This may sound like a wierd question. I am potty training my 2 1/2 year old daughter, and all is going well. She gets a little plastic bug each time she goes in the potty (she is obsessed with bugs!) The problem is, I have a 3 1/2 year old who doesn't seem to understand why she can't have a bug/incentive, too, when her little sister uses the potty. How can I reward the little one without making the older one feel bad? She does have a sticker incentive chart for doing chores and sharing, but she feels bad that her sister gets a little bug and she just gets a sticker (once she has 5 stickers she gets to choose a prize). Any ideas? Am I being too soft? Thanks for the input!
Maybe you can give her a bug instead of a sticker until the potty training is complete. Better yet, give her the option and let her choose if she would rather have a bug or have the stickers with a treat after five stickers. Make it clear that she can't have both.
G.,
I have one. She needs something that will benefit both of you for her to earn. Sure a little job chart is cool but obviously she wants something a little more tangible. What is another milestone that she needs to hit? I was thinking about rewarding her with a plastic whatever for say, putting on her own shoes (Sandals). Something that isn't on the "job sticker chart" but that she can't do yet, but could do easily. It is so fun to reward children, they love it and love you more in return. It is a win win situation! Hope that helps.
V.
married 8.5 yrs, dd is 6, tc #2 for 5 yrs, filling out adoption paperwork! Wish us luck!
I am going to sound like the hard one here, but it is your 2 1/2 year olds special treat. You take the special out of it when her sister gets something. What is that teaching either one of them? Just explain that she got treats when she went to the potty and it is part of the process of potty training. I had a friend that actually went out and got the one child a bday gift when it was her other daughters special day! Drove me nuts as a birthday is a childs special day that happens once a year and it is a parents job to teach the other children that!!! That isn't teaching children anything as life doesn't work like that later on. She may be only 3 1/2 but explain it is part of her little sister becoming a big girl and it is just for her and it won't be forever.
Your daughter won't get the same things in life as her other siblings each time and teaching them that is so important. You may not want your older one to feel badly, but teaching her to think of someone other then herself is a huge gift.
My immediate thought was to get a bug or other similar toy collection for big sister to choose from for working on her hardest task right now. For example, if you are trying to work on her cleaning her room, or picking up her toys, or eating her dinner without fighting or whatever her biggest challenge is right now. When she does whatever it is exactly how you want her to, rather than a sticker for that task, she'll get a toy, too. She can have stickers for the other things, but the toy for just that one task when she does it. That way she doesn't feel left out, and is working on her own issues at the same time. Good luck.
life isn't fair, as much as us moms would love it to be for our kids. Maybe there is another way you could reward her with the bugs
What about having older sister 'help' potty train? I'll explain. I was trying to think why I don't have trouble with my children complain about not getting anything on their siblings' birthday, and I realized: I make a big deal about them helping pick out a present - even if it's just from the dollar store, they're all in on making the birthday special. So what about having big sis give little sis the prize - and helping you watch for when she gets one, of course!
Good luck -
N Wilson
I am glad that you asked this. I am about to start trying to potty train my son, and I anticipate that this will be a problem with my kids. I planned on using M&M's or marshmellows or something as a reward, so I figured it was no big deal to give one to my daughter, but I didn't want it to seem less special for my son...I will be interested in reading your responses!
Just had this with my know 4 and 2.5 year old. My daughter is very logical and we just talked often about the specil things she gets now she is older. I told her how she got this and that while she was trainging at this same age as her brother. I was able to show her actual toys she earned (or made up I gave it to her since she didn't remember). We always talk with both about how they are different and there are times when one get something and the other does not..like when one has a birthday. they are starting to get it and she stopp whining. Rather, she started to get excited for her brother and would say: I can't wait for you to get trained so you can pick out a fish...then i can show you how to take care of it together. Maybe it is easier for a boy and girl to understand as they have different interests some in toys. Also use the model of you and your husband or something. Like Dad just got this great bike...but I am not sad as I know maybe sometime i wil get something cool that I want...just not right now.
G.,
I see your 3 1/2 years old point of view perfectly.
Probably because I feel the same way when a carrier that I have been loyal to for years offers a special incentive to a new customer and I receive not even a thank you.
Questions:
Why does your 2 1/2 year old get a plastic bug EVERYTIME
she goes potty? If that is something that also would make your 3 1/2 year old happy, could she not receive one for using the bathroom also? Are you going to cut your 2 1/2 year old off cold turkey when going to the bathroom is a habit like appearly you have with your older child?
What I would suggest is you treat both girls equally.
The sticker system could work for both. Perhaps its every three stickers instead of five.
I invite you to see your world through your 3 1/2 year old's eyes, not only with this one. Something tells me that this is only the tip of the iceberg.
With my whole heart,
C. TLC (Transition Life Coach)
Loving Connections LLC
Sorry to burst your bubble but I think there should be no rewards to going potty. My 4 year old was potty trained in a motessori setting and just had great praise. I am now training my 2 year old and although it is difficult I am NOT going to use a reward system. An occasional "high five" but no candy, stickers, etc. I know that may be difficult for you now but maybe the further you get the less bugs you give. Just another suggestion.
I agree that life isn't fair and that is something that should be taught early on, but I think Jill offered a really good solution, it doesn't take away from the younger DD's accomplishment, and allows your oldest DD a choice in her reward.
