Transition from 2 Children to 3....what Is It Like?

It's slightly more hectic - but that's about it, from my experience. I had 1 for a long time, then went to another, then two years later, another. You get more and more experienced, so it gets easier. I would not trade any of them back for anything.

Go for it!

Hi, H. - I'm the mother of 3 kids - daughter 10, and 2 sons 7 and 3. I always envisioned having 3 kids, but once we hit 2, my husband saw the amount of work involved and felt uneasy about going beyond. For about a year we flip-flopped, and one day he suddenly came home and decided he was ready to "go for it" - but I had resigned myself to having only 2 at that point and had to take time to reacquaint myself with the idea of 3! Eventually we both agreed 3 was a good number for us, and we are thrilled with having made that choice. For me, going from 1 to 2 was MUCH more difficult than going from 2 to 3. The first year of my youngest son's life was the most difficult, as I felt like I had to cheat my then-4 year old out of precious Mommy time. My middle was a very laid back infant, and I assumed the same would be true for my 3rd, but it wasn't so; he was a very needy, "hold me" kind of baby, and I sometimes felt like I was neglecting my 4 year old. Life now is pretty smooth, and like I said, I can't imagine us having only 2. Everyone has their own "magic number", I think, but ultimately, we are very happy with 3.

I have 3 adult children ages 40, 29 and 24. I also have three grandchildren, ages 17, 14 and 5 (same parents). I have had a fantastic experience with the three plus three.
I do believe that by the time the youngest turns 3 the longing sets in heavily for another. If I could have financed more, I would have had more children. I think 3 is fair and not too greedy nor over populating.
From my standpoint three is not a crowd.
Best to you,
J. S

This is a tough one, and really depends on you guys' personally. I know lots of people who happily have 3 kids, but I also know a lot who (like me) feel that, while I would NEVER give up any one of my kids & love them all dearly, I wouldn't really make the choice to have 3 on purpose. Something about the transition makes it exponentially more work (as in 3 to the 3rd power). Now parents are outnumbered by kids, you have more kids than you have hands, if you haven't already you will probably have to enter 'minivan' status. It isn't just sharing rooms, but sharing everything. It does become truly difficult to have one-on-one time with any child. It also becomes nearly impossible to find a babysitter. This is not to say that there aren't any benefits; the children become closer and, usually, more self-sufficient. They tend to be better at socializing and peer relations than only children or even those with just one sib. I just want to make sure that you go into this with your eyes open, and if you are okay with the trade-offs then go for it and enjoy your large family!:)

H.,

Background: Our number 3 was a huge surprise. BC failure. Our family was in a huge stage of transistion with number 2 being hospitalized a few months prior and having some crazy rare thing that resulted in brain damage. I was already a stress case and getting pregnant just about sent me over the edge. We had never considered 3 and were perfectly content with 2. AND (after ultrasound) I was already 10 weeks when I found out while my daughter back in the hospital. With that all said, it was meant to be and he (#3) is the greatest joy. He will be 2 in Jan and is smart as a whip and definitely the comic in the family. (So, 6.5, 3.5 and almost 2)

The good: My oldest son is a great big brother and after what happened to my daughter, needed someone to really play, chase and rough-house with. He is awesome with her too but can't play as typical siblings do. As for my husband and I, #3's silly antics can truly change a rotten day into a great one. And, now my daughter has 2 brothers to help her and interact with. #3 was meant to be and completed our family in ways we never were even aware of at the time.

The bad: More laundry. More time demanded of me. Our house is really small and space was almost non-existant for another crib and other baby gear. Needed a new car since a booster and 2 car seats and a wheelchair wouldn't fit in our old one. (I LOVE my Expedition.) Even less sleep though I didn't think it imaginable. More planning time needed to get ready and go places. Re-baby proofing and it is even harder with older ones. Insane amounts of diapers (we have 2 in them.).

The ugly: Nearly monthly break-downs when things get overwhelming. Huge personal challenges in getting balance in my life and not becoming 100% mom. Although my husband and I know the need and value in time alone together (date nights), it doesn't really happen between kids and his work schedule. Having to rely more on others. No "real" family vacations, at least for a while. Anxiety. I am missing working outside of the home too. (I use to teach and then taught part time (loved it)...now just do Pure Romance parties 2-3 times a month).

So, ulitmately, things will work out as they are suppose to. Expect joy and challenges no matter what you decide. Maybe more of each with another child. It really sounds like you have some idea of what to expect adding #3 so just trust your decision will be the right one.

I too am a "beyond 3" mom. I have 4 (21,18,16,13). I truly believe if the yearning is in your heart for more than 1, 2, 5 or however many children, you have begun the preparation for caring for another child. Look to your heart. You get one trip in this lifetime. Enjoy!
The other stuff works out,because here's reality...life is not equal, balanced, organized, routine, it's just life.
I quiz my kids all the time, you know......did you ever feel left out? Are you okay being the only boy? And on and on....they just look at me and say "Mom it's all okay, relax". What great kids!

Truly, only the generous can look at having a larger family. It's requires a lot more giving and time for kids, you the parents will take a backseat for awhile. It's worth it :) I wouldn't change a thing.

Best of wishes toward your future.
Warmly,
D.

We have three boys - ages 6, 5 and 9 months. While we're more adjusted to it now - it was tricky for us at first.
We already had our older boys in bunk beds - so room sharing wasn't a challenge for us.

Unfortunately the world is really built for a family of 4...and so was our car, table and other things. We traded in our car for a minivan since there wasn't room for three carseats in our car. The kids already outnumbered me during the day, but for bigger outings, we evaluate each instance and "assign" kids to one of us. That way we know who is responsible for watching which child. It keeps us from ripping out our hair. Also, for some outings like the zoo, etc we sometimes bring my Mom or 14 yr old niece to help even things out.

Because our schedule is so busy, we've developed reading games for the car (we read trucks, signs, etc). I think it comes down to being creative with your time. Play dates with our neighbor are wonderful as well. The older boys each get one-on-one time with us in the evening and then the baby gets alone time during the day while the boys are at school or at a playdate across the street. I think the important part is the more children you add, the more flexible YOU need to be. We have a daily schedule that we follow and I stick to it, things happen to throw off the schedule all the time. The important thing is to roll with it and do your best to keep things moving.

Because you have less time, planning ahead for meals becomes more cructial and housework becomes more challenging. The big boys are in charge of picking up toys each night (with some help from one of us). The rest of the work is broken up and I do a few things each night along with 1-2 loads of laundry a day. By breaking it up, my house is more manageable and while never perfect, I'm not ashamed of it either. :)

It's a tough choice, but I say to go with your gut on what you think you can handle. If the hard days outnumber the great days, then I would think twice. Otherwise, there is always room for one more. :) Best of luck!

I have 2 girls and 1 boy ages 5, 21/2 and 1. The third (my little girl) was very unexepcted. It wasn't and hasn't been hard at ALL. You adjust to having 3 just like any other change in your life...you make it work. How hard or how easy it is really depends on how you take on the challenge. Their is always going to be hard days...but at the end of that day you have 3 little ones kissing you goodnight. All that other stuff that comes when they are older..such as car size, Disneyland are very small issues in reality. If your husband is wanting another and your open to it, you probably know that it is going to happen...just enjoy it!

First off, I commend you and your husband for making the choice to have 3 kids. I was the same way you were in feeling that 2 kids was plenty. However then we found out I was pregnant with a third child. I'll admit it is a little tough at times when your newborn needs you and your older kids want you, but bascially the older kids will find a happy medium. Spend time with your older kids while the newborn sleeps, as most of them do for most of the day. When the newborn gets a little older, then you will be able to see how your kids can all play together. I know my youngest was fully accepted by his older brother and sister. Of course, sibling rivalries will rear their ugly heads sooner or later. Lol! My youngest just turned 8 months old and his older brother (who is 22 months old) is now finding his brother to be a threat because his little brother is mobile. In the end, yes having three kids is a bit of a hassle sometimes. However being a mother of three myself, I wouldn't have it any other way. My kids bring me that ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. They truly are a gift to have. Hope all goes well. Feel free to send me any more questions you have!

Oh Man where do I start...well let me start by telling you I have 8 children...the boys are 19, 17 15 and 2 1/2, and the girls are 14, 11, 5 & 4. We are a blended family and the most amazing thing was getting thru the kid thing. The youngest three kids are mine and my husbands together. What I have found is that the kids each bring out soemthing new in each other's personalities. For instance, would it have been as easy for Sequoyah, our 4 year old, to move out of Cherokee's shadown (our 5 year old) without having Jessan (the baby at 2 1/2) to push and prod her along....would cherokee have learned to share and be a mentor without both the younger siblings???...the most amazing thing is looking outside and seeing the kids helping each other with the horses, on the swing, picking apples or whatever...would these little lessons have been learned otherwise?? I don't know...I do know that the bedroom sharing, the need for a bigger car...the fact that there will be fights and plenty of them...these are temporary and transitionary things...them there's the rainy sunday afternoons watching movies under blankets in the living room...Just expect life to go on, with all the necessary changes and adjustments...will it be hard, Probably, but will it get easier, Probably not for a long time. But in the end it's very worth it. Good luck with whatever choice you make.

I love my three beautiful children. I want to adopt a fourth eventually. We had our three within 5 years. The first two were close together. It was a challenge having a toddler that doesn't comprehend everything yet and a newborn. It seems as though you are past that stage. Every child has a different personality. We have a Subaru Outback and can fit two forward sitting seats with an infant carrier (in a easy locking tray). The fit is tight, but I am not ready to be "minivan" status. Everything is working out just fine. Disneyland rides - ha! I thought I was the only one that thought about that! Go with another family and trade off or sometimes the seats fit 3 instead of 2 - it all really does not matter and will work out in the end. After having 2, you kind of know the routine and things fall into place. It is great you get to work outside the home for a few hours. I enjoy staying home but think a few hours a day of a different identity is good for the sanity! I teach my kids to always be kind to one another. While they have their moments, they apologize quickly and give hugs or easily "kiss the boo-boos." They bonded well and my daughter looooves to help take care of the baby. I gave them a baby doll to show how to hold the baby, change the diaper, feed it and how to always be gentle. I took it very seriously and made sure they understood where the baby sleeps and that mommy needs to give the baby extra attention for a while. I think things turned out well. I don't know if it was the preparation or my children's sweet personalities. I do really love having three - it is a wonderful experience. Good luck on the decision and peace be with you!

I think just like always with children, we find a way to accommodate our kids who are our biggest joys. I can't give too much advice as I'm pregnant with number 3 right now, but it's already affected most things like one of my kids will have to share a room eventually, what kind of car my husband recently purchased (he wanted a 4-seater but that was a no go!), etc. I know it will be worth it. The only thing I hear from parents of 3 is that "it goes from being man on man defense to zone defense" meaning that things change a bit when there isn't one parent to each child but that with another child comes more joy and more love.

Good luck making your decision!

Well I didn't find it two bad going from 2 to 3. I believe it was harder going from 1 to 2 when you only have 1 you can catch up on your sleep when they nap but that is not so easy when you have a 2nd child. So since I was already use to having 2 I found it a piece cake when I had my 3 rd son. In fact it might even be a little easier because my eldest was 5 when he was born and he was very helpful he has always loved babies so he was like a set of second hands. He would rock his baby brother and get him a blanket and sing to him all the time. As far as Disneyland I can answer that first hand we just had a vacation there. My husband and my self with a 6 year old, 4 year old, and a 1 year old. We Took turns on roller coaster he would take the 6 year old and I would take the 4 year old. And I have to tell you the 6 year old loved them so much that half the time he would go again with me and ride by him self. The first time he ever went on Space Mountain he rode it by him self. So I know you can look at the unevenness of having another but the plane truth is if you want another then you and your husband will find away to make it work. Good luck in what ever you choose to do

First of all.. you and your husband need to be in full agreement. We women have a way of coercing our husbands into something they may not really want. If he agrees, then that is a great start. If he doesn't - you will have a harder time handling them... he may not be as motivated to help.

Now - I think your kids are old enough and spaced apart enough that this could also make it manageable. By the time you have another - depending on your daughter's personality type she will be a GREAT helper.

And you really have to consider the needs of the ones you have.... do they have any special concerns that might go to the wayside if you have another baby? Take this into consideration.

Is your health good.. that is something to think about too.

With all that said, I had 5 kids, their current ages are 15, 12, 8, 6 and 4. Life is chaotic.. and there are times I wonder.. but my husband and I both wanted a big family, and in the end I can't imagine it any other way.

Oh.. I've been a stay at home mom, too so that has helped a great deal. You may want to consider taking a break from work for a while.. if you can afford it.

best wishes!

JG

I am the mother of 3 teenagers. We had only planned on having two children, but were surprised with the 3rd. It was the most difficult when they were all not in school at ages 5,3,& 1, but I am SO glad we had our 3rd. Our oldest two have dropped out of activities and our youngest (age 13) is very athletic and we have so much fun going to his games. We didn't have to have shared bedrooms, but I know a lot of people who say it's no big deal. I WOULD say, do it now! The longer you wait, the harder it is to go thru the diapers & loss of sleep, etc. But it is worth it. Our lives would be pretty dull right now with him.

I have 2 little ones (4 1/2 and 3) and I am pregnant with #3. I don't know how things will be when #3 gets here, but I am anxious to see your replies! :) I say go for it. Kids are wonderful!

No different at all to me. I am not sure it was any more work than 2 in fact with my third child the other two children were a great help. My boys were 5 and 8 when I had my daughter and it was great. The boys loved holding and helping with her, in fact both of them were there for the birth (they took a class on babies and birthing ) and were fascinated. My youngest son was so in awe of his sister when she was born that he wanted her to sleep with him in his sleeping bag! Of course everything depends on the personalities of the children. ...
I wouldn't trade being a mother of 3 for anything....