Poll on Men & Frienships W/ Women

Here's a good rule of thumb: if there's nothing about the friendship that the man feels he needs to keep from his wife, and it doesn't bother his wife--it's OK.
Once secrets start--not good!

I wouldn't care as long as I get to meet her. I met his male friends, so I would expect the same with his female friends. I have a best friend that is male, and I share everything with him. When my boyfriend and I first got together, I was excited to introduce him to my best guy friend, just as I was excited to introduce him to my 2 best girl friends, my family, and so on. I honestly don't see any harm in have best friends beyond the marriage.
I don't hide anything from my partner, I tell him everything, I laugh with him, I am intimate with him, he is my rock, BUT I also share a great bond with my girlfriends and my one guy friend. Everything I discuss with them, I discuss with my partner, and they have come to love him just as they love me. Thats just my point of view on it. To each their own, I know many woman who forbid it, and sometimes it works, other times it's part of a controlling cycle (this issue not being the only factor) that forces one partner to leave. whatever works. =)

Honestly, aside from married or single, friendships like this do not exist
between a man and a woman. One of them wants the other or they both want eachother romantically, and thats all there is to it. There is a such thing as aquaintances between a man and woman at work or elsewhere, but thats it.

Absolutely it's OK!!!!! I don't 'own' my husband and he doesn't 'own' me. How ridiculous for him not to be able to choose him own friends, even if they are women!! It's not up to me to pick my husbands friends and it is certainly not up to him to pick mine for me. Why would anyone ever get married if you can't trust your spouse???

My husband has been friends with a few women. We have been together since we were 13, so I have known all of them. He never hid the calls, always shared their conversations. He went to lunch with them, met their boyfriends, husbands, whatever.. I also Have male friends and my husband has met all of them. I guess it just depends on how much you trust each other and if you have different interest.

Also remember the people you work with are the people you spend the most actual time with per weeks, so of course you are going to be friends.

This is tough. Let's see, if the girl-friend is ugly then it's OK...lol!!! Jokes aside, I can tell you that I am now friend myself of a married man who just last week introdiced me to his wife. They were travelling to my hometown and stopped for one night, hence the visit. We hadn't seen each other for two years but we knew each other since 2001 when we met during a holiday trip in Tunisia. I was, then, with my boyfriend and he was single with a friend, we teamed up for a Jeep trip in the desert and we all made friends. When my boyfriend and I broke up, my friend and I simply stayed in touch and he even met my future husband when we were dating and WE went to his (my friend's) hometown one weekend. I must say, though, that there have been some feelings on his part for a while...I just didn't feel the same way, so after going to that road (that brought him nowhere) he CHOSE to be my friend only and it is GREAT. He cares about me, after years he never loses touch with me and involves me in his happy and sad times. Not ALL the times, but often. We live in different towns and see each other VERY sporadically. But we consider each other friends and I think it works because we are not too clingy to each other- that would make any spouse uncomfortable. When we talk to eack other, even if it'been months, it's like time never went by. And it's always a pure, innocent, spontaneous need to see how the other person is doing. When somebody is married, it's all in how they balance this special kind of friendship: involving the spouse is a MUST. And why wouldn't we involve the spouse of the person we consider a dear friend? In friendship, the more, the better! If there is nothing shady in the relationship and the spouses are included, I don't see why not...

My hubby and I have been together about 25 yrs. We both have friends of oppposite sex. Neither of us are insecure about that.

As long as you communicate with each other and are honest, I don't see a problem with it.

I have a couple of very close male friends and my hubby does not feel threatened in any way, Nor do I feel threatened when he has female friends.

Everyone is different and you have to figure out what is right for your situation. What is ok to one couple may be taboo to another.

Amen Stacey JJ J. you go girl!!

Wow, you have some strong opinions.

My take is this. I have been best friends with a guy since we were 3 years old. When I married my husband things changed dramatically. Partially because I moved to Chicago but partially because my BFF saw that my life now needed to be focused on my husband and our life together. While it was never said, it was implicit that we would always be friends but time needed to move on.

Up until recently, I believed that married people could be friends with the opposite sex. Now, I have a new definition. You can be friends but with the caveat of "will this be disrespectful to my husband or children". Does going to lunch (by my self) with a guy solo show disrespect? In my definition, it does. I am not only showing disrespect to my husband and children but what message am I sending to others? I think it sends a message that I don't care about my husband, his feelings or our marriage and so, after 12 years of marriage, I finally get it. It's not that I can't choose to be friends with another man, I just shouldn't send a message out there that I don't intend.

Well, these are my thoughts anyway! Good luck.
N.

As long as it is transparent, and the wife is invited along to outings, let in on conversations, nothing is hidden AND the wife feels comfortable with the friendship, I think it is fine.

If wife starts to feel disrespected or threatened, then I think it's better to drop it. If he doesn't, he's valuing the friendship over his marriage. That's no good.

I love my husband's ex girlfriends. I find them interesting and thoughtful. I'm better friends with them now than he is, which is probably strange, but true. One he lived with for years, another he might have married if the timing had been different. But he does not carry on any kind of private friendship with them. I'm invited in to conversations, etc.

If husband discusses things with women, particularaly marital issues, then he's doing something wrong.

Bottom line is if a friendship is destructive to your marriage for ANY reason at all, then it's NOT OK.

I think there is no problem with it as long as both parties are open and honest about it. One my closest friends from childhood is a man. My husband has gotten to know him, knows he is in no way a threat, and actually loves to spend time with him now. My friend and I frequently talk on the phone to one another, but never in a million years would either of us ever think of doing more than talk! My husband also has two good female friends from his childhood that he talks to now and then on the phone. The one he was kind of romantically involved with, and it still doesn't bother me that they chat. They are both married with kids, and they call to catch up on life, not to plan their next romantic getaway! I also know these ladies personally and know that they enjoy my friendship anymore as much as they enjoy my husband's.

I think that the women who say no only say it because they do not 100% trust their husbands. If I didn't know these women there may be a bit more jealousy on my part, but I also know that my husband is committed to me and me alone (and if I ever thought otherwise his rear end would be kicked to the curb as quickly as possible)!

New friendship with members of the opposite sex should not develop in private and should not exclude the spouse. If either spouse finds themselves going down that path, they need to step back and see if the friendship can happen in a space that includes the wife/husband. If it can't, then NO, the friendship should NOT progress....

Old friendships, while they can be more individual and private, should be given the same level of care. You should be able to say to yourself, "My spouse would be comfortable with all of our interactions" (though you do need to be able to ask advice or vent with your best friends).

Really, unless one finds oneself married to a VERY needy person, this is simply a matter of honoring one's vows.

I say B>S< to all the women who say men and woman can not just be friends. I also feel bad for them if they are so insecure that they feel that way. If a man is a cheater he's a cheater and if he's not he's not. I have male friends that I have known since childhood and we talk on the phone and online. We meet up for dinner and drinks sometimes with our spouses and sometimes without. I have lived with male roommates and formed bonds with men that never went anywhere other then genuine friendship. If your friend feels suspicious then it's not because of a friendship, their may be something else going on.

One man told me that a man can not look at a woman without thinking how she is in bed. I was totally disgusted with the thought of that man from there on out. He is a total jerk and he has a lot of insecurity issues and wants to be Mr. Cool so all the women like him. I know other men who do not have a problem with it. I think a lot depends on the maturity level of the people involved.

I am a divorced woman and you can never guess how many insecurity issues that brings out in women. I work on a special education school bus and I am the aide and I have a man driver that I work with 8 hours a day. He has been married for 47 years and he is about 25 years older than me. His wife also works on the buses. She hears all the little rumors going on about him and I having an affair. I get so sick of all the BS. The driver and I work all day together and can do a very good job. The wife will not even get to know me. If she would take the chance to get to know me then she would find out what kind of person I am. I go and talk to some men and other ladies (who are not their wives) have lightning bolts coming out of their eyes trying to shoot me down. I laugh and smile and bring light into the room but the last thing I am thinking about is getting into some guys pants or messing up a marriage.

I do know a lot of women who are very insecure and have to constantly be stirring trouble. If they can do it between a married couple then that is better for them. Mission is accomplished. I also know some women who are ready to put out if they think a man has money. Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with the marital status of the person because I know a lot of people who just don't care. There again, take the chance to meet people and find out who they really are.

Just because a man and a woman are friends I do not, necessarily, think that means that they are going to cross the lines of just friendship.

Having said that, I am a little old fashioned about things for A LOT of reasons. I think if a married man or woman is friends with someone of the opposite sex it should be a very superficial friendship and no time should be spent together with that person outside of your partners presence or knowledge.

Here's why:

1. You leave room for doubt in the mind and heart of your partner as to exactly what kind of relationship you are sharing with them. Even if it's not all the time, at the very least when you and your partner aren't getting along this can be an added stressor and cause for contention.

2. If the friend is also in a relationship the same thing can be said for HER partner as well.

3. People gossip. Not just friends, but coworkers, neighbors, business acquaintences, people who see you around or know you casually. Your personal and business reputation can be tarnished and even killed because of what someone else THINKS you are doing or is going on.

4. The same thing that happens to your reputation happens in a different way to your partner. They are talking about him/her, too. He/She looks foolish, weak, and naive.

5. This is the big one. When we have a close relationship with a friend of the opposite sex and are in a long term committed relationship we can sometimes, unknowingly, use them as a substitute for the intimacy we should be seeking in our marriages. Even great relationships go through times where we are distant from our partners or times of stress due to work, kids, bills, schedule and so on. It's so EASY to start using that friendship as a substitute for what you aren't getting from your husband/wife. I'm not even talking about sex. To me this is MORE dangerous. You don't even know it's happening because you aren't consciously trying to do anything but talk to a friend. Before you know it, you have grown further and further away from your spouse while you have grown closer and closer to this other person. You have lost the most important connection you have aside from the one with your kids and now it's a lot of work to get back.

I think it's jut bad policy.

I have had many variations of this conversation over the years. First of all, in this day and age, cell phone conversations are not as "special" as they were perhaps once viewed. My husband and I rarely use our landline. If someone wants to talk to me, they can call my cell, and same for him. I have male friends from prior to our relationship that I keep in touch with through difference means. E-mail, facebook, cell phone.... but not to an amount that would ever be considered questionable.

Developing a friendship while in a relationship is a more delicate matter. As a couple, most of your social interaction should include your significant other. If you have a "watercooler friendship" with a member of the opposite sex and they call you on your cell after work, the conversation should be succint or the individual should be invited over to, for instance, have coffee with the couple together and discuss whatever issue necessitated the call.

The big thing is to avoid any appearance of impropriety. Perception is often reality, and if a person is not taking an active role in not looking like something inappropriate is going on, then they are not showing the respect due their partner and their relationship.

I would not and do not have a problem with my husband having a female friend. He has a couple and I have never felt jealous or suspicious. He is very open with me and he would rather talk to me than her. I know these women just like I know his male friends. If there were ever a time when he does not want me to meet his friend (male or female) then I would begin to be suspicious about something (not necessarily a relationship but something isn't right)
He does talk to them occasionally with them on the phone and have met for lunch once and awhile (they work in the same town close to each other) but these are things he does with his male friends as well. The one he has been closest to (she has been a friend of his since highschool) has been both single and together with people and their relationship hasn't changed. Just like I have a male friend that I talk to and he comes over even when my husband is not around. My husband knows I am in no way attracted to this man and would never ever develop a romantic relationship with him. But it's fun to have him around sometimes for another adult around when I am surrounded by children otherwise.

So for me I think it is very much ok for a man to develop a friendship with a female. Of course it all depends on the person, some men and women have a hard time being friends with the opposite sex. Just be open and honest and trusting and I think you will be able to tell if your husbands relationship with another person isn't quite right.

It depends on the couple. Some couples work very well this way, while others could never handle it. Generally what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Can the wife have male friends that the husband is not friends with? A married couple should consider their mates feelings and insecurities and respect them. Secrets are a bad idea and are bound to weaken (if not destroy) the marriage.

Absolutely not. I have seen the happiest of the marriages destroyed by these friendships. They are emotional affairs, and they can be more damaging than the physical ones.

Both my husband and I have friendships with the opposite sex, and have since we were married in our 30's. I have never had a moment's doubt about his dedication to our marriage, and as far as I know, neither has he. Possessiveness and jealous limitations would diminish both of us.

But it probably depends a great deal on the couple. Some people are more mature, well-balanced, or less overtly "sexual" than others. Most of the men who are my friends, for example, are classic "geeks," much more interested in ideas and projects than women. Since I'm rather geeky myself, we have great conversations, talk about important things (sometimes even counsel each other on relationship problems), and understand each other comfortably. It's really nice to have those friendships enriching my life.

A few men at the other extreme can't look at women without thinking in terms of sexual conquest. And most guys are probably somewhere in between – wouldn't pursue a woman they're not dedicated to, but might not be able to resist an affair if it sits in their laps. And of course there are women who are suckers for temptation, too.

So there's no such thing as a one-size-fits-all rule. Get to know your guy, and go from there.

I am a dinosaur. Old fashion what ever you might want to call it. I am not a sharing person with my husband. He can have all the men friends he wants. As far as having a close friendship with a women I do not know. NEVER! It will not happen on my watch. Call it jealous , insecure, not trusting.......I might be all of that. I co not care It not right in my eyes.

Absolutely.

I for one am friends with many married men, and always have been.

Shoe on the other foot... my oldest friend has been dating an Eastern European man for several years. He works REALLY hard at allowing her to have friendships with men. Because his upbringing is that women are not *allowed* to be friends with men, married or otherwise... while men, of course, are allowed to spend time with anyone. (The idea being the opposite as it is here... that men can control themselves while women cannot).

Personally I find it offensive that entire sexes are shoved into categories. In E Europe that women cannot control themselves, and in the US that men cannot control themselves.

I dont see aproblem with it if both partners are friends amd you know the other person. I have a male friend, I worked with him (when I was working and became extemly close with his wife. I talk to her every day and we hang out when ever we can, are kids are also very close. I talk to him on the phone very often (usually about drama at the place I use to work, but laso TV shows and our kids). My husband talks to a women he works with on the phone sometimes as well. I talk to her as well and we have gone to their house often (our eldest is the same age as theirs).
I think it really depends on the person and that you have trust with both your spouse and this person to feel comfortable with it. It would matter to me if the person was single with out kids cause they are at a different point in their life and there woudl really be nothing in common. But again I think it comes down to trust.

Edit I brought thi sup to my husband and he said that there has to be a common intrest for it to be even considered okay. He talks to a girl when he goes Down HIll biking (have known weach other for years) they ride together (I dont), or someone from work, again comon. He said if it was some radom person then no it would not be okay, there has to be a comon link to make een remotely acceptable.

Not my husband! I'm his wife! What does he really need a female friend for? I'm suppose to be his best friend and if he needs a friendship with another woman then he can have that but I'm not going to be waiting around for that "friendship" to turn into more.

Well I personally think it is very wrong. If you are married you should not being having close personal conversations and relationships with the opposite sex. If you can can't confide in your spouse and are seeking it elsewhere then that is starting an emotional affair. And even if it is innocent at first having a close friendship like that is how people start to like one another and that is how affairs happen. It is usually little by little the friends get closer and closer as the spouse gets pushed farther out of the picture. So for me if my hubby was talking on the phone with some girl I would tell him to stop.

NO!! Watch the movie "When Harry Met Sally" He said it best....and I believe him, and I've seen and know it first hand....Guys and girls cannot be friends because the 'sex' part always gets in the way. There is always one person in the relationship if not both that will develop feelings!!

My husband and I do not think it is okay. I have a few old guy friends from before I ever met my husband, but we rarely talk anymore, and when we do, it's usually a quick little email.

My husband won't even close the door to his office when female workers come in to talk, or go on alone lunch dates with them.

For one, you never know the other person's motives, you surely don't want to have the appearance of something going on, and a relationship shouldn't be cultivated that could emotionally lead to becoming better friends with them then a spouse.

This doesn't have anything to do with not feeling secure in a relationship, nor not trusting one's spouse, simply precautions as things happen and it's better not to even entertain the idea.

I wouldn't, and don't care. Not all relationships are sexual, most aren't sexual. Who cares. Enjoying a persons company isn't the same as wanting to marry and settle down with them or have an affair. A friend is a friend no matter what they have "between the legs".
If one party of a married couple feels the need to "hide" their friends from the other there are probably deeper issues in that marriage that need to be worked on. If it is just a matter of they happened to have not met yet then, no biggie. This goes for both gender friends really.

I didn't read your answers, but here are my 2 cents. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends - well, maybe equal in high school. In college I went out with the guys on the night they male bonded and left their gfs home and also when we all went out as a group. This worked great until we all got married and over time I wasn't thought of as one of the guys anymore. I don't really know what changed, but it was a huge loss for me. After always being much closer to the men, I hadn't developed strong friendships with the women and I've mostly lost contact with the whole group - we are all spread out, so there aren't a lot of regular events anyway and everyone has kids with all their activities, but I do miss my friends.

I travel a lot for work, and most of my coworkers are male, so during travel I regularly go out to dinner with them, and many times there are just 2 of us in the field. Depending on where we are, people more often than not, assume a guy and girl together are a couple. You end up knowing a lot about each other and having inside jokes (that may be shared by the whole office, but not outsiders).

So this is my history, I've always had strong friendships with men, here is my answer to your poll. Yes, it is OK to have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, but you can not let that get in the way of your relationship with your spouse, and on this issue, the spouse is right - if they are not comfortable with the friendship, you MUST alter your behavior. The phone conversations should be infrequent, not spending hours a day talking or texting, more like contact about a specific event or issue, and the husband should not spend more time going out with this friend than he does with his spouse, especially one on one, as we say around my office (referring to work, but it applies to all of life) "perception is everything". If something looks or seems inappropriate, you have to fix that, no matter what the reality is.

I read a number of the responses and clearly there is a divide in opinions - nothing wrong with that!!

Seems to me it might be best for you and your husband to find your own comfort zone in this through a good, honest discussion and come to a conclusion that feels best for you.

I think it's fine. My husband teaches in an English Department--if he wasn't friends with women in the department he wouldn't have any friends--and I'm glad he does. I have become friendly with some of them, really good friends with a select few, but mostly they're his friends. I have a number of male friends from work too and it's not a problem. I guess I trust my husband and he trusts me and it's nothing I give much thought to--although, we do work in the same building on campus, so it's not like we don't know each others coworkers/friends.

I wouldn't be cool with it really. I was just saying that to my husband the other night. I'd almost rather he had a random one night stand, than develop and serious emotional connection with another woman. Obviously neither would go over well, lol, but emotional connections are more powerful (usually) than brief sexual encounters.

That being said, my husband is very friendly, and has had good women friends before that he met mainly through work. They were friends of mine too though, and I trusted them and loved them, so it seemed ok. I would never be ok with him calling a woman that I didn't consider a friend though.

K

Ummm...No. Many relationships end up in divorce because of this. Married Men are supposed to share everything with their spouces and vice versa. Do you think it's fair that woman have friendships with men and call them all the time? No it's not at all. My husbands best friend (male) passed away 2 years ago, all of a sudden it was okay for his sister to call him constantly. His excuse was he feels he owes it to his best friend to be sure his sister is always okay. well my response was I tell you what buddy - you have a family and no matter what you're family comes first. and if you are going to see if some girl is okay before you are sure your family is okay then don't waste my time. besides she has her own family to depend on. I know it doesn't seem right but where was she before he passed? And he was sick for many years. There's a limit you put to things and that was the limit. woman get too personal with men and it often leads to other things that are not intentionally thought of.

I'm secure enough in my marriage and relationship with my husband that it would not bother me one bit. I'm sure my husband would say the same. To us, it wouldn't matter if they are married or single. The key is that we are both open and honest, and communicate this with each other.

Just because someone of the opposite gender is pursuing a friendship does not mean that they want to hop in bed with them or destroy a marriage. A lot of my male friends are co-workers and have young kids that are my kids' ages and interests similar to me (we do have single guys too). I've never met most of their wives, not because we're trying to hide anything but because most of them work too and our paths never cross. The guys I know are a lot of fun to hang with but several of them aren't attractive whatsoever and even with the good-looking ones I've never thought "wow, it'd be great to have a roll in the hay with them". I have a fantastic husband and wonderful children and don't need to look for that sort of companionship outside of the home, but at the same time there's nothing wrong with assuming friendships regardless of the gender.

I know I'm outside of the norm, but I guess my self-security level is pretty high.

Calling each other on cellphones???? NOT normal or good.

In my twenties, I believed in the male/female friendship thing, and I can say, after much experience with having affairs and being cheated on myself, that the male/female friendship thing is for the most part a myth. There are a few, rare exceptions.

If she's single, well then of course it's fine. If a person is married or in a relationship -- close friendships of members of the opposite sex are almost always things that should be avoided, lest they cause temptation. I know if I ever became good friends with someone I found attractive, I might not have any self-control. So I don't put myself in that situation any more.

No No No. No. NO! Emotional closeness should be reserved for your spouse. It leaves your spouse out in the cold and leaves the door wide open to intimacy. Number one complaint of married women is a lack of emotional intimacy - sharing that with someone else spells divorce! I have a few long time male friends and when I got serious with my sweetie, I let them all know. "Hey I'm in a serious relationship. I love you but I have to be respectful of him and give this 100%." Then it's maybe a text on Fathers Day, birthday, and Christmas. Short and sweet, no sharing and caring. They have all been very supportive of that arrangement and happy for me.

I think that's an absolute no-no. I totally understand needing friends other than your spouse, but those should be same-sex friendships. It doesn't matter what your intentions are, romance usually sparks out of friendship. I would never want to put myself in a situation where somewhere in the future I might find myself having romantic feelings towards someone other than my husband. I also wouldn't want to put myself in a situation where I might become better friends with someone other than my husband. (Which is one of the reasons I think it's better to have same-sex friends who are also in a committed relationship, so they will understand when you choose your husband/wife over them)
Not to mention that it can spark all kinds of doubt, jealousy, fear, and anger in your marriage if one partner has an opposite-sex friend. I would even drop one of my female friends if my husband felt the friendship was interfering with our marriage! I value my marriage, and my children, above ALL else. There are just too many negatives that go along with an opposite-sex friendship. (And this is coming from a woman who is a tom-boy and has never really gotten along with other women =) I always had male friends before I was married. But my husband means more to me than they ever did!)

I think that it is trouble waiting to happen. I have been in a similar situation and it was not a good thing. I used to work with a guy and was friends with him and his wife. I am married and we used to do things as a couples but I would call and talk to him occasionally on the phone things that were work related and his wife did not like it even though she knew me. It starte causing friction between them so we stopped calling each other.

My husband in another situation likes to aggravate people and be funny. He has absolutely no clue when women are flirting. I was friendly with one girl that I knew and liked and he worked with her and used to aggravate her and talk to her at work and she started calling him and he started calling her and she then tried to get him to leave me for her. Needless to say it caused problems between us for awhile. So it is better not to set yourself with that.

My husband is friends with a woman that he has known for years and years and they do talk on the phone occassionally, and I am okay with it but only because . . .

* She is his best friend's wife and doesn't appear to be unhappy in her relationship.
* I am also her friend and probably talk to her on the phone more often than he does.
* He only talks to her ocassionally and only to exchange information about an upcoming event (birthday party and such) or maybe just to say "Hi".
* My husband has always been clearly devoted to me and our children and really doen't have much free time to carry on an affair even if he wanted to.

Now, I have heard my husband on the phone with his friends and their conversations are boring. It's all about sports, work, the grub they are eating or maybe a funny thing that happened at work. And I'm sure that when I'm on the phone with my girlfriend, my husband thinks are conversation is boring also because it is all about what we are up to, possibly work, our relationships and other friendships, our desires, a sharing of confidences, and self-improvement. So, if I don't know this woman, knowing how men and women tend to converse with each other, I would have to wonder what they heck they are talking about. Is it about the latest NFL lineup? Is it about the double bacon cheese burger that he grubbed on earlier that day? Or is it about her latest dysfuctional boyfriend or whatever else she needs to work out in her life. If the conversations are about her personal life, her feelings and her needs, then the relationship is clearly inappropriate. He doesn't need to come to her emotional rescue; he already has a wife and family that he needs to take care of. And she needs to find an available man that wants to be with her and can.

Just my thoughts on the matter.

I'm going to answer from a woman's point of view.

When I was in college, my best friend was a gay guy. When he found a boyfriend, I thought we could still be best friends because he's gay. But his boyfriend had a big problem with that. I backed out and realized that I can't be friends with a guy if he's attached. Doesn't matter if he's gay or married.

When my ex-boyfriend got divorced, he contacted me again because he needed a friend. Even though I didn't like his ex-wife, I didn't want to be "that friend" especially since I'm married. I gave him his space and let him grow up. He eventually moved on and re-married. I met his second wife and like her a lot more and even though there's more trust with her, I am still not pursuing a friendship with him. But I believe he knows that I care about him as a person.

I became friends with my husband's best friend when he was still single. We did things together and it wasn't a problem with my husband. My husband's best friend eventually became my best friend too.

However, when he got married, we stopped hanging out. But now that my guy best friend is "gone", my husband became my best friend and I think our marriage is stronger. He's still my best guy friend and we call each other on the phone and talk, we just don't hang out alone.

Actually, come to think about it, we stopped hanging out before he got married because people started thinking he was my husband, not my husband. My husband is a very busy person and I guess we were out in public together more often. My husband didn't care but my parents did give me a hard time about the perception we were giving.

To me, it doesn't matter if the relationship is not physical or sexual. To be a alone with a person of the opposite sex is tempting fate. I don't want to brag but men still hit on me even though I'm wearing a ring or am with my child. No matter how committed a man is, men are wired to think sexually. So it doesn't matter if a man shows me that he's physically attracted to me and my decisions are not based on how much my husband and I trust each other.

The reason I don't hang out with my married guy friends alone is because I trust that my guy friends love me and respect me for only having "alone time" with my husband and I don't have to prove how much I'm committed to my friendship with my guy friends. If my guy friends need a friend, his wife should be his number one. If he wants my friendship, my husband and I will both be there for them as a couple.

And no matter what, I also believe that a man should go to his wife first for everything. No matter how much I adore and care for my guy friends, his first priority should be how his wife feels and needs, not our friendship.

I think it is inviting temptation in. I think your spouse should be your closest friend of the opposite sex. Having a "friend" like that takes something away from your marriage. Having friends at work is normal and having mutual friends is great, but there should be clear boundaries in friendships with the opposite sex. Time alone and frequent phone conversations cross the line, in my opinion. It is something I think a husband and wife have to discuss and agree upon, declaring the boundaries that work for their marriage. I am especially wary of unmarried friends of the opposite sex. Unless it was his BFF since elementary school there are not many exceptions to this.

If everything is out in the open between the married couple then it isn't a big thing. If it becomes something where there are secrets or things go on that you would not want your spouse to see/hear/know then a line has been crossed.

no I don't think it's ok. I do not have any other guy friends and my husband has a few girls that he has to work with (he is in security) but we are all friends and they are all married and have kids and we all get together and have fun. So I'm not worried about those girls.

My best friend is a guy. We've known each other since we were sixteen and seventeen (so fourteen years now) and the relationship has NEVER been sexual.

No! Single or Married Woman, both ways it's no.

My husband's best friend is a woman he used to work with. He's known her longer than me, she is married, and there was never any attraction between them. They no longer work together but they talk on the phone pretty often and will meet for lunch occasionally. Now, if my husband were to start a close friendship like that now with another women (especially a single woman) it would probably make me feel uncomfortable.

It helps that I have good amount a lot of time with this woman and her husband, and I feel completely comfortable with both of them, they have a healthy relationship. Also when my husband talks to her on the phone, he will stay in the same room as me so I never feel like he's hiding anything.

Is it ok for a married man to have a female friend? If the married man's wife is ok with it...then YES. If the married man's wife is not ok with it...then NO.

I think its ok as long as they don't flirt or anything, and as long as the spouse has met this person too. I've made plenty of male friends at work that were just friends. I once got a ride home from a guy at work because I had a flat tire and my apt was on his way home. His girlfriend got insanely jealous when she heard that he gave me a ride, and she started accusing him of all kinds of things. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.

Yes. As long as they are long time friends from childhood, etc. But not a new friend. That would be suspicious.

this is a hard for me. i would have to meet this woman! because it seems as though some women now days are so scandelous they just don't care, but on the other hand i have to look at women like me who has developed friendships with married men. but i have no problem meeting/talking with/hanging out with his wife if that is how it ends up being. i refuse to cheat or condone cheating so i would never go after someone's man/husband, and if i thought that was the way he was trying to steer the freindship that way i would end that friendship right away. some people just click and they don't have to "like" each other in that way. but i keep the hanging out and calling to a bare minium out of respect for his woman/wife. and if she felt uncomfortable about our friendship then i would have to respect that and just be friends at work.