I Want to Home School but I'm So Nervous to Jump into It.

Updated on November 12, 2011
V.D. asks from Smithfield, UT
15 answers

I love the idea of home schooling. I love the idea of more time with my kids. I'm very organized, love teaching, and love the idea of my kids getting a better education than the public schools. The only thing that holds me back is the fear of failing my kids. Will I find and use the right curriculum or books? Will I teach it right? And the idea of going against the norm. I know that the norm isn't always right. I've looked at so many different ways people home school and all the different curriculum my head hurts and they are all starting to blend together. If I had all the money in the work I'm sure I could just pick a package and it'd be great. Unfortunately I don't have a endless bank account and will have to choose my books and supplies wisely. I'd love to go with the K12 program because it's so neatly organized but I've heard mixed reports from people who have used it.

I want the best for my kids and really wish there was one magic curriculum out there that was perfect. I have a few doubts that hold me back from making that decision in a year. I to home school so much but am worried I won't do it right. I don't want to fail my kids. I just need some directions on how to do it. It seems like all the homeschooling sites have all contradicting ideas. Some say to teach only one subject a day while others pack them all into everyday. What does it take to be successful?

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K.W.

answers from Seattle on

What it takes to be successful at homeschooling:

Patience. Just like any other aspect of parenting, patience is required. You need to be able to let your children struggle and figure things out for themselves. It takes longer for a child to put their own shoes on than it does for you to do it for them. This is what the entire learning process looks like. If waiting while your child very s-l-o-w-l-y does a simple task, gets it wrong, and has to do it again drives you crazy......don't homeschool.

A deep faith in your kids. You have to believe in them. You have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that they are learning. You have to take a long-term perspective. A teacher with a classroom of 30 knows that at any given time several of the kids will be struggling through no fault of her own. As a homeschooler, you have to understand that at any given time your kids may be struggling through no fault of your own.

You cannot be a control freak. The normal educational process is not a steady progression. It's a series of plateaus and jumps. If you try and force a steady progression you'll make yourself and your child crazy.

You must be flexible and observant. You must be able and willing to change your approach if something isn't working.

You must be able to set priorities and let things go that are not a priority. Every time you choose something, you give up other options. This is called opportunity cost. You must come to peace with opportunity cost. (This is true in any school setting, but in other school settings you can pretend the lost opportunities are someone else's fault!)

You must genuinely enjoy spending time with your children.

You must be comfortable with uncertainty. Things change with homeschooling constantly. You need to be able to create plans and then let those plans go.

You need to love learning. You need to believe that learning is a wonderful activity that lasts a lifetime, not a miserable thing that children are forced to do until they can escape it. You must delight in learning new things yourself. Homeschooling is about sharing that delight with your kids, not dragging them through something horrible.

The majority of teacher training involves how to present an *average* curriculum to a *group* of kids in a way that *most* of them will grasp the material. That is a specific skill and it's a complex one. You are not trying to duplicate the skills of a classroom teacher. You are trying to duplicate the skills of a one-on-one tutor. That's a completely different skill set, and it's much easier to acquire.

Asking the "right" way to homeschool is like asking the "right" way to be a parent. There is no right way. There is only the right match between this particular parent and child. Like parenting, you don't have to be perfect, just good enough.

List everything your children already know. In all likelihood, you taught them these things. You can teach them other things too.

And if you decide that putting your kids in the public schools is the right decision for your family, that's okay too.

Good luck!

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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Okay, take a deep breath. ;)

It really isn't so much about which curriculum you chose. Actually, most homeschoolers change curriculum several times throughout their homeschooling journey. Why? Because not all mothers and children are alike. Even if one of your children thrives on a particular curriculum doesn't mean the next one will. There are so many teaching and learning styles, so the various curriula appeal to the various types of teaching/learning. What I did was look at various methods of teaching/learning and narrow it down to fit our needs and personalities. There are workbook based, classical, unit studies, textbook based, lapbooks, plus a myriad of other options. And, of course, a mixture of any of those. We chose classical, and then I narrowed down the various classical curricula available and picked one. We don't do everything they recommend because I felt it was too much. Of course we tried with our first, but I found that it isn't all necessary. We've changed math curriculum, and have landed on something we all love, especially the children. ("Mommy, can I take this on vacation with us so that I can do it if I have time?" "Mommy, can I do two lessons today?" Um. Okay, if you behave.... LOL) I used to be very caught up in curriculum. I so very much believed in what I was using, and wanted to tell everyone about it. Now, I see that it is just a tool that we use to reach an end. It is not the end in itself. I rarely tell people what we use now because it isn't so much about the curriculum as it is about just doing it. I would seriously caution against the public school at home model though, for a couple of reasons. First off, you will not have the true freedom to teach your children what you want when you want. You will have an authority over you demanding their timeline be met. That goes against so much of why we homeschool. Some students will excel, and others need more time. We take vacations on our own timeline, not the public school's. Also, in all studies done to date, the results are not good for students who do public school at home (K12 programs). Overall, they do the worst in the testings that have been done.

You will not fail your kids. Get that idea right out of your mind. How do I know? Because you love them and want the best for them. You are at less of a risk of failing them than if you sent them off to be schooled by someone else. Look at the NHERI website http://www.nheri.org/Research-Facts-on-Homeschooling.html . Read the stats. Everything is pointing to showing that homeschooling kids do better, regardless of income level or education level of the parents.

Everyone will tell you differently how they do it. That is because there are no "rules" about how to do it. You have the freedom to do your homeschool however you want. It's a beautiful thing. We are so conditioned to do things the way we are told. That's just one of the ramifications of being public schooled ourselves. We forget how to think. As an example, I had for children in a hospital setting. They told me what to do and when to do it. My 5th child was born in a birthing center with a midwife. I asked her when I should push, how long I should push, etc. She just smiled at me and told me I'll know. Let my body do what it will do naturally. I was afraid I would get it wrong and not know how to do it! This was my 5th baby!! She came out so quickly, in about 2 pushes or so. I didn't need to be told or managed like I had been all those other times. My 6th came out on the first push. LOL So, you will probably have some deprogramming to do. That's okay. Just enjoy the days you have with them, and you will be fine.

Feel free to send me a private message. I'd be happy to correspond with you. I've been homeschooling for 14 years. I was scared to death to start! I have graduated one, and my baby has started K this year. My second will graduate this year. Where does the time go??

4 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

I started homeschooling because we are in a terrible district. I would have been ditching my daughter's piano, violin, and French lessons, in order to send her to kindergarten all day, knowing that our low rated kindergarten covers almost no material, and she already knows what it does cover. She now easily fits in her lessons a with a couple of hours of classical learning and tons of time left over to socialize-(and the homeschool groups have so many activities, it's actually almost TOO social) When I mentally balanced it out and asked myself "Which choice will put her in a better position next year for first grade?" I had to go with the music and language lessons plus academics. Shes already very social and outgoing and used to participating in group classes from a year in K4, daycare and some gymnastics.

That said, I am NOT against school. I am NOT an "unschooler", and if I could send my daughter off to a great classical core curriculum public school, that's what I would do. You already have me beat on loving to teach and being organized. I love teaching, and I love what I'm doing, but if I could be painting all day instead, I would be. Today we had a monthly home school book club meeting in a bowling alley where I led a group in a kindergarten level book, an activity to go with it, and afterwords, all the kids (about 50) bowled. It was great. But if I didn't need to do those things..I'd be fine with it. However, we have done about 7 spectacular group activities since September. Working on organic farm, art exhibits, glass factory, colonial candle making, demolition derby, apple orchard harvest, state fair, Mongolian concert, corn maze/hay ride, and nature studies at local state park,..the list goes on and on...things you would never get to do in school posted constantly for our network.

ANYWAY, I'm doing the Well Trained Mind, a Guide to Classical Curriculum. Pick up the book and read it. See if you feel it suits you. I felt it was the most universally and internationally classic foundation. My daughter is reading level one books, writes well, and has covered lots of history, geography, science and classic literature already as per the system. We're reading Dracula right now at night before bed. Our book club books are actually not as advanced, but we're keeping social by doing that group meeting each month.

Kindergarten is a great year to feel it out, since many homeschoolers feel you really don't need ANY structured learning yet. That way, even if we slack sometimes, I still feel ahead of the game. I'm actually amazed at how much material we are covering and how well my daughter is doing in addition to keeping her music and French lessons. Her two younger sibs are always welcome and my three year old has picked up tons too, since he's always there when we read her books. The other day when I went to vote, he said "Because Susan B Anthony helped women to vote?" And we have plenty of down time and play time. I think I will continue this for at least a year or two until we win the lottery and move to an excellent location with awesome private and/or public schools :)

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

Haha, homeschoolers don't pay attention to social skills. What a joke! Usually home schooled children have better social skills than their public schooled counterparts. They can interact with all ages and they tend to be more positive in general.

For example I went to a movie that was for area homeschoolers only. What a difference! A lot of the kids didn't know one another. While I was in line, several younger children talked to me and held a very intelligent conversation about movie posters that were up. They didn't know me, and yet they weren't scared to converse. They were friendly with my daughter, whom they didn't know. I noticed ALL the kids seemed to be behaving, no one was running in the aisles or screaming. And they were well-behaved during the movie. At the end of the movie there were a few questions and it seemed like most all the kids were eager to talk about what they had seen.

To answer your question, the "perfect" curriculum is the one that works for you and your family. You may try different once. But as long as your children are learning something, you aren't failing them!

Just keep in mind the Big Picture. What is it you want your children to be able to do when they graduate? The day-to-day details don't matter so much when you keep the Big Picture in mind. I want my daughter to have a firm grasp of basic math and some pre-algebra by the time she's done with 6th grade. We are on-track, but we have been off-track many times! We just try something new, drop something and pick it up later, try different methods, etc. Eventually you will get there.

Homeschooling isn't just a destination. It's a journey.

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M.M.

answers from Atlanta on

This is our first year of homeschooling and we have really had a lot of fun with it. But when we were trying to decide if home school was best for us, I did research. The first thing I did was go to the library and find books on the subject. My first book I read was M. Prides guide to home school. And after reading this I really felt good about it. The next thing I did was go to a local home school conference, where I made contacts, took classes such as home school 101 and shopped curriculum. After doing this I realized quickly how easy curriculum companies have made home schooling. One thing I have discovered about homeschooling is there is not any wrong or right way. We were very overwhelmed at first about the curriculum as well also feeling pressure about spending a bunch of money. But we do not have a bunch of money. We finally have settled on using Liberty Press and if it does not work for us then next year try a different curriculum. After all Homeschooling gives us that freedom.

Some websites I have found helpful have been
www.homeschoolcentral.com
www.thehomeschoolmom.com

As for socializing we are involved with a home school that meets weekly for field trips, socializing, and support. We are also involved with weekly dance classes, karate, local soccer teams, 4h, and there is always church. I have a very out going kid so a lot of times we just can go someplace like the playground and it does not take her long to make friends.

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M.S.

answers from Boise on

I used to teach 4th grade and then grade school music. I have 3 kids and my eldest was in private school from Pre-k to 1st grade. His curriculum was at least a year ahead of public school curriculum. When the private school demanded we attend their church, then I could no longer teacher there. So I did a lot of research. I really like the Abeka curriculum, but it is so expensive, so I went the K12 route. At first I was really nervous being that it is a public school curriculum, but now that I am halfway through I am enjoying it! Their curriculum is at least a year ahead of public school as well, and they teach more subjects than the public schools do. My son is in 2nd grade and he is doing the same curriculum that his 3rd grade friends are, and they are not getting history or science and he is.
One thing about k12 is that they throw you a lot of information. What you need to do is not get stressed about it. You will also be your kids teacher, so you can't say "Go to the computer and do your schoolwork" That doesn't happen in the Elementary grades, you must be there to read and ask questions, etc. The older they get the more they will be able to navigate through the lessons. K12 provides almost everything for you. I got the computer and all its parts and a printer, all of the curriculum, teaching aids etc. The only thing I have had to purchase is crayons, computer paper, ink, and pencils. Another thing I love is that if there is something I don't want my kids to learn, I can skip it, and also if they already understand the concept, then I can move ahead.
I hope that this has helped you a little.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I have not a clue what it would take to be successful.
We live in a "good" district, and although I am college educated, I would be WAY too nervous to take on the task better done by people trained to do so. Just my 2 cents. I don't see anything in your post as to "why" you want to homeschool.....and your reasoning behind doing it.

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C.D.

answers from Atlanta on

Hi, Gosh I was just about to finish a long one to ya about homeschooling. I have homeschooled 4 at a time it was hardly heard of and now have 2. Anyway, I lost it by accidently hitting the wrong thing. Momofmany has a lot to offer and I agree with her. You do need to know Why you're homeschooling because it will be the Why that carries you through the years. It has a lot of ups and downs but over all its a joy beyond measure. If you are the type to bring the Art of Education to the forefront and appropriately go with the stage of development of your children then you may want to consider Waldorf. A good site to check out is The Parenting Passageway.com or Millennialchild.com There are a lot of free things on line that can help. Mainlesson.com and Why Waldorf works are helpful. There are a lot of Blogs that are helpful too like: Journey Round the Mulberry Bush, The Sun with Loving Light, Raising Little Shoots, just to name a few. No matter what style you are, it's about Love, Love, Love, the warmth you give your children and enlivening everything with story and imagination, children thrive on this. And no matter the curriculum you choose, teaching in Blocks is best, this is the way schools use to teach long ago and with good reason. Basically a Block is when you take a subject and concentrate on it in a variety of ways for usually 4 weeks and then another Block in a different subject for four weeks and then when you go back to the first subject you pick up where you left off feeling refreshed as will the child and it has had time to rest and seep in. If you have questions or need help let me know I'll be glad to help. Have you checked with your state's requirments? ~~ Sending the best to you and yours.

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T.S.

answers from Denver on

I don't have any advice on homeschooling but I did notice some of your anxiety and worry and wanted to just give you a little info about what I have learned about facing perfectionism and letting it go.

It sounds like you are really concerned about doing things right. I would suspect that you are a perfectionist and have a very vicious voice in your head that is constantly pressing you to make sure that you do everything perfectly. I would also guess that the voice also never lets things be good enough. I know because I have been there.

What you could use is permission to be human. Permission to be a mom of small children with many issues going on in your life that you are trying to juggle. Permission to take care of yourself and to be gentle with yourself.

Know that your children are strong and resilient. They are here to have all kinds of experiences both good and "bad". You do not have to be perfect in order for your children to love you and for them to be happy. In fact, as you strive for perfection (which is impossible anyway) you will be more anxious and fearful and actually there less for you children.

So, don't sweat the small stuff - and it is all small stuff. What would happen if you picked a curriculum that wasn't perfect? Would the world end? What would happen if you just didn't find the "best"? How would your children be?

Every decision we make simply brings us to another place of choice and learning. We can never control all of the outcomes. Perfection says you can. That is a lie. Allow yourself to do what you can with what you have at the time. Let go of the fear about what the future will look like because the real truth is that we have no way of knowing what the future may hold.

I have learned to be with what is right in front of me. Not with what it should be or what it might be. I now make choices, am gentle with myself, I stay open to learning from my choice, and I make new choices when necessary. It isn't always easy when a choice brings things I don't like. However, I still stay open to the idea that there is something there for me to learn and I look for that and move forward.

What does it take to be successful? The voice in your head probably says doing everything right and never having your children be upset or hurt. That is a set up for anxiety and pain. Explore the word success. Question your definition. Be open to shifting your definition. The word success is kind of a set up in and of itself because we have a tendency to define it by other peoples definitions rather than our own realistic possibilities. When my kids were little sometimes success was simply making it through getting ready in the morning or going to bed at night with warm hugs and I love yous.

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T.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

Have you ever looked in to homeschooling your children by using an online school? In Minnesota we have an online school called Connections and I've looked at their curriculum very closely and it's pretty good. It is set to cover the subjects to meet the state standards and provides you with everything you will need. Sometimes you can get it paid for by your school district, but I'm not sure if yours would or not.

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

not to add to your headache but don't forget about the social aspect of school. social skills also need to be learned so if you choose to homeschool, be sure to set up regular opportunities for interaction with other children for your kids - not just each other and not just once a week but regular, daily interaction. even when curriculum is the best, i think the one most common mistake homeschoolers make is the lack of attention to social skills. good luck!

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A.T.

answers from Denver on

Expressing concern about quality of education already means there is no way you'll fail your kids. And, really, what better jump off point to learn about the world than from a caring & loving home?

Babies/young children/kids are ALWAYS learning, there's no way to stop it! I'm of the opinion that it's impossible to teach 30 kids in a room and expect that they will ALL "get it" in order to be quantified by standardized testing. Learning by rote is not true learning.

My favorite curriculum is Enki (enkieducation.org).
Keep up the good mommin'!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

My mom home schooled my sister her sophmore year of HS. Otherwise she would've failed.

The first thing my mom did was to talk to the school counselors. It turned out there there were only a handful of programs that the district recognized and would accept the credits towards for mainstream graduation. So I would start there. Talk to your current or would be school. This is also helpful for if once you start homeschooling and decided that its not for you (what happened at my house), then the work that was done for that year was not lost, but counted towards going back mainstream.

Also look for one that finishes with an actual recognized HS diploma and not just a GED. There is a BIG difference in how colleges and employers view these.

Next would be to get a general copy of the school schedule. Use that as your guide.

Set up a dedicated work /learning environment. Not just the kitchen table. The table is fine, but there should be a defined location for books, work, etc.
Having things all over the house leads to unproductiveness, loss of effort, etc.

Set up defined TV times. If its 9-12p, the only thing on TV is the school stuff. No taking a break for Disney or NickJr. That opens the door to not getting back on track, 'just one more show?'. 'just 5 more mins?'

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R.L.

answers from Denver on

If you are nervous and not secure in yourself to Home School your children then Please send them to public school as there is no harm in such!

After reading your blurb I got the feeling that it might be best to send your kids to public school---they will learn and you can learn too by reinforcing what they have learned at home.

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L.H.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I was exactly in the same place as you before I started homeschooling (this is our second year). I have very little faith in myself. BUT- I've realized that I am their mom; no one will know them better or take as much time and love as I will to help them succeed. However well-intentioned and trained a school teacher may be, I am the mom and I CAN teach my kids best. Give yourself some credit:) You are more than capable for this task.
My advice, start small and work up. We do K12 through Washington Online (www.ourwash.org). You can pick and choose K12 courses without having to commit to all of them like Utah Virtual Academy will have you do. Benefit of free and organized curriculum and a teacher to help when needed, with the added bonus of choosing other things that fit us better. I love their language arts and science, but don't recommend the math. We ordered Math U See and love it. We make up our own history curriculum based on what the boys want to learn about or what I want them to learn about.
Don't box yourself in by feeling like you need to follow a system (one subject a day or all of them, etc.) Try things out, be flexible; you'll find a groove. If you want to do and it feel like it will be best for your kids, jump in, it's a blast!
You won't fail them. Promise:) I can chat all day about the great things about HSing, message me if you want to.

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