Why Do People Ask You What You Want for Christmas and Then Ignore What You Say?

Oh I so hear you! My MIL - while very generous - loves to buy "junk" gifts that just take up space. It makes me crazy. Every year she asks - I give her a reasonable list - and she pretty much ignores it.

I try very hard to buy gifts I think someone wants/would like/use and it strikes me as weird that everyone else doesn't operate the same way.

This year we asked for cash towards airfare home to spend Christmas with the family (first time in 5 years) and I thought that would solve the "gift" problem - unfortunately she still wants to buy us something "to open" - ah well - I usually end up re-gifting them to someone else throughout the year so all is not lost and you are not alone.

Same thing with the in-laws here. They usually give one thing off the list but last year my gift was used and got something a 12 year old might want. I would just assume not get anything at all. They aren't big spenders at all.

well, tell her what you don't want....then she might get you what you do want!! LOL!!! She seems to do the opposite of what you want...yikes!

Sell the Keurig on craigslist or ebay. they sell like hotcakes...i sold one for my girlfriend - $100 for it...

Ask for the gift receipt. That may sound tacky but you can tell her there's a part missing or it's broken and you need to exchange it. It may lying - but really - in this case? I'd do it! (rot roh!!)

If she can't supply the gift receipt - don't open the box or gift - then take it to Target or Wal-Mart and exchange it for what you want/need. If she's there when he opens the gift - say THANK YOU GRANDMA!!! We'll set this aside for right now so that the parts don't let lost or broken...then press on.

GOOD LUCK!!!

I completely get what you mean. I have a specific family member that does the same thing. Worse yet, it is typically just "stuff" that is less usable than your Keurig and she can't afford it anyway. I try to give people an idea of my favorite color, favorite team, etc. and let them figure it out since they ignore me anyway.

My exMIL once wrapped a pair of baby socks for my son in a plastic mailbox (the kind you put Christmas candy in as a small treat). That was MY Christmas present...clearly not for me.

**added** There are a few models of reusable K-Cups that allow you to brew YOUR favorite regular coffee in your Keurig machine so you don't have to purchase the expensive K-Cup coffees.

My MIL did this type of stuff. I decided after nicely and not so nicely talking to her about it she was doing it to annoy me. Even though it still annoyed me, I never let her know. It was as if it was a nonissue. I also let her hear me say "Grandma is getting older and can't remember what we asked for so let's not be so h*** o* poor grandma."

So I thanked her for whatever and gave it away the next day or returned it. Seriously, that got her goat that I wasn't all up in arms. She wanted to slight us and let us know she was in control. Now she writes checks(big checks) and we appreciate them so she gets positive attention.

no idea...when ds was an infant and I had no camera, that's what I really wanted and asked for. DH gave me pots and pans. (we found out years later that his best friend had set him up with the idea knowing I would be furious! :)) . I bought the camera after xmas anyway. but I didn't get picts of that christmas.

Haha, that's my MIL too! Normally she asks what you want to get an idea, and then gets you something along those lines but not the thing you asked for. My husband said it was always like that growing up and he rarely got exactly what he asked for so he gave up and he always buys what he wants for himself.

My mom is the exact opposite. She wants to know EXACTLY what you want, right down to the color and model number! That is equally weird because then there's no surprise.

My husband enjoys Christmases at my parent's house because he gets exactly what he asked for. I enjoy Christmases at my In laws because I ask for something in a certain category and then I end up with a surprise!

Either way, we enjoy the Christmas spirit of giving and receiving!

People ask because of the "politics" involved. They assume and hope you don't really provide a list, and in their minds, it shows at least they are thinking about you. They also might not want you to think they can't afford what you ask. In general when someone asks what you want for Christmas, tell them whatever they find in their heart to give and whatever they can afford.

The whole purpose of a gift is to be surprised by it, not have a wish list. The motive becomes wrong and it loses its purpose when you know what you are getting..and you are right, it comes across as greedy.

PS: All grandparents like to buy toys that gives you more work to clean up..it's in their genetics - :-)) don't sweat that part of it and accept what she buys next time - even if its a big old expensive Keurig!

My MIL hates when she spends money on somethign that we don't like/use. So she just takes me shopping every year for Xmas and Bday and lets me pick what I want. Love it.

Sorry to hear u have the opposite problem. My former MIL would do the same - buy me the WORST clothes every year. NOT my style. She slowly learned my style, then her son and I divorced. Oh well.

Maybe this year, suggest a puzzle rack, or a whole bunch of nice durable clear bags for the kids to organize their toys in?

My friend's mother in law is like this. She's only that way with her son, however. We haven't figured out if it's because he's an only child or what, but she always insists that he give her a list which is a bit silly considering he's almost 50. Anyway....she NEVER gets him anything on the list.
He's a pretty smart guy....quite a number of years ago, he started giving her lists of of stuff he truly didn't want. That way, he knew he wouldn't end up with yet another tool belt or some other strange gadget he would never use.
It works!
We actually get quite a kick out of it, especially since she's never caught on.
She's not contrary with the wife or kids, but her own son....
It's kind of a running family joke.

Maybe try using some reverse psychology on your MIL and see if that works.

Otherwise, you might just have to shrug it off.

Best wishes.

I've stopped telling people "what I want." I typically have in mind exactly what I'd like, but I can't possibly know whether it will still be available, or if it is out of one's price range, and all of that.

What I have found is that when I don't have any expectations for getting what "I want," I suffer less disappointment. I am not attached to the idea of getting the item.

Of course this works better now that I have a decent enough income to get what I need. When I was in college and I asked for specific things, I got very frustrated because I could not afford the item myself.

I like giving more than receiving for the most part.

You and I must have the same MIL!!!..

She begs to know what we all want she will drive me crazy till I give her the list and so like a fool we tell her thinking she is actually going to use the list as a guide.. Instead she gives us. "stuff".. we bring hone bags and bags of Stuff. Gag gifts, goofy hats, things in totally the wrong sizes, stuff for our walls to hang.

She also has wanted to give us an extremely expensive kitchen appliance, but we live in a tiny house and have no place to store it. She was so put out.. I prayed she would not give it to us, because I would have needed the receipt to take it back.

She spends a fortune on useless things. it really is frustrating because she is the only one that does this.. All other family members if they ask, either give us what we asked for or gift cards to pick out what we want.

We usually end up selling it all in the next garage sale not even opened.

Our daughter once asked, "why does she ask and then not give us anything we really want?" I just answered, "I have no idea."

Just smile and give her a few ideas and then you can all laugh at what you end up with..

I totally hate that!

On another note, did you know that Keurig makes a reusable/permanent filter that you can put your regular coffee in? I am too cheap to buy the pods right now, so the filter is great.

Ha! You're so right. I totally agree. I am very thankful for gifts, but why ask if you aren't going to listen. My MIL actually used to send us toy catalogues and ask us to circle things that would be appropriate for the kids and that we thought the kids would like. Then we would send them back to her. Each year she would buy them random stuff that we had never seen before. Crazy! The last year we just circled random things for kicks. She did the same thing. Now she just sends gift cards. Yay!

Here is what I have learned in my short time being an almost daughter in law ... "Grandma knows best honey"

oh my gosh, that is my MIL exactly!!!! I would say to her this year, "when shopping for us this year we would like some coffee K Cups so we can use the nice Keurig you gave us"....how annoying! I sometimes think my MIL does it on purpose! My hubby says no, she just is getting old. Bull, she hears me say no toys and she buys tons! She hears me say our daughter is a size 6 and she buys 5 then just sits there when I politely say, "she can not wear this"...then I donate it! next time she asks what you want, just say, "you always like to choose the gifts so I am going to let you decide" then I would donate some of the junk she gives about 6 months later. I also have stopped asking her what she wants and buy what I want! UGH

Well, re-wrap it and give it back to her next year! Just kidding:) I think some people just like to give for the sake of giving without thinking about what they are buying. They don't listen. LOL....sounds like one of my relatives, who I will not name. She buys tons of stuff from the dollar store for Christmas and wraps it all up. One year I got a plunger, Christmas decorations, and some cheap glasses...stuff I won't use. I've been so tempted all these years to re-wrap the stuff and give it back to her.

I have no idea!

My family has the amazon gift list kept up and so we don't have to ask! We just favorite each others amazon gift lists and there you go! My mom has over 190 items on hers, some are needs, and some are completely "that looks cool" and mom has the shortest! Virtually promise that no doubled upon a toy!

Ah! That's the beauty of the gift receipt!