How Are Other Parents Discipling Their Early Toddlers

Hello there! I would say that you should read The Strong Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson. Hang in there! Parenthood is a tough job!

Sometimes children misbehave to get attention. Are you "catching" her when she is not misbehaving and drawing attention to that as well?

It's really hard. My daughter is very spirited and the hardest thing for me at that age was keeping in mind what I could realistically expect from her. I tried to find that info for you but didn't find it online....but I realized she wasn't really capable of what I wanted her to do.

Try to catch her being good. It will become habit for you. I'm amazed that now when I say "stop" in public, she does, and I always thank her and tell her "great listening". Also, try not to phrase things in a negative way. when you say, "Don't run" all they hear is "RUN!". I've always been amazed that when I say, "chairs are for sitting" (instead of "don't stand in your chair") she always sits down. It's hard to train yourself to talk this way though.

Try to give her choices in things that aren't important to you (what to wear, do you want to walk to the car or should I carry you...)

There are lots of books with different "techniques". Look up "Positive Discipline" or "Love and Logic"

http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/Time_Out_for_C...

http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/0_the-discipline-tool-...

http://www.todaysparent.com/toddler/article.jsp?content=6...

Also try "the Happiest Toddler on the Block" I think you can get it as a DVD as well...check the library. Good luck.

I too had to laugh, as my 27mo old son is this way. I ignore the fits/crying/screaming, and he usually quits. For the times when he's mean to big brother, I make him sit in a chair for a minute or so, then make him get up go hug brother (or whoever he was doing wrong to) and say sorry. All though he's starting to catch on, and as soon as he sits down will start in with the sorry sorry sorry so he can get back up LOL doesn't work though! I wouldn't use a crib though as time out, that might cause problems at bed time! I've read in several places at a young age don't use the crib/sleep area as punishment, as it can sometimes cause problems at bed time! Like not wanting to go to bed b/c they think they are in trouble etc.... Your choice though. I just use what ever chair is near by. Usually one of his little chairs. The 1-2-3 works occasionally, but rarely. Also swatting his diapered butt doesn't help much either = P but occasionally it does it he's in a "guilty" feeling mood for what he's done... To each their own, good luck!

Be consistant. Popping her on the hand or thigh will get her attention also with a firm NO behind it. We did that with both of ours and after a few times we had no problems. If we were in public we went into the bathroom. Now they are tweens and when they act up in public (which really isn't often) we ask them if they need to take a walk to the bathroom. They usually straighten up at that point. They did that when they were younger also. The Bible says spare the rod, spoil the child (Pr 13:24). Don't be afraid to discipline. If you do it now, you won't have to do it later. Good Luck and God Bless.

S.:

We started putting my son in a time-out (or safe spot) chair, when he was 18 months. Put him the chair (or area), tell him clearly what she/he did wrong, and then turn away (no attention). If she gets up, put her back until she has served (so to speak) her time (one minute for each year). After a while, she will get it. Don't let the screaming/crying affect you, you need to be consistent. My son is 3 now, and we only need to utilize time-out about twice per month. The other thing we use, is 1-2-3 (as a prelude to time-out).We usually get to 2, and the behavior has ceased. Also, in terms of hitting, you might want to start a sticker chart. When she goes without hitting, let her put a sticker on her chart. Catch her being good. Last note, no spanking. You will only be teaching her that hitting is okay.

A. L

Hi S.,

I, too, had that same problem. My oldest daughter was so easy going. She was a fabulous baby, and we really never saw the terrible 2s. I thought, foolishly, that this was a breeze and could easily handle a second child. When my oldest was 23 months, I had my second (and last). The only thing I can say is that God has a sense of humor. If I had had my second first, I would only have 1 child!! LOL! Anyway, she was always getting into things and getting hurt. She was fearless. She climbed the outside of my staircase at 2 because she could not get around the gate! She will pick on my oldest and easily make her cry. She is my extrovert where as my oldest is my introvert. The good news is that it is such a blessing to have one of each personality. The bad news is that she is now 5 and much more fearless. I don't think you are ever going to change her personality. However, the inappropriate behavior can be addressed. I have found that my youngest responds differently to the consequences that I give my oldest. I had to find what works for her. Once I found what buttons to push (usually placing her in her room making sure no toys are in there) on my youngest, things have gotten better. She is still a bit of a toot at times, but finding the consequence that fits her was the best thing I could do. (With my oldest, I just had to scold her with a strong facial expression.) Anyway, what I am trying to say is chances are you will be dealing with this for several years. Find out what makes her tick and run with it. You can't treat both kids the same. Sorry if this is distressing, but feel very lucky that you are able to experience your children through two sets of different eyes. You will love it, especially as your children get older.

Good luck to you and God bless!

J.

At 18 months, it will be difficult, if not impossible for your lessons to stick. My advice is to just stick with it, with that in mind. Don't get frustrated because you disciplined her yesterday for hitting her brother and she does it again today. Yesterday doesn't count for her. She wants to hit her brother today, so she will. But just like learning anything else, it takes repetition. She's not going to learn her ABCs in one sitting or her multiplication tables, or manners. She's not going to learn how you want her to behave in one day. Maybe since she started these issues younger they will end younger? You can only hope!

You may have to pick some battles early on and maybe let some other things go. You can only do so much. Things that affect others would be higher on my list, but think about what's most important to your family.

When you find out, let me know! My 17 mo son is the same way. We do "time out," basically remove him from the situation and put him in his chair and leave him alone for a minute, but he amuses himself there by talking or watching the cats and so it's not really having the desired effect! I'll be reading your responses for help myself - good luck to us all!

the key is consistency & never, ever feel guilt. Providing discipline & structure is your job as a parent. It is how we provide security & peace for our children.
Time out is a great way to enforce discipline for unwanted behavior. Be very careful not to say "bad"....your child is not bad, simply has made a wrong choice & chosen an action that is inappropriate. Some children end up feeling that they are "bad"...which truly hurts them deeply.
Another option for time-out is to hold your child on your lap. This works best for hitting/lashing out. My mom used to tell my children the "tar baby" story while holding them on her lap. Each hand or leg that was trying to move- "got" stuck ...& the whole point of the story was to teach the kids to sit still & cooperate during time-out. The story would explain "why" those hands did something "not nice" & now the hands had to sit in timeout. Crazy, hunh?! I also do this for toys which are thrown/mistreated/fought over/etc. The toy goes in timeout! Good luck.

Something that works for me (not all the time, but sometimes) is to put my son in his room for 3 minutes (one minute for every year) and close the door. I know that most experts say not to put them in their room, because they have toys to play with. But He is so busy crying, that he doesn't think about the toys. I hate hearing him cry, but it has to be done. After 3 minutes, I open the door and we have a talk about what he did wrong. He is getting old enough to know that he did something wrong. One piece of advice is that "do not care what anyone thinks about you getting on to your child". One day, my son kept running off and I had to yell at him. Then I explain to him that he had to stay with me. I rather yell at my son before a million people, than to have him run off and be kidnapped or get himself hurt. Good Luck!

wow, did you adopt my kids or something? lol. my son was such a wonderful baby and toddler, and my daughter, well...lets just say she is currently holding the "evil overlord" title in our house. she's so mean! we have tried time outs, spanking, whatever, it just makes it worse. i am at a loss as well. she just glares us down when we do anything. tell me any tips, ladies! and good luck, S.!

well i too know how u feel i have a 4 yr old daughter and an 18 month old daughter and a 4 month old son. i am as well a stay at home mom just in the past 2 or 3 weeks has my 18 month old started getting worse shes hitting biting pinching pulling hair she is quite a hand full i do not however have any advise except stay strong i know how u fell and good luck

I had to laugh when I read your post because this sounds so much like my little one. I agree 100% with Rebecca. Ignore the tantrums. They do this mostly for attention and if they don't get the attention, then they will stop. I also use the crib for time outs since she doesn't understand yet that when she is put in time out that she has to stay in the same spot. Whatever works for time out for you, put her there and walk away. Don't give in!!!!! She is still learning what is right and what is not and you have to give her that consistancy to help her learn.

Remember this when you react they are getting attention. When she throws a fit walk away and after a few times that is no fun without you reacting. You can be the most attentive parent and they crave another type of attention. they are learning boundries and see what they can get away with. Let her know on her level that her hurting her brother means time out. find a spot that you can see her and no matter what DO NOT GIVE IN. she is 18 moths and that means 1 minute 18 seconds. then when she learns there is punishment with it she may be think.

well...i posted about this because as a first time mom not sure if i'm doing it right, BUT, i have started my 21 month old son with time outs. if you've ever seen the show supernanny, it was just like that the first two times - he was screaming hysterically, we didn't say a word to him, kept putting him back...it broke my heart, but now when i give him his warning "if you do that again, you'll be put in time out", he mostly stops what he's doing. i feel so bad afterwards that the cuddle times might go a little longer than recommended, but when his "time out" (and i only do like a minute...basically time enough for him to calm down and stay put for a bit, just to get the message across) is over, we cuddle up on the couch, and i remind him why he was there, and tell him i love him very much - and ask him to say "sorry" and "i love you mommy" (neither of which he's done yet, but he says "yes" when i ask him to lol) that's just my experience. i hope we're doing it right...if we are, it's working scary-good!

My sd at two would throw herself down on the ground kicking and screaming! It drove me crazy, especially since she is the most mild mannered of all the kids.

I finally outsmarted her one day by ignoring her bad behaivior. We were in a safe environment (home, not in a sore) when she began her tantrum. I stepped over her and turned of the lights behind me and left the room. She never did it again. Time-outs worked well on her. She would get upset and cry. We would tell her when she was ready to stop crying and apologize she could come out of her room.

She has turned out to be the sweetest most well behaved child. She does not even remeber the time-outs.

I completely agree with Sara V. Sometimes a swat on the tush is VERY necissary!!