What Should I Do Now? - Boulder,CO

Normal. Sorry. No cooking or cleaning for now. Just focus on baby and you. sleep when she does and pass her off when dad gets home. Have you tried walks? Pop her in the stroller! The sun will do you some good!

Do you have a baby bjorn? We took TONS of walks when my daughter was that age because she was the same way, and not a very good napper. It was also good for me getting back in shape and getting the dog some exercise. It's great to have a young baby this time of year, because you can spend so much time outside.

I had my 4th baby in November, and around the time we left the hospital she started screaming and crying almost constantly. I took her to my chiropractor, and he said her pelvis was severely out of alignment. After a simple adjustment we had a completely different baby. She is 6 months now, and gets adjusted once a month. I know that not everyone believes in chiropractors, but I have the happiest, easiest baby I've ever seen. She has slept through the night EVERY single night since that first adjustment when she was 5 days old. E-mail me at ____@____.com with any questions.

I have three children. I did Babywise with my first two children, and it worked great. Along came #3 (my girl, of course), and I couldn't figure out what in the world was going on. Her symptoms were similar to your daughter's--cried constantly, would wake out of a sound sleep absolutely screaming, and I noticed that I could never lie her down flat. The only time she was peaceful was when she was held upright all the time.

Turns out that she had acid reflux, which meant that she was constantly in pain. It's caused when a baby's esophagal flap doesn't grow in completely (until 3-4 months of age usually). In the meantime, after a meal the milk along with the stomach acid creeps up the baby's throat and burns it. This doesn't usually show up until a couple months after birth b/c it takes time for painful sores to develop, which is when the crying/screaming really starts in earnest. Pediatricians have gotten better at treating this now--there are some medications out there that help, although be forewarned that some of them start to wane in effectiveness a bit after the first couple of weeks. I would definitely talk to her doctor about your concern and get that medicine as soon as you can (it's usually and acid reducer that helps when the milk does come up). The other thing that you can do is figure out a configuration where you're sleeping her on a 45 degree angle. This helps prevent the acid from coming up in the first place. I know that there are special pillows/wedges out there you can buy. Personally, I found something on the internet how to create something like this on your own by propping up one side of your crib (I slept her in a port-a-crib) w/books, and then using rolled towels to support her little bottom (keeps her from slipping down to the bottom of the crib). I also used rolled towels to support her on either side as well. This setup worked so well I was scared about changing anything when she was finally old enough that her flap had likely grown in. . . Anything for sleep, right?

Anyway, good luck. Feel free to email me if you have questions. This is not an easy thing, and it's easy to get discouraged, but hopefully it helps to know there's a possible physical reason for why your little one is so unhappy. It has nothing to do with you.

A. Oaks

Hi. I remember feeling a bit panicky and unsure with my newborn. I felt like, "What am I supposed to do with her all day?" "Can they really just let me care for this little thing all by myself?" I was very unsure and felt like I didn't know what I should be doing.

If I can offer a few opinions, here they are. Please stay away from the babywise stuff. Your newborn needs you to respond to her cries, so that she knows that her voice matters to you. Many babywise babies have failed to thrive, due to not being given enough food and/or not being responded to. Take this time to nurse on demand (if you are breastfeeding) as long as she wants so you can develop a solid milk supply. Also take this time to just get to know her. Learn about her cries by figuring things out.

Wearing her in a sling is great. At this point, she just needs to be close to you. Wear her in the sling and talk to her. Tell her what you are doing. Just keep up a running dialog about what is going on in your and her life. She will probably sleep a lot. If she falls asleep in the sling, you might try transferring her into the crib or bassinet, so she gets used to sleep in her own bed. I think just being with her at this age is great! Sounds like you are doing a good job. The happiest baby on the block is a great resource.

Good Luck and Hang in there. As they get older they will let you know more about what they want to do.

Hey! I know you have gotten a TON of responses... but I just wanted you to know there is another one out there too! I remember with my daughter feeling exactly the same way. I was getting ready to go back to work, and thought I should have had it down better by now. Ashley LOVED to be held all the time, and she would nurse for hours on end. I just got to the point where I figured I would adapt to her and quit fighting it so much since we only has a short time left before I went to work. So much of my family scolded me and told me I was ruining my baby... well guess what!? They were wrong, I have a wonderful 2 year old! And now she is so independant, and doesnt like to cuddle (she'd rather be playing or what ever) I am so glad that I held her and nursed her and all those things while I could. I also thought we had to have playtime and I needed to do things with her to stimulate her learning... but she just wasn't so interested. I felt like a failure. But now she is one of the smartest kids in her preschool and the teachers are so impressed with her confidence, which I attibute to meeting her needs and making her feel secure. Just do what your heart tells you is best and everything will turn out just fine.

E. N,
DO NOT WORRY :) My son is 20 weeks old today, his so called "schedule" has changed about every week since he was about 2 months old. Your baby is still very young. If she gets anxious with you not near to her, try taking yourself away from her SLOWLY. Start putting her down just at your feet for a few days, then move farther away from her while you put her down to play. She will not only start to be more comfortable by herself but won't feel that you are abandoning her. Keep in mind that she will be making changes very quickly, one week she might feel the need to be with you all the time, next week she will start to notice things around her more and want more freedom. Good luck!
C.

You are normal. sitting here, typing one handed holding my 9 week old.... i feel you my sister! we are not alone, check out all the responses. you ladies rock :o) I have 4 friends with babies within 4 months of me, all older, with 'perfect' little sleeping, playful, scheduled angels. My perfect lille guy just craves being held all the time. He was sleeping with me till this week and is in someones arms most of the time. We are working on using the co-sleeper at night and he is doing well, but if he is awake? Yeah, right, forget it. He's only this small a while I figure. I have found a bouncy seat he will use long enough to shower, etc. Find things that move too. He looooves outside, the trees and such, really calms him down to go for walks too. I've lost all baby weight plus a few! Bright toys that move entertain for you. I tried all that other stuff too (happiest baby etc., swaddling just pissed him off more) and nothing worked for us either. Have you read anything by Dr. Sears? Its called 'attachment parenting' and is actually the name of one of his books I got at the library. (I am taking it back this week so it will be available too). I have been doing it and we are both MUCH happier. Some babies are 'high needs' and NEED that attention. They have been with us the last nine plus months very close, its scary to be alone. they dont know or understand better. You CANNOT spoil a child this young, they dont have the cognative thought processes to know how to manipulate us yet. Be very weary of advice to put your baby down and ignore them... 'let them cry it out' they call it. Babies cry for a reason, even if its just that they want to be with YOU because they are alone. Your little one will be better off for all your energy and effort you are putting in now. Really. I still feel the way you do sometimes and when it gets bad I just tell myself, 'this too shall pass,' and it does. Email me private anytime to chat! You are right where I am.... just a couple weeks ahead :o) Trust your guts when its between you and your little one. You will do whats right, its built into you.

Eek! I can NOT believe that book is still around! Honey, throw your "babywise" book away and never look at it again. I'm sure when you picked it up they didn't have a warning on it that hundreds of doctor across this country have opposed this "method", that many of the doctors they "say" approve infact never have endorsed their theories, and that, in fact, many babies have had health problems because of thier "schedules" with breastfeeding and their obnoxious MISinformation to mothers.

This is a method that looks at children as beings that need to be overcome and broken before they take over your life. It's very adviserial and teached your child not to trust you.(i.e. negatively tempting your child. Placing a colorful vase in front of your naturally curious 5 month old baby and slapping his/her hand each and everytime s/he reaches for it)

I'm suprised these people are still around pushing their theories with all the controversy that sprung up ten years ago. They were on all the news magazine TV shows include Dateline (I think it was that one--it has been so many years).

The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) have come out STRONGLY AGAINST this book because of a ridiculous amount of babies coming into our offices dehydrated and underweight (failure to thrive) because the "scheduled" feeding do not allow for the growth spurts when a baby needs to breastfeed more in order to increase the mother's supply for the baby's growing needs...among other things.

I realize if this book is still running around it must have gone through some revisions and you're most likely reading a very watered-down version.

Throw the books away, take what you know, and trust your instincts. This is about a RELATIONSHIP, it's not a project you're getting graded on. Tune into your daughter, she'll tell you what she needs. Just pay attention to HER instead of the millions of theories and ideas swirling around you. The two of you are not any of the people written about in any book, artical, or response you'll get of how we've all done things...this relationship is unique. If you're reading the EZZO's book because of the Christian premise, refer to the LORD, not the Ezzo's. He was kind, patient, giving, serving, pleasant, does NOT tempt, LOVED children and always had time for them, etc... Remember You're the Mama, you get the inspiration, and it's ok to ask someone else to hold your little one, or to come over so you can go for a walk or buy groceries, etc...

You're baby loves you. You may try some belly massages because she may be having some digestion/elimination issues, take her to the doctor to check her ears and mouth (she may be crying because teeth are bothering her even at 11 weeks), take her to a chiropractor, and hold her with PEACE in your heart knowing You love her and YOU are the BEST person for HER.

You're not crazy. You're not a bad Mom. Feeling overwhelmed is NORMAL...it's what keeps us looking and searching for what's best for our children. You're going to feel this on and off for the rest of your life...just ask Your mom--or an older woman you know. You're on the right track. Just trust yourself.

Welcome to the world of motherhood! Your life will never be the same. She sound like she might have some tummy troubles. Is she burping and passing gas? I would also watch what you eat. Nothing to gasy if you are nursing. If she is on formula, it might be the wrong kind.

Parenthood is getting to know your baby and doing what is right for her. Each child is different and it is a learning process that keeps on evolving. Reading a book can help but some of it is just trial and error. Babies don't come with directions otherwise there would not be so many books written about rearing children.

You are doing great! I talked to my kids about everything. In the car when driving or in the store buying groceries. That is how babies learn about the world. Share with her your love of books. Read her stories. Sing songs. Play patty cake with her. Sooo Big. I always gave my kids big hugs after changing their diaper.

People say that stay at home moms don't do anything. They have never had kids. Motherhood is the hardest most demanding job I ever have done! It is one of the most rewarding. It is the biggest contribution you can give to society. Remember to love her no matter what and everything else falls in line. That is the true secret to mothering.
Good Luck,
C. B

I think it is normal to "still feel like you don't have the baby thing down" long past 11 weeks. Especially since every baby is so different and since you will feel like you have just figured out one stage and she'll move on to the next. Rather than playing with her, sometimes it is just nice to take her from room to room with you and set her carrier somewhere that she can have eye contact with you and you can talk with her as you go about your other responsibilites. This will not be quite as much stimulation as active play and it will allow you to get more done, but it still allows her interaction with you, which my children always loved. I would just kind of keep a running dialogue with her (when she's awake)about what you are doing. I know it is hard, but from a mom who no longer has a baby, I would encourage you to really appreciate each moment...I know it is easier said than done, but you honestly will not believe how fast it will go and you will want to be able to remember as much of these days as you can.
The other thing I would say is that until they really start to smile and interact a lot, it is kind of difficult not to let their crying feel like a reflection on your abilities as a mother. Just do your best to stay positive, and know that all of the comfort you are giving her now is helping her feel secure in the love of her mom, and some day she will be able to express that.

YES IT IS NORMAL we're all doing the best with what we have.
I used to wear mine (now 2) around the house, or she'd just be on the floor with a few brightly colored toys when she wasn't napping. Take it one day/hour/moment at a time, you are doing a great job just being there full time!

Hello! You have received a lot of responses. But, I felt compelled to respond to because I had the same experience with my daughter. My mom had given me the Baby Whisperer book and I frustrated myself trying to put my daughter on a schedule too. Because your baby is so young, all you can do is try to keep yourself sane and do everything you can to keep her comfortable. I wore my daughter is a sling constantly until about 3 months. It was the only place she seemed comfortable. I took long walks because she could not stand being in the car. I thought that it must not be normal, but she grew out of the phase of crying all the time. I read the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child way too late. But, at about 6-7months, I put her on a schedule and she has been the best baby ever since, sleeping well, happy, etc. Basically, what I want to tell you is that what you are experiencing is normal. It does get better.

This is so normal! Hang in there mom! Go with the sling! Is she eating every two hours which is the norm for breast fed babies, in fact it can be like every 90 minutes if there is a growth spurt. I know how stressfull this can be, you are ok!

The sling is great. Keep it up. I'm a big fan of attachment parenting. I think it significantly reduces crying. I wouldn't recommend "playing" at this age. It is usually too stimulating and may just overwhelm your little one. At that age I kept my son in a Baby Bjorn or by my side at all times and I just talked to him or made up silly songs about what I was doing. The sound of my voice was just enough stimulation and seemed soothing. We also took a bath together everyday and he got a masssage afterwards each time. If he was fussy I would sit and hold him or lay down with him and let him nurse while I stroked his arms and legs. Good luck!

Oh sweetie,

My oldest is 24 and I still remember how overwhelmed and out of control I felt for the first 6 MONTHS after his birth.
11 weeks is nothing. You have never done this before, which means that everyday has a new set of problems and decisions that you have never had to face or solve. Be gentle with yourself, and your daughter. this is the biggest change you have ever undergone.
Just try and keep your head above water... it gets easier and your capacity to do it gets greater. Good luck.

oh that is completely normal. i felt the same way. although i didn't read any books on how to get my baby on a schedule. I just let my baby tell me when she was ready for sleep or food or play time. I was still wrong sometimes about what she needed, but if you really pay attention you can pick up on little clues, and the schedule thing takes care of itself. i don't really remember what i did during the day, that first 3 months was such a blur. you are doing what you should and it is totally normal to feel overwhelmed and feel like you aren't doing it right, but you are! good luck!

You have gotten a lot of advice and several books to read, but I would like to add my favorite book. It is a sleeping bible for me and many of my friends and family! It is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I know that there are a lot of idea about how to help children get on a schedule and what to do to get your babies to sleep through the night and whatnot. What I really like about this book is that you have permission to do it YOUR WAY - the way that feels right to you. He give suggestions for how to handle situations and says things like "if you are going to do it this way, do this; if you want to do it that way, try that." It isn't something where you feel pressured to do things the way the "experts" say or you are not doing it right - there is more flexibility. Every child is different, so flexibility is a good thing!
The second thing I wanted to say is that my kids are almost 4 and 2 and there are days I STILL feel like I don't know what I'm doing. That is life as a mom. Everyday we are faced with new challenges. If you have a religion in your life, I would suggest praying for continued guidance and support - sometimes it is only God who is there to hold our hands when the baby is screaming and all we can do is hold them and cry right along with them. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this and that every mother all over the world knows exactly how you feel - welcome to the sisterhood-of-what-the-heck-do-I-do-with-this-baby!
One more bit of advice - one this I learned with my second that I wish I had done with my first: When ever it is sleep time for baby - whenever she falls asleep - put her in her bed! She will get used to that as her sleeping place and will sleep much better! With my first, I let her fall asleep wherever and put her down wherever, and she had some sleep issues that we had to work through by doing a sleep/schedule journal (like what a previous poster recommended - I do too). However, since I had a toddler when my second was born, I always put him in bed, so the toddler wouldn't bother him - he STILL sleeps so great! We never have problems with him!
Well, enough rambling. Go get that baby, put her in a stroller and both of you go out for some fresh air and sunshine - that always helps us feel better!

Hi there-

I agree with many of the others on it taking more time. It's hard! I remember holding my daughter one morning, crying, saying "I think I've made a big mistake..." because I was so tired and overwhelmed (of course, I was crying 2 minutes later because she was so incredibly beautiful.) My thoughts are to go for as many walks as possible during the day. I found the movement helped my daughter stay calm, but even if it didn't, it really helped my mood. Whether you're taking her out in a stroller or carrier, just get out & enjoy the sunshine. The vitamin D & melatonin from the sun will help your mood--your body needs it. I also agree with establishing a routine--but not a structure! Eat, sleep and a few awake moments with you-repeat. It does sound that your daughter might have some allergies or stomach issues. I would talk with your pediatrician. If they don't help, find another pediatrician. Dr. Sears once said in an interview I read that a doctor saying the baby has collic & there's nothing you can do is a cop out. There's always a reason for the ongoing crying, even if we don't understand it. Hang in there, try to eat well and get some rest when you can (have your husband hold the baby after dinner & go nap for a bit.) Best of luck!

I remember thinking "what now?" too! I found that my babies LOVED it when I put them on a blanket on the floor and got down there with them. Just laying next to each other and talking was fun. You can read books, too. She'll like looking at the pictures, and you'll be holding her so she'll be happy that way, too.
Make sure she gets some tummy time. My boys didn't love that, but getting down on the floor with them helped. They need it whether they like it or not. Try a few minutes at a time, then try to increase the length gradually. And I also used to lay on the bed or floor and hold my boys above my head, then move them in a circle (like a Ferris wheel). They loved that! And it built their neck strength just like tummy time does, but without the actual tummy time. They really loved getting close, then far, then close...and would laugh.
It's hard to be a new mom. It's a new job and you're still in training. Unfortunately, your "boss" can't tell you what you're supposed to do, and you just have to guess. You're doing fine!

Yes, It's normal to not have the baby-thing down for the first few months, especially if you had any delays in bonding from birth--it can seem like you're always on a different page than your baby. But eventually, it will click and you'll finally understand her cues. Just be patient.

In the meantime...seems like you've tried a lot, but one thing you didn't mention was taking her to a good child chiropractor (they use their pinkies to adjust). I did this with my second child and the results were amazing. Simple subluxations, sore muscles, tight jaws or any other thing out of place can make a baby's development painful. A simple adjustment can make her feel tons better and relieve her of any soreness or pain; that may be what makes her always seem unhappy. The added benefit is that adjustments in a child prevent long-term corrections as an adult.

One clue to see if a baby needs chiro. care is if she favors laying or nursing on one particular side, has difficulty nursing (pinching or clamping instead of the diastolic wave suck); check: is her face symmetrical? If not, the plates may not have slid into the best position and this can cause pain. (My daughter had a "puffy eye"--one little guide of the chiropractor's finger into the right spot and her face suddenly looked even and no longer "swollen"). She also massaged her jaw and hips and this helped a lot with her mobility.

I live in the Greeley area and recommend Weld Family Clinic on W. 10th street; but there are lots of good chiro's out there. It's worth the effort!

Congrats new Mommy and best of luck to you!
J.

Wow, what a lot of responses! I think you are feeling like there is one right way to do things, but there isn't. Every baby is unique.
My second child has defied every schedule, every book, every expert. She cried and cried until she was about 5 1/2 months old, just like your baby. She was only happy when I carried her in the Baby Bjorn (but not the 2 other baby carriers I owned) and when she heard the hairdryer (which I highly recommend)! I was so unhappy. I couldn't function in the world because I was so exhausted mentally and physically. I thought, I'm a terrible mom, I can't make this child happy! I searched everywhere for the perfect advice book or expert but my daughter defied them all. Everyone said - "You will get through this" but I just felt like it would never end. Well, I did get through it and you will too. My daugher, now 14 months, is amazing! What makes us Moms so special is that we can't give up. So, keep trying new things, hang in there and just love that baby no matter what. If you just can't take it anymore, set her in her crib and take some time for yourself. Also, you might want to call the Fussy Baby Clinic at Children's Hospital. Also, you might want to spend some time with other women who have been moms; they can give you a break from your baby and show you some good techniques. Good luck!

Hello,
First of all know that it gets easier. Second of all make sure you and baby are getting out of the house daily. Third when you can get some help, go lay down or take a bath or just do something for yourself. I just wanted to encourage you to try to make time just for yourself also.It's amazing what just 30 minutes or an hour a day can do. It can make you a whole different person.

go on walks, sing to her, read her stories, hold toys for her to look at, put her in a swing or baby bouncer, give her tummy time, and lay next to her and sing to her, prop her up on pillows and talk to her while you fold laundry, play peek-a-boo, sit outside- fresh air is great!

Don't be afraid to put her down in her crib and just walk away. When things get crazy, take a minute to regroup. My girls are always wanting to be held but with two that's not possible. And when they are throwing tantrums I definitely don't pick them up. I'm not going to reward that behavior. I wouldn't be carrying your daughter around everywhere though. You need to put her in a swing or under one of those arches with toys hanging down or even in a boppy. Take back you sanity.

Put down the books, RELAX and trust you have the answers.
I was in your shoes with my first child. I had the believe
that all my answers were in one book or another.
It wasn't until my second child that I really got that I had all the answers that he needed inside me.

It looks like your little girl loves to have you close and is
a very calm little girl that doesn't appreciate a lot of stimulation. Notice what makes her happy and give it to her.

With Joy, C.
Loving Connections LLC

Hang in there! First, babies do not need to play yet! ALso, from what I have read, you don't need to start a schedule until closer to four months. Until then, your baby should eat and sleep whenever they need to. Keep caryying her around whenever you can and don't beat yourself up! Some babies are harder than others, and sometimes there may be a reason (like colic, formula not agreeing with her, or reflux, etc.) Anyway, no one has it down by 11 weeks! I loved the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Dr. Weissbluth.

Hi there!
Yes, this is completely normal! I would suggest getting a comfortable baby carrier (if your sling is comfy for a long time, then great- use that!) putting her in the sling and going about your day. She will drift off to sleep when she wants, and your activties will keep her occupied and engaged. Use these opportunities to talk to her, tell her what you are doing- it may seem like none of it makes sense, but she will be soaking it all in. You can get your chores done, so then when she does fall asleep, you can slip her out of the carrier and use that time to rest your self- catch up on some reading and what not, becuase you will already be caught up on your chores!
A book that I really love is called The Continuum Concept by Jane Liedoff. This book is incredibly intriguing and a great read for any new parent.
I would steer clear of any baby 'training' techniques right now, and let your little girl come into her own. Respect that she is an individual who will want to nap at a different time than you want her to. Feed her when she's hungry, lay on the floor with her for tummy time, and let her sleep when she needs to. She is the best person to tell you what she needs- she'll tell you what she needs!
I hope you and your baby girl have fun figuring things out!
H. Gaitten

Babies cry because they are hurt, sad, hungry, wet, etc and each one of those cries are different. You will learn what they are and you will respond accordingly. 11 weeks is not a long time when learn the baby world. Don't be so h*** o* yourself. One thing I would NOT do (and did not do with my children), don't carry them all over the house all day long. They, like you also need time to learn how to handle things on their own. If you carry them, the baby will get so used to it that no one else will be able to care for her to help you out. There may be a reason for the crying, like colic. If a baby is colicky, try turning her over onto her stomach whether on your arm or on the floor and see if that subsides it. There are herbal drops for babies with colic that do help. What it does is relieves the pressure in their little tummies so they don't hurt so badly. Sometimes they cry just so you will hold them. Bonding is a GREAT thing, but there are lots of ways to bond without holding them all the time. I laid them on the floor and let them play with colorful toys. I spent time with them on the floor. A walker with toys on them is good too. All of these strengthen their muscles in their legs and arms, but also teaches them to be creative with what is in front of them. Sing to her when putting her to sleep. If you are nursing her that is a good bonding time. Have gentle music playing when she is going to sleep to soothe her. You may need to try different ideas until you find her passion. Try them for at least a week and one at a time so you know what is working with her. I hope this helps! Kay

my mom told me to give it 2-3 months. after 4 months, things are still chaotic, but much more bearable.

Hello E. N,
First of all hang in there, it will get better. Your describing my first son and at that time he was my only child. I cried with him most of the time. I meet this wonderful lady, Debbie, as soon as she held him she looked at me and said he has Colic. No idea what that was and what do i do. So i took him into see a pediatrician. They gave me some drops to help him with digesting his food. It's worth checking it out and he was a totally different baby after that. I also experience something like this with my fourth, maria. Her crying was different and not all the time. I was introduced to infant massage. Besides taking a class you can check out the book "infant massage by Vimala Schneider McClure". I still use it today for my four year old. I hope some of this helps.

BSC

You have many responses but I just wanted to tell you one thing. Trust your insticts and quite thinking it is in a book. I did the same think and may husband and I just had to learn the hard way I guess you could say. My daughter was independant so she loved her rainforest boncey seat. Yes, at 11 months she was sitting in it and watched the animals move. She was not a swing baby, but that is also something you may want to try. Umm, we also got a mat for the my daughter to play on and roll around. Not to try and sell, but the rainforest stuff was great. There was lights on the top which played music to entice her. I do have a mat which I received as a hand me down, it plays music and lights up. If you would like to try it, and you are in the colorado springs area, send me a message and you can get it. Good Luck. My daughter was a tough one too, but they grow out of it. We always tried to keep her on a schedule but that did not happen until 3 months. You are almost there!

I have 3 little boys and I found the babywise book when my first one was about 6 months old and I had no control. I made all of the classic mistakes and my life sucked! I read the whole book and I started what it told me and within about 10 days, I had a routine and a baby who loved to sleep in the daytime...nighttime took a little longer.

I kind of revised the book though and made sure my baby was fed when he was hungry. When we went through a growth spurt, I did not make them starve or anything, if the want fed, feed them. I really followed the sleep instructions the most. When it is time for bed, it is time for bed, the baby goes down and that's that. When they had a hard time I would go in and sit with them, hold thier hand and comfort them some, until they calmed down and then I would leave. It always worked well for me.

I had my 2nd baby and used the book from the start and we did great. He was a very easy baby and he fell into the routine just like he was supposed to and everything worked out perfect. I thought man I was dumb the first time, I should have had this book from the begining of this new mom thing!

Well last summer number 3 came along and he has been harder than either of the first 2. I started with the book just like I did with the 2nd baby. We had issues though. I had to feed my baby from a cup for 2 weeks, because the way he laid in my stomach. I had to pump milk and feed him every 2-3 hours and it was very difficult, I had to wake him up throughout the night and feed him even if he was asleep. We made it through though and I started the book again. He then became colicky and that lasted until he was 7 months old. Sleep, feed, wake times were all screwed up and we were a mess. I couldn't get a schedule, I had to just do what was best for my little guy. He is now 10 days away from being 1. He takes 2 really good naps in the daytime and he sleeps through the night most of the the time. If he wakes up it is only once and I just give him back his binky and he goes right back to sleep!

I guess my point is, not all babies are the same. You do what you have to for what your baby needs at the time. Stick with the book though. The sleeping thing will come and the baby will one day say to you mama I am sleepy, can I go to bed? Both my older boys have been very good sleepers and they napped until after 5 years old. My 6 year old will still tell me he is sleepy and go take a nap! My 4 year old takes a good nap everyday. I believe with all of my heart it is because of that book. In this day and age, where kids don't get enough sleep, I would give your baby the gift of sleep, you have all of the answers in your book, use it and stick with it...when all of this little baby stuff is over it will be totally worth it!

Please see if your library of bookstore has "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tami Hoag. This book saved me!! As far as playing with her goes at this age, find a toy that plays music and lights that she likes. Try them out in the store as much as you can. This will also relieve you. In the book it talks about just following their cues and writing down what time they sleep, eat, play, sleep again, and you'll find that they actually have their own sort of schedule. Then you do things at those times for them. The book says it much better but it was amazing when I followed what it said!!! Good luck.
K.

It sounds like you were blessed with a high need baby! I have one of those too, mine is now almost 3 years old. Just remember that just because your baby crys a lot does not mean that you a a bad mother! I struggled so much with feeling like a failure because my baby always seemed fussy! It is important to rule out any medical problems first though, like allergies to formula or if you are breasfeeding she may be allergic or sensitive to something that you are eating that comes through in the breastmilk, dairy is a common culprit. Talk to your Dr. and don't let him dismiss your concerns! It may be that your baby has reflux, that causes a lot of crying and discomfort. But if there is nothing medically wrong it may be that it is just your baby's temperment. High need babies crave attention and want to be held all the time, it is great that you have been using a sling, the more you use it the better! And I would stay away from Babywize, I think that Enzzo is a total jerk and his methods are not good for babies. Try reading The Attachment Perenting Book by Sears and Sears, that book saved my sanity! The good news is that it will get easier! You will learn what works for you and your baby and what does not. Your baby will always have a hgh level of needs but she will start to calm down and enjoy life more when you two find a rythm and a routine that works for you. And stay away from judgemental relatives and "friends" who critisize and try to tell you that one size fits all when it comes to parenting methods! Just because something worked for them and their baby does not mean it will work for you and your baby. You know your baby better than anyone in the world, and I believe that God chose you to be your baby's parent for a reason. You will be fine, just keep loving your baby and do your very best!

I just want you to know that you are not alone. With my first baby, I stressed myself out worring about everything! It is a new experience and you want to be the best mother. I just had my second girl four weeks ago and it is a completely different experience for me. I knew what I was getting into this time! I actaully think she is a more challanging baby, but easier because I am relaxed. I hope I'm making sense. Just know that you are doing great! Before you know it you'll both get into a routine and try to relax and enjoy it. You know, your baby can feel when you're stress. Good luck, you really are doing great!

I know it seems very difficult right now, but really, this is just 'new mom' stuff. Babies are born with varying coping abilities; some babies just breeze through the first year and others struggle with every milestone. First, go to the library or bookstore and invest in some good developmental books. The Dr. Sears books are very good. Read up and educate yourself on what to expect from your baby. If you can, find some other new mom's and set up some regular get-togethers in which you can find strength in numbers, and have an outlet. You're not alone in feeling the way you do! Finally, in answer to your question about 'what to do with your baby during the day'...that's totally up to you. Figure out some kind of schedule for yourself and your baby. Example, get up, breakfast, go for a walk with baby and dog...make sure that you do something every day that gets you out and about. Make sure that baby gets naps and feedings on time... before you know it, you and baby will be feeling much better and coping better with your days. Good luck!

Relax. I have 3 kids and I still feel like I don't know what I am doing. It is normal. I too read all the books and thought that this mommy thing wouldn't be hard, but colicky kids showed me differently! The best thing I have found though is to trust yourself. Do what you think is best, not necessarily what a book says, although they do have a ton of great ideas. It won't be so chaotic for much longer, but just relax and savor every minute of it you can.

It is normal to not know or feel comfortable with a new baby. Especially your first one. I have 3 babies and each one are different. My first one is my hardest but I thank him for being that way. He has made me a better mom. What help me through the early stage is that...each time I have a baby, I tried my hardest not to treat them as baby but as a small person. I try to put myself in their position. For example: If I can't move and see that well...i wish I can...see something closer(mobile toys hanging and spinning)hear something nice( music/baby einstein video).If I am bored because I have been sitting in the same position and looking at the same thing..I wish I can watch something or move somewhere. To help me get things done around the house I bought an inexpensive stroller to stroll baby around the house. This way baby can see what I am doing and being entertain at the same time. I also swing my first baby a lot in"Baby Papasan" since he was a cholic baby. He in fact sleep in his swing comfortably day and or night in my room until his 3rd month. By the end of his 3rd month he sleep by himself in his crib in his room. I talk to my baby alot since I don't have anyone else to talk to. I practice my business speech in front of him,talk to him in the car or home when I am happy or sad and pray to him. I know this is silly but since my baby facing backward in the car. I posted my picture on the head rest so he can see who is talking to him while I drive. I treat my baby as my best friend not just my baby. My first baby cried alot, he was not a great napper BUT he sleeps good at night ( 10 hours), great eater, a world traveler, early talker,early walker,and a fast learner. My second is totaly different so is my third. Like you I bought tons of book but my favorite is YOUR BABY AND CHILD BY PENELOPE LEACH. Don't worry... the bottom line is just survive one day at a time and do the best you can. Every baby grow up differently just like us. Every one is different so it is ok for your baby to be different too. Don't feel bad if you raise your baby differently. For example: the conventional belief is that it is not OK to sleep with your baby, to let him sleep in stroller/swing and not his bed etc,etc.... But it is OK if you can get more sleep that way. Remember that you are the care taker. It is important for you to be able to function properly...to be able to safely take care of your baby. Hope that would help you survive the first few months.

Love and God Bless

L. A.M

I dont know if it is "normal" to feel like you dont have the baby thing down by 11 weeks but I know I sure didn't. My second baby is 4 months old and I'm just now getting into the swing of things. It was the same with my first-born as well. I thought for sure the second baby would be easier because I had done it all before but for me it wasn't any easier the second time around. I felt like a first-time mom again. I have REALLY struggled up to this point. I felt like I was going crazy or there was something wrong with me. Well I talked to my doctor and I was diagnosed with post-partum depression. I tried several different medications until we found one that worked for me. I dont know if its the medicine or that my baby is older and more content, or both, but things are going great now. I definitely know how you feel. I would say talk to your doctor if you think you might have PPD. Also, it helps just to have someone to talk to so if you just want to talk or something feel free to send me a message! Remember to take some time for yourself everyday.
As far as what to do with your baby, take her outside for a walk, sing to her (mine loves when i sing to him and i'm no singer.) Can she hold onto toys? you could give her a rattle or some other toy to keep her happy. I lay my baby on a blanket on the floor with one of those baby gyms with the toys that dangle and he justs bats at the toys for quite a while until he gets bored with it. Carrying her in the sling is really good, also just talk to her a lot about anything and everything. babies love to hear their mama's voice and it will help with her language skills as she gets older.
Well, good luck and I hope things ease up on you soon!
-T.

Some babies are just really fussy. My ped. told me the crying thing has to do with their brain synapses not having the covering protector grown over them yet so they just cry. When I had my first, I also thought, 'so being a stay at home mom is... just carrying my baby around and trying to get her to not cry?' I am sure that by 6 months or sooner, she will calm down A LOT. It seems the most colicky babies I have known of are actually little angels and so sweet and calm the rest of their cildhoods. This phase will pass. Just try to do what you did before with hobbies, talents or other interests and bring her along. Also, I was surprized my hormones didn't really even out all the way for 6-12 months. That will help too. Best of luck!

Hi,
I know this is not what you want to hear but I felt like that for a year!!!! My first cried most of the time and the Dr.s just called it cholic. (Basically a term for "We don't know what to do") Just keep in touch with your Dr. and make sure your little one doesn't have reflux or a milk allergy or something. But then just make sure you have support and know that you are doing everything you can and that eventually you will be able to enjoy your child and being a Mom. Even though mine cried for the better part of a year there was also so much joy. And now I have a beautiful 11 year old daughter and we are very close.
Let people help you. My biggest mistake was trying to do it all myself and not taking a break from the crying. It is okay to leave a crying baby with her Dad or Grandma. They will all survive.
Take care,
B.

You are doing great! Way more than I have done with my five babies. Some babies just require more attention than others, and they still fuss even when you are fullfilling evey need. Just know that it is her personality. I know it is hard, but just remeber it will someday get easier. One of my daughters was so hard as a baby and the day she turned 2 she got easier. Now she is my easiest child. Just make sure to take some breaks, and it is ok to let her cry. I would put mine in her crib and get in the shower so I couldn't hear her cry. I figured that was better than losing my patience. Now that it is getting nice, get out and do stuff, even if it just a walk around the block. My babies always like to go. They also would cry in the car, but that should end in a few months. Good luck. It is probably just colic which ends by 3 or 4 months.

I am a mother of three girls. I have a 4 week old baby girl. I feel and have felt exactly the same. They really don't have a playful personality until they are around 4 to 5 months. Even then playing with them seems kind of silly. But I would totally encourage you to sing,hold and talk to her. I think the sling is an awesome way to have her close. I also did the Babywise method. It is an amazing program. I used the schedule with my first and slacked with my second.I am now once again using the method on my third. It really is a heaven sent to have a little routine. My advice is to sing,hold and talk to your baby often. But remember you want to assimilate her into your life. It is okay to get housework done or read or watch t.v. without spending every waking moment trying to keep her entertained. Trust me now is the time to rest. When she gets into toddler years all you will be doing is finding ways to entertain her!Good luck!!!!

Don't let it get you down!!

It could be something so simple. My oldest cried for her first year of life. I am so not exagerating!! My mom was afraid to be left alone with her. No body would babysit cause if I wasen't there holding her she would just scream. And the sad part was if I put her down to do anything I do mean anything she screamed. Brush my hair, do makeup, clean house, go potty, you name it.

Hindsight is 20/20 as soon as she turned one and was taken off the formula and put on Milk. She was a totally different baby. We are guessing that she had an allergy to the regular Emfamil w/Iron. 12 years ago noone could pinpoint that though. We just thought she was a fussy baby. Even now her tummy is real sensative to iron. And the kicker is when my youngest was born 4 yrs ago. She screamed too. All I could think was not again, then the Dr. told me to try Soy Formula. She was the happiest little girl.

Just don't give up. Try diferent things. We have rubbed a lot of tummies and let alot of little bodies lay on us with booties in the air to let out gas as well. You can figure out what makes her tick.

ABSOLUTELY! It is hard to know what you're doing! My son is 12 weeks and sometimes I feel the same. Have you gotten her an activity gym? I have the Baby Einstein one and my son can play in it and look at the lights for 30 minutes at a time! Are you nursing? If so there is a great poatition called side lying nursing position that allows you to nurse your little one and nap too, it is a life saver! Lastly, are you in any grps that meet? I belong to a grp that meets in Littleton with new moms at sweet beginnings, she is full for the AM class, I think but has a grp that meets in the afternoons on Thursdays, check her website out at oursweetbeginnings.com Good luuck!

Just a thought here. My son was very fussy and I found out that he had/has food allergies. If I ate stuff that he couldn't tolerate through my milk, he was uncomfortable all the time, and fussy. If I didn't eat things that bothered him, he was like a different child, content, slept better, and was much happier. You might try eliminating wheat and dairy for at least 3 days, and see if this has an impact. My son was allergic to many things, and so I had to eliminate many things for a few months, but my quality of life was way better. I wish you and yours the best.

Oh my god yes. Also some kids are criers and some are not. Some love the schedule and other never get into it. Hang in there!

I found that it was sometime in the third month where things finally started to get a little easier, more routine, and just overall better. It's possible she has colic, so check with her doctor. But yes, it's completely normal to have things still feel up in the air at 11-weeks.

I say give up on trying to put her on your schedule. Spend a week keeping track of when she eats, naps, plays, is happy, is sad/mad/upset. Then you'll notice HER schedule. Then your goal is to keep her on HER schedule and plan your errands, meals, etc around it. You'll know when you'll be able to let her play on her own while you get something done and when you'll need to just be with her because she needs to attention.

It will get easier and you'll actually look back at this time with fond memories, even though it was a rough time. Good luck!

You've got some terrific advice here. I'm going to second the moms that suggested that you stay away from Babywise, which is a time-table for your baby's schedule and go with the Baby Whisperer's suggested course of action: Eat, Play, Sleep, Repeat. Follow your baby's cue about how often she needs to eat because some babies need to eat every 1.5 hours and others can go up to 3 hours. Sometimes she'll be awake for 15 minutes after eating and sometimes for an hour.

As far as crying when she gets put down, it could be gas. I had the same problem with my son and the Mylicon drops worked wonders until his little tummy learned how to digest on it's own.

Read all you can, get as much family and community support as you can, and then follow your instincts on what will work best for you and your baby. No one will know her as well as you do!

Hey E. N...........I'm thinking your fear is what she's picking up. Little people are so much more aware of what's happening around them yet they can't articulate what's up. Your ability to self-nurture right now is imperative. I will give you a free consultation if you'd like that (there are NO hooks here) just a chance to maybe be supported. Keep BREATHING. J.E. www.tag-youre-it.com ###-###-####

I have a two year old and a 3 week old and sometimes I STILL feel like I don't "have the baby thing down." My point is is that being a new parent can be very difficult, and you don't always know exactly what to do.
Your baby is less than 3 monthes old, and nobody I know was an expert on child rearing when their baby was that young. Keep your chin up darlin.
As far as the crying thing goes, my baby girl won't let you put her down for more than ten minutes at a time without balling. But I learned from my first child that every baby has needs of their own. crying is their only way to tell you that they need something.
My little girl has had some issues with painful gas, and crys a lot because of that. Your baby could have the same issues. Colic is a very common problem with babies.
The fact that you are trying so hard to understand and help your baby is a mark that you are a good mom. Keep telling yourself that "THIS TOO SHALL PASS." Good luck honey

SOOOOOOOOO normal!!!! The good news is that good times are right around the corner! I found that I really started to get into a rhythm with my son at about four months. I am not a big fan of books that encourage schedules at such a young age, I think all they do is create alot of stress and doubt for you when your baby doesn't adhere to the routine you are trying to set. When your babe is awake simply talk to her engage her in eye contact (this is great for healthy bonding). I used to read to my son at this age. Obviously he couldn't follow he story, but I think he like the rhythm of the words. Sing to your daughter or take her on walks in your arms and introduce her to the world (flowers, birds, trees, neighbors)talking to her all the way. I think this is the age where she'll imitate your facial expressions like sticking her tongue out when you do a couple of times. In another month she will be much more engaging and you'll know how to play with her. For now I think your job is to fill her little world with love and a sense of safety. The first three months are truly the hardest...it will get better. Ditch the books and follow your own intuition!!! The books don't know YOUR daughter, but you do.

My mother in law gave me the best baby advice I ever received; every baby is different and you need to take all advice with a grain of salt. Babywise and baby raising techniques work well with some babies and not with other babies. Babywise may have worked well on my second child, but it would have been a disaster with my first child. I also don't think you ever feel like you have motherhood down pat. Your baby and you will be continually changing your schedules and needs. I have three kids and I still feel like it's a bit of a guessing game. I have three kids and each one has been so different. My first child screamed 16 hours a day because of colic. She was needy, fearful, and fussy until about 2 years old. She is a delightful, independent, and happy 8 year old now. My third child was a happy, well adjusted baby who slept well. He is still that way. They both just came that way and I had to learn how to give each one what they needed.

As far as what to do when your baby is awake during the day just interact with her. Talk to her as you go about your tasks. Read and sing to her. Some moms feel uncomfortable talking to a baby who can't talk back, but I would talk about what I was doing and my babies loved it. You can take care of your everyday chores with your baby and she will be stimulated. She may cry a lot now, but it will get better. Be patient.

We tried Babywise too and it didn't work for us. What did work was reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Dr. Weisbluth (not sure on spelling). He gives options for helping your child learn to sleep. It has worked for both of my children. They both go down for naps and night time sleep unassited without complaints! My daughter is 9 months and my son it 2 1/2. Good luck!

With all of my babies, I felt a little out of control and like I might never have a normal life again until they were about 6 months old.

Do you read to your baby? Mine loved it when I would lay them down on a blanket and then I would lie down next to them and hold a board book up over our heads and read. I would wear them in a baby carrier or sling while I did some cleaning or shopping. Does she like to go on walks in a stroller? Basically I would do as much as I could, talking to baby all the while. Good luck.

It is definitely still normal and not uncommon to still feel like you don't have the baby thing down by 11 weeks. I felt that it took be almost 3 months before I felt like I had somewhat of a routine down, and alot of that was due to the fact that my son starting going to a sitter at 3 months, and he adapted to the routine that she had for her 8 month-old. But, even then there were days full of surprises. One thing I loved doing when I was still on maternity leave with my son is go on walks. There was a group of moms in my neighborhood that would go walking every morning and then we would go to the park. Even though my 12 week-old was not ready to play at the park, he enjoyed the change of scenery and the attention from other moms and kids. My son was and still is very similar to what you describe your baby girl as. He did not enjoy the car and/or car seat, and loved to be held. Most days, I would just hold him in a sling like you do and go about my cleaning, reading, walking, and etc..My friend who just had her second child, calls it "first child syndrome" her second child is so different than her first. She can just chill out, fall asleep by her self, and loves her swing and bouncy chair. I think that she is more comfortable now with her second, and she has to share her time with a 2 year old and a 3 month-old. Try to just go with the flow, your baby will let you know what she needs. At 9 months my son is on a schedule that is consistant day to day, but up until now it was constantly changing. Every baby is different, try not to compare yours with others, trust your instincts, make time to take care of yourself and have some time alone, and know you are doing are great job. all the best, ~L.

It is normal not to have this baby thing down by 11 weeks. Your baby is still young and trying to figure out her biorhythms. And then once you figure it out, she will change it on you. Frankly, I don't think one book can sum up one baby. All babies are different. I think it's good to read several books and get different ideas. Also, it's good to talk to other moms. Try different things to see what works. You've got to figure out what's right for you and your baby. It's tough when they're young because they can't tell you what's wrong. And it's early enough you probably haven't learned all of her cues. There are different kinds of cries/cues for different kinds of needs. There's the hungry cry, wet diaper cry, gas cry, tired cry, bored cry, and uncomfortable/hurt cry. Pay close attention to your baby to see a pattern. Try different things to see what satisfies her. During the day --- change it up for her. She will get bored staying in the same place all day. Try the swing, bouncy seat, floor play mat, crib, hold her, stroller, baby bjorn or something like that, etc. Give her toys to look at. Read to her. Do face to face time. Sing to her. Dance with her. Take her for walks. She'll probably sleep a lot. She'll probably nurse a lot. Until they are able to start moving and interacting with you --- frankly, babies are boring for a long time. Join a moms group. Hang in there. They're only little for a short while. This phase will fly by before you know it.

So I am the mom of a 2 yo and a 4 yo and there are still days I don't feel like I have the parenting thing down. I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I am a stay at home mom and with my 1st child I didn't really worry about a "schedule." I fed her when she was hungry, she slept when she was tired, she played when she felt like it. I remember I spent a lot of time shopping, driving, visiting friends because she cried a lot too. It wasn't until my 2nd was born that a schedule was so important because they were only 18 months apart I needed to feel like I was in control! Have you considered environmental factors that might be making your baby cry. Are you breast feeding? Maybe you are eating something that is disagreeable to her tummy. If you are formula feeding have you considered switching to a different formula...(I would check with your pediatrition). When my daughter was an infant I had to use a special formula called nutranamagen...it is considered a pre-digested formula so it is easier on their tummies (but harder on your wallet). Once she got thru to about 4 or 5 months I was able to switch her to a cheaper formula (Isomil).

Anyway, have no fear, you are a great mom! They don't tell you it takes a while to get to know your baby...too bad they don't come with instruction manuals!

Dear E. N,
You are totally normal! It's so hard, especially in the beginning. Above all, don't beat yourself up for not being an expert by 11 weeks. This is all so new, and on top of it, once you think you've got something figured out, the baby changes the gameplan. Keep telling yourself, "I am doing my best." It helps to remind yourself. It sounds like her favorite thing is to just be held, without playing. Just follow her lead--if that's what she needs, that's what you should do--without fear of "spoiling" her or making her too clingy, because the surest way to create a clingy child is to not give her what she needs and make her feel insecure, especially at her young age. If you are able to carry her around in the sling, you can get some things done around the house while talking to her about what's going on, or go for walks to keep from going stir-crazy. Maybe you can read to her as you hold her--it's not too soon to start. Also, if you can find a group of mommies in your area to join, it can really help.
My daughter is 2 1/2 yrs old now (I still have times when I don't know what I'm doing), and I remember feeling the same way, "What should I be doing with her?!" It gets easier as they get older and are able to play a bit on their own, and then, again, you can follow her lead--you can join in when she chooses a particular toy or book to look at (books were my daughter's favorite "toy" at a really young age--some babies just love to sit and look and look at them). Get books out of the library, but remember, they are there only as suggestions, pick and choose from their advice and use only what feels right for you and your daughter. Good luck--it's going to be ok. Trust yourself.

it's okay to not have the baby thing down yet! My son is 4 months and trust me, it gets a lot better. My husband and I made a list of things to talk to the baby about because I felt like I didn't know what to do with him either. Just be close to her face and talk to her, quietly, happily, about the entire world. She'll calm down and love listening to your voice. Good luck!

I feel compelled to write because I have been in your shoes before. It is hard to deal with a crying baby all day. First, I want to reassure you that you are doing a good job dealing with her....you are trying routines, schedules and even wearing her in a sling, all of which show you are trying your best to figure out this baby thing. It is hard when you become a mom...they don't come with instructions, and yet, you somehow feel like you should know exactly what to do, once you become a mom.
First off, kudos to you for trying Babywise. I didn't use it with my first child, but did with my second. It was wonderful for us, as we were able to have our second child sleeping through the night at 8 weeks. My advise on this book...the sleeping/awake schedule really does work, you just have to give it time (it took us about about two weeks to get completely on-track). Like you, I always struggled to know what to do with my kids when they were newborns. My lifesaver for this was the daily schedule in the babywise book. I photocopied the page that had the schedule on it that corresponded with their current age (I can't remember if it was broken up by weeks or months). Anyways, I posted that photocopy onto my refrigerator and followed it as closely as I could. Awake time, tummy time, eating time, sleeping time. As I'm sure you're aware, you have to be willing to let them adjust to the schedule by crying it out. But this is what they really need from you...to set the schedule and let them schedule themselves around it. Otherwise, they don't really know what they want.
You mentioned she cries when you try to play with her. Babies this age can be easily over-stimulated. Things like bright colors, toys that sqeak or have bells, even different feeling textures...these may all upset tiny ones because they may put them on sensory overload. Sometimes the littlest ones just like to have your face above theirs and hear your voice talking to them. She may enjoy listening to you read to her. Have you tried taking her outside? I know sometimes I felt hesitant to take my newborns outside, but most times I found they really liked it. Maybe she would enjoy sitting in your lap in the grass or going for a walk in the stroller.
I think another hard part is that you feel like you have to be "interacting" with your little one all the time, and you need to know that it's ok to have them just be alone and content to look at a mobile or look into a mirror. In a crib, on a blanket on the floor, any safe place is fine. They really need the time to play by themselves so that they learn they can discover things on their own and keep themselves amused. Believe me, if you plan on having other children, it becomes a necessity for the younger ones to entertain themselves a bit, as it is impossible to hold a newborn, help a toddler go potty, etc. all at the same time!
I think the sling is a great idea, and it sounds like your daughter likes it too. Sometimes the closeness of being by mommy is all the comfort they need. I relied heavily on slings and snugglies when it was time to make dinner everyday, which is the time most kiddos start their meltdowns for the day.
My final thoughts is give her some more time. You said she is 11 weeks....and I can vouch for both of my kiddos when I say that there is a significant change in babies at 12 weeks. Something about the 3 month mark, they become different. They slip into their routines, you guys are both figuring out more about how to handle everything, it just all seems to start flowing better. So I just encourage you to keep doing what you're doing and to know that it will soon get better. I know it's hard to imagine, but these days go by so quick and before you know it, she'll be this big kid who's sitting on your lap and you won't even remember these stages anymore.
My final thought on her crying all the time....hopefully the scheduling thing will resolve that. But the other thing to maybe think about is her feeding. If you are breastfeeding, perhaps she is still hungry after you finish. That is easy to determine...if she can take additional formula from a bottle after nursing, she may not be getting enough from you. If you already have her on formula, maybe her tummy is sensitive to the kind you are using. If she is having lots of gas or bringing her knees up to her tummy a lot, this may be the case.
Hope all this info helps. Please keep us posted!
~M. in Pueblo West

I wouldn't worry about the baby right now. babies just want to be with (usuakky touching) mama. you need to get used to doing everything you did before, this time while holding a baby. just wear her as you go about your day. tell her about what you are doing. this will teach her about her world, about what things are and what they are called, what noises she has always heard go to what objects, how stuff works, and most of all that life is not all about her! this is a common issue with many tods, they have always known since birth tat they come first! by showing your baby your world and life, she will learn that she can get the contact and attention she needs while you are doing what you need. its okay that she learns to lie on the bed and wait while you get dressed, or to sit in her bouncy chair or whatever and watch while you wash the dog. she can learn the car routine, the laundry routine, the walk the dog routine. remember she has been doing these things with you almost a year before she was born. it is familiar to her.

I pretty much agree with everyone. If you're a reader (I am, I like to be overinformed), try The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears. He is not only a doc, but a father of 8. And his wife is a nurse. He has good sound practical advice.

Enjoy this phase. It won't be long that you'll be wishing he would just sit and let you snuggle. :)

What you are feeling is TOTALLY normal! I felt like my LO was a leach for the first 3 months (physically and mentally!).
First, most newborns don't (and shouldn't) develop any sort of real schedule until they are 4 or 5 months old. I would just take things in stride for now and try not to obsess about schedules and reading too many books. I know from personal experience that I wasted so many precious hours worrying about schedules, sleep, and reading tons of conflicting information from books. If I could do it all again I would ditch the books and the pressure to have things "normal" and just try to go with the flow. She will gradually start to develop a more predictable "schedule" so that you have an more of a predictable idea of when she is tired, hungry, etc. Of course things are constantly changing which sure makes things hard!
I would definitely continue with babywearing if that helps soothe her. Maybe check out a Moby wrap or something similar. They tend to be more comfortable than a sling, especially if you need to wear it a lot.
As far as what to do all day, I had the same worries. In the early stages I felt that I was supposed to be doing things TO my baby and I never knew what I was supposed to do. I eventually just started doing things WITH my baby like going to the mall, going to lunch, going on walks, etc. Babies at that age are so portable that you can do almost anything with them! I think that it is important to just get out of the house. You might also consider joining a local mom's group to connect with other moms. You can probably find something through Meetup.com.
Good luck and know that you are not alone with these feelings and doubts. It DOES get better and your baby will start interacting a lot more here in a few months so hang in there!

make a pt. of talking to your Dr. about possible reflux. My son had it and once we had that controlled (prevacid) our lives completely turned around and we were finally able to enjoy our son (and once his stomach stopped hurting - he started to enjoy us too!)
My son is a year old and off the meds now and is a very happy little boy!

Hi!

No one has the parenting thing down ... every child is different. Don't beat yourself up. You didn't say if your baby is bottle fed or breast fed. The excessive crying could be colic (not fun, but it does go away). My best suggestion for during the day is get outside! Babies love fresh air (it also helps colic) and she'll be stimulated by everything she sees. Let her eat when she's hungry and nap when she's tired. I wouldn't worry about the routine so much. She'll be rolling around soon and that will also help colic (if that's what's troubling her).

Best wishes,
L.

It sounds like your baby might have gas or colic. My daughter had Colic and these are things that worked for her. Try the football hold with her, Put her head by your elbow and her belly on your arm with on let on each side. some times the presure of her being on her belly helps move the gas. You can also do the leg thing, lay her on her back and gently push her anckles up in the air toward her head and then toward her stomach. Then there is always mylacon. It is gas drops for babies. My sister is a Pharmasist and said that it isn't absorbed into the system so you can give them twice within a 30 min. time frame. It also sounds like you have a case of post partum. I would talk to your doctor. They actually put me on a mild antidepressant to help with those feelings. Your doing great as a mom just remember that.

It's absolutely normal.. and I don't know when that feeling ends. It ebbs and flows and then it changes again. My son is 4 and I still feel that way at times.

Google milestones and activities to do with a new born. For napping and sleep, you just have to keep trying. Your baby also might be a little young for sleep training.. I'd do whatever you need to to get her to sleep and then try again in a few months. My favorite sleep book is Health Sleep Habits, Happy Baby.

Try basing your schedule on the baby (and you sleep when baby sleeps.. don't run around trying to clean your house). At that age, I think they are only up for about 2-3 hours at a time still -- so whenever they get up, 2 hours after that try for a nap.

I think I bought a swing at this point.. and my son finally slept in the swing.. worth it's weight in gold. The other thing is to talk to your pediatrician so you can rule out anything medical.

Good luck. Try to enjoy it.. it does get better and you do begin to get more sleep (not enough but more).

L.

This is very normal. 11 weeks is really too early to hope for a regular routine, some babies start getting a good routine by this time, but a lot don't.

The ideas in Babywise (Dr. Ezzo) and Sleeping Through the Night (Dr. Mindell) and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Dr. Weissbluth) truly are excellent. These doctors recognize the importance of establishing patterns and routines, as well as the importance of good sleep habits to brain development and happy disposition. But a lot of babies won't be ready until 4-5 months.

My 8 month old is still not on a consistent routine. He naps twice a day, but sometimes he does a short nap in the morning, long in the afternoon; or long in the morning, short in the afternoon; or just an hour morning, afternoon, then around 5:30. I'm happy that he is on enough of a schedule that he will take a nap for at least an hour, then after being awake, eating, playing, etc. he will be ready for another nap in 2-3 hours. I watch for sleepiness.

I think nursing, although sometimes frought with challenges and even pain, fills a need for a baby that nothing else can. My first was the most cranky, I have theorized it is because he did not have that comfort factor my other two have enjoyed.

Being a first time mom can be a trial by fire. It sure was for me. Now that I have an 8 month old and a 4 and 5 year old I can see how those "first time mom" experiences have really helped me grow. Just do your very best. Be choosy about what advice you accept, and trust your personal instincts. Even in the advice here at Mamasource you will find contradicting opinions. Babies don't come in a cookie cutter mold for sure.

Crying is so hard to hear, especially when you are holding her. As long as you are taking care of her basic needs: feeding, diapering, holding, playing, etc., she will thrive and do fine. You also need to remember your own basic needs: eating, sleeping (you still need 8 hours but may need to get that in spurts through the night and a nap), basic housekeeping, some small personal activity (reading, exercise, television, whatever it is that you personally need). It is okay when you have tried everything to calm your baby without success to let her be by herself crying for a few minutes, even 15-30 if you feel frustrated. Find a way to keep your bucket full so you can give your best to your baby and husband. It's hard to give love from an empty bucket... remember that on airplanes you have to give yourself oxygen before your children (if you don't, all will ultimately suffer).

Good luck to you!

it sound like you need me. i would love to come out and visit. i have been told that i have a way with kids . i am a mom of four . and an auntie of 16 on my side and 23 on my husbands side. swadle swale swadle especially at nap and bed time. at almost three months she is learning how you work and vice versa. but most importantly she is learning that you will do anything for her even hold her all day. do you feel anxoious, nervous and drained?? whatever you feel so does she. if you relax so will she. sometimes babies just want some quiet time just like we do. instead of playing with her take her for a walk in the stroller . lay a blanket on the grass and watch her relax let her mind be busy. i also do daycare and some of the babies i have taken care of love to look at the metallic balloons. christmas lights that chase or blink. try singing to her or putting on music. whatever calms you will calm her. good luck

I love this topic because a coworker and I were just discussing it this morning. You don't have things down at 11 weeks. Or 6 months (like me). Or when your kids are grown and gone (like my coworker). It's always a learning process and with that comes problems and mistakes. And I'm sure we will have everything figured out with these first babies. We'll have our second and think, "I have totally got this mommy thing down pat!" and you want to know what will happen with that second kid? They are going to be COMPLETELY different! And we will be utterly lost again!
What I don't get is why it always looks so easy when someone else is doing it!
I guess what I am saying is WELCOME TO PARENTHOOD! The toughest job you will ever love.
=)

Yeah, it's totally normal to feel what you're feeling. You and your babe are still getting to know each other and things will get easier as you do.

She may be a high-needs baby (which doesn't necessarily mean colic). My DS1 was one of those. He wasn't unhappy, just very demanding of my time & attention... as long as he had about 90% of both of those, he was fine. ;) My DS2 (just a few weeks older than your little one) is much mellower. Still, a baby of that age pretty much does want to be held all the time. So that's mostly what I do.

I don't do much actual play with the baby yet. I do some little baby yoga moves with him sometimes... take left hand and touch to right foot while making happy sounds, repeat for other side... put baby's hands on her chest, then gently stretch her hands out to the side... lay her on her back and move her legs in clockwise circles. DS2 has just become a big fan of getting raspberries on his tummy; you might try those. Talk lots. As you wear her around in the sling, talk to her about what you're doing, show her stuff around the house, make up songs, or just chit-chat with her.

Regarding the crying in the car... also totally normal. With DS1 we found that if we covered his car seat up with a blanket so he couldn't see out, he wouldn't cry as much. DS2 cries in the car if he gets too hot. If we run the a/c first & get the car comfy, he does okay. You'll figure out what works for your baby.

Try not to get too discouraged. You ARE the best mom for your baby... just give yourself some time to learn what she needs/wants from you. Books are a great source of information, but not every technique works with every child.

Best of luck. Sounds like you're doing a great job!!

Of course it is normal to not feel like a mommy pro by 11 weeks. I remember feeling the same way when mine was little but now looking back (mine is now 2 1/2 and also talking to many moms) I realize newborns cry.... they are just adjusting to the world, I think the biggest reason for crying is their little tummies. Anyway, hold your baby, talk to your baby, sing to your baby but it is ok to put her down and get things done or also do things for yourself because that stage doesn't last long:)

First and for most take A DEEP BREATH!!!! Remember that your baby is just as new at a being a baby as you are a mommmy. She just wants to be with you and babies that little don't really "play" yet. They just need to know your there. Slings are great but babies can't really see out and babies love to watch everytihng. I recommend a front carrier (bjorn). Walmart has one for less than 15 bucks , no joke. Just put her in that and do your daily things, shopping, check email, clean , etc. She will be so interested with what your doing. Babies start to play more closer to six months and they start to fall into a regular routine more around 6 months as well. Yes it is totally normal not to have the mommy thing down yet. the first few months are alittle chaotic but the dust will settle and you wont even remember what life was like without her. Hope I helped , You can do it!!!!!

I know you have received a ton of great advice. I thought I would put in my two cents anyway! I've had 5 babies, and each one has been totally different. Even if you know how to physically take care of a baby, they are all so different. It was a new learning experience every time! I had one baby just happy to sit in a swing. Another liked a vibrating bouncer. My last one just wanted to be held all day long! Exhausting! You will make it through. I promise. Then you'll be on to pulling clothes out of the toilet when the child is a toddler! Hang in there! Have confidence in yourself!

You sound just like me when my son was 11 weeks. I thought I had to have it all together, looking like a put together mom with a routine by then as well. I'd just like to say that it DOES get easier. My son is now 18 weeks. He still doesn't love the car, but he is getting better and doesn't scream nearly as much and he's become a much better sleeper. They also grow so fast and it won't be long before your little girl is playing by herself with her toys.

I believe all is normal as can be. One book that I read (very fast read) that told me about my baby's "personality" and how to "TRY" to create a schedule while being flexible, etc. was THE BABY WHISPERER. I found the information about the various personalities interesting, and the advice to know how to meet the needs of your child's personality was very helpful to me and my little one. I actually was able to get my baby on a schedule, and as soon as I said something out loud to someone about it, my daughter changed it up again! They'll do it to you every time! Try that book - like I said, it's an easy read - like you're talking to the author about your baby - and you can skip parts that pertain to other personalities so that you can focus your reading on babies like yours!