Head Spanking Mannerism

It's a fairly common behavior kids use to express frustration. Kids learn they can't act out against other people, perhaps, but when they are too exasperated they have to let it out somehow, and that can be against themselves. They may be trying to communicate where words fail. Kids who get spanked are more prone to do this, associating scolding with spanking.

It can also become a means to get a reaction from an adult over time – we teach them that it surprises, worries, or angers us, and they start doing it as a means to get attention.

My grandson would occasionally do this between the ages of 1.5 and 3.5. We realized it happened when he really wanted something he couldn't have, or when we required him to stop playing to get on our schedule. At any rate, your son may be feeling a mighty sense of injustice. And some kids don't respond well to punishment, time-out, scolding.

A very good way to eliminate this behavior is to give him more choices, give him as much warning as possible when you'll need him to stop what he's doing, empathize with his wants, even if you can't give them to him (many children can calm down pretty well if they only believe you've really listened to what they want). Also, don't react at all when he hits himself – no sympathy OR scolding.

I've been using the techniques in the practical book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. It coaches you along so you can immediately start incorporating the simple and sensible examples into your everyday situations.

I agree with Peg M. This is very normal. His first impulse is to hit. He manages to check the impulse to hit someone else, and instead hits himself. It's truly just one step along the path of learning to deal with their emotions. Don't make a big deal out of it. Just help him learn to speak and communicate in a clearer fashion and model using words to express frustration instead of physical displays. It will stop in good time.

What other things happen that might bother you? I would take good notes of things that happen and then talk to the dr about your concerns. Is he hurting himself?? My guess is that he knows it is wrong and is possibly acting it out that he knows he should not do that? It is hard to tell why they do things, but if you can learn how to decode the behavior, it will help you figure out the why and the what to do..

Yep, my 17-month-old son does this too when he gets in trouble. What we do is first, we don't overreact. It can be kind of horrible to see your child hit themselves, but if you jump in immediately, your son will learn that this is a great way to get a reaction out of you. He may even escalate to banging his head against the floor or something more dramatic to get your attention! Second, the same rules apply to him as to other members of the family. We calmly tell our son, "No, we don't hit in this family." It doesn't matter if he is hitting me or himself, we don't use violence in our family! Then, we vocalize for him the problem, since he is probably hitting out of frustration. "I know you want a cookie, but you need to finish your broccoli first." Keep everything on an even-keel, and help your son learn to express himself verbally. Good luck.

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