Needing an Outside Opinion

Updated on May 15, 2008
H.T. asks from Aubrey, TX
45 answers

I have a 7 year old step-son who I love and worry about constantly. Mom has been making really bad choices lately and I am not sure what steps should be taken. My husband wants to bring up her issues in court and fight for custody. I have always thought that a child belongs with his/her mother but, at this point I am not sure that's the best choice. Within 3 months mom has moved herself and my step-son from 3 different homes (yes 3 moves in 3 months). 2 of which were moving in with different boyfriends. I just don't think having numerous live in boyfriends in such a short period of time sets a good example for a young impressionable child. Also her new boyfriend seems T. taking up a lot of her time. We are only suppose to have him every other weekend and we have had him every single weekend for the past 3 1/2 months. Which has been fine we enjoy & appreciate the extra time and we are glad that she is at least making the right choice to let him stay with us instead of someone else but, her lack of time for him is also an issue while he is in her possession. Reading homework has not been done for an entire month, folders are not being signed etc, he is failing almost every class! Also she has been leaving him at daycare and when they call her in an emergency or if he is sick she does not answer the schools call or return them and he just gets left up there! Another issue I have is spending that amount of money to go to court when there is no guarantee that anything will even be done. I don't know what to do to fix the problem or how to handle the situation. Any personal opinions or input would be appreciated.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

First let me say that I was blown away by all the support and responses I received, so thank you for that! I spoke with my husband about many or your suggestions and we decided to try and talk to my step-sons mom and offer to let him stay with us temporarily until she got her "new life" settled. We explained that she would not have the extra cost of summer daycare and we would continue to pay child support in full, we also offered to let her see him at any time as long as there was a 24 hour notice... She refused to even discuss it. So, I guess court it is.... I'll keep you all posted on that oucome. Thanks again for all your support and prayers!

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.L.

answers from Dallas on

Try a mediator first. Maybe she needs T. called on her behavior, and shaken up a bit to reality, and responsibility.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.A.

answers from Dallas on

I agree going to court may not be the answer and if a Judge can give a child molester more visits then I have no none respect for the attorneys and courts. I have been divorced twice and that retainer is always gone the minute you give it to them. They make you feel like you have a case and then let you down. The last divorce, I had a stroke three years before and with brain damage I relied on attorneys who lost me tons of money.

The more you have him, and the more influence you have at a very young age he will be able to decide where he wants to go. That is when I would step in. I made bad choices as a young mom too, but never moved and never had my kids anywhere but with me always there and nuturing them. I had a step son who was exposed to his mom and her boyfriends drugs. He remained supportive of his mom through it all.

Ask if you could have the school call you if he is sick. See if you can have him a day a week day to look over his work and sign it. See if there is some way you can just take more and more of that responsibility away from the mom. Evenually she will grow up or not want her son around. My son and his girlfriend had a daughter and one day when he was taking her back there was drugs all over the place she screamed at him to remove her and take her back home. So in that he did and he got the custody. But he was just as bad and I ended up with her. Blessings come our way. Circumstances will fall into place just believe in Jesus and pray for this young boy. Expose him to a better life and he will want it over the life his is forced to live. He will love his mom no matter what. If she is sick then that is how he will see and know it. But keep praying and doing what you can to remove him because drugs also can produce violence and also when she is not paying attention to him he will find some sort of fix to medicate it. Be it sports or drugs. When we feel empty is when we find another way. Pray for the mom that she grows up. God Bless you G. W

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.

answers from Dallas on

Crystal, it makes me love your heart that you want to make sure that a boy knows he is loved. Regardless of what the situation is with the boy's mother, the most important thing, which it sounds like you totally understand, is that the best thing for the boy is what matters. You may have been put into this boy's life to serve as his lighthouse during a very difficult set of storms, please do what your heart knows is right and fight for this boy T. loved and taken care of. You will never, ever make the wrong decision when it errs on the side of taking care of a child whose parent obviously is going astray. I hope you can get custody of this boy who really needs someone that loves and cares about him. THANK THE HEAVENS for the fact that you are in his life. Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Wichita Falls on

Since you (y'all) would be the ones petitioning for court attention, you can call the Attorney General's office and ask to speak with the person handling your case and not have to hire a lawyer to get advice. They are there, they are approachable and they have great resources for helping - including mediators, family counselors and parenting support. Call them soon and ask to sit down and talk to someone about this issue. If your husband has been paying his support and there are no outstanding monies, then he has just as much right to the advice of the Att. Gen. office. My ex and I have used them twice to work out arrangements without going to court. We opted for that route so it would be less stressful on the kids. We now have joint custody and a host of other arrangements that were all handled quietly in an office instead of arguing in court. Good luck! Hang in there - NEVER question your judgement about protecting a child.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.C.

answers from Dallas on

That sounds like neglect. And - unfortunately, you will need to go to court to protect him. I suggest you call Child Protection Services first - perhaps they will place him in your home and it sounds like that is where he needs T.. Also - I can refer you to a good lawyer who handles these types of cases. His name is Bruce Willis and he can be reached at ###-###-####. If you call Bruce, feel free to tell him that N. referred you. Best of luck. I feel for that little guy as I have an 8 year old and know that they need to loved and cared for and feel safe.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.H.

answers from Dallas on

Hi Crystal,

My suggestion is to support your husband in gaining custody of his son. The uncertainty, the stress will put an incredible strain on everyone if this situation continues as it is. He needs to know that his father will fight for him and that through actions, not just words, he is loved and cared about. His safety is probably an issue too, I would think. Kids like this are often sexually molested by the boyfriends.

Best wishes for all concerned,
T.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

F.P.

answers from Dallas on

Sorry about the late reply. The first step is to talk to a lawyer. He will be able to tell you if you are wasting your time and/or money.
My stepson moved in with us about a year and half ago. His mother was doing the same things you describe and we got temporary custody. She signed the temporary papers without a fight. However, our circumstances are different because later she just up and left town, and left behind her own son. We didn't have to fight for custody. Court cost and lawyers cost a lot so be prepared!!!! Good Luck in your decision. I'll be praying for you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Dallas on

DONT DO ANYTHING YET!!! 3 months isn't long enough for the court to do anything in my experience. I'm not saying I agree with moms behavior, but there is no way they will take him away over such a short period of time. You've got to establish a longer period of instability on her part before a Texas judge will do something so drastic. At least for now the son is spending most of the time with you where he can be properly cared for. At this rate, just wait & mom may end up just handing him over willingly. Don't make it your idea though, or it may backfire on you. No matter what & I mean NO MATTER WHAT the courts wont stop her from having atleast standard visitation even if you did get custody so think about it! You are seeing him more now than you would of you were the custodial parents! Just continue T. available to take the boy and keep in mind what's best for him. Trust me a court case like this will be stressful on everyone, ESPECIALLY the little boy. Plus these things are long & drawn out & you can bet mom wont be giving the extra weekends to you, who knows who he will be left with!!! You dont want to cause him more upset than he already has in his life I'm sure. Hope this helps you see things from the point of view who tried to do what's

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

I would let the court know that the mothers life is unstable and all the info about that son's problems with school and her not keeping her end of being a parent. I would try to get custody just because it's in the child's best interest and not just to get even with her. He's not doing well academically being in her care and he's obviously being neglected on more than one level. It's not good for children to move that much, it can cause insecurity in the future. Do what's best for the child.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Dallas on

what about getting cps involved?...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.W.

answers from Dallas on

Take the evidence to court... gain sole custody. Ask her point blank why does she want this child if she is exposing the child to her poor choices. The child will end up academically/socially immature among his peers later. Bare no expenses and trying to get this child away from an unsettled mother.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.S.

answers from Dallas on

Save the 7yr old. He needs a constant in his life. If and when his birth mother decides to settle down, he can have visitation. Go to court... money will be well worth it as he will know you are fighting for him and with him no matter what the outcome. We've had a similar situation in our extended family. The birth mother never did come around. But the child is now 14 and is doing beautifully. Questions about birth mom are answered truthfully but with compassion. We tell the child that her mother loves her but is just not able T. all the things it takes T. a great mother yet. You have two beautiful boys of your own. Think how you would feel if their father had them and was doing the immature things this mom is doing. Fight for him!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.W.

answers from Dallas on

Don't let money stop you from what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do. You described the neglect you see...just stop and think about what your guys are not seeing. Scarey. Try mediation to adjust the visition more or temporary custody first. That may help. If not, get a lawyer. My sister had to get one. Yes, it was a $1,500 retainer fee. Her lawyer let her make payments on the remaining balance ($300.00) a month for 12 months. But it was worth it. This is the well being of a young child. So it's worth it. Before you take a vacation, buy a flat screen tv or invest further in a 401K retirement package, find the money to do something. You are right, you may pay your hard earned money and nothing (tangible) comes out. But you would have shown the mom and your step son that you are serious about his well being. and it may give her a wake up call. Good luck...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.D.

answers from Dallas on

Dear Crystal S,

I say "Go for it." Your household sounds like a much better place for your step son.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Deb D

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Dallas on

for starters i am divorced myself and i respect your thinking in that a child belongs with their mother...but there is a line and i think that this mother has crossed it. so i do think that your husband needs to take action and fast. i know the money is a concern but your step-son should be the first concern you have. if he is being put in this type of home live with his mother then by all means GET HIM OUT. he needs T. doing better in school. needs to know he will wake up tomorrow and still be going to bed in the same house that night. and not have to see his mother with a different boyfriend every other day.

now this is very important write everything down...dates, times, events, anything that is not per the court orders that are in place now. no matter how small you think write it down conversactions that take place things your step-son says, things the teachers say about what is going on with him in school. if they call his mother for anything and dont get her but they get you write it down. times that you spend with him that she should have him write down the exact time and dates when you pick him up and drop him off. everything.

get an attorney..my attorney is wonderful if you want give her a call and talk to her it wont hurt to just talk

sharon merrick ###-###-####
she is in richardson

she is great and really knows what she is doing. and she wont rip you off when it comes to her fees. most other attorneys nickle and dime you to death she doesnt, but she gets the job done.

i do think that by what you wrote you do have a great chance at getting custody of your step-son.

an attorney would probably tell you that you will have to get a social study ordered by the court. dont worry about it though. let what every attorney you get explain it to you that is what they are for.

i know this has been a long response but i hate to see a child put through something like this. please concider talking with your husband and call an attorney to see what they can do for you.

good luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.L.

answers from Dallas on

Hello,

Going to court can and will help in your situation. Your husband can get custody of the son, by showing that his mother is not stable. Contact a lawyer ASAP, because your step-son is getting the raw end of that deal. Your lawyer will be able to give you guys advice on how to get custody. The courts do grant custody to the fathers now, I know because my husband has full custody of his two children from his previous marriage. Their mother is unstable and continues T. that way. The child will benefit from you guys stepping in and taking over.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.T.

answers from Dallas on

I agree that young children should be with their moms if possible, but it sounds as if this is not the best thing for him right now. However, would a lengthy and perhaps nasty custody battle be better? Only you and your family can answer that. Has anyone tried to sit down and talk to his mom and try to come to some sort of understanding? I've heard about mediations, where you and the opposing party meet with an arbitrator to come to some sort of compromise instead of going to court. Maybe that is an option. I will say a prayer for this little boy and know in my heart with the love you and your husband have for him that things will be alright. H. Mom's Day!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.W.

answers from Lubbock on

Well, been there, done that! My husband and I went broke getting custody of his son. We were going through about the same situation you are going through now. He is now a pretty well adjusted 13 year old (of course, we had him in counseling for 2 years also and it helped). And we would do it all over again. We have never really recovered financially but it was worth it. We know he is healthy and doing well in school. I don't know your financial situation but if there is any way to go for custody, do it or you may live to regret it now. My stepsons mother is better now, she is living with another boyfriend but he seems T. a good guy now and she has really straightened up her life. If you can try to sit down with her and say that you know she loves her son but you think it would be better if the son lives with you for awhile and see if she agrees. You never know, she might agree and sign the papers. Get a lawyer to draw them up and see if she will do this. Don't place blame or bad mouth her and you might just convince her and not have to go to court. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.A.

answers from Dallas on

I suggest you go to war. Go to court and fight for this boy. He deserves more stability

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.C.

answers from Dallas on

From the sounds of it, you all wouldn't have much of a problem reversing custody. I'm going through a custody battle with my husband now, and it has been expensive, but in the end I know it will be worth it for all of us. You may want to check into it, but the party that has the child when the process is started is the party that will keep the child until everything is said and done with court. This would be a plus, b/c no judge is going to want to move a child who is already with one of his parents, and in a H. healthy environment. Not to mention that your stepson probably knows he should and would rather live with you all. That's an added bonus. From the sounds of it, mom is too busy living her own life and won't do what she'll need to in order to keep primary custody. In the long run, you have to look at what's best for your son, his mother, or you and his father? A chance at being a child, and becoming a productive person, or mad at the world because he was forced to grow up too soon. I will also tell you, once you start down that path, prayer and faith is going T. your best friend.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.L.

answers from Dallas on

Hi Crystal -

Have you guys sat down with mom to find out if she would consider allowing your step son to stay with your husband for the school year?

Before taking her to court to find out she basically has T. doing something criminal in order for your husband to get custody of him and wasting all that money...I would try talking to her first. I mean she is already leaving him with you guys longer than you are suppose to have him anyway..

Good luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.

answers from Dallas on

The quickest way to help out your little guy would be to contact Child Protective Services and open an investigation. Give them all the information you have and tell them that you believe he needs T. with you. Then, they will assess his home life and talk to his teachers and so on...They wont tell her who called CPS and with all the other people who are aware of her neglect, she won't immediately think it was you. CPS will come and assess your home as well if they consider placing him with you. At the same time, I would contact an attourney and get the ball rolling for custody. In the end, it doesn't matter what either parent wants, its what best for your step-son that matters. You are right T. concerned and I pray that you find a way to help his situation.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Sure it's ideal for kids T. with the mom, but that's only if the mom is the safest/securest person T. with. My parents divorced when I was 10, and mom was always looking for the magic bullet, someone to take care of her, and we moved around a lot. That's one of the worst things for a kid, cause they don't get to build friendships, different schools teach at different speeds and you loose ground with every change. Do what you can to get custody, let her have visitation on the weekend and all holidays, invite her over for her birthday, mothers day, etc. We did the same type of thing for dad and it worked well. She may really want him T. with his dad, but pride and society saying mom is best may keep her from admitting it. Maybe an attorney will respond with some helpful info re. cost, etc. And you might want to look into a Mediator-they're cheaper than an attorney and their focus is compromise. I wish you the best.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Dallas on

After spending 2 years and $8000 fighting my husbands "X" in court for more custody I have found that unless you can actually prove beyond reasonable doubt that the mother is on drugs or being abusive to the child the courts will not give primary custody to the dad. While I completely understand your worry and frustration at the situation the courts do not (for whatever reason) support dad's being the primary caregiver in this country. I would try as hard as you can to avoid court. Honestly, it's not worth the stress, frustration and money. If possible, try to work out an agreement with the "X" on your own, get it in writing, signed and dated by both parties. The other thing I would advise is offer your support and unconditional love to your step-son. He is probably very torn right now between his mom and dad and I'm sure he's confused. And, as difficult as it may be, don't ever discuss anything about the "X" in front of him. It doesn't do the kids any good to hear one parent trash the other. I wish you and your family the best of luck! And H. Mother's Day :-}

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.F.

answers from Dallas on

I'm just wondering if you couldn't try helping the little guy with schoolwork when you can see him, maybe increasing the amount of time with his Dad and family would help him do better in school. Why aren't you all on the list for the school to call if his mother is unreachable? Perhaps if you become more regular in his life his mother might be encouraged to allow him to live with you for his sake, welfare and happiness without it becoming a huge legal battle. Let it be a subtle, gradual transition to your home and she may enjoy the freedom of her life alone and see that her son does well living with his father and new family.....perhaps she'll want that stability for him. For his sake I would never speak ill of his mother around him, it's very difficult for kids to deal with. Do this with love and your stepsons best interests at heart and you should have success. Good Luck to you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.R.

answers from Dallas on

Crystal,

It is a common thing for Texas to have it in the possession papers that an unmarried parent may have no-one of the opposite sex spend the night while in possession of their child. I am not sure if it is in the Texas Family Code, but it is in our papers and it is now a common thing as well as them not drinking alcohol during possession or 8 hours before. Custody is an expensive thing to undertake. I would wait for better proof and document, document, document.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.C.

answers from Dallas on

I hope that you and your husband have a good relationship with MOM. If so might I suggest you talk to her 1st before you go into a court battle. Ask if it might be helpful to her to have him live full-time with you and your husband until she's worked out any living/work/personal issues. As a mother of 2 including a 7 year old, I would be concerned about the situation as well. I think there are other ways to go about this that don't include a court battle. I have a friend who works in a lawfirm that practices family law a little different. More in a mediation type environment where everyone gets with their lawyer and a counselor is also included instead of a big courtroom with a lot of costs. I also wouldn't hesitate to talk to your step son and see how he feels about the current situation and if he feels the need for a change.

I wish you the best of luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Dallas on

First off, I think the phrase "in her possession" is an unfortunate choice of a phrase to describe the boy's time with his mother.

Second, the issue of custody is between your husband and the boy's mother. Your input should be confined to sharing your willingness to assist in the parenting of the child while he is in your home.

Third, there is no cost-benefit analysis when it comes to a child. The cost of doing what is needed should not be a factor in the decision. If it's the right thing to do, the issue is "how can we come up with the money?"

Lastly, take every non-adversarily means possible to resolve the issue before you take legal action. If your attorney is competent in family law, he or she should assist you in this process.

Mom may welcome a break from the responsibility of full time parenting. Your husband can suggest tactfully that the boy spend the summer with him to allow her a break. Before school starts, if the extended visit works out, he might suggest that he stay with you all during the week and she have him on alternate weekends.

People in glass houses should not throw stones, and when you take matters into court, everyone is living in a glass house. Calling the mother's decisions and actions into question in a public form is not going to win you many points. It also opens your lives to greater scrutiny.

If an mutual agreement between mom and dad is not possible, do try mediation before going to war over custody.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.H.

answers from Dallas on

I am in a very similar situation. Do it. Think about the money as an investment into your son's future as a stable, loving, and well-rounded adult.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.A.

answers from Dallas on

I have a step-son too and completely understand your worries. Has your husband consulted his attorney to see his options? Do you or your husband keep a diary notebook of things she does (or doesn't do) that might not be in the best interest of the child? If not, you should.

From what I understand you would have to prove she is a bad mother (abusive, etc) in order to take custody away. You might suggest joint custody if that is feasible.

My husband has joint custody with his "X" and that has worked good so far. My husband also has primary residence. They change every Wednesday...for instance, this Wednesday he'll walk to school from our house and his other grandma (her parent) will pick him up from school. The nice thing about that schedule is when he is with us we have him the entire weekend and do not have to worry p/u drop off times.

Hope this is helpful. I do agree that you must do what is in the best interest of the child!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.S.

answers from Dallas on

Unfortunately kids don't really have a lot of rights. I knew this man once fought for years for his kid-mom was drunk all the time and child nearly failed school.
As one attorney told me, she loves custody battles because it sends her kids to college - no kidding. A momma has T. pretty abusive to lose custody.
If you could have your husband speak to her kindly and get her to agree that her life would be better if he lived with you, that is another thing. If her situation is really due to neglect or promiscuity he will know after speaking to her. She may be having trouble and need help to become stable.
The other thins Just getting her to understand that losing child support is not like losing her income-know what I mean. I am sure that would be the main reason for not giving him over to a better home.
This is the time for them to put their past behind them and work things out - maybe a mediator that could stop them when they get off track might help. (Not you).
I was a single mother for seven years and was appalled by some mother's that would put their child second to a strange man.
My heart goes out to you but if I can recommend, doing this now is so important-waiting will mean something might happen to him or he will resort to other options to make himself feel better.
Talk to an attorney - usually initial visits are free. Price shop and ask for recommendation - not all attorneys are created equal.

If you can't afford fighting it out, just ask if he can stay with you and work on the child support issue later. I know - either way it may cost you but it sounds like he is worth it.
God bless you for caring-a step mom can be a life saver if she is loving and willing.
God bless your family, C.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.W.

answers from Dallas on

Crystal, you sound like a very good concerned step-mother. I am a divorced mother of a nine year old daughter. I went thru the whole having to deal with another woman stepping in to help take care of my daughter. Which over the years have been great, and I wouldn't change my daughters step-mother for the world. It didn't start out nicely, but we have over come the trials thru the grace of god. I mention that, because you sound like your following in my daughters step-moms footsteps. I was going to say don't over step your boundaries and know your place, but as I read on your concerns are sincere. Sounds like his mother is neglecting him. I stayed in court for almost two years with my ex battling over nothing; just because we were angry with each other. But, we realize who came first which was our daughter. If its worth saving your step-son out of a bad environment that his mother keep subjecting him to. I would do what I have to do to at least get temporary custody from her until she can show the court she is stable enough for him T. returned back to her. She is obviously concerned about herself and what ever man she choose T. with at that particular time. I would say get all your information together, document everything and take her to court for temporary custody. That shouldn't cost that much to do. If you file on her, that court willl appoint a lawyer for you, if you can not afford one. I say stick with it and go with your gut feeling. I think you know what the right thing for you to do, or you wouldn't have asked for advice. You just needed confirmation. Make sure that this is something both you and your husband want as well. Don't let something happen to your step-son first before you try to do anything. And he's old enough to talk to you guys and tell you what he would like, and if he's not H. with his living situation with his mother. Let him know that you guys would like him with you just until his Mom get on her feet better and don't have to keep moving them around. Let him know your not trying to take him from her, but just want the best for him. Believe he's troubled by her behavior. His grades are showing it. Pray! Pray! Pray! I H. this helps a little. Wish you many blessings with this situation. Take care!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.G.

answers from Dallas on

Start keeping a journal of the time that your step-son spends with you and other issues that you are concerned about. This can be used in court. It sounds like the mother isn't very interested in providing a stable environment for her son and he needs T. with his dad.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.B.

answers from Dallas on

Will the boy's mother fight you in court? Could you perhaps have a meeting with her and offer to take care of him until she can find a more permanent living arrangement? The greatest danger to the life of any child in the United States is if she has a boyfriend. My pediatrician is very vigilant in reminding single mothers of this. So her moving in/moving out so much is a statistical high risk for her son.

Perhaps you can work some temporary arrangement out with her and avoid the court altogether.

God bless you for caring about your stepson. Have a wonderful Mothers' Day!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Dallas on

make sure you have everything meticulously documented. statements from teachers, statements from the daycare. former addresses. you also might try to take him to a pediatric psychologist. get the meantest, best lawyer you can afford.
there is not ever a guarantee when you go back to court that is why you have to have everything documented.
Do it now before school lets out.
The more you prepare the better your case will be.
As for the money, it is just part of the game. But if something happens you will feel really bad that you didn't just get to business. After all, how much is his safety and health worth?
Good luck,
L.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.A.

answers from Dallas on

I think by going to court you can hope for two things. That you will get custody of your husband's son (I hate the term STEP)or maybe it will be a wake up call for his mom. I'm glad your interest is in the best interest of the child. I don't know what the court will decide, but at least your concerns will go on record.
Good Luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.H.

answers from Amarillo on

You may appeal to her greed and work out more vistation between yourselfs and just have the lawyers draw up the paper work to change the order of custody or visitation. Go at it on her side saying We know it must be hard for you right now, since summer is coming up and the child will be out of school why don't we take him for a while and that will help you out and you can visit him any time or weekends or what ever. Go at it with her not to her she will be less resentful and the child wont feel like he has to pick sides. Then while you have him in the summer enroll him in summer school so he can catch up and be ready for the fall. Good Luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Abilene on

consult your divorce lawyer to see what you can do if all else fails turn her in to cps child protective services, but get all proof you can, you have T. able to prove the neglect good luck and yes you should get him from her before she damages him permanently god bless

D.D.

answers from Dallas on

speaking from personal experience: We had a very simular situation about 11 yrs ago with my husbands ex and his two children. At the time they were in the 3rd and 4th grade. We sued for custody and won. It was the best thing that we could have ever done for the kids.

Before you proceed, search your self and make sure YOU are ready to make the commitment. When and if you and your husband decide to take the child on full-time, YOU will be making a committment to become the full-time Mom.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.A.

answers from Dallas on

As a woman, I'm sure you can imagine how hard it is T. a single mother, and find yourself in the dating world again trying to balance everything. On the flip side, she needs to realize that her son comes first. His care, his schooling, health, everything, then her personal life. Some women get all wrapped up in a new relationship and the child pays for it. I also believe that a child belongs with his/her mother because whether the parents are still together or not, the mother still (normally) carries atleast 75% of the parenting role if you consider getting them up, ready, to school on time, picked up, fed, clothes washed, calling the Dr. to schedule appt.s, taking them to appt.s, picking up prescriptions, taking care of them when they are sick, wake up in the middle of the night, discipline, extra-curriculars-when the mom has custody-this is everything they are doing on top of their jobs, and then their right since they are also single like their ex -T. able to date. I see my ex dating, going out, having the freedom to go to the gym, whatever, but I can't just do that-I have the kids, I have all the responsibility. It doesn't matter if they pay their child support, have the kids on regular visitation-nothing can compare to the person with actual custody's responsibilities. Still, she is not paying adequate attention the way you have described it. I'd say possibly have your husband to tell her he see's she's having a hard time, and possibly it would be best to have thier son come stay with you for awhile while she get's her life straight. Don't cause drama and tell her off, just find the calmest way to get him with you guys where it's stable. Then, if she realizes what she's doing, possibly he can move back, and if she doesn't change-he'll already be with you which will be easily proven with his school records, etc. and then it's an easier transition if your ex does have to take her to court for custody. In any case, keep all the conversation away from the child's ears, and try to support him with school or whatever as much as possible. :-) Good Luck, you sound like a great step-mother!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.M.

answers from Dallas on

Hi Crystal,
First thanks for being such a caring step-mom, I can't began to tell yo how much that means to that 7 year old boy. He does not understand all that is going on in his life, but I know he feels the rejection and separation.

If you feel that going to court may not be the best way to approach this, maybe you can approach her from the stand point of emphathy. For instance both you and your husband can let her know that you recognize that she has alot going on in her life and that you would be H. to help her out by taking 7yer old in to live with dad. Explain that this would give her the opportunity to stablize herself. It would give her an opportunity to help out out financially, help with not having the stress of changing his shool and if she want to change jobs she has the the time and take every opportunity to do so. If she thinks you are doing this to take the child suppor away, let her know that this is temporary or you can give her 1/3 while the child is with you. Usually as time goes by as a single they become use to the life style. Let her know that this has T. a 1 year commitment, for the boys sake as far as school is concerened. Perhaps as the year goes by she may release him to you as she sees his happiness and his development into a H. child.
Hope this helps and you and your husband get the opportunity to have him come live with you. This little boy does deserve a chance T. H. and given proper care.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.D.

answers from Dallas on

Man this situation sounds so familiar. A male friend of mine was in this same situation. What he did was convince the mother to let the child stay with him until she was stable and on her feet, which by your description sounds like that won't happen any time soon. He let her think she could visit the child anytime and this was a temporary arrangement...but he didn't say anything about custody...in fact he let her continue to collect the child support while the child lived with him. Once he had his daughter for 6 months the courts awarded him custody. This was done without an attorney. Good luck

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.T.

answers from Dallas on

Hi Crystal!! I've been in a similar situation...you have to decide what is best for your step-son...that's the only thing that is important!!!

Good luck and I'll send you prayers!!
T.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.H.

answers from Dallas on

Hi Crystal, I totally understand where you are coming from, both my husband and I have been divorced and dealt with exes whose priorities when it came to the kids was not in the right place. Like many moms have adviced you, money is no object, your child's health and welfare come first and foremost. Sometimes things can be resolved amicably, and sometimes they cannot. Seems yours may be able T. solved amicably, but you and your husband do need professional guidance on this very important issue. My husband is also an excellent family law attorney and counselor and has resolved many issues by just talking with the parents. Sometimes it takes court to get things resolved, and he is great at that too. I totally feel for you and your son. Anyway, his website is www.haugenlawfirm.com and he checks messages many times throughout the day. You can set an appointment and consult with him on how to best handle your situation. He is very caring and wants to get things resolved in the best possible way, but if there is going T. a fight, he wont let you down either. Best wishes and God bless!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.W.

answers from Dallas on

Your husband should be in contact with an attorney to get full custody TOMORROW. Having shack up boyfriends is HORRIFIC for a child. The chances of him getting molested are very high having strange men in and out of his house. How can anyone expect him T. normal when he is being moved around so much. There is nothing wrong with him- he's crying out for help and your husband needs to step in and take control!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions