a special outing with you or your husband for helping out so many times. Try not to make him feel abandoned. If you give him special jobs that would be good bonding time for the children as they get older. Taking pictures of the older child helping out and making a scrapbook that he can later share with his siblings and other relatives would be a good way to help him be proud. Whether adding to your family means one or two children sibling rivalry usually takes place. Try and make it as mild as possile. Get help from your friends and neighbors. Don't do it alone. Good luck.

I had a friend from work that had this situation. The biggest problem is there is usually not an extra person to pay attention to the 2 year old. So say when grandma and grandpa come each get a new baby and then the 2 year old is left out. The best advice I can give is to maybe make sure only one baby at a time is being held and cooed over while the 2 year old still gets the attention they need and constantly being reinforced that these are his babies and he is the great big brother. I am almost not quite in your situation, I am bringing home my irish twin this week so I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 10 month old. I am worried a lot about both. The best thing to do is give as much attention as possible. :) Good luck to you!!!

My son, who was 2 and a half when my twins arrived, had very mixed feelings about his new little brother and sister. I pretty much assigned my husband the job of entertaining him and I'd entertain the twins. This meant that he got to go shopping, to the park or any other fun thing with "just dad" which he loved. One perk for me was the more he kept my 2 year old out of the house, the quieter the house was allowing for better naps for the twins and I. Sure enough, a little time passed and he adjusted beautifully. It's been 5 years ago now and they're all great friends still.
Good luck with those new babies!

Well, I didn't have twins, but did have a 2-year old when our second arrived. I think the worst part of it all was when my son wanted nothing to do with me after we brought the baby home. He literally wouldn't let me hold him and refused to talk to me for 3 days. I found the best thing was to continue to try to spend as much time as possible with him and without the baby. So when she'd nap, he and I would read stories or have lunch together, whatever we could do. And when our daughter was about 2-weeks old he brought me her car seat and said, "Baby go home now." That was hard. But soon after he just accepted she was here to stay.

Expect several weeks of whining, behavior issues, etc, but I think it will resolve itself in time. I think the best thing you can do is for you and your husband to spend at much time alone with him as possible (and with lots of family around, that should be easy) and make sure to include him when you are taking care of the babies - helping get diapers, giving baths, etc. And a gift from the babies is a great idea!

Good luck!