How to Tell 12 Year Old That We're Expecting

Congratulations! We went through something similar.. I had a 14yr old stepson. He is now 15.5yrs old. My husband has primary custody so they are very close and he spends majority of time at our house. He told us from day one that he never wanted any brothers/sisters. We did tell him first, after dinner one night at home. We just told him that he was going to be a big brother and that we were very excited about it. He reacted like we thought he would - ran to his room and through a fit/cried/wouldn't let his dad in. We let him have some space to sort through his feelings. When he was ready to talk later that night/my husband explained to him that we are very excited to have a baby - and that it was going to happen no matter what. (he obviously didn't have a choice about it even though he thought he did) But by no means was he going to love him any less/spend less time with him/he would always be his first child and will always be loved by us, etc. They spent some extra quality time together (playing baseball in the backyard/video games/going to a movie) over the next few months. He started to be ok with the idea. He even cleaned out his closet and gave the baby his entire collection of Dr. Seuss books from when he was a baby. Once the baby arrived - he wasn't quite to sure at first... but once he figured out that his life didn't really change at all, he was fine. (He still did stuff with his friends/didn't have to change diapers which for some reason was his biggest fear). Once the baby turned 3 months and really started to interact - they bonded. And they are closer every day. He is 14 months now, and the two of them are so close - they love each other!! It is neat to see. We laugh now when my stepson walks in the door after school or being gone and the first thing he does is run over to my toddler and scoop him up and play with him. So - the point of my long story is that even if she is not happy about it now... find out what the reason is and put that to rest. (for example my stepson thought for whatever reason we would make him change diapers. not sure where he got that - because the only chore he has at home is doing dishes once a week) But once we told him that he would never have to change a diaper - he was ok with it. Her head is filled of crying/dirty diapers/a little pest/time away from you both/etc..... not the joy of a baby that you see. I guarantee she'll come around. If not before the baby is here - definitely afterwards. It'll shock probably even her how much she will end up loving the new baby! Good luck!

I would tell the girls at the same time to prevent one of them from spiling the beans before you get the chance. Please convey a sense that you are excited to be having another child, and maybe your mood will be contagious.

Be honest and open about it. THe longer you keep it from her the more issuse she will have with it. Keep her involved as much as possible. I let my children go see the first ultra sound, feel my tummy, and be in on it as much as possible. My son also stated no he did not want one if it meant he had to share his mommy. Well it was not his decision to make.

But I held him and told him he would always be my little boy. And he is 26 now, loves his 2 sisters with all his heart and that is what he calls them even though they have different dads, that is also how I raised them.

I gave my son alone time with mommy and alone time with his new daddy as much as possible, so he still felt special. Constant hugs and kises and I love yous.
His dad tried to interfere by telling my son this child would not be related to him. But I quickly pulled him(my ex) aside and told him he is a little boy and we need to make this transition as easy on him as possiblea nd to please put our differences aside. After all his new wife and he could very easily be doing the same thing one day, and I would still want our son to feel loved and wanted.

If you have new baby coming, you may very well need tolearn the word no right now and start giving each child qualtiy alone time before the baby gets here. Because it will need to continue afterward and help your step daughter to feel as loved by you as she is by her daddy and mommy, so she does not fee left out. Reasure her mother that you are not trying to replace her as the mom in her life but to help the daughter through this big transition. DIvorce is always hardest onthe children.

Well, don't tell the girls just yet. When you go for your ultrasound make it a family time. When my boys were teenagers and I found out that I was pregnant - there were 4 other people in that room to see the miracle. Everyone was excited to see the "baby" on screen. They each received their own photo of baby. Now baby is 6 yrs old and wants to see a baby himself like his brother's did. I had a hysterectomy so I know that won't happen!

Congratulations! I also had a 12 yr old when my 2 yr old was born and it took a HUGE adjustment. She was very excited when we told her. What we did was buy a baby bib and wrap it up for her and then took her out to dinner at a favorite spot and gave it to her. She was very excited once she saw it and it worked well cause she had it to keep or give to the baby once she arrived.

As a word of warning, beware of some unexpected sibling rivalry. It's a tough adjustment for a 12 yr old to all of a sudden have a new sibling. They take lots of time and money and most of your attention which leaves them feeling s bit out of sorts. It's a happy time but beware of how your almost teenagers are going to feel. I wish I had been a bit more prepared. =) Congratulations again!

Maybe a big sister present. Has she ever sat for friends or relatives? Maybe if she could spend some time with a little one.
Let her know how much you love her and having another doesn't chance that. And having a child with your new husband is a show of your love for each other.