My Son Keeps Getting Bit!

I can tell you from personal experience it's next to impossible to stop a biter. I was sitting right next to my daughter on the floor when a friend bit her. Looked at her owie, sat down again and chomp, yet again! I couldn't react fast enough to stop it, even being right there looking at everything going on. I know it's easy to blame the teachers or want them to do more, but there truly is only so much they can do.

Biting is super common at this stage. I know from experience it's not fun having it happen to my child (one time she had a mark for a full week from a child at daycare biting her), but also know that it's not the sign that this other child is evil or that my child will get some strange infection or be scarred for life. It's just one of those things that happens at this age, whether in daycare or at the park or at a friend's house.

Once kids are more verbal and can express their feelings better, you'll see far less biting, I promise. But changing daycares or asking the other child to do that won't eliminate the situation. You may just end up around another biter or a kicker, hitter, pincher or spitter in the room instead. This is a tough age group, but again, it gets better once they're talking.

Hang in there!

Since the teacher hasn't been too helpful, speak with the director. Most centers have some sort of policy. I've heard of kids being asked to leave for that behavior, even though it's a common behavior in toddlers. However,it's not fair to your son, or to you that he's being bitten repeatedly. What are they doing to try and redirect the biter? The teacher should be on top of him/her when they see it starting to happen.

Yikes! When my kids were in daycare they had a policy about biting. They would put the biter away from all the other kids to see if they could resolve the problem. If not, after a few warnings they actually had to tell one parent she had to find another care provider.

A funny story - one day I was told, when I went to pick up my 2 1/2 yr old DD, that she had bitten another child - but only after she had been provoked. This other child had bitten my DD a few times over 2 days. My DD left a big bruised circle mark of her teeth on this other toddler's cheek. I was horrified - didn't know what to do. While I'm still there packing up, the mother of the biter came in to pick up her child and the teacher informed her "another child bit your child - but only after she had been bitten by your child a few times yesterday and today." I cowered by the cubbies waiting to hear the mom's reaction. To my surpirse she said "good - maybe now she'll learn not to bite other kids!" She picked up her little girl (who was a head shorter than my DD) and spoke right into her little face "do you know why you got bitten - becuse you were biting all the other kids and they didn't like it. Are you ever going to bite again?". The little girl (adorable child) shook her head no. And that was that. The kid never bit again, and my DD never did before or after that day. My DD is now a teen and we still chuckle when I re-tell that story. ;o)

It's your kid - insist that he be moved. They should have a biting policy. Make them enforce it. Remember, you're the boss. Remind them that there are other choices out there.

Regardless of timing he should not continue to be bitten by the same child. Director needs to handle it asap or your go the next level to report it. Protect your son.

my son's day care's policy is 3bites and you are OUT of the day care all together unless one of the bites were severe. My neices (twins) were an acception because they bit eachother but none of the other kids. My son got bit constantly but that is because he does not register pain the same as others and it actually felt good to him so he never told the teachers or cried or anything like that so we still have no clue what kid was doing the biting ... one day he even came home with two! After that I asked them to keep a serious watch on him becuase it was getting out of control and fear of all the nasty things that come with biting! Plus, you would think if they knew who the culprit was they would do what they could to prevent/stop it. I say your kid is not the only victim and they need a biting policy ASAP and the parent needs to be informed of this issue and a stop put to it. They say choose your battles ... well I would choose this one! And, my BIL was bitten so badly once in day care that he was sent to the hospital by ambulance and my MIL had to meet him there ... he had complications from the bite so anyone who says this is silly fodder is dead WRONG!

You spoke to the director about moving your kid up. Did you explain to the director that your kid is has been bit 5 times in a period of time? Even though you may like this place for your kid, I would be tempted to find a place more responsive to the fact that my kid is being bit by the same kid.

You don't mention the circumstances of the biting incidents. Perhaps the teachers can do some addional monitoring to keep this kid and yours apart. You also didn't mention how old the other kid was. I'm so sorry this is happening to your kid.

My daughter was bitten a lot by the same girl when she was the same age. I think that she was bitten ten times before we finally went to the director and said "enough. Either you fix this problem or they go or we go." And we LOVED our center. Some centers have a three bites and you're out rule, but a lot don't, and you should be glad about that. You have no idea if your son is going to be a biter too; what would you do for care if he was kicked out for biting? 3 bites can happen in the matter of a week. My guess is that you would be up the creek in terms of care for your child.

Anyway, instead of insisting that the other child gets out, try to work proactively with the center. My center had a teacher "shadow" the biter, so she ended up being one-to-one with a provider every moment that they weren't sleeping. You could also ask that the two children are never in "small group" together.

I don't in any way think that you are wrong for wanting to protect your child. My daughter got bitten on the forehead when I was standing right there. It was horrible. But you will likely encounter "biters" at every center you go to, so moving him probably won't solve the problem. If you approach the teachers/directors from a place of compassion, they'll probably try hard to work with you. After all, they don't want your child bitten either.

Good luck!

I think the teacher should talk to the parents of the other kid and tell them what is going on and let them know that they can take his son other place or let her correct the kid. I don't know how big is the daycare but you could ask to either change your son of room or the other boy. Either way I think you are totally right to ask your son to be in a safe environment there for away from this little boy.

Hmmm, my niece actually got kicked out of her daycare for three biting incidents.

I don't blame you for your concern. You know, biting can happen in that age group, but FIVE TIMES for the SAME KID? That's too much.

I think it's time your daycare DOES get themselves an official policy!

Jeesh, your poor kid!

:)

E.,
My 21 month old has been on both sides - he has been bitten and did his share of biting too. I spoke with his teachers about both issues. As bad it feels to have your child bitten or to hear that your child has done the biting, it is a normal age-appropriate behavior that many toddlers go through. For most it is a phase that passes as long as it is addressed quickly and appropriately. In my son's school, the biter gets "time-out" and if its a multiple offense, he/she should be shadowed by a teacher until the biting phase passes. Ofcourse, each time the child bites, they need to be told quickly and clearly that biting is not ok, along with time-out. On the receiving end, I would keep talking to teachers, they should at least keep your child away from the offender since it is the same child it should be easier. Another thing that teachers recommended when my son was doing the biting was to send a teething ring/toy that they can give him when he bites - sometimes they bite because they are teething at this age.

Biting is dangerous. Very dangerous. My hairstlyest just told me a story about her brother biting her friend(when they were younger obviously) and the little girl (at the time) got an infection and almost lost her arm.(I can't remember what she called it human something) I would change daycares. I would tell your current daycare exactly why and that you will srpead the word to anyone who you know is looking for a new daycare about how unsupportive they are and you will discourage everyone away from them. Biting is a big problem. I am sure the child biting is small and can't really be blames so it is the daycares job to make sure all the kids are safe.

The state of Oklahoma has specific regulations regarding when a child can be moved. They really cannot be in the 3 year old classroom until they are fully 3 years old. If he goes to the 3 year old classroom before he is 3 the teacher would be limited to only 8 kids and if there are only 3 year old children the teacher can have 12. It cuts into the business profit, it can get them a licensing write up for non compliance to ratio regulations. It's just not worth it.

The center should have a plan in their handbook that outlines what will happen if a child repeatedly causes harm to other children. The biter is having normal behaviors. He may need extra chewy things and may also be teething. There are so many things that can influence kids into biting.

If you want to read the state regulations for Oklahoma go to:
http://www.okdhs.org/NR/rdonlyres/C###-###-####-C005-45D1...

This handbook is THE book that all Oklahoma child care centers have to go by. The licensing agency can mail you a copy if you'd like one. Just call the local DHS office and ask them how to reach a child care licensing person. Our child care licensing and child welfare offices are in a different town than the regular DSH office where people go to file for food stamps and medical assistance.

Just an after thought. I have had a licensing worker make me move a child up to a different class because they had a birthday that week and were old enough to be moved. As soon as space is avail. they should move the kids up that have had their birthday. If all the kids in the next classroom are still 3 they can't move up either and the class may be full.