What to Tell Child When Santa Doesn't Bring the Gift She Asked For?

Santa thought you might like this instead....
I always tell my kids to write at LEAST 10 things they want, that way they can't be completely disappointed. If she gets 3 things but not the DS you can make a big deal about what she DID get. IMO life is about appreciating what you get not what you don't get...hard lesson for kids but one that needs to be learned early.

I always told my children that I write to Santa also and let him know what gifts are appropriate and what gifts are not appropriate. I also told them that Santa has many, many children to deliver gifts to and it was not okay to ask him for really expensive gifts when he had so many kids to give to. I let my kids know that more expensive gifts, if they get them, come from mom and dad, or family members, not Santa.

When my kids asked for something expensive that I knew I wasn't going to get them, I always just told them Santa couldn't afford that. After all, he has millions of presents to give. They knew well ahead of time that they weren't going to be getting it, so they wouldn't be disappointed on Christmas morning.

Just tell her flat out, Santa's not that rich.

p.s. Tell her that even though Santa makes the gifts, it costs him more to make some gifts than others. After all, he still has to buy the parts from China. :)

Thanks for this post! This is all great information!!!

Arlene, that is mean! Why make your child feel bad if you can't afford something...almost borderline abusive. I think there are way better, more positive ways to emotionally set your child straight. I hope you read some of the other responses and help your grandchildren think better of themselves.

thanks Ladies, I like the idea of letting your child know Santa and parents are in contact and Santa won't bring what Mom's and dads don't think is appropriate just yet or that Santa thought there were better things the child could use and he'd rather see the child save up for something so big. So many good answers here!!

I remember I asked santa for a roller racer four years in a row and never got one. When I lamented "why!?!" my mother said, "perhaps santa only had a limited number of those toys and he gave them to children who were less fortunate than you. You can ask again next year and see if he brings it then..."

I was pouty for a while but couldn't argue with the ultimate decision of the most generous man in the universe. And one year I finally got my racer. Of course by the time I got it I didn't really care for it but it was such a habit to put it at the top of my list that I just kept it up year after year. I dutifully played with it for at least a month though just in case Santa was watching.

My 4 year old wants a DS as well and I have just flat out told her that I don't think it's age-appropriate and Santa wouldn't bring anything Momma wouldn't want her to have. I told her she could still ask Santa for it but I wasn't going to allow it and he would know that. It was the same for my 8 year old who wants a moped. I'm not spending that kind of money on something so ridiculous! :-)

To put it in simpler terms: it's the same if someone wants to give your kid a piece of candy that you don't want them to have. You always have the right to say "no" when it's your own kid. If you wouldn't allow it yourself then why would you allow Santa to break your own "rules"?

I have told my child a lot of things regarding what she has asked santa for over the year... I have explained that what she has asked for is too expensive because it takes a lot to get the stuff for it that santa needs for the elves to build it. i have let her know that santa and i have been in contact and i have told him that i don't think it's a good idea for her to have a certain present (sometimes i say yet) and have given santa some other ideas. this year we have also had discussion about being happy with whatever santa brings us since the 3.5 year old has asked for a mermaid. as in, she wants ariel delivered to her under the tree; not a doll. at 5 your daughter can understand that a ds is a very big present and if it was lost or broken on accident she would feel very badly that she did not take care of the present that santa brought her. my girls also know that santa drops off presents at our house and asks that i wrap them so he can be on time to other houses. santa and i like to help each other out christmas eve.
good luck.
S.

We make our kids tell Santa 3 things. That way Santa can get the gift he thinks is best for them. This has worked for us. We seem to always have one of the 3 gifts that we can get them. We also tell them that Santa has a budget and to make sure that everything on the list is not really expensive because he does have other kids to get for. This year was the first time that got tricky because the 11yr old asked for a puppy, a drum set, or computer. Luckly we found an inexpensive drum set that comes with a headset for the person playing.:) Good luck!!!

Yep, I have 3 boys, two of which want EVERYTHING they see, much of which is age inappropriate. We went to a party and saw Santa last week and I told my son afterwards that Santa mentioned that one of the toys on his list was not a good toy for a boy his age and that Santa needs to be responsible and knows what is best. My son didn't ask again... Hope that helps ;-)

My 7 yr old has only asked Santa for 1 item this year, the game Mind Flex (it costs about $80!). I explained that it was a very expensive toy, and that santa doesnt always bring us what we want, and that if she really waanted it, she should save her money for it. She recieved a $25 gift card for her birthday earlier this month, and when she was asked what she was going to buy with it, she told her firends "I'm savign to buy Mind Flex". So far she is over half-way to buying it herself between birthday money (which we told her she could spend), tooth-fairy deliveries, and money she earns for helping out extra.

The way my DH and I look at it is, if she REALLY wants it, she will save for it and appreciate it more. We did the same thing when she wanted a new bike, and she managed to save over $50 in change in less than a year and bought a new bike at TRU, with us only pitching in $14!

BTW, she does have a DS, and we LOVE it! There are Nick cartoons and movies that you can buy to watch, along with educational games and some not so educational ones that help with cordination and the such. I just put a time limit of 30 min/day AFTER homework/chores/ect are done, I did it from the 1st day she opened it, and I have never had her complain or fight me about it, the only exception she gets is when we are in the car for a long drive.

My son wants one also. I told him that santa only brings gifts that his father and i approve of. Santa knows! So I tell him not to expect to get those gifts because Santa coordinates his gift efforts with mom and dad.

I would tell her that Santa does his best to bring all the kids the things they ask for, but sometimes he can't bring everything. Then maybe get her an educational hand held game. Leap frog makes a good one with that games that teach spelling, etc. Give her an what she asks for, kinda..but give her something that you feel will be educational and learning. Good luck & Merry Christmas! T.

Hi L.T.,

I, too, am going to have to tell all three of my children why Santa did not bring them DSs. I plan on telling them that he brought gifts he felt were more appropriate for them at this time. I have also explained to them that Santa brings different gifts to different children based on need. Sometimes he knows that even though something they ask for would be a great and fun gift, there are other children who need it more than they do.

D.

Santa gives gifts that maybe asked for or not...what he does know is what is the BEST gift for her...so if he thinks a DS is not the best gift he won't. He's known about children her age for many years and he deosn't beleive in giving a child a video game until they are older. (make sure he writes that on his response to her letter on XMAS morning.) However he does think she will love what he gives her etc..
I have and will again do this with my 5 year old son too. NO DS in my house. period. That and he wants some Satr Wars thing that is 150 dollars. eek!
I have my 9 uyear old write the letter that night before bed and then Santa responds. It has worked for my kids. good luck.

Although I so agree that they are expensive, I bought one for my son when he turned 5. We use it as a tool for responsibilty. He has to put it away in the case after each use, which we limit. If it is is found otherwise, he loses it for a day or whatever lenghth we deem appropriate. It also comes along with us on certain restaurant experiences and long car trips. Also, you can get the games second hand at quite a discount at game stop, not recomended as Santa gifts. I know this is not the answer to your question, but it the approach we took and overall, our son has displayed a great deal of respect for his game. Good luck to you. L.

Funny - I have been having this exact conversation with a couple of my kids! I tell them that Santa won't get the kids anything that mom and dad don't agree to. So, if mom doesn't want the DS for whatever reason, she tells Santa "no thank you". It's worked for me so far! (my oldest is 13, youngest is 5)

Also, we always give bigger gifts like that from Mom and Dad, not Santa. Santa brings the stocking stuffers and a few little gifts. That way they don't expect big things from Santa anyway.

Ultamately, it's up to you, as the parent, to decide what ANYONE can give her. That's why conciencious people will ask YOU before they hand your daughter a cookie or candy or any such thing. Tell her that you cant let Santa give her that because... then name all the reasons you've already told her. She might be unhappy for a second, but in the long run she will be gratefull for your consistent boundaries. Tell her aheas of time so she has the chance to ask him for something more appropriate.

I like the ideas about the list of wishes, it does leave the child more open for fulfillment. Putting all the eggs in one basket and asking for one gift may be h*** o* Santa.

In the case of not getting what she wants, it will be her first of many. My favorite advice I receieved about kids is helping them survive the disappointment. She will survive, it will build character.
I think the hardest part about these things is watching our kids go through it. Just know you are making the right choice for your family, and there is no way a 5yo can know that.

Remember with the nintendo DS ,
you get to choose the game. Your child can learn spanish, math or solve puzzles.
You can also get a used one at gamestop or thru craig's list. Alot of kids are going to the DSi, so a good starter is a used DS.
My 6 year old has had one for a year now.
It is a good thing...
Good Luck- J.

I tell my kids Santa's list is a "wish list" and he will work very hard to get them a gift from their list, not all gifts on their list. I try to get them each to think of 10 items. Has worked well so far :-)

BTW - this year my 9 year old put both and iPOD Touch and a DSi on his list (his friends have them) and I told him that Santa knows that he isn't allowed to have unsupervised internet yet (which both provide internet access) so make sure he lists several other things on his list :-)

While we don't do the Santa part, they know there is no Santa (our personal family choice) they can get pictures with "Santa" and it is a fun story, but we let them know it is just that, a story.

If (when) my kids ask for something that I feel is not age appropriate, I just tell them no. I tell them that is a toy for when they are older and to choose something more on their level. We have a DS that we got when my oldest turned 10 and my 5 year old plays it, she is supervised and has age appropriate games. She also knows where it goes when she is done, and if she leaves it out, she does not get to play with it again for a while. But they know that when mom & dad say no to a toy, then the answer is simply no. I don't feel the need to always explain everything. So don't feel bad if she is not ready for it, just say no and direct her to something you feel more comfortable with. You are the mom.

Take care,
D.

Another secretary and I were just talking about this same subject this morning regarding our family members and how they all claim they wanted specific things on their lists and since we were unable to get them, they felt Christmas was ruined. As much as your 5 year old should understand Santa - my advice is to tell her that Santa makes the best choices from the lists he is given from each child and the fact is that he gives what is best for the child. If it is not the actual item the child wants, there was a reason for it and the child should think what that might be. Maybe Santa felt the family would be better with a different item, maybe she will get it later on, etc., etc., BUT do not forget to follow up with the statement that Christmas is not about getting, it is about giving!
Happy holidays and good luck.
T.

I would approach it similarly to when my son prays to God for frivolous items (like a litter of puppies). I tell him God knows best and will provide you with what he feels you need.
Or you can set yourself up as the bad guy and tell her you told Santa that you felt that gift was not appropriate for your family.

good for you for not getting your kid everything she asks for! kids today are totally spoiled with material goods, yet hardly spend any time with their parents, which is what they really want and need more than anything! you are doing her a favor.
and to answer your question...well, that's harder ;).
make a deal with her; if she raises half the money by the time she's six, you can get her one then. she can help around the house, or ask relatives for donations. then if she still wants it in a year, it will be cheaper and more age appropriate.
good luck!

"Santa doesn't make electronics in his workshop. He has to contract out, and contractors are notoriously bad on deliverables. It may not happen this year, but tell you what? We'll save up money and we'll put a little away each week until we can buy it ourselves! Cool, non??? NOw, what else do you want from Santa now that you know he doesn't handle computers/electronics/that sort of thing?"

This makes me entirely happy that my kid asked for princess dresses and a barbie. On my list though is the PS3 because I can watch instanetflix if I buy it!? Plus games? Too bad my husband is anti-video games (unless it's ms. pacman.)

Tell her that Santa does not make electronics in his workshop. Also tell her soon in casual conversation whatever is you are going to tell her and then on Christmas when she gets whatever gift from Santa you could make sure that there is a note from Santa explaining why and maybe even "If you are real good maybe next year your mom will get you one". FYI my boys 5&8 both have DS's and have for a year, they do not play them all the time I use them for long trips or when we have to sit for a while somewhere and I need to keep them quiet. Good Luck and Merry Christmas!

I always tell my son that Santa will try to bring what he can and he won't always bring your favorite item. He will bring what he thinks you will enjoy and he would never want to bring something that your mother or father couldn't afford themselves. I always tell him the story of how I put an easy bake oven on my list every year until I was 9 and I never received it. (now I know my mom was afraid that somehow that little lightbulb would burn down the house-lol)I also stress giving as well. I give him $10 and tell him that I won't look and he can pick out anything and put it in the basket and pay for it for me. I also let him save up his change and we put it in the rolls for each denomination and we buy his dad's present with it. Have a great holiday!!

Santa tried to bring my boys something from their list but its not always possible. Sometimes Santa brings surprises too. When you take her to see Santa he will hopefully tell her the same thing....maybe you can get a no head shake in that Santa will see and she won't that will give Santa a clue.

P.S. my boys have been asking for DS for two years now and they aren't getting them either. Last year they got a PS2...cheaper than the DS and they can play it on the big screen TV. You can get used games for dirt cheap too.

I haven't been thru this yet, but the first thing that popped in my head was to start telling her that you heard Santa only brings those to children that are 7 and older.....or whatever age it says for on the box, that way you can even show her that it's for that age kid and above. That he might bring her something that is for 5 year olds this year, but that he always keeps lists of what little boys and girls want for when they turn that age. So when she turns 7 or whatever age you tell her........she'll need to remind him that she wants one.

That will give you a few years to start to plan for one....or maybe she'll just forget about it.

just as an FYI, I found Leapsters at Toys R Us the day after Christmas for $30. I'm sure they'll go on sale again and we're buying my kids used games off of eBay to use with them...they don't care about that stuff now.

Good luck, I'm curious about what others will respond as well, since I'm sure with a 2 and 3 year old this will come up in the future.

K.

I tell my grandkids, Santa is not going to bring you what you want because you are being naughty right now. And they say, I will be good. And then they go right back and do what they were doing being naughty again, I let them know that they are being naughty and Santa is not going to bring them what they want.

Once it is time to open presents the child realize that they did not get what they want and all you have to say is, it is probably because you were being naughty.

If she really wants that present from Santa, you should get it for her. Christmas and Santa happen once a year, and she has waited half a year for it. My 4 year old neice and 7 year old niece each have one, got it for Christmas last year, and they still love them. It has educational plus regular games. So much you can do with it. Look at how much you usually spend on her at Christmas, and see if the DS is the equivalent. Toys r us is having great sales, look at their ads, also best buy etc. Depending on how much her grandparents spend on her, maybe they could get if for her instead of Santa, or the grandparents, aunts and uncles can go in for it together as her gift. There is always a way.

Personally I would rather get my children 1 gift they would love rather than 5 gifts they would like. Just my thoughts. I hope you can work it out. I have no advice on how to tell a child Santa can't bring her a gift, she only has 1-2 more years of believing in him anyway, why not let him go out with a bang? Good luck and Merry Christmas!

I would just tell her that just because she asks for something does not mean she will get it. She's old enough to understand that we don't always get what we ask for. I would try to encourage her to come up with other things that she wants and to not "put all her eggs in one basket". You could also go the route or telling her that you don't think she should ask Santa for that item because you don't feel she's old enough for it yet.

Have her go through a toy catalog and select other wish (backup)toys.

Tell your child that Santa called and said that the elves couldn't make any more DS's and that he should add more items to his wish list if there was something special he really wanted.

I can honestly say after having three children they will ask for items and it will soon be replaced with another favorite if only I had "...." I would be the best kid in the world. My children did have a hand held game and often they were taken away because they would get frustrated and wouldn't want to stop until they made it to the next level. I would not buy one for my five year old. If Santa does buy this game, make sure there are ground rules for it's use. When my children believed in Santa I bought them a small gift and more desired gifts came from family members, it was easier to let go of the fantasy. Good luck with your decision!

Last year my daughter had wanted Healie's the shoes with wheels. i was totally refusing it saying they were dangerous and ridiculous looking. Well, Santa broke down and got them for her and she was elated. Sometimes we just have to give in to their requests. She is an expert on Healies now and hasn't fallen once. I "couldn't believe Santa brought her the shoes".
My son was five when he got his DS last year from Santa. He loves it. My girls have one too but they don't play with it as much.
Good luck,

Santa does not make electronics only good quality old fashioned toys - LOL! Really we told our kids something along those lines last year when they wanted the Wii. We also didn't want our kids to play video games at 4 and 6 - boy did everyone and their Mother have something to say about that! ;-)! My hubby and I didn't care, we saw how the kids changed when a Wii was in a beach house we stayed at last summer. The first place we stayed, we all played/talked together before breakfast and after dinner and once the Wii came onto the scene - what a difference!! My God they couldn't focus on anything else! I say don't be pressured by what others deem "OK" for thier child by purchasing something you would rather yours didn't have. What does that teach the child? I think saying that Santa brings some gifts and Mom's and Dad's bring some gifts is a great way to help a child understand why little Joey down the block got a DS for Christmas and I didn't - plus I always think the "best" gift should come from Mom and Dad not Santa - keep the magic alive with the story and cute toys but let Mom and Dad get the glory of giving the "bigger" gifts - it also teaches children the value of money "we will get it when you are older and we have the money for it" - there is nothing wrong with that! Too many kids get anything they want and it leads to problems down the road. Good luck explaining it to her, and I don't think she will be broken hearted, my kids weren't they are too focused on all of the other wonderful things they received. If you are really worried about ruining Christmas day, perhaps Santa could answer her letter back with lots of cheer and promise of great things but the explaination that his elves don't know how to make a DS. Good luck whatever you decide!

Hi L T,

Sometimes we, as parents, need to remember who "Santa" is in our children's minds. He is the only one who can provide something (aside from God) that we may not want to, or be able to :o)

I learned (after breaking my son's heart one year long ago) that a gift from Santa is NOT about what I THINK he should have, but what he truly desires this 1 magical day a year. Exmple.....This year, my youngest son wants a 20ft Flagpole that is 6" in diameter.....does he need it? NO! Yet, he has been sending Santa letters for 6 months to make sure Santa's elves has enough time to make his dream gift this year :O) My hubby and I are going to figure it out to keep "the magic alive" in his heart and mind :O)

Now, as far as a DS goes.....I recommend getting her one. She can learn how to write notes, as well as play games. If you "splurge" and get her the DSi, then it can play movies for long travels and act as a portable TV for her entertainment (if you don't have that already). At 5, I believe she is ready and can handle it. If money is an issue, then Walmart has lay-a-way you can make a couple of payments if it's eaiser.

Please learn from my mistake long ago, and get her what she desires no matter how "silly" or ridiculous you think it might be. It's totally worth NOT breaking her heart. There is nothing worse than seeing your precious child disappointed on Christmas morning. Even if you've tried to "make up for it" with another costly gift.....it won't work.

You only get 1 chance at Christmas morning this year, make it her favorite year :O)

Merry Christmas!

~N. :O)

i like the idea of asking santa for several things. good luck! at first i didn't even know what a DS was, but googled it. we don't have video games here, so i'm out of touch.

First if you would like to get her one but the cost is two much then you could get a used one at Game Stop alot cheaper. Tell her Santa is really busy and sometimes his elves don't get all the toys finished but qwrite her letter back from Santa and put it under the tree and it could say that I Santa think that you are at the right age to start saving your money so maybe you can buy one since the elves didn't finish making them this year and put $20 in there then give her things to do to earn a little here and there. I didn't get video games for my kids until they were older because I didnt wantr them glued to it and not playing outside or with friends.

I think it's best to be honest with her about what you think about the game. If you don't think it's appropriate for her, tell her that it's something that she needs to wait a couple of years until Santa can bring it to her because she isn't ready for it yet. She may continue to want it and you'll need to be ready to eventually get it for her. On the other hand, with the fast pace of technology, by the time you might be ready for her to have it, something else might be the popular item. Personally, having seen some of the items available, I think the Wii is the best investment in gaming I've seen. From my limited experience with it, Wii does almost anything the other game programs do, but does it better, has more options and causes a person to be more active rather than just sitting in front of a screen.

Santa likes to know what all the little children would like to have, and then in the wisdom and love he has for everyone, he gets to decide what is the better gift to give to each one. So it is a good idea to let Santa know of the other gifts you hope he will decide upon.

Good luck. My mama told me when I was worrying about the truth of the Santa story that Santa Claus is the spirit of giving at Christmas time and that we can all be Santa Clauses when we are mature enough to want to give to others. Since I was the eldest of her three daughters this sounded good to me..I think I was older than five, but of course not all five year olds get what they ask for..she may already realize that..

Blessing and have a great Christmas and do not feel obligated to give inappropriate gifts just to perpetuate a belief in Santa Claus.

Grandma N.

I had the exact same situation with my daughter last year (8 at the time). Told her that Santa would not bring a gift that I felt was not appropriate for her. In my household, we never have gifts over about $40. We talked about how it wouldn't be fair to her sister, etc. I was the bad guy for quite awhile but Santa was safe.