Sleepover Gone Wrong

Kid's parties are so hard these days with everybody so busy. When I have parties for my girls, I always over invite, that way when only 1/4 of the kids show up there are still plenty of kids there. I'm assuming since it was a sleepover that you know all of the parents personally. We only have sleepovers with girls that we know the families. I always call ahead when inviting to introduce myself and get to know them. My husband teaches where the girls go to school, so a lot of the parents know him. We also have the parents drop off, come in and stay for awhile for pizza or whatever so they are comfortable with leaving the kids. If they aren't we give a call when things are winding down and the kids are ready to go home. Sleep overs are hard these days. If it were me, I would call the parents next time maybe even before you send the invitations, just to warn them. You may get a better response with a personal invitation.

I'd call the ones you know and say "I'm sorry Saturday didn't work for you, I wish I would have known so we could reschedule. I'd still like _____ to have her party, is there a better day for you?"

Good Morning,
First of all you didn't mention how old your daughter is.
Also I would have called and talked to the mothers. Did you have an RSVP on the invitation? Are the girl's still friends? Maybe your daughter could tell the girls that she really missed them and get an answer as to why they didn't come to her party.
Good Luck K.

Call those parents and ask why their children did not attend. They showed appalling manners and owe you an explanation because decent people call before a party when they've accepted an invitation and then can't attend the event.

Be gracious if they express that an emergency kept them away. Things happen. But if they just blew off the party, you should make sure they know that you are disappointed and your daughter is heartbroken. Don't use an accusatory tone with them, but if you don't say something, they will not think twice about doing this again to you or someone else.

Next time there is a party, try inviting other people. Request an RSVP on the invitation, or call people before the party to confirm their attendance.

You did nothing wrong....welcome to today's world of rudeness.
Sadly it is not unusual for people to fail to respond to invitations.(I assume you put your phone # and R.S.V.P. on the invitations.)
For your childrens' sake I would make it a point to contact people you do not get a response from prior to the event to confirm whether they intend to come or not.
Even then you cannot always depend on people to actually show up.
It is a sad state of affairs and a bad example for the next generation to be sure.

I know how she feels first-hand. I invited somewhere around 30 people to my baby shower and nobody showed. Not one. It's really hurtful and still bothers me even though it was over two years ago. I don't know that there is anything you can do or say to make it any easier for her. Just tell her that you're there if she wants to talk about her feelings.

Maybe scheduling another party and making sure that the parents are called to be sure of who is coming and who isn't. Have a back-up plan just in case it doesn't work out. And, I'm not into making people jealous, but let the other girls know what a good time they missed. Might make them more interested next time. ;)

I agree that you should take other things into consideration that others have mentioned. Like, whether or not you actually talked to the parents or your daughter just asked the other girls. This is a very common thing. A girl will ask her friends to come over. They say that they'll be there but don't ask their parents until later and receive a 'no' when they do get around to asking. Safety is an issue too.

One possible thing you could do is have a mother/daughter slumber party or something. Invite the mothers of the girls tso that you can get to know the other parents if you don't already know them. Have some fun activities for everyone for a little while and then the moms can go into the living room or something and just have a good visit. Might be worth a shot, who knows?

I hope your daughter isn't too hurt and that her relationship with her friends isn't too damaged by this event.

God bless,
A.

P.S. About the time question made by another responder... It's because of the time zone set by the website. Everything on here says it's Tuesday even though it's not even 11:30 yet.

wow, this is the worst! I cannot imagine what you would of done wrong. Any invitation, verbal or written, should be given the consideration of a reponse,especially if you cannot attend. If any of these moms are your friends, I would let them know what happened, hopefully they can get together and make it up to your daughter, as for the others you do not know, I am not sure they are worth your time.
I think children are resisliant and this will pass for your daughter. As a mom though, it is so heartbreaking. I suggest you find a mom and daughter you can rely on to be there when it is important. One excellent friend you can count on, is better than a few friends who are only there when it is convenient for themselves.

I am so sorry your daughter had to feel that sad feeling of noone showing up, I understand the hurt she must have felt and I know how you are feeling. I had a party for my son when he was younger and only one out of 15 kids showed up. I believe it was just bad timing on our part and I did not ask anyone to RSVP, if your party was this weekend that could have been an issue with it being Memorial Day.
I explained to my son that we could have another party and we would do a better job of planning and asking for RSVP's

Again I am sorry you had to experience this, I know if makes parents feel bad to see their children sad.

Dannielle you do not say what the ages were.
It has been my experience that it's not just girls but boys too. We have planned hige parties, spent way more than we could afford only to have either no one show up or just one or two and they usually would not eat. Another bummer.
Sometimes it was an invite to a more popular person's party. Sometimes it was because we don't allow drinking or drugs. Sometimes it was because we were going to be there period.
They don't RSVP either. If you pin them down you get either "I'll try" or "Of course I'll be there".
It's just like with adults. Sometimes they show and sometimes not.
There's not much you can do except tell your children how wonderful you think they are and maybe do something one on one next time with just a best friend. Although you have to watch for people who will use the relationship and really not care.

I don't know that you did anything wrong. Did you invited them verbally and get a solid response? Did you invite them by phone and get a solid response? Did you invite them with a paper invitation given to the girls with an RSVP on it?
Children can be cruel to each other. Are these girls your daughter regularly plays/spends time with?
I know you feel horrid about this, I am more upset by how your daughter feels about it. What a heartbreak!! How old is your daughter?
I am more upset that the adults involved did not have the courtesy or respect for you and your daughter to let you know their child would not be able to attend. This shows a total lack of upbringing (in my opinion) and common decency. And we wonder why the US is in the shape it is today!
I will pray for you and your daughter and that healing hand of the creator will bring something very special to your daughter very soon.
P. R

I would be FURIOUS! Did they actually RSVP? Have you talked to any of them? They all owe you and your daughter an apology. Those mom's should be ashamed. Is your daughter ok, or is she totally freaked out and bummed by this? Little girls can be so mean and coniving, but apparently they don't always get better when they grow up.
I'm so sorry.

You generally have to get RSVP's for all gatherings. Many times if parents do not know you well or the children are not close, they may not feel the need to show up. I personally feel the need to get a present, which is just something extra to do when running after kids and busy schedules and running short on cash. The parents may not feel comfortable letting their kids spend the night at someone else's house or even dropping them off for a party. Additionally, parents may feel pressured if the girls all talk about an overnight and one parent says "no". Perhaps may one-on-one contacts and invite them. Sometimes parents feel out of place when they stay as well. It's hard to read other people. People are funny/odd.

I'm sorry for your daughter. I know how hurt mine would have felt if that happened to her. I learned that whenever I have a party for my daughter or now my son, if I haven't heard from the parent, I call them. If they aren't going to RSVP me, I call them. I don't know if it's proper etiquette but I do it anyway. Last year for my daughter (and this year too although I've talked to all the parents this year) I had a party at a salon. I paid for 8 girls and one of the moms said her daughter would be there. Then, the day of the party I had a feeling that she wasn't coming so I replaced her. Good thing I did. People don't think. Maybe you could try again another weekend.

How old is your daughter.
I just wonder if it was the 'just stay for the party' part that maybe made them not come.
Maybe they thought they'd be made fun of if they left early, and the parents didn't want them to spend the night.
Now...........NONE of this makes it ok that not one person called to say sorry, or to decline the invitation.
Did you have an RSVP date on there??
We just had my 4 yr. old daughter's party on Saturday. I gave people 2 weeks to reply and to those that didn't, I contacted them via email or phone prior to purchasing my food at the last minute. (2 days prior)
I don't have any plans of letting my daughter spend the night with a friend any time soon. She was invited to a 4 yr. old birthday party/ slumber party, and she was the only one not allowed to spend the night. OH WELL!!! That's how I felt and I have to protect her.
I'd contact these parents and find out WHY they didn't reply or show up. If they have legit excuses, maybe you could re-schedule and maybe leave out the slumber party part of it.
((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) to your daughter and her hurt feelings. I can't imagine.

Hi Dannielle.
We've had the same problem a few years ago. Did you pick a date close to this last holiday? If so, most parents and family members are gone fishing, camping or just spending family time with their kids and grand kids. See our oldest daughter had her sleep over a few days before her birthday, and had an actual birthday party for her a week later. Reason was because a family member had passed away on my fiance's side and was being buried on her birthdate. So the weekend before we had her sleepover so she can spend some time with her friends. Than family time and birthday was on mother's day. It is a little more special to all of us that way. My middle child's birthday is a little more difficult, due to the fact that its in the beginning of the year and everyone is still trying to unwind from Christmas and New Years. So they are a little burnt out on parties. On top there are like 10 or 11 family members between the dad and I side of the family in one month and all in almost a week together. So its pretty busy that whole month and hard for all of us. We usually cram 3 birthdays in one day. And I don't think my middle child would be able to have a sleep over unless we make it a month later. So its probably not what you did and how you did it, its just bad timing.

One thing I've noticed (with a 12 year old daughter) is if she invites the girls and gives them invitations, she has a hard time getting answers from them usually until the very last minute (typically the day of the party). If you contact the parents yourself, you get a much better concrete answer. I guess it depends on the age. Also, if they are older (6th grade through high school age), they tend to be catty - they don't like each other one day, then they like each other the next. It truly can be hour by hour. Maybe your daughter was having a bad week? I don't know - just some suggestions, not knowing her age.

Dear Dannielle,

What did you do wrong? probably nothing. I do like the idea of calling the parents if you don't get their rsvp (mentioned in another response). No, you shouldn't have to do that, but unfortunately it is not a perfect world.

A similar thing happened to me in high school, and it hurt then; it would be even worse if it happened to my child.

I bet your daughter will always rsvp! :-)

By the way, how is it that your letter is dated Tuesday while I am making the reply on Monday? just curious

K. Z.

Dannielle,

How old are the girls? Now days, parents can't be too careful. You have to worry about guns in the house, sexual predators, etc. Did you talk to the parents on the phone and personally invite them? Was it on a bad day when everyone was committed elsewhere for family holiday get togethers? The option of just come for the party seems like it should have gotten a few guests. Is there anything going on with your daughter and her friends? It's quite common for them to be friends one day and not the next. Sometimes a new girl moves into the neighborhood and the dynamics change, especially if one girl seems to lead the others and she doesn't like someone. Your daughter must be really disappointed and hurt. I'm sorry this happened to her.

i would just call the parents i knew and ask if they knew the sleepover was that night. if they knew & started playing dumb, you have your answer.

Did you an RSVP? Or, did you call before hand to make sure they had directions, etc.? Sometimes it's just a bad time for everyone. I understand your worry, but I would try not to read too much into it. If you know one of the moms well enough, you might call and tell her you were worried since you didn't hear from her....is her daughter all right? That kind of thing.

Chances are you did nothing wrong, it was just a fluke.