PTA: To Volunteer or Not to volunteer....That Is the Question!

Hi A....I'm the mother of 4 daughters (now adults) - my reason for involvement was to have reason to be at the school...gave me great insite as to what was new and the happenings without looking like a spy...I recommend being involved and just ignoring some of the pettyness that women sometime display....Also got to know the teachers on a different level and made myself visible to the daughters who ended up liking me being there...the best to you I suggest involvement....

I'm a FT working mom of 2 (13 & 18). When my kids were elementary school as well as HS, I wanted to be involved so much to help my kids schools. I would chair fund raisers, make copies, work book fairs, send in baked goods, etc. As much as a working mom could do. When my 13 year old was in 2nd grade I decided to work only with the teachers directly if they needed help and even that was hard. I found the stay home moms to be downright rude because you weren't there everyday and part of their group. They really make you feel unwelcome and an outcast. It's really a shame when you have willing parents who want to volunteer because it's so hard to recruit help, but when you are treated so poorly I don't want to be part of it. Even my husband feels that way and I only thought it was a woman thing.

A., I think it depends upon the group dynamics whether a PTO Board is a success or failure. I've not officially been involved with the PTO, but I have several conversations a week with the PTO President, so I'm up on what's going on, and have helped out with setup for functions and fundraising.
When my son started Kindergarten this past Fall, I told myself that I was going to "lay low" for the first year. I was very involved with fundraising and parental involvement in my son's preschool, but it made sense to me to get a feel for things before I jumped in at the big school.

I would be happy to serve on the PTO next year, but as a full-time working mother am a little concerned about time commitments. Even as a non-participant, we sometimes have two school functions to go to in a week - what will it be like if I'm on the Board? It seems as though the working mom President lives at the school!

I think this may explain low involvement levels for working parents. What with kids committed to all kinds of after-school things and carting them around here and there, there's a decreasing amount of family time, which PTO involvement does cut into. The advice about multi-lingual representation on the Board is a fantastic idea, and if you can get past the cliques (I don't think ours has one, just some people don't follow throgh on their commitments), you're good to go!

A.:

I started in PTA when my oldest was in pre-school- was a worker bee for a couple of years, taking a year off when my mom became terminally ill and then served as president the last year my youngest attended pre-school.

Currently I am slated to become president at my kids' school for next year (they are in a K-8 school). I was hoping to get a few more years in as a worker bee before taking the leap, but our VP can't take over as scheduled because she was elected to the School Board this past year and is a conflict of interest for her to be a PTSA President. So I was kindly pursued until I accepted.

For me, it's important that my children know that I value their education enough to get involved with their school. I am usually a full-time working mom, so PTSA is my way of staying connected. There are so many positives to being a member- too many to list them all- but it's a great place for personal growth and developing leadership skills, I've met some fabulous people through PTA, and my kids are proud that their mom is involved. It's been proven that kids do better in school when their parents are involved- that's all the incentive I need!

We, too of course would like more parent involvement- I think it's the biggest challenge of any PTA. Good Luck!

T.

A. - ESL School make sure you are putting out all the info. in the home language. Make sure some people on the PTO Board speak the home language. I am assuming it is Spanish, am I wrong?

Cultural events are a good way to get parents involved on both sides. Those who want to share and those who want to learn more about the unique cultures/influences of parents/families in the school.

All board members need to be open and friendly. Always return calls, email, notes from parents asking questions. If you are going to ask for help have a plan in place to take the responses, sort them, and get back to people with a way to plug in their time and talent.

I have been greatly turned off in the past like many others here by board members who were unable to be inclusive, uncaring of others situation (ie working), or unbelievably shortsighted (not willing to consider new ideas).

I now have three of my 4 kids in school all three are at different schools. The most welcoming of the PTO's where I particiapte the most is a Spanish Bilingual School. I just love working with the Spanish speaking parents and the cultural influences my daughter sees due to their participation. It is awesome to sit with my daughter and her friends and hear her speaking fluently in Spanish. Then she'll talk with another parent about a mile a minute while I wait to be filled in on what has been said. This school is warm and welcoming to all the parents no matter what.

Good luck with your group. J.

I had the same experience as Natalie:( Also they never seemed to take input from new members, so I backed out after two years.

I was/am very involed in the ways I know are good for me and my children--Scout Leader, Cheer Parent, room parent/teacher helper! So, I do feel just because your not on PTA that doesn't mean your not involved or don't care.

Hey A.,
I am also on the PTO at my son's elementary school. This is my first year as President but I have volunteered at each of my children's schools since my daughter (now 14) has been in kindergarten. I really think it is just the kind of person you are. We have the same handful of people who come to the meetings, help with events, and come into the classroom. We have been told we are a very welcoming committee and people feel comfortable around us but still not too many volunteers. I think you either are a volunteer or your not. We did start a volunteer book. We sent a flyer out the first week of school listing all of the events we would be involved in during the school year and had parents sign up for each event so throughout the year we can go through the book and call volunteers as we need them. We also send out thank you cards when anyone does anything to help. Hope this helps

I was in it, and it is a suspicious group. I was in it because my sons were in school. I was in charge of organizing an event, and then they cancelled the event that year, but did it the next. They used my notebook to organize the event the next year, and notes I had made were useful for them. I gave them money each year my kids were in school. I feel one should give money for their projects, or attend the meetings. I honor you for your participation in your community and your childrens lives.

I was actively involved in the PTO at my daughter's school her first two years there (this is her 4th year), and I actually was the PTO secretary for a time. While I was on PTO, parental participation was very low, so I did a survey to determine why people did not participate in PTO, and what we could do better. Resoundingly the answer was that other parents thought the PTO board was "cliquish and unwelcoming," and by and large, this was true - I experienced it first hand, and I resigned as secretary.

At first I was all "gung ho" to make a difference, to be involved, because I strongly believe that a child's experience at school and his/her relationships with staff and peers are enhanced when parents are actively involved.

What I quickly realized was that, at least at my daughter's school, the PTO had been run the same way for many years, and they were not interested in new ideas. They put on the SAME fundraisers every year, and the SAME activities for the kids every year. The board had been comprised of the SAME individuals for many years, and therefore adding me to the board was just essentially adding another pair of hands. Well, I don't work well like that - I have opinions and ideas, and I want my voice to be heard. The other board members were very resistant to change under the guise of "this is how it's always been done."

The other moms on the PTO were also SAHM's, and I found I really had nothing in common with them - the PTO was their job, whereas I was trying to fit volunteering around my full-time job and active church involvement.

So, it didn't work out for me, and I don't volunteer for much anymore. I have a good rapport with the principal of my daughter's school, as well as with my daughter's teachers, so I am still involved in non-PTO events, such as chaperoning field trips etc.

I think every parent should find some way to be a face at their child's school - PTO isn't the only avenue for that. And I'm sure every PTO is not created equally, but I realized it wasn't a good fit for me. Another respondent said there are just those made to volunteer and those that are not. In my experience with PTO, there are those made to follow blindly, and there are those that are not. I think the key to a good PTO is to make parents feel welcome, and to make them feel like their opinions matter. The PTO board should give others a say in activities, as opposed to planning the activities and saying "this is what we're going to do - this is what we need you to do." The questions should really be "what would you like to do," and "how would you like to help?"

I am at the end of my PTO career. With my first child I was more involved, but as I enter middle school, the children get so busy I've run out of time. The advantages beyond what was mentioned is knowing the dynamics of the school, his friends and gettting to know the other families. I have met parents that have become great friends who I talk to often even though our children aren't close friends. I have also met parents that my children are not allowed to go to their house even though my child likes their child.

With limited involvement keep the activities limited. Remember that some families have time and financial restraints that you may not have. That's the greatest lesson I learned. I also volunteer to raise funds for the school through local businesses. I feel this helped some of our strapped parents afford field trips, etc without adding cost to the other families.

I currently am part of our PTO in a public school. I have also been thinking a lot recently about how to get more involvement realizing that many parents both work full time and have several other committments. One thing that made me want to be a part of it is that I realized that I could focus on assisting with the areas I enjoyed the most - teacher appreciation and family fun. I let other people who enjoy the fundraising handle that. One goal I have for our PTO next fall is to have a booth at Open House for parents to check specific areas of interest. My thinking is if people realized that being a part of the PTO does not mean you have to be involved with every component, it may help them feel less overwhelmed thus more likely to commit. One thing that made me hesitant to commit a few years ago is the feeling that maybe what I had to offer time-wise or talent-wise wouldn't make that much difference. I think if we can tap into parent's areas of interest and also encourage them somehow to feel capable, we might boost volunteerism. Good for you for leading in your school's PTA! I'm sure the school is benefited by it!

While it's been a very long time, I became part of a PTO in my kids school because I felt that unless I was willing to be involved, my opinion wasn't relevant. Everyone has opinions on programs, teachers, etc. and are most happy to share them and expect change if suggested. Only when you become involved can you get insight into those issues and can be part of the change or know why they can't be. Good for you! It's a very rewarding experience.

I have never sat on the board, but I definitely voluntered my time and help.I voluntered because I wanted to help and I liked most of the women on the board.The biggest turn off is if the board acts like a click or that they are superior over the other parents at the school.

I was a 'chronic volunteer' at my children's schools for many years. I became involved when my first child started kindergarten and there was always a need for parent volunteers in a variety of roles. I was elected to the school's parent advisory board and served as secretary, VP and president over the years. I enjoyed my involvement and learned a great deal, but I can tell you that burnout sets in after a while. My oldest recently graduated, and I can also say that since she started school in 1994 there has been a dramatic drop in parent involvement, so those parents who have stayed involved are tapped out by the time their kids reach high school. And then there's the politics: I can't tell you how many of us involved with school organizations have had friendships sour, people calling to rant at us, parents who won't let their kids play with ours (I'm not kidding) over some school issue. Usually these parents have strong opinions but don't get involved themselves. It gets old. I don't regret being involved all those years, because I met a lot of great people and I knew what was going on in my kids' school, sometimes more than I wanted to! But at this point I've stepped back and have adjusted to being out of the loop. It's someone else's turn.

Hi A.,

I have been involved in the past. The board members had great presentation for the school... went all out. They were very PROFESSIONAL about everything they did. They were very welcoming to anybody and everybody. What a rarity!!! My husband and I have many interests, talents and resources. These things have greatly benefited events put on by the PTO in the past.

This year we have moved to a different school. I tried meeting with the PTO reps at the open house... I stood there at their table for 15 minutes waiting for them to finish their gossip-fest... then other parents who came in (who they apparently knew, and were probably part of their clique) and they went over to talk w/ the other parents. I tried butting in by saying "excuse me, I'd like info. on the PTO" and they'd look at me w/ a nod of the head and a finger up for "just a minute". So I signed up on the sheets for what events I could help with. I went on to the classrooms, then came back by the PTO table.. same situation all over again. I never not once have recieved a call this year! Not once! Some people have alot to offer, and they're overlooked b/c they don't appear to fit in w/ the "clique". I think it's sad.

One of the greatest things from the previous school, was that on the PTO membership form.. they asked what your interests, hobbies, and special skills were. Then they tried to plug you in accordingly w/ your interests. People are more likely to volunteer if it's something they LIKE, and they're comfortable doing.

I tried to go to 3 or 4 meetings with our PTO but they all knew eachother, were friends together, talked about things they already knew were going on without giving the full information to those of us that were new. They also seem to pick and choose who they let into thier little circle.
I volunteer for the book fair now and no longer go to any meetings or try to participate.

Vary your meeting times. Alternate your meeting between the mornings and evenings so that everyone gets a chance.

Solicit email addresses from parents, this is the easiest way to get the parents involved these days.

Work to get at least one official room parent for each class. This person should be instructed to contact and work with the teacher to get involvement from the parents in their class.

Inform the parents that EVERY PARENT is automatically on the PTO. You do not "sign up" for it. If they came to all the meetings, ok. If they come to only 1 meeting, ok . There is no obligation. If they want to help and can not come to any meetings, make sure that you get them the information about your activities.

Set up a message board (like yahoo groups) and keep a well updated calendar including all events, 1/2 days and perhaps even the school lunch calendar. This way they know where they can go for a one stop source of information. When they are there - they are drawn just a bit deeper as they learn something new and exciting.

If you have access to phone numbers - call parents. Often between homework and work and dinner and everything else that working families are dealing with, they are not as excited about the flyers coming home in their child's bookbag. Call them in advance of a meeting with a poll to help determine how the PTO should approach an issue or fundraiser. People like to help.

Be available at every open house, school carnival, book fair, etc. Wear a certain color or name badge. If parents know you are on the PTO it is easier for them to start a conversation, easier to find something that peaks their interest.

Poll, Poll, Poll. What are they interested in? People are more apt to participate when they find the activity appealing.

A.,

First of all, I admire you for haveing stepped up to take on a leadership role in shaping your children's future. You will also make a huge impact on his peers. A blessing in disguise.

I was the president of the PTA when my son was in a school for k-2. We had approximately 7 mom's that came. There were 4 class rooms of 22-27 students of each grade level. You would think more parents would step up with their children being so young, but....

You will find it is the same where ever you go, pto-a job-political groups, there are only a few that will actually take the time to become involed. Subsequently, they are the ones who make the rules.

We use to offer incentives for the classroom that had the mose parent participation. I don't remember how it worked, but it did not increase the numbers in our meetings. (this was 15 years ago)

My involvement was because I needed to know what my child was into and who he was into it with. I believe because of my involvement in his class, his graduating class had a higher percentage of students that excelled.

Don't get discouraged. Do what is best for you and your children, and pray you find more parents with like minds.

I was on the PTO board when my oldest son was in early elementary. I got burned out and frustrated by teacher criticism that we "weren't doing what we did last year". We weren't! The pres was a full time working single mom. Bless her heart for stepping up, but the previous pres had been a para-pro and at the school all day. That year my job got much more demanding and my middle son started having emotional difficulties. I was constantly stressed. That's when I stopped. I feel guilty but relieved! It was beginning to feel like I was missing out on time with the family in order to volunteer. I do sign up on the sheets that they send out for individual tasks, but have never been contacted. I think its harder for working parents to volunteer. I think thats why our school has trouble. People are tired!