Playing with Kids

My daughter is almost 4. She LOVES when I play simple, classic games with her: Candy Land, HiHo Cherry-O, Chutes and Ladders, simple versions of "go fish" and dominoes, Memory (They have many different versions--look for Thomas the train or Diego, or something that he likes)--we started off withjust a few pairs and have built it up to 16-20+ pairs--it's scary when the children have a better memory than the parents. When we are not playing games, she likes play-dough, coloring, water paints. This is what I suggest if I need to get something done (like preparing dinner; although, she also likes to help with that too). Building blocks of any sort, and pretend play are also great (doctor kit, kitchen set, Fisher Price Little People). As for the 6 month old, LOTS of tummy time; get down on her level for 5 or 10 minutes and "share" her toys with her.

Imagination is a wonderful tool for children. Even my granddaughter who is only 17 months old can pretend to have a tea party, play waitress, put her babies to sleep. She also likes wrestling around with her parents and grandpa. We play the silly songs with actions. She loves dancing and playing the piano. Attention is what they are after. Get a big box from an appliance store and make a little play house for them, apple boxes can be lined up as trains or as a car. Blocks are great for the imagination. In any case, each child is different in how much they can play alone or need someone to play with them. They do better if they learn to play alone also, it makes them more independent. My granddaughter loves to get a tray and try to carry her sippy cup or play dishes on it, usually dumping them off the edge. She is very inventive on how to do keep them on the tray as she carries it. I am a waitress so I know that is where she gets that interest.

I have another friend who has expressed the same thoughts. It helped her to get involved in an organized activity, like a music class or playgroup designed for fun for toddlers. Then she learned along with her child(ren) about how to have a good time and what little ones enjoy. Just hearing that she could read and paint and do crafts wasn't enough. She didn't remember doing those things as a child and it was not familiar territory to her. To put it plainly, she was really bored. She felt terribly guilty. It was her salvation to get involved in more organized programs. It gave her a spark to be more creative at home and I personally think she is a great mother. She is enjoying her children so much now that they are older and it was clear that the younger ages were just much harder to connect with. It gets better all the time but does take effort.

Hello! My son will be 6 months old tomorrow and here is what works for us, keeping in mind that I don't have an older child to care for as well.

We sing Pat-a-cake, Head-shoulders-knees and toes, Hokey Pokey, This Little Piggy, etc., and I will hold his hands and help him do the movements to these. If you don't know children's songs, you can get CD's of them anywhere.

I'll have a one-sided conversation asking him how his night was and what he dreamed about. He loves just hearing the conversational rhythm of my voice.

Two or three times a day, I'll read as many books as he'll sit still for.

He has a basket full of toys that we call the "toy bucket" and I used to sit with him on my lap and let him pick out one toy at a time (when we were working on grasping objects) and play with it. Once he got bored with that one, I made a big deal of putting it off to the side and letting him choose another toy. We would do this through the entire basket and I kept myself entertained by talking about the colors and shapes of each thing, giving toys names, etc. Now that he can sit up, I just sit him on a quilt with a Boppy behind him and the toy bucket in front of him and he will pull it over, get a toy out, play with it, then set it aside and get another one. This keeps him entertained all by himself for up to 45 minutes!

We belong to MOPS (moms of pre-schoolers) and a weekly Mommy and Me program through the hospital, so those are fun outings.

For those times when there's no where to go and he's gone through the toy bucket five times and is tired of all his books and songs, there is always the swing (I sit in front of it and make funny faces at him!) or his play mat and he LOVES to look at himself in the mirror. I also rotate his toys out so he doesn't get tired of the same ones.

Sorry this is so long, but I hope some of these ideas work for you and your little one! The four-year-old will probably help you sing the songs and can listen to the books as well. Good luck!

Hi K.,
Just one more quick idea for you... I let my son "help" me with things -- things that are not considered "play" by us, but they are fun to him, none-the-less! We grocery shop and he helps me find the items for the cart -- I ask him what he'd like today for fruit (almost always, it's bananas, lol). At home, he helps get the laundry out of the dryer (and sometimes hides in the laundry basket!) -- I used to carry him around in the basket, too, but I'm currently 8 mos. pregnant, so that put an end to that! He also helps to "fold" clothes (which need to be re-folded on the sly, after I praise the "great job" he did!). He also likes to vaccume and sweep and help with dinner in any way. Making cookies is a big treat, since he can help add the ingredients and of course, lick the beaters! I remember "helping" my mom in the same way, and I NEVER thought of it as work until I hit my teens, lol! It helps me get things done while still spending much quality time with him. :-) By the way, my son is 2 -- I would guess your almost-4 yr. old would love to help you around the house! The 6-mo. old can also derive entertainment by watching the proceedings. :-)

By the way, we also engage in more traditional "play" and I agree, this time of year is much more difficult as indoor play is not near as fun for either of us! I can't wait for 50 degrees and no snow!!!

If you're not the kind of person to play with your kids don't feel bad! I swear since I had mine, I lost all of my imagination - it drained right out with their births!

Even if you're not the kind to get down on the floor (PP is correct in there is not much more boring than playing with hotwheels!) there are puzzles and drawing/coloring, and books - my kids would rather I read to them anyway - my husband is the one that wrestles and builds racetracks and towers with the legos.

I am the parent that goes to the park and can spend hours there. I take them to the tennis court and let them wack the ball around with me, I take them on picnics and "adventures" through the neighborhood.

If they are good at self-play then it doesn't matter if you don't get down and drive the tractors or send hotwheels down the ramp - find what you enjoy doing with them and make it your thing. If only mom will take them outside and race around the house and dad will sit on the floor and play with cars/dolls then you're good. They're not going to remember much about what you don't do, but they will remember all the fun they have with you.

Hi K., my kids are 5 and 3 years old. We just kind of weave into and out of each others' activities throughout the day. Their favorite "games" to include me in are the creative/imaginary ones, where we use stuffed animals and develop interesting plots and oftentimes use legos/duplos to help build things that we need for the "stage set". I usually stay engaged, following their lead, for maybe an hour or so at a time, and then they want to move onto something else, like painting/drawing independently, or cuddling up with me reading a book/kids' magazine. Then we move onto something else, like cutting veggies for dinner, etc., or cleaning up the living room for dance-space and blast some music together... we do lots of different things together I guess.

One of my all-time favorite books is called _Playful Parenting_ by Lawrence Cohen. Another favorite one is _Magical Child_ by Joseph Chilton Pearce. Both are fairly popular, most likely available at your local public library (or for sure through interlibrary loan). I recommend both.

Just have fun!!

Angie

When you're stuck inside, try building forts with couch cushions and blankets. All kids love that and your 6 month old might like the feeling of being inside, too.

K.,

There isn't a "set" amount of time to play with your children. Allow them to explore their world on their own and come in and out as you feel you want to. If they are crying for you, they may just want attention. I would suggest reading to your 3 1/2 year old. The 6 month old is probably interested in anything around her. I would not worry about "playing" with her. Just spend time with them. You really don't have to do anything in particular.

L. :)

I think you just need to be in tune to them. What is your son interested in? When my first child was two, he was obsessed with construction trucks, so we'd go visit a construction site after I picked him up from daycare, and we got lots of books on the topic. When he was 4, it was dinosaurs, so we read dino books and played with dino toys and did dino puzzles.

Sometimes I'd take the lead, and start drawing pictures, or singing a song, or making little action figures do stuff, and then he'd get interested and join me. When he was playing happily by myself, I'd let him, and do what I needed to do, but would make comments or ask questions from time to time.

With a baby, you smile and coo and just pay attention. When the baby starts breaking eye contact, she's signaling that she needs a break, so you let her take a break. My babies loved "The Noble Duke of York" and peekaboo and "how big is baby? Sooo big!" and things like that.

I have always let both kids play on their own, because it's really important that they develop their inner resources and learn how to entertain themselves, and how to be independent. But when they want my attention, I give it to them.

Just trust yourself and your instincts, and it'll be great.

Hi,
I have an almost 4 year old girl and now a week old baby.
Obviously the baby isnt playing yet.
But with my daughter, we do all sorts of things.
Playdough, coloring, fingerpaint, or the colorwonder mess free type. We even cut out shapes and use glue sticks to put them on tagboard. It might not look like alot, but she loves doing it and it keeps her occupied.
Together, we play memory, flashcards, puzzles and work on her writing. She loves to say she is doing homework. ( I am sure that wont last when she is in school for real)
But I think if you can do active play for at least 30 minutes in a setting. It can even be reading stories.
She likes to read or tell me stories too.
Its much easier in the summer because we can run around, go for walks etc and play tag or dig in the garden.
Dont be discouraged. I am sure you are doing great. I felt the same way.

Hi K.,
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Hey Kim, I am 48 and the girls are out of the house now and married to wonderful men!!! But I miss them and one thing is:
getting a few blankets and making tents with them. Drape the blanket over some kitchen chairs or folding chairs and they will play for hours underneath the tent. Put some of their toys inside the blankets, a flash light and the imagination goes on and on. That is one thing! Good luck!
B. K

I think kids see us as an inexhaustible source of knowledge. Maybe if you give them a little intellectual stimulation whether it be at home or during an outing, this may end up feeling like play (or even more exciting than play) for all of you. Learning should be fun like a game anyway. :)

I really struggle with this, too. I have found that they mostly just like to be near me to talk with them or just listen and interact on some level.
My boys, ages 5 and 1, love playing with blocks. My oldest usually doesn't need help building, but like me to be there to listen to him explain his creation and just interact with him. The baby just likes to knock things down, so I build tower after tower as fast as I can.
My youngest loves balls so we'll play a sitting-down game of catch, rolling the ball back and forth between us, or I'll roll it and he'll chase it.
When the baby is napping, it is the perfect opportunity to pull out a kid game (Candyland, Hi-Ho Cherry-o, etc.) or a puzzle to do with the older one.
If you need to get stuff done, set your 4-year-old up with a coloring book or playdough near you, put on some fun music, and just talk to him about anything at all while you're doing the dishes or folding laundry.
My oldest has always been pretty good about playing on his own, but now that my 14-month-old is old enough to play and chase and wrestle, the two of them are the best of friends and play really well together.
My kids love music, as do I, so we'll frequently all be in the kitchen jamming to tunes on the iPod or radio. It's a great way to get dinner ready. =)

Age-appropriate puzzles (the wooden ones are great), playdough (I prefer the home made kind) with cookie cutters, and I love card and board games. At age 3 and 4 my son loved the memory/matching games with cards. They are cheap and you can buy them for various levels and with different themes. I always tried to spend some one on one time with the older one while the younger one was napping. Board books are great and appropriate for both of your kids. Have fun!

Hi K.,

My sons are nearly 3 (this month) and 15 months (today).

My 3 year old loves cars. He loves duplo legos. He loves to read books. Playdough is a huge hit these days too. He also loves his train table. He likes to sing songs together. Little people are great. Balls are OK for inside as long as they are soft.

I try to participate in some of these activities every day. I always read with him, and try to sit down on the floor and play with him at least once in the morning, and once after nap for about 15 or 30 minutes at at time. Sometimes just me singing along with a CD while he plays nearby is enough interaction for him, sometimes he needs more direct attention and I need to sit down and drive cars around with him. It is boring (yes, I admit it) but he loves it so I do it for him.

We also take an ECFE class together, where we spend an hour a week 1 on 1 singing, doing activities (planned by staff) and crafts.

My 1 year old wants to play everything the older one does :) I try to help him as much as I can. He also just loves to crawl over me, be chased, sung to, bounced on my knee while I sing the William Tell song. He will play independently for about 20 minutes at the most.

The two of them have gotten so that they can actually play together for about 15 minutes at a time. My 3 year old can play independently for about 30-45 minutes without checking in with me. Some activities hold his attention for up to an hour (play dough especially).

It often only takes 15 minutes of me playing with my older son, and then telling him, "OK, Mommy needs to (make dinner, do laundry, clean up, etc.) in 1 minute" and that will tide him over on attention for at least 45 minutes.

Spring is coming!! Once it is warm, you can go in the yard (sandbox?), "work" in your flower gardens (or potted plants), go to the park, go for a walk, look at bugs, watch birds in your yard, pretend to be airplanes, ride trikes (or bikes or whatever you have). I know this time of year is hard, but it won't be long before it warms up.

Good luck to you!
J.
SAHM to Charlie (3-24-05) and Joey (12-4-06)

I feel for you. I want to play more with my boys, but the things they like to play are just mind numbing to me. I try to encourage them to play more by themselves or with each other. Or I ask them to play something I'm a little more willing to engage in: coloring, hide-and-seek, crafts, Playdough, etc.

I actively play with my DD (age 4) for approx 1/2 on an average during weeknights. (Which doesn't unclude bathtime, bedtime routines, etc.)

We play barbies, baby dolls, doctor, dress-up, dance or sing with her CD radio, paint, play-doh, stickers (we find stuff like storage containers of hers to put stickers on, or on paper and we mail them to family), we build forts (my favorite), we play with Dora house, look at books, make cookies or jello, (something that she can mix or measure), play catch with one of her small balls in one of the larger rooms in the house, etc.

On the weekends, we usually spend most of the day doing stuff together, but I spread it out throughout the day and mix it up with stuff I need to get done (housework). She'll help me with laundry putting in the detergent or the clothes and putting stuff in the dryer, etc. Sometimes, she'll help me mop the floor or shovel. We play while we do housework if I can get her to join me.

I do encourage her to play on her own specifically if it's a game I don't want to play (like barbies). I'll say, I'll play barbies if you play for 15 minutes on your own. I set the timer and I agree that I'll play with her when the timer dings.

Hope this helps with ideas.

I am probably a lousy mom but I don't really play. I cuddle, I read books, I do puzzles, and now that my kids are older we play games. But I don't do anything where I have to sit on the floor, which I find unbearably uncomfortable, and I don't do anything involving balls. I have learned to live with it. I can't even tell you how dull playing with cars with my kids is.

If my kids ask me to play I suggest something I like, like reading a book or doing a puzzle, or I say, "Well, honey, mom doesn't really play cars."

There are so many things to do with your kids. I've found that playing games with them is the best, except that I don't pick 'normal' games. We have what we call opposite day. All day long we say the opposite of what we mean and the kids love it! "Don't you dare sit down and eat your lunch!" said in a playful manner gets the kids to giggling and of course, they sit right down and eat. It gives them a chance to feel defiant without actually being defiant...something anthropologists call a 'free day' from rules and regulations (such as the town tomato fight in Spain!).

When their rooms need to be cleaned, I would toss a hula hoop onto the floor and tell them they have to 'beat the clock' to clean up that one area in the hoop (stickers make wonderful prizes).

Silly dances. I put on music and my kids and I try to see who can come up with the silliest dance or silliest walk (when at the store...they love this game!)
When I read to my kids, I let them help read. A favorite book of my kids was the book, "10 in the bed" a Dorling/Kindersly book (I think I have the name right). In the book, as each stuffed animal falls out of bed, they make a noise...mouse falls into a tin cup...tink! The kids love saying the childs words themselves ("roll over, roll over!")along with the sounds the animals make when they would fall out of bed.

At the grocery store, ask them to find certain letters on the packages. I spy is a great game for kids. When they are older, draw letters on their back and let them guess what letter you are drawing.

Fun with waterballons and spray bottles are great too. It is not unusual for me to buy cans of silly string and run around and spray each other with it. (though these are outside games)Just find what works for you and your kids and don't be afraid to create a game with them. You'll be suprised at what they can come up with!

My little guys love Hot Wheels, balls, climbing structures, etc. We keep a lot of games (Hi Ho Cheerio, Duplos, etc.) on hand, too, as well as a basket of baby toys and stuffed animals. Kids can be just as happy banging a spoon and pot, rearranging the Tupperware or playing with an empty box. It really doesn't matter what it is - just that it engages them. Mine love noisy, moving toys. The best way to engage them is to sit on the floor, talk, roll a ball or sing a tune - they will initiate the play from there. Just being around is the thing to do. When your baby is a little older, she will be able to play with your preschooler, and you can watch more than play, if you prefer, but kids always love your attention, too. And cross over play is fine - the boy plays dolls with his sister and she, in turn, plays Hot Wheels with him. It's a good exercise in sharing and putting others first.

Homeschool SAHM of seven, 23 yrs - 16 mos

My son is almost 4 and my daughter will be 1 on Monday. I usually just sit on the floor with both of them and let them choose what toys to play with. My son will usually play with cars and he'll share with his sister. I usually just watch and talk to them both. We also read together. Another thing that gets us exercise is to crawl around the floor together. We chase each other around the house and set up little obstacles around the living room to crawl around. My daughter isn't walking yet. When it's warmer we go to the park or play outside. Most days I just sit on the floor with them and watch them play. They'll come to me if they want me to play. My son will tell me what he wants to do. I hope I've helped giving you ideas.

We don't really have a set time. There are days where my 3yr old and 5 yr old only want to play with each other. Free play is good too :-) Other times, they seem to get in a lot of trouble - THOSE are the days I try to keep them busy and focused on activities with my guidance. I ask them to help w/ house-hold chores (they can dry dishes, put clothes away, tidy their rooms with help). My husband plays rougher games with him - like chases them around. I play hide and seek, tag, ring around the rosy - there are LOTS of ideas on-line. I use lesson plans from Apples4theteacher.com and other sites when I want to do something educational with them. There are lots of outdoor activities too. Just Google for ideas - you'll be amazed ;-) Play is never a wast of time too - remember that, they're always learning something from active play, imaginitive play, constructive play, etc. We even make up stories and pretend to be different people or animals. Dancing is another favorite after supper for our two. Hope that helps.

Hi K.,

My kids are 21 & 18. When they were little they played on there own. Made up there own games. Justin's favorite time was in my pots & pans banging on them. He also liked hiding in the cubboards, playing inside the end table. Our daughter was a little more of a challenge. But she played with Justin's cars & trucks. We ahd a play pen in the middle of the living room floor that the side came down. They would go in there and play because that's where most of there toys were.

When Wheel of Fortune came on we would watch that. They loved watching the wheel go aroung and guessing what letter would be behind the box.

In the summer, we spent most of those out doors. Our kids just played really well together.

Hope it helps some.

They would help me make cookies too.
Betime was the most important time. That's when they got to pick out a book for mom to read. And we had so much fun making up stories for each ending. getting the crayons out. Our neighbors have grandkids and I keep a box of side walk chalk out so they know they can come over anytime and draw on our driveway. I sit right down with them and we draw. Oh!!! Our son was into legos big time!!! That kept his mid going. He was always creating things. Both our kids were.

J.

Hi,I am a 43 yr. old mom of two son's now ages 24 and 22. I always played hide and seek,cars and trucks I even showed them how to make mud pies.Use your imagination.There are card games board games,books you can read to them.Give them an airplane ride on your feet. Kids love that stuff.You lay on your back and lift them in the air with your feet and pretend your the airplane.For your daughter theres patty cake,peek-a-boo,teaching her where her fingers,toes and etc are.Roll on the floor with her crawl with her.There are so many things you can do with your kids.They just love that you are playing with them.Read childrens books to them.Remeber your a mom you live for the moment and enjoy your kids while they are young and still at home.Take it from me they are very hard to let go of when they grow up. I am now a Grandma for the first time and I had to wait for 2.5 months to hold my grandughter for the first time.She was born in Korea.My son is in the Army.I am teaching them the tricks that I had to learn on my own.In fact my daughter in law is the one that invited me to this site.You have had to of been doing something right you have a 4 yr old.So just keep enjoying them and things will fall into place.Have fun playing the kids games.

P. R

Hey K.,
I have one son and I often have this same fear, that I do not really know what to do with him sometimes. Just thought I would let you know that your not the only one;) Hope the responses help you, I am looking forward to reading them.
A.
Noah's mommy

I will play hair salon with my daughter and let her make my hair crazy (If I'm not going anywhere)

We play restaurant and she's my waitress and brings me pretend food

We color alot I love to color, I haven't outgrown coloring books yet LOL

We kick the soccer ball in the backyard or play catch

We go swimming in the summer we'll both go down waterslides

we go fishing(makes me take the fish off)

bike rides

walks

the one thing I'm bad at is she will want me to play barbies or bratz and I just have no interest.

I'm a single mom and grew up as a tomboy so I really enjoy the outside activities in the summer. I know last week we went to that waterpark of america and we both did waterslides and went surfing we just did everything together like pals. She's 6 so a little older than your kids but I try and find something we can enjoy together.

My kids (4 and almost 2) play on their own most of the time. I'll get down on the floor and play with trucks, little people, stuffed animals, pretend, anything they can think of. We do puzzles and read books, we sing songs. I generally let them lead play time. I don't set a time limit. Some days I am endlessly available for any scheme they can come up with, others I have things I have to get done so I give them 10-15 minutes of my time at a time. At 6 months my boys were crawling and getting into everything but not really playing. Set out things for your daughter to explore, bottles with nuts in them to shake or roll (just be sure to take the necessary precautions), you can hide a stuffed animal under a blanket and have her find it. We get a blanket and flashlight out, put the blanket over our heads, turn on the flashlight and play tent, we'll wrestle, I'll be a mommy mountain for them to climb over (something they find endlessly amusing for some reason).
If you need more ideas, we have a book that has different games you can play with your child to 18/24 months, it is called Baby Play by Gymboree. I know you can still get it. There is also one for toddlers.
Just remember it is all about having fun, there is no right way or wrong way. Find what works for you and your kids and go with it.

I have three kids, but I am home with my almost four and 2 !/2 year old. They both love the game UNO. They have learned their colors, numbers, taking turns, and being good winners and losers from playing this. They beg me to get the cards down from on top of the fridge(I have to put them up or they'd have them everywhere!) at least once a day. We also read books, build blocks and knock them back down, drive cars around the living room, and I will even play video games with my almost four year old(only 1 hr limit). My 2 year old loves instruments too so we bang on drums and shake the tamborines, and strike the xylophone. Just remember when you buy toys for your kids make sure it is something you would do with them. My kids play well on there own so I can get stuff done, but I make sure I play with each of them for at least a half hour a day. They play pretty well together and probably watch too much TV(Finding Nemo is on right now so I can check my email messages), but for the most part even if the TV is on they play with their toys and barely watch it anyway. It is like background noise. Anyway good luck finding your own fun!