Misbehaving at Preschool!!!

Is he getting enough sleep? My son is the same age and can get like this if he isn't well rested, especially with a change in routine. We remind him before he goes that he should have no time outs. If he has not time outs, we make a big deal of it and he gets a treat, like a popcycle, m&m or small candy. If he does get time outs, we remind him he shouldn't have. By the time he gets home, he can't remember why he got the time out so punishing, like no TV doesn't really work.

Hi J.,
Sorry that you are having this problem with your little boy. If he's never been to school, camp or daycare before, don't assume he knows what he is supposed to do. I don't know what type of disclipine you use at home, but perhaps is not aware that there are rules, that the teacher is the authority, that's it's not a free-for-all. If he is not used to being around other kids, he may simply be so excited that he loses control, or that he is trying to compete with other kids for the attention of the teachers. Taking away things after he gets home is not really effective discipline for a 3 year old, the consequence must be immediate - so the teacher must be on board with the discipline. Speak with her, and I think that you and your son should have a "conference" with the teacher to discuss expectations and discipline at school/camp. Also when he's gone for just a couple of weeks, then skipping a couple of weeks, it's hard for a kid that small to adapt to a routine over and over.
Good luck

.

Your son has never been in school and has never been in a situation on a regular basis where you were not there and someone else was in charge with other kids around? This is pretty simple. I bet he is feeling confused and a little sad with this sudden change in routine without his mommy. The two weeks break took him back to his usual routine and then bam, he all of a sudden was back to this situation.

Is there anyway you can ease him into preschool? can you do three half days a week for a little bit, then four, then 5, then start adding in afternoons slowly? I think you will find that if he is given the chance to adjust slowly to the change with a lot of love and conversation with you as to how things are going, he will do better.

Hi J.,
I would not assume your son is doing anything wrong. No, in fact he is doing exactly what a 3 year old might do if he has realized he'd rather be home with you than at camp. I would reccommend you be excited about his day at camp and ask him to let you know everything he does that day. Reassure him that you will be back to pick him up right after (fill in the blank)- something he can relate to like right after his nap or afternoon snack or something that your little 3 year old can look forward to and he will become excite to see you and share with you his day. This is not a permanent situation. He is simply demonstrating that he would really rather be at home because this is a new environment and in this environment he probably is NOT the center of attention like he may be at home. Now, who wouldn't rather be home for all that attention. The key is to continue to praise him and show him how excited you are about his growing up and how much fun he is going to have at camp and how excited you are to hear all about his day. Now after having said all that - it is important that you follow through and give him your undivided attention when you get home, or on your way home, to allow him to share his day with you - and be excited for him. Some of my favorite time with my son was in the car returning from school. Your little guy is growing up and it is exciting and scarey all at the same time.

Whatever thing you think may be "small" to let him get away with with his parents is going to blow waaay out of proportion with other people. If it's not corrected at home it's just going to amplify when they're out of your sight. Children are funny like that. If I can get away with it with my own parents, who are these people to tell me any different? You're not my mom...I don't have to listen to you. You're not my dad...leave me alone. Once keep encouraging him to be a good person at home, it will spill over wherever he goes. Also stress to him the importance of respecting his elders like they were his own family and to respect other people's space and rules.

I think that you might want to drop in to the summer camp and observe. That kind of behavior sometimes is because the child is stressed in those circumstances. Is this a new teacher? Is there another child who is picking on your son? A 3 year old cannot verbalize those complex issues yet, so acting up may be his only way to voice his frustrations. Check it out and don't always assume that it is your son's fault, get the facts first.

Just curious, does he have any sensory issues that you take care of at home without thinking about? Say, loud noise, smells, or textures that you change to suit him that keep him comfortable and calm?

All of the behaviors you describe sound sensory seeking to me, as if he was confused or overwhelmed by something in his environment when he came back after the two weeks. A change in routine can set some kids off, but you should be looking for additional clues as to why this has effected him so deeply.

He has a full year before this is a big issue in Kindergarten. My advice to you is, if it is suggested to you that he be held back a year to "mature" before starting kindergarten, refuse. Check out the data on holding kids back, it is a very bad thing for children who may need intervention, and for all kids in general.

M.

I am a teacher of young children.The 2 wk break in camp did your son in and messed up his new routine at camp. This often happens when preschool age children beccome accustomed to a new environment, especially 1st time away from home Mom and Dad. Young children often get accustomed to new surroundings and a routine and sometimes it changes. His reaction to act out is not out of the ordinary but he needs to know it is not OK. Just curious, how is his behavior at home and what methods of discipline do you use there? It sounds like it may not be working if he thinks he can act up in public like this. Are your discipline methods age appropriate and consistent; is Dad on the same page with it too. If not they need to be soon. There also needs to be reasonable and understandable consequences for poor behavior. To improve things if he is continuing at "camp" this summer you need to call the teachers and ask if you can meet with them. Tell them that you are concerned about your boy's behavior and ask them as experts for advice and suggestions to get your son to stop his naughtiness. Your son should not be present when you have this talk. I would also consider putting your son in preschool for 2-3 half days a wk in the fall so your he can learn how to behave in a structured setting away from Mom and Dad. He will need to learn this to go to kindergarten next yr. and will also benefit socially from being around others his age. Hang in there Mom, but hold firm. Schedule the short mtg with his teachers asap, listen to what they say and things will get better. Good Luck

i agree with the mom who suggested that easing him in would be better than straight from home to a full-time camp. he's so young. this must be incredibly baffling for him. if you're frustrated, multiply that a LOT for a little guy who is still working on expressing himself verbally and is in a world with a lot of new people and inexplicable rules.
but a pre-school camp should be prepared for this. it's exasperating to be expected to discipline a little fellow hours and hours AFTER the offense has occurred. taking away tv doesn't relate in any way to what he did, and talking to him later won't help that much when he's in a situation that he doesn't know how to handle without you there. you need to have a heart-to-heart with his teacher about her methods of discipline, your methods, your first-hand knowledge of your child's temperment, and how SHE can take charge of him while ....er.......he's in her charge. yes, parents should know about their children's behavior and be prepared to participate in dealing with problems, but ultimately it boils down to who's got the boots on the ground.
can you get him into the camp on a part-time basis? either 3 days a week, or every day for the morning or afternoon only? it sounds to me as if he's just not ready for a transition this big yet.
khairete
S.

I would be worried about the camp and the teacher. This behavior seems significantly different than what you experienced before, therefore there needs to be a reason for it.

Is something happening at camp or with the teacher that is causing this. Is he imitating other children? Is he doing it to get attention? (Does the teacher have too many children to manage thus she is unable to give each of the children the attention they need/want. They are only 4.)

Is there too much happening in the room for him? My son has problems in large groups because of the noise and stimulation level.

I would suggest doing more investigating into why this is happening. It will help you figured out an effect way to correct the problem. Simply punishing him to get him to stop doesn't always work.

Good Luck!