I Want More Kids, He Doesn't!

I agree with being grateful for the children you have. Enjoy them wholeheartedly. Enjoy every minute you have with them. Be happy that you have three. Many women out there aren't even lucky enough to have one.

And giving him time is a good idea, too. Those diapers and formula (if you use it) are expensive stuff. I'm sure adding ANOTHER one to the bunch may be a little stressful for him (especially if you're not working). Again, enjoy what you have and know that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Lastly, if you wait some time and still feel you are unfulfilled and HE is still stuck on "NO MORE", than try volunteering. Get involved in a "big brother, big sister" program. Or get in the mindset that you will always be the mom that goes on fieldtrips and things for your children when they're in school. Maybe you could volunteer at your hospital and help hold the "risk" infants. That could be all you're after anyway - is that new baby thing. I know I get like that, too. I just LOVE that new baby.

Many Blessings to you!

I'd be open to the possibility your feelings are postpartum and take some yoga classes. All the other advice you got here is good. Relax and enjoy the here and now. The rest of your life will happen without figuring it all out now.

Hello C.,
Do you believe in the power of prayer? do you know your creator? In all you do and all your decisions you need to seek Him first!
Bring your request before the Lord .. HE knows the desires of your heart! If you live in His will then this desire is put into your heart by Him and is not a selfish desire! HE is the only one who can change your husbands heart, if your husband allows God to move in him!
I'll pray with you if you wish! Call Me ###-###-####!
Have a blessed day!
C. W.

I'd avoid doing anything permanent for sure, and give him some more time. Look for moments down the road when you can share from your heart about this. You have time on your side. Sounds like you have your hands full right now anyway, but I wouldn't let him be the one to make this decision in the long run. Your feelings are just as important, and I totally understand where you're coming from. If you're a praying mama, this'd be something great to pray about!

C.,

You might want to give your husband some time to adjust to having two little ones that are so young and close to each other. Maybe when they are 3 and 2 you can bring the topic up again, and that is not too late for you to have another one either. Just a thought.

Your kids are stil VERY young, give your husband time. After a few years maybe he'll want another. It is not healthy to dwell on this, use that energy for the wonderful children you do have or they will miss out. If you find you still can't get past this, maybe you should seek counseling.

Hi C.,

I was (and still in some ways) in your position. It has taken me a long time to accept that we are done at 3 children. I do however believe that raising a child is such a big calling and commitment that it needs to have the full support and wanting of both parents. I love my husband and respect him, my marriage is very important and because of this I had to find a way to accept the wonderful family I have and be happy. I am thankful for 3 healthy beautiful children, lucky that I never had any problems getting pregnant and fortunate to have a hands on dad. But I won't lie, it has been hard, my biggest suggestion is keep the lines of communication open, tell him you need to "vent" periodically, and allow yourself the time to "mourn" the loss of YOUR perfect family. I know I struggle at times, like when I see a family with 4 children, or a women with her 4th pregnancy, but I will say it is getting easier with time. And I am finding that I am moving on. I hope this helps in some way. Please know there are others out there with this same struggle.

relax enjoy your kids while they are all still young especially the 5 month old, don't worry about having more children just yet, think of it from your husbands point of veiw, three kids is a lot to handle finacially and emotionally, let him have a break and give your body a break too it is a lot to go through three babys in such a short time
if it is meant to be it will happen. it is gods will not ours

Hi C.! I can absolutely relate to you story and feelings about this. I am 36 with 4 children, a son 12, daughter 9, son 7 1/2 and son 6. My husband and I have been married for 13 years. I began talking about having another child when our youngest was a year old! My last three are close in age and I like that. My husband thought it was just too overwhelming to think about at that time and agreed that if we waited for about 3-4 years and I still wanted another baby we would talk about it. Well it was something I thought about all the time and would actually cry and get sad because I really wanted another baby. But I also respected my husbands feelings about it too. I am a SAHM so I know the financial pressures it put on him and I didn't want to add to that. But when my youngest son started kindergarten this year the urge and feelings about having another baby came back. But when I think about how much I am enjoying my children and can really be involved with them and their schools I think about how having another baby would make it harder for me to do those things with them. I want to be fair to them. My oldest son is going to be in 8th grade and is becoming very active. The age difference would be so much that I'm afraid they wouldn't be very close. I don't know if that makes sense or not. I always wanted 6 kids but I feel really blessed to have 4 very happy and healthy children who I love very much and am enjoying watching them grow. My only advice I have is to enjoy every single minute of them because I would love to have my "babies" young again! I don't know that we ever get over the feelings of wanting more children to love but it does get a little easier over time. Your life will become busier the older they get and it gets harder to juggle it all the more kids there are!! I, like you, have a wonderful husband who is a huge help and I couldn't do it all without him. Good luck and I hope I could help a little. Hang in there, it does get better!

C.,
You've gotta ask yourself, if you had one more baby, would it be enough even then? It's kinda like making money: when is it enough or do you feel compelled to make more and more and more?

Give your hubby some slack here too. Okay, maybe he's just doing a power play. He's got three kids, and maybe that just plain IS enough for him. Does he love them less? Probably not. But between his job and homelife, maybe he's ready to call it a day and love what he's got. You have to allow this thought too: THE ECONOMY. Consider that. Right now it's awful. Planning for 3 kids' futures is already monumental. Add on a fourth, and all it entails, and there goes your retirement! Would it mean expanding the house? It might. And it wouldn't come cheap either.
He's a wonderful other half. But I would try keeping yourself busy with what you've got. Maybe take a class in something that interests you to keep you otherwise occupied. You don't want to go on overload. And he might be feeling overloaded already. He's got a lot on his shoulders as it is.

You should give him more time to think about it. Give your youngest children more time to get a little bit older. Your husband may change his mind when the youngest kids get older. I hope everything works out.

Hello C.,

This would be my first time ever giving advice. I guess it is because I was in the same situation. I just would like to say first, is really pray about this. If God wants you and your husband to have another child you will. There will be nothing that you or your husband as human beings will be able to do about it. lol! I'm not trying to make light of your situation, but life is so short and if you really love your husband and not want to live any part of your life resenting him, you will have to put it in Gods hands. My husband actually got a vasectomy after us having four children (we both had 1 with previous relationships and 2 together)3 boys and 1 girl. I really wanted to have another girl. I prayed and the fact that he got the surgery without my wanting it was selfish, however, I forgave him and I do believe that God may not have wanted me to have anymore. I run a in-home daycare. So I have more than enough children around, and I actually get to send them home at the end of the day. Or, I can keep some for a night to help out a mom. I really love my husband and had to take into account his feelings and needs as well. I've been so busy with my children and my husband and my business, and traveling and my church, that I haven't really worried about it much. We were actually thinking about doing temporary foster care because it is need so badly. I don't mean to ramble. I really would just like for you to feel at peace. Pray and wait for the Holy Spirit to give you direction. That is the only way to find out your purpose here in this short life. I'll be praying for you. God bless!

You have three children, with the last two very close together. It may be that your husband is just overwhelmed with the needs and demands of two children under 2. Why not wait a while, let your body rest, bring it up in a year or two and see what he says then. It could be that he feels different by then, or maybe you have changed your mind. You are young yet, there's no rush to have more children.

This is such a personal topic, but I feel strongly enough to fling in my 2 cents worth. In this day and age, having large families just doesn't make sense. Costs of raising a child have risen so dramatically, that by the time yours are ready for college, they won't be able to afford it. I'm totally in your husband's court, as he thinks about doing a good job raising the 3 you already have. If you feel drawn to babies, there are social service organizations which need foster parents for newborns who cannot be adopted right away. A friend of mine has fostered over 30 of these babies and loves each one as though it were her own and is able to joyously celebrate when they are able to either return to their parents or to adoptive ones.

I just have to say this, even though Im sure you have already thought of it; but what if you tried really hard to put the energy of wanting more children into giving the children you have even more attention. Now, don't get me wrong...Im not saying in any way that you don't give your kiddos attention, I just think its easy for us humans to dwell on what we *don't* have, all the while missing out on fully enjoying every second of what we *do* have! Id say...maybe make a list of some really fun things you can do with your kids, and when the thoughts of another baby are more than you can shake off for the day, pick something from the list and throw yourself into those 3 gifts you have! Sort of like redirecting...but grown up style! LOL Also, I know that men think differently...maybe you just need to let the subject rest a while. Your husband knows how you feel, now let him process it without having to feel pressure of giving you an answer. I often pray for God to help me fully enjoy the blessings I have in my life, and not long for what *I* think I need!

~L.

Hi C.,
First, let me just say WOW!!! Yes, they are very close and you must have a lot of energy! I certainly am not trying to minimize your strong desire to have more children, but you have plenty of time for that. I didn't even get married until I was 30 and I have 3 children. My last was born 2 weeks before I turned 39. I suggest trying to give it a rest for some time and possibly even talk to your doctor. Your hormones may be playing a part in your urgency. I remember my first daughter turning 2 mos and thinking, oh, she's no longer a newborn. Maybe your husband just wants to have more time with you. Give it time. My daughters are 20 months apart and then over 4 years later I had my son. I have to say that I have enjoyed him so much. It was just a challenging time in my life when I had two little ones and we moved to a new state, money was tight. I think fathers feel the financial responsibility. My husband was thinking of college soon after they were born. Really, I wish you all the best, but your hubby may feel a bit overwhelmed. All you can do is talk about it and maybe agree to not discuss it again until your youngest turns one or two years. That way, you are not constantly asking and he isn't saying no. So much can change in 6 mos to a years time.
Take care,
M.

I think if your youngest is five months old it's WAYYY to early to stress about this. Agree to disagree for now. You're young enough that you can afford to wait a year to see how you feel at that point. I have three kids, for about two months I desperately wanted a fourth (DH didn't), but I'll tell you what that feeling passed and now I am so happy to go to bed each night knowing I'll sleep all night! Not that you'll feel the same, but it's possible one of you may change your mind over the next few months. I would suggest staying honest and open with your husband on how you feel, try to keep him doing the same, and see where you are one year from now. Good luck!!

YET. Let daddy have some time to get used to the family unit as it is right now. Your youngest is only 5 months old, you have plenty of time to hold off on making a decision. You are still young enough to wait a few years, even. He doesn't sound like the type that would run out and get a vasectomy without talking to you about it first, so unless that happens, your dream of another child is still a possibility.

Most dads (including my hubby) worry a lot about how they are going to financially provide for all of their children, and that is an admirable quality. Maybe you could, after you give him some time off from the topic, bring it up in a new way that addresses his concerns about having another child. If you give him a chance to share his perspective, that might be enough for him to then consider your perspective more fairly.

Pray honey!, And I'd not limit it to the "please change his mind, Lord" type prayers...
but also include the prayers asking for guidance for you, a settling of feelings, a calming of the 'need' feeling, and also for a chance for the two of you to be able to talk about the reasons for your thoughts and feelings.
I do agree with many of the connents that have come your way before mine! There's a lot of great advice there.

Your in my prayers,
M.
homeschooling Mom of 4(who wanted 6 but God knew what was ahead for us!)ages 5-10

Hi C.
I'd give it some time, he might be overwhelmed with how close they are. And your body hasn't had a chance to get back to normal fully. Your young as well, so hold that child in you heart. And check in with your husband in another 6 months, see how he feels then. Maybe he's thinking about when they'll all be going to college, and how he'll be able to help them.
Good luck to you both, A. H

I wouldn't give up your dream but maybe take a breather. It sounds like you have two babies in the house already. Men in genral don't do babies well. Maybe that's all it is. He may react differently to your plea. when some of the chaos of all the baby stuff isnt' quite so fresh. I would say give him some time. like a year and approach it again. If he still is adament about it try counseling. You both need to come to an understanding about how and why the other feels the way they do. If not,.It will tear apart your marraige. so my advice is time. hope this helps

I've gone through this for years... but with a different situation. I've wanted another baby soooo bad. Someone to be a sister or brother to our son. He'd love a brother/sister too. He's mentioned it... I had really strong feelings when he was younger. I've found it fun to hold on to a friends baby.. anticipate my sister having one sometime... etc. You do move on from it after a while.... and I guess I've accepted it since we don't have the house for one more or the money to adopt.
Those feeling are always there... you just have to accept them and love the little ones you have there....

I'm in the same boat you are except my husband had a vasectomy after our third. I really want him to get a reversal because I too feel like one more child would complete our family. All I can say is stay positive and if your husband doesn't change his mind to focus on the children you have. Focus on the joys instead of the sadness.