I Am Having Problems with My 5 Year Old Please Help!!

Find the district you are in, and the school you would be in this year. If they give you grief, be pushy. Ask for the special ed department and tell them what the specialist told you. Ask for testing and for placement assessment, as well as any summer programs they may have.

In the meantime, talk to him constantly, give him swimming lessons this summer, and practice any of those skills that the specialist mentioned.

After working with children for 25 years and kindergarten children especially for the last 2, I cannot urge you strongly enough to wait, wait, wait!

Please do not rush your child into kindergarten with a group of children that are ready for school when he is obviously not ready. He will struggle, he may be a follower and maybe in trouble for many, if not all, of his school years.

Why not wait a year and give him a great start as an older child in his class? He could be a leader, top of his class, and confident upon entering school.

Not only will it give you a chance to work with him at home on motor skills like jumping on one foot, cutting with scissors, hopping, skipping, and more, but it will enable you to take advantage of the brand new school's test restults after it opens up in the fall.

My daughter is one of the oldest in her 2nd grade class. She has always been top of her class. She even spoke in front of her entire school last year when she placed 2nd in the speech meet ( in First Grade!). Had I started her in school a year earlier, the results would have been drastically different.

Good luck to you! If you'd like any more advice, please email me. I test incoming kindergartens at my school and I'm happy to help you.

Best,
~P. G.
Portland Preschool Directory
http://www.PortlandPreschoolDirectory.com

Oh- this IS a tough one ( I'm a retired special ed teacher - taught children -- mostly pre-school for 40 years. Here's what you do - ( and feel free to send me your phone # or your e-mail address and we can talk '''off line'' - I live in Shoreline)

Call both districts' Special Education office and put your question ( how can I help him best before K starts?) IF it turns out that the district you are not in has some programs over the summer- ask if you can get a ''waiver'' . They'll tell you if that's possible and walk you through it.

IF NOT - then ask the special ed office of the district you DO live in- what services are available that you could pay for ( if you can --- or if your insurance covers it- some do) --- what you'd be looking at are Physical Therapy- Speech Therapy--- Ask the district special ed office if any of the staff involved in providing preschool services to qualifying children do summer therapy ( again-- if you can afford it) Those staff that provide services to preschool children are uniquely qualifed to tell you exactly what your child needs to be comfortable in K programs ( also talk to the people who will be his Kindergarden teachers -- likely if there's more than one at his neighborhood school- they wont know yet which one- but THOSE people can help you plus it's good to give them a 'heads up ' that your treasure will need some extra support.

Blessings,
J.

Try the school district again a different person may be more helpful.

Have you checked into any programs the community colleges may have? I know Bates in Tacoma does preschool and I am sure they have other options for the summer as well.

If you can't get him into a formal group find some playgroup of kids his age or slightly older for the summer. Use positive peer pressure. They use it for younger kids speech therapy and it would help with social skills.

You are doing the right thing following your instincts. Each school district has special programs for special needs kids and are required by law to provide services. Since your little one is five and not quite in school you would be eligible for eiher an IE - early intervention - or IEP - individual education plan. Contact your school district, and perhaps even your doctor for help finding who to contact in your area. Wrightslaw.com is the website for all things special education. I hope this helps. But definitely do what you can now. The sooner ha kids get services the beter - and they are required, if eligible, to have them by law.

Your son has a right to treatment. If the school can't take you because it isn't built, I would go to a supervisor and find out what your next move is. Don't give up--get him the treatment. School therapy isn't real often (ie somethimes once a month) in many cases, so your child would benefit from getting him into an outside therapy program too. He will thoroughly be evaluated and treated. You should look for a good peds. clinic. Most insurance companies have some coverage for these therapies. Early intervention is extremely important. The great thing about attending therapy with your son is that they will give you the tools to work with him at home and that is how you will get the most out of it.

I can relate as I had very late-blooming twins! I don't want to scare you but they had Asperger's Syndrome (caused by their vaccines). They participated in a special ed preschool for two years and then went into regular school. As time progressed and they ate very well and healthy meals, they improved. They are also Eagle Scouts.

I homeschooled them from 4th grade through high school. They were in boy scouts, explorer scouts, Young Marines, and other activities to keep them involved with people and learning the right things with good people and influences!

One is full time college now (GPA 3.25) and the other is going to start again later this year. If you are able I would strongly suggest that you homeschool him. Nobody cares as much for him as his parents and you would do him and yourself a tremendous favor with the additional time spent with him. I would not trade those years for anything.

Hi, even though the new school is not open the district office is. (District office in charge of all the schools in the district) You should take your son to the district office and ask them to set you up with testing etc.

Call the school district where your son will attend. They probably have programs going on that your son can be a part of. Often, for programs like what your son needs, they don't have them at every school anyway. So even if the school close to your house were open already, you still might be sending him somewhere else for summer programs. These kind of programs are often coordinated from the district level.

Hi Nicole~
Does your son really need to start Kindergarten in the fall? I don't believe children need to be in Kindergarten just because they've reached the magical age of 5. Perhaps a year of preschool would make a difference. You don't say if he's been in preschool, but there are alot of good ones out there-especially Montessori-where the children pretty much work at their own pace and the teachers are trained to spot and teach to each child's individual needs, abilities and interests.
If preschool is not in your budget-especially Montessori- I would check out the Head Start program.
You could work really hard with him during the summer to get him up to snuff in the areas he's lagging behind in, but I don't see any sense in pushing him or trying to have him work beyond his abilities just so he can go to Kindergarten. Your pediatrician may not know it, but some children (and more than we want to acknowledge) just aren't ready for Kindergarten at 5 years old. Plus, it's always easier for the child to shine in the class than to lag behind and constantly play catch-up. If your child is really 'behind' and you didn't realize it, he could just be a late bloomer. So give him another year to grow! In the end, when he's walking down the aisle at graduation, you'll be glad you waited and so will he.
Good luck~Mary

I would call the school district and ask them where they would be able to do a full evaluation for your child. Early intervention is the program in Anchorage, AK that does the testing. You could also talk to a Head Start program and see if there is anyway that they could help you. The Disabilities Specialist should be able to asssist you. Hope some of this helps.

N. ~

If I am understanding you correctly, that school "five minutes" away has a summer program that would be appropriate for your son? Also, I think that what you mean is that this school is/will be still in your district, but it won't be the one your child is enrolled in after the new lines are "drawn". If that is the case, don't give up -- go over "the ladies" head. Don't take "no" for an answer. Push -- this is your child you are talking about and if you think this will help -- push until the right door opens -- but do it quick before all the "big whigs" :) leave for the summer. If necessary, bring in something from the doctors. Don't give up!

Blessings to you and your family,

T.

try the early childhood assessment program in your area-look online for this. Good luck.

I would have him evaluated by someone at the OHSU for any kind of learning differences. Make sure to get in there quick because the wait is long. My son too is going to Kindergarten and I am working my butt off to get a diagnosis that we can work with. I am also trying a diet from pecanbread.com that I heard will take all the yeast out of my little guys diet and help him to better focus. Research leaky gut syndrome and autism. It may be just a learning disability, but I'm kind of concerned why your pediatrician did not bring this "delay" to your attention earlier in your childs childhood. I would seek out a second opinion, but make sure it's one from OHSU or another recognized source.

Best wishes,

Kim

I would say to take Patti's advice. I started first grade at age 7, and had no problems at all. My brother also started at 7, but he really should have waited a year. If he'd been in school, he would have been labeled special ed or would have simply never learned to read. He got almost a 4.0 in college, though (Mom home schooled both of us). We never had an official "preschool."

So I would agree: wait a year, focus on all the areas he has problems with, get the evaluations done, but don't worry about getting him in preschool just yet. Some kids just need more time. Then again, he may really have a learning disability. Either way, letting him be a free kid one more year won't hurt him at all!

Hi N.,

Check out Oregon First for help with getting services through the school district - they will help you navigate the system and know what your rights are. They are federally funded so they are free. They have a website, you can just google the name and it will come up.

You also might want to ask your peds for a referral to a developmental and behavioral pediatrician.

Good luck,
D.

Contact your school district and ask for a in district transfer. Most of the time they are pretty amenable to that. Explain the situation and the need for earlier intervention.

It isn't a guarantee but in most cases I have found that they are willing to help you.

Good Luck!

I really hear your pain - my son is four and was diagnosed at 3 for autism. YOU are you son's best advocate and you are going to get a lot of this sort of thing. I'd listen to the gal below who said to go get the form. If people give you grief do not back down. You are equipping your son for the future he faces and he deserves to have all the right tools to make it work for him. The district should have a special needs director that you can speak with - we actually have an autism advocate in our area that works with us and the school district to make sure everything that is needed is provided.

Another idea for the summer is to look into soccer leagues, swimming lessons, and other activities geared for special needs children. They exist - you might want to try to get in contact with other woman who have delayed children as they will have tons of awesome resources for you to use. We do swimming with our son and he totally excels at it! It's so fun to see him be able to do amazing things.

Above all else you can do this. The testing process is overwhelming, but ASK questions when you have them. It sounds like you have a good pediatrician which is a great start. Best of luck!

I see you are in Puyallup, so this might not directly apply, but:

In Oregon, once they start school, if they need individual intervention it's called an IEP (individual education plan, I think that is), and yes, that is separate from an early-intervention plan ... but still the same concept.

Last time I checked (several years ago), parents (in Oregon) couldn't be prosecuted for keeping their children out of school until the child was seven. There is a lot of research to support NOT starting a kid into kindergarten until late-five-years-old or even six. The basic rule used by Waldorf-method schools, which evaluate grades-readiness by maturity rather than age-at-enrollment, is that most kids should not enter first grade until late-6-years old ... so, birthdays June 1 and later undergo a heavy scrutiny to assess whether they should 'stay back' from what our broader society says is the 'right' grade for them. Word is, some Waldorf schools are moving that back to May 1, now (I suspect because our society is so generally not geared to successful childrearing that kids are, on average, less developmentally in gear now than they were 100 years ago).

The piece of the research that I read (and a lot of it was from standard kindergarten teachers/researchers, not Waldorf ones) that resonated most acutely was that even if the summer-birthday 5-year-old-kindergarten-start kids did 'fine' or 'well' academically, their rate of suicide and suicidal thoughts in *high school*! was significantly higher than their non-summer-birthday classmates, whether or not those classmates were 'successful' in school. (I was screamingly 'successful,' in all the ways society measured, but I (I now see) had missed several necessary steps in my development as a kid, and I knew I was broken and noone could help me figure out what was broken, to fix it ... I've done most of it now, but at the expense of failing at my marriage :(. )

BOYS ESPECIALLY may just need another year, and that is OK, and it is supported by alternative and mainline research (not, unfortunately, research that is paid much attention to, in these days when so many people expect school to be free day care "as soon as my kid turns 5!"). Educational research and neurological development research.

NOW, if you can work the system to your son's advantage (get free therapeutic help that doesn't force him to grow but helps him grow), I for sure think enrolling him--if he *can* be successful--is a great plan. The key thing, in my thinking, is to keep him in environments and with people who will help him see that he can achieve things. If a classroom of 'normal' kids will discourage him from liking school, that isn't a pattern one necessarily wants to set in his brain. If the classroom of 'normal' kids would help him see what he *could* be doing (my sons particularly sometimes haven't realized they *could* be trying something, until they see others their age doing it), well, then, pop him in there.

Personally, I'd check the truancy laws for Washington (so you know if you can just pull him if it isn't working or if you have to have an approved homeschooling plan first), and then enter into fact-gathering and registration for whatever therapeutic offerings you have available (or applying for transfer if you think that would be best for your son). In Oregon, homeschoolers still have a right to participate in the academic and other resources (therapy, sports, clubs) provided by their 'home' school or district ... so you might be able to work the system for half-days instead of whole-days, or two days plus a therapy day, or ...

And I expect any specialized plan will take a lot of fight. But your son only starts school once, and an initial bad experience on something society expects him to partake of for the next 13 years isn't a good plan (consider your long-term family emotional life around this issue, too).

Plus, I am a big fan of forcing the schools to deal with the reality of children and not just the 'ideal' education dogmas of the moment.

Your child is what matters, and don't ever let ANYONE tell you differently, because they are either lying to you or themself (or their boss).

You need to take your son to a psychatrist, a children's one. The doctor will be the one to diagnos your son. You need to contact your school district, ask them how to contact their early intervention program. You will probably take him to them this summer and they will evaluate him. Early intervention should run in the summer, maybe starting up in July. You can get everything worked on through the school district. You do not necessarily have to take your son to a pyschatrist, to get these. The diagnosis will come in handy when he enters school. When he goes to kindergarten, the very first day, have a written request for an evaluation (early intervention does not guarantee he will get special ed in regular school I found out myself). By law, they have to an evaluation within I think 45 days. But it will take awhile, to get it all set up. That is why you should take the written request into the office. Have it go to the teacher, principal, and the school counselor. Keep a copy for yourself. I have had one son need speech through school district and it was great. I have another with behavorial issues that is in a special ed classroom. Majority of the time they work with someone for a specific period of time each day. They stay in regular classroom.
good luck

First of all, go to the district office before they close for the summer. You can request an out of district transfer for educational reasons... very easy.

Second, if your dr says he needs a certain kind of education or service, the district is required to provide it free of cost! Look into the laws and know your rights. The dr should be familiar with it and might be able to advise you.

Have him get started at another school in your current district. Good luck!

Keep at it! Call the school district that you live in and start bugging them now. Don't stop. You are the only person that will make sure that your child is not forgotten. Don't fool yourself that the school district will take care of him. They won't, even with "no child left behind".
You are your child's best advocate. I know, I've been there!

Hello, N.. I am so sorry to hear you are having difficulty. It is your school districts' reponsibility to test your child. It can be done at any school and the results can be transfered to his neighborhood school. That said, they do not have to do it over the summer. If they don't do it now, it will be done in the fall.

My suggestion is to call and ask which school psychologist in the district is available to evaluate your son prior to summer vacation and go. The records will then be sent to your neighborhood school when it opens. Feel free to contact me if you run in to roadblocks.

In most districts Early Intervention ends at about age 3, but there are other programs for the pre-K kids. Is it possible to keep him out of K for another year and give him time to develop a bit more? This is so healpful, especially for boys. A year of specialized, theraputic pre-K might make all the difference in the world.

Hi--

I just read about something along these lines recently. If you are referred, even self-referred, a team must meet to decide whether or not to test your son. This is part of the due process in the law for special education and related services. I am unclear, however, how this works for a five year old as I am not sure if he would qualify under early intervention services. Can you call your pediatrician back and give her the specialist's findings and ask for advice? Under the law there is a "child find" provision and, once identified, some action must take place. Again, it is part of the due process. I believe that it is unreasonable to expect you to wait until fall. Speak again to the specialist for advice as well. If neither proves helpful, you can call the district special education department for advice. They should be able to advise you on the law and tell you about placement and services. Hope this helps. Bless you for advocating for your son. Keep up the good work!

Hi N. - You have already received some good advice. For me, my journey dealing with the special ed department started when my son was 3 yrs old. I have learned SO MUCH since then. He is now almost 6 yrs old and doing well. I will share with you a few things I learned, some of it the hard way, hopefully you will be able to learn from me & the other mamas here.

Before anything else, take a BIG DEEP breath and let it out slowly, it will be ok and you are not alone in this!

You are on the right path to start getting you son evaluations. My son sounds just like yours. Check with your health insurance coverage to see if they cover evaluations (speech, OT, PT, etc). If so start the process there to gain your own evaluations this was when he is able to be tested by the school district you can compare them. For me I had my son in Early Intervention until he turned 3 then by law he "had" to move over to the district. His birthday is in the summer and most districts dont want to do anything then. There is "extended school year" but kids have to already be on an IEP and fit criteria to have it. Many times the summer program is a joke but there are a few very good ones out there.

OK, suggestions... start off by educating yourself about the process and the law. http://www.k12.wa.us/specialEd/ will be a good start for you since you are in Washington but don't stop there. Check out wrightslaw.com their two books from "Emotion to Advocacy" and the special ed law book (I ordered them as a bundle with the CD training and it was worth EVERY PENNY!). A warning - now this will be so overwhelming at first but it does get easier.

Next check with your peditrician or hospital to see if there is a local parent support for parents of kids with special needs/disabilities. They will be a great support as well as a wonderful resource on how the local school districts work. Each school district is different on "how" they do things and what resources they utilize. Unfortunately it is a "game" at times that we need to learn it so we can get our children exactly what they need. There are ways to transfer to other districts that may have the services you need but it also depends on what your state has written in its law. Also check with the local parent group about any upcoming training that might be going on. Where I live we recently had training about your child's file, IEP, and behavior supports.

ok, back to the evals...from pediatric specialists and see if insurance will cover any service he may need for the summer. But depending on how close he is to state qualifying standards you might hold off on getting therapy in the summer if you really want him in kindergarten this year. Some kids are tweeners (like my son) meaning that they are right on the edge of qualifying for IEP services but when given help they test above the base line. So that is where you can check out the state level qualifications and use your private evaluations to see where he is before you start full therapy under insurance.

Use the examples that Wrightslaw has for writing letters when dealing with the school districts. Also start to keep a log of services as well has your son's behaviors so you can use that when meeting with specialist or when meeting with the evaluation team.

For me I ended up having trouble with the special ed department in the district I live in. So this school year I chose to keep him at home but I had him enrolled in a virtual academy (like home school but it is a public charter school and they provide everything including special ed services & teachers). I do know that Washington has a similar school. Depending on your home life this might not be an option but for us it is working out well. For us we let my son work through what he could but many areas like the phonics & handwriting program is very tough for him but we also see a SLP twice a week and an OT once a week to help him (this is better than what he could have received in the local district). I know that he is not ready to move to first grade this year so we met with his school and we all agreed to retain him for another year in kindergarten so he can continue to gain his base skills.

Having two boys I can share that they each develop at their own rates. Enjoy what you have and do your best not to stress about it too much. Again that is where a support group can help. If you dont have a local group maybe start one. For us a few of us parents meet once a week to check in & see how life is going and to offer support. I would have gone NUTS without them. You are not alone. Feel free to shoot me an e-mail and I can share with you more stuff. It will be ok, you are your child's best advocate and you know your child the best - stay strong! God Bless

I am a teacher, and a mom. I think the best thing that you can do is NOT put him in school yet. I think that many moms put their children in before they are ready to go. It happens to be that often times boys benefit with one more year of preschool, to mature to the age where they can go to school. If you have any kind of headstart or preschool that you have been sending him to now, that would be a good starting place. I don't think that testing him is your answer. I think that working with his strengths now, and doing the best you can with turning off the TV, reading to him and talking with him while going outside, cooking together, drawing, etc. will help with early literacy. Most importantly, though is turning off the screens and having him do what is called "free play" will help. You can read about free play in a recent article in the Mothering magazine article at www.mothering.com You are doing the best job you can and remember that your child has wonderful strengths, which you can help him cultivate. Good luck to you!

Most schools don't have summer programs to help with children with special needs. You need to have your son evaluated by the specialist. When you enroll him in kindergarten at the new school you need to self-identify and ask for an IEP to meet your son's needs. They will try their best to provide the services that he requires. You need to advocate for your son at every step of the way in his education and also work with him and his teachers, at home and in the school. If he is speech delayed, if you can, contact Kids Speak, formerly known at Scottish Rite Center for Childhood Language Disorders. They can provide speech therapy at no cost for your son. This is part of the greater Masons/Scottish Rite/Shriners organization. My son received servics from them and worked miracles. The school will or should be able to provide him with OT and PT on site. But ask the specialist that your pediatrician is referring you to as to what you can do. Because of the budget cuts at the state and federal levels, many of the services that your son may need from school won't be available, so you need to bridge that gap, not waiting. I wish you well.

I know here in my area (and all school districts I believe), you can go to the school district office and get an out of district form to get your child in the school closest to you. I have done this with my children a few times. Right now my daughter is in a school that is out of the boundries. She has learning disabilities and this school knows her and meets her needs. She is also able to be bussed bec of her program. Fight fight fight!!!! You know what is right for you and dont let the school and or district try to get out of things (which they will when it comes to kids with special needs). O would look for an advocate in your area to help you get what you need for your child. I know here in Corvallis, thereis a program called the Childrens Farm Home that helps with getting parents in the right direction for their child. Maybe you can contact them and see if they know of any programs in your area. I wish you the best of luck!!!

You can ask for an out of district transfer from the district that you are in, and it must be signed by your district and by the one you want to transfer into. You must have a good reason.
Good luck

As far as getting help from the schools you should be able to do that no matter what district you are in. I would contact your pediatrician or Children's hospital for a referral to a program. You don't want to wait until he starts school to get going on this. There are also private programs that you should be able to bill through your insurance. also, a lot of these programs should have scholarships for those who can't afford it or who don't have the insurance to cover it. A last ditch effort would be to have your son "live" with a friend or family member that is in that district so he can get the help. Don't give up. be persistant and don't let them shoo you away. Fight for your son.

Call your county health department and see if they have an Early Intervention program you can get your son into. My daughter was delayed in speech and this program helped her. Good Luck!