How Do I Survive Tantrums and Tears - My 3 Year Old Is Making Us Crazy?

One of the things I suggest is to first of all look into changing circumstances or surroundings for things that may be creating your child to want to seek attention. It isnt abnormal for that age of a child to see just how far they can get with the fit thing. I remember when the kids were little, and our pediatrician told me that when a child is doing unfavorable behavior such as tantrums you remove them from the social setting that they are in and try not to give them the attention they are seeking at the time, because then it becomes a learned behavior and the child repeats it because they then understand that you will focus on what it is they want whenever they throw a tantrum. Once they have stopped throwing the tantrum then you bring them back into the social situation and ask then what they need or what they may want.

You are not alone!!! My son is "more" of everything and sounds very much like your daughter. He's 4 now and I've been dealing with it for a while. I recommend reading a book (I know it sounds crazy, but honestly - it saved me) called "raising your spirited child". It really helped me save my sanity and help me work with my son. Sometimes it seems like you've tried everything - but nothing is working - you just have to remember that you aren't alone and that each child is different. It sounds like you are doing the right things though - just keep working at it! Good Luck!

C., You don't know how good (sorry) it is to hear that you are going through this also. My daughter, turning 3 oct 29, is also pushing me to the breaking point. (Not to mention her just turned 5 year old brother she shares her room with!!) I tried the timeouts, hugs, dietary changes and such, but I am also 3 months pregnant and have little patience with such tantrums. I asked her pediatrition and, shockingly, she told me to try to just ignore it. She will get tired of the lack of attention and stop. Well after I thought this doctor was a quack, I finally did try it. And It took awhile, but it is working. And usually I get her to take a nap afterwords, as she wears herself out!!! (Ahh peace and quiet, if only for a moment!!)

She still shouts out "no" or the dreaded "I don't like you anymore mommy" but eventually she turns back into my adorable, loving, sweet princess again! (I only visit crazy town once in a while now!!!lol)

Just stop and breathe! I've tried the time-outs and the walking away from the tantrums. It works sometimes, one thing I've learned is to take them to their rooms. I have three and actually the 1st was easier once the 2nd was old enough to "play." They occupied each others time rather than mine! Another thing to try is to set them in the corner with their noses pressed in it. My oldest kids, 11/8 really don't like it. With my 3year old, the bedroom works best. After a moment of screaming, with which I can deal better if he's in his room, he finds something else to do, like play. Hope this helps.

At her age many children don't know how else to express themselves when they are upset or tired. When she starts a tantrum or tears simple don't pay attention. I know it sounds horrible, but she is looking for your reaction when she does it.There could be many reasons for the tantrums. When she does it just let her do her tantrum where she sits or lays down and walk away. make sure she doesn't hurt herself or others or break things, but otherwise let you get it out of her system. It is a release of fustration for her.
I hope this can help.

Oh, I feel your pain. Although it was a very long time ago, I'll never forget sobbing myself every time my darling little boy had one of his fits which happened a LOT. Learning self control is a long and difficult process for some children. Just some reassurance. I had three children and the first, this little guy was the fit master. Of the three, he is the most laid back as an adult. He now has a little girl of his own who tries his patience, but he never yells at her. He's actually a lot more patient with her than I was with him.

Try lots of different methods and see what helps. But it probably will take quite a bit of time for her to learn to get a grip.

One tip on the same idea of holding your breath as suggested above. There is a wondreful book about changing behavior that talks about "do one thing different," when you want to see someone else change. Maybe the next time this happens, you burst out laughing. Maybe you say or do something really wacky, something that will stop her in her tracks. The main point the book makes is not to continue to do the same thing and expect different results. The author tells a story about trying to get her child to stop doing something and couldn't do it until one day when the child did it, the mom shouted, "Ish kibbible!" The child stopped immediately and looked at her mom. The next time the child (who was older than yours) started to do the thing her mom didn't want her to do, she looked at the mom and said, If I do this are you going to yell that word? Her mom said Yes. The child didn't do it.

So there is hope.

Warmly,

L.
www.CoachWithLynn.com

So funny, because my daughter is the same way. It is really frusterating and it actually makes you want to cry and scream!! One thing that I have done is to look at her and tell her to take a deep breath. And then I close my eyes and take a deep breath. This threw her off at first and she looked at me like I was crazy. Then she tried it and it stopped the crying long enough for me to try and talk to her. It is so funny now because when she starts crying, and it usually only works if you do it when they first get going, I'll tell her to take a deep breath and close my eyes and do it. Then she will take a deep breath and it usually heads it off. And then I tell her that if she wants to talk to me, I don't understand whine. So if she is crying and yelling, then mommy doesn't understand and she will have to come back to talk to me when she can use her words. This has worked for me. I hope it helps you. Meltdowns are going to happen, but it certainly helps lessen the intensity of them. My older two children do this as well and it really works when they are hurt too. Focusing on the breath instead of what is wrong really helps to calm them, and me down. My kids are 6, 5 and 3 so we get lots of meltdowns. You are not alone and you can do it. This will pass as she learns more ways of expressing herself. Great job Mom!!

We go through this with our daughter as well. Ours just turned 4 and she has been acting this way since the lovely age of 1.5. What we have found has helped, not cured, but helped, is talking to her no matter how mad we get. She freaks out thinking we're going to yell or we're angry with her(her words)and when we don't it helps to eliminate whatever issue had been going on. I have also found that she is more in-tune with doing what I ask, or listening to what we ask/say if we "pretend" as though she has an option. For example, if we want her stop doing something and saying stop or redirecting her doesn't work, we tell her she either stops doing A or she can do B. I am so sorry you're going through this but know that it will get better.

My son was very similar. If you are into Western medicine, I would have her evaluated. She could be in the autism spectrum. You can check out handle.org If you do not want to go that route, you might read about Indigo Children and how to raise them. They are a different breed. My son is one. I am too to be honest. There are several books out about them. Some things that I have done that are helpful include always giving him a choice between 2 things that are acceptable to me. I try to let him know what is going to be happening. I let him be naked when we are at home. I keep him home as much as possible since he feels safe there and is not overwhelmed by the environment. I have him off of dairy, wheat, eggs, and sugar. I don't use any chemicals in my house. He eats only organic. and I am more flexible with him. i try not to sweat the small stuff. I find that he learns best from videos or books. I could go on forever. It has been a huge learning curve for me! Good luck, I am here if you want to talk. K. :)