Wrong to Ask for a Little Gas Money to Drive Sister to College..

Honestly, I would never ask for gas $ from my family (or my friends). If they offer...that may be a different story.

I would never have asked for money. It is a temporary situation. If it was
for the year, that would be different. One day, you might need her help.
That is what family and friends are for. To help one another.

It wasn't wrong but for one ride I think you could just do it without expecting to receive anything but a thanks, sis.

I personally wouldn't ask for money when doing a one-time favor for someone, but that's me. If this turned into a daily thing, then yes, monetary arrangements would be fair.

1) Is it a one day thing, or a week long thing? Is it a 40 minute drive once a day or twice a day (or do you just hang out for however many hours until time to take her home)? I think those are valid questions.

2) Your sister is in college or high school? If in college I guess it's big enough and she may not have close friends in her classes that could take her home, so I could see the need for a ride from family. If she's in highschool, then everyone she knows in classes lives in a close proximity so she'd be able to hitch a ride (or um, a school bus?).

3) If your sister is in highschool, I guess you'd talk to your mom about gas money. If your sister is in college, you should be talking woman to woman with your sister and your mother shouldn't be involved. You call your sister and say "What's the schedule and what exactly do you need? For how long?" If it was a 1 day thing, I wouldn't ask for gas. If it was a 2 times a day for more than 1 day, I would ask her for gas if I came from a family that wouldn't insist on filling my tank. (MY family would fill the tank for whoever if it was more than a one time thing for sure).

4) Read your "So what happened" and am surprised at your inability, as a grown woman and I'm presuming a mother since you're on this forum, to be assertive enough to say "Hey mom, these are my questions, this is what I want, what is the actual plan?" Seriously, you're going to just sit and wait to know if you're taking her to school tomorrow, after they've asked you to take her to school tomorow, and what happens if they think "I asked her to take her sister to school tomorrow....so I don't need to call again...." and you don't show, because you didn't get stroked or get another phone call? Does that make any sense whatsoever? I find that very strange, for anyone over the age of 16.

I vote with mom - no gas money. Sorry.

I think your mom's point is that family often does little favors, which can certainly be commercialized - but rarely are. Giving a ride - a single solitary ride - is one of those examples.

If your sister's school was a couple hours away - gas money.
Your parents begging for you to rearrange your life to give a ride - gas money.

But if the $5 in gas is too much for your budget, then you shouldn't have volunteered. Don't mean to be harsh, and obviously this all changes if you are constantly being taken advantage of...but given your facts so far, no gas money is just part of family life.

But hey - when you need a ride you can remind them of how generous you were this time. :)

It takes me 30-40 minutes to get to WORK with no traffic.
I don't know your personal financial situation, or what kind of gas mileage your car gets, but it seems a little petty to me. Now if your sister flips you a 5, take it.
Now if she was 2-3-4 hours away......maybe....IF you absolutely needed it.
I think your mom reacted as she did because, basically, it's a life across town.

Family helps family without expecting payment. You will need something as you move ahead. Are you willing to pay her gas money? What if she's upset and needs someone to talk with? Will you charge her for your time?

I could see asking for gas money IF you don't have enough gas or money to buy gas. It sounds like your mother would've helped out if that were the case.

Or I could see asking for gas money if she was negligent and caused her car damage. Then it would be a natural consequence of her being irresponsible. If that were the case you'd still need your parent's approval. I'm guessing you're both underage or at least still living at home.

I looked up your profile. Your attitude sounds immature to me and thus the assumption you are underage. When your parents disagree with you, you owe them respect. I'd have said something like, Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was wrong.

It sounds like your mother has arranged for her father to take her and pick her up. I would ask them to be sure. You don't want to make them more upset by not showing up. Asking is the mature thing to do. I would also apologize for asking for gas money.

My brothers drive a couple hundred miles to help me with things. One brother has helped me move several times over the years. One time from Oregon to Arizona. I rented a truck and paid expenses for that trip. I paid for gas once when his tank was low and we were using his pick up but he'd never ask me for the money. In fact he's been hurt when I've offered. Family takes care of family.

A cousin visited me from southern Oregon after I had surgery. He loaded up his pickup and took a load to Goodwill for me. He wouldn't accept gas money even tho he only has a subsistence income.

If your family's habit is to help each other, I suggest that you were wrong for asking.

April C. asked some good questions. If you were to take her and pick her up for an extended period of time then you could talk with her about the expense for you. I suggest that if you were unable to have a discussion on this issue your fmother jumped to conclusions without having a calm discussion.

I think you should not have asked. I don't think it is wrong, but I'm reading between the lines a little, and I think something irks you about your sister and you want her to pay up. Not sure why I feel that way though. But I think you should give her a break, I mean, college kids are broke most of the time anyway. It's not like you're giving her money for beer or something. Maybe someday you'll need her to do a little favor for you, and you'll be appreciative of it. What if you're stranded on the highway someday, and she's the only one who can come get you? Do you want to give her 10 bucks when she gets there??

I wouldn't have asked for gas money if it were just a one or two day thing. On a regular basis, maybe, but unless you're really struggling to make ends meet and literally are counting every dollar, it would have been a nicer gesture to just give her the ride and not expect gas money. That's sort of a high school move, in my opinion.

Nope. I don't think so. I offer my sister money if she is doing me a favor. Or any of my siblings for that matter. If they refuse, I at least give them a $5 bill and no where I ask them to drive should cost more than that.

I think if your mom has such a problem, she may want to make the drive herself :).

A 30 minute drive to help your sister? Gees. I wouldn't ask for gas money from anyone I knew in a hardship, especially a relative.

Lighten up its not like its driving across country.

I think it totally depends. Sounds like this is a one-time thing vs daily but is it one-time but there are constant favors for your sister and you're really really tight on money and your car is old so you hate to drive it unnecessarily? Or maybe you're not rich and rolling in it but $5 or $10 isnt that big a deal and there aren't constant favors while your sister babysits some or your mom does for you for free so this is kind of repaying that favor? If it's the first scenario, then no, I think it wasn't wrong. If it's more like the second or somewhere in the middle, it does seem a bit petty.

I wouldn't ask my sister for gas money. I wouldn't take it if she offered.

Not within an hour trip... now, if I'm going out of my way to take her back to college like 2 hours away, and drive home two hours back... I'd accept it if she offered. But even then I wouldn't ask for it.

But thats just how I am with my sisters. We babysit each others kids for free, treat each other to lunch, drive together to family events, etc. Only with big stuff (when all of us took my sister on her bachelorette weekend, we divvied that up pretty closely). Otherwise, it all evens out eventually.

I don't think you were wrong at all.
And if it were the other way around I'm sure you'd pay her gas money, too.
Cab fare or a bus ticket across town would run her considerably more than paying you a few bucks.
Your Mom was out of line.

Gas money for 30 or 40 minutes -no! I was prepared to say yes if you were driving her 4 hours away or across several states or something -but a 30 minute drive? How much gas do you really think you're going to burn?

not saying your wrong but if it were me ..its only one day shes ur sister, whats the big deal... unless i had like no0 money or gas in the car to begin with .. if u have monye but ur simply asking cuz gas is expensive i dont know.. id feel really bad asking herfor money

Well, I wouldn't ask for gas money, no. Well if it were a 10 hour drive maybe.

Doesn't mean YOU'RE wrong, of course.

Do what you think is best.

:)

That's really out of your way! Is there nobody else closer that your sister can ask? Are there no public transit options? I'm going to side with yes it's fine to ask for gas money based on the fact that it sounds like your sister didn't try hard enough to come up with other options.

For me, it would depend on how many times a day, and how many days it would be. If it was going to be a one time deal, no. But if its going to continue for more than one trip, i think she should be contributing something.

I think people are starting to be a bit h*** o* you but I do agree you should call your mother to straighten it out. Also, you're likely a fair amount older than your sister and in a very different stage of life. My sister is 5 years older than me and I know she often viewed me as a bit of a brat. Sometimes I was but also, I did grow out of it. You're married with a child. Your life experience has taught you so much your sister just hasn't been exposed to yet. I remember thinking my sister had it made being a SAHM. Ha! I had no idea! That doesn't make me so bad or a brat. I just didn't live it yet. So if any of this is resentment bc you feel like your parents spoil her or you're always having to do things for her and it's never reciprocated, try to remember hopefully it will change one day. And likely - your sister adores you. I so looked up to my sister even though I know I was a pain to her sometimes. And I really wanted her approval. Now we're very close and more equals since we're both mothers etc and our stages in life aren't so vastly different anymore.

No. Growing up with my siblings if we needed to hitch a ride gas money was always expected, it's only fair. However, I do see why your mom would say your sister is family and family is supposed to help each other out. But if you can't afford it, I'd let your mom know this and tell your mom that SHE or step dad need to drive her.

Ask only if you dont HAVE the money. Family doesnt ask family to pay you to do things, doesnt sound like your doing it for more than a day or two. Thats what family is for. Occasionally if someone needs helps its always good to show good will, rather than desperate need. Is gas more than 5 dollars a gallon? If your too tight to give up a ride or two to your college going sister, then just lie and say your busy. Do NOT ask for gas money. What goes around comes around. Its true. Its really shameful actually to expect your family to pay you to do something, many families dont seem to have this problem and I guess I dont understand it. It was never taught in mine, though I have siblings that do this. Friends? of course, acquaintances? absolutely. Your mother had every right to be angry. Its FINE to be peeved, annoyed, and a little miffed to have to do it, but you do it. Your sister would be better off paying a taxi, than to ride in a car with you and your angry feelings about having to do so much work. If she was at fault for her car's condition then she probably should get a lecture, if not, well I dont think its her fault that she cant get a ride other than you.
One of my sisters will do anything with me and for me, I the same for her. The other expects payments and reciprocation in the form of dinner paid for or gifts. Guess which one I do things and talk to more, and guess which one is just my sister by blood?

i don't think it's a terrible thing to ask for a little gas money help, unless you're doing fine and you know she's strapped.
it would also be okay to do it just because she's your sister.
what i DON'T get is wanting to leave her in the lurch because you're mad at your mom.
khairete
S.

If you really need the money, I do not see a problem..

If I didn't need the money and just wanted to do the favor.. then I would not have asked.

It is odd your mom would freak out, I mean how much were you asking for? Not a full tank of gas but maybe $5.00 to $10.00? That seems fair since gas is almost $4.00 a gallon..

I always offer money to people giving me a ride as a favor.. Even if it is family..

When I have given someone (even if they aren't family) I normally don't ask for gas money. In fact, I have takens my son's friend (an adult) to a class more than once in the same week without charging her. I did go out of my way but I made the trip while I was already out. She has no support from her family, she's a single mother, and she's trying to better herself.

If you are just taking her once, I wouldn't ask for money unless you otherwise don't have the gas to make the trip. In which case, you should say "I am happy to take you but I don't have any gas money so I will need you to provide it"...after all, she would provide it if she were driving her care. If that isn't the case, I wouldn't ask unless you were doing it all the time.

Okay, I am going to say I don't see a problem with asking for gas money if you are going to be taking her back and forth for several days. One trip, eh, no, I would not ask. 4 or 5 trips, yeah, I would.

But in my family we send money back and forth all the time. $20 here and there sometimes makes a huge difference.

I think the first problem is you are talking to your mom, not your sister. Your sister is a college student. It's not your mom's problem if she's not driving. It's between you and your sister. I also think that you need to clarify the schedule with your sister, adult to adult.

If you are consistently going out of your way (40 mins one way is WAY out of one's way) and spending the time, wear and tear on your car, and your gas, then you should ask for gas money. It is $4/gal. here. If my SD went to the local community college (comparable distance) and needed me to give her a ride daily, we would absolutely be talking about gas money. Further, she has a choice to take my offer (with gas money provided), or to take the bus or to get a ride.

Does her college have a commuter or ride share board? Any time I've shared a ride with someone as the passenger, I at least offered money. And the other thing is - how long would you be her taxi? For a day or two I might do it gratis if I didn't feel taken advantage of, but not for weeks on end.

(And for the record, yes, I'd ask my sister for gas money, too. But I was thinking of SD because she's college age and Sis is on her own, married, etc.)

If you go past her house, and were going to that side of town, yes, I would not have asked for gas money. If however, you were making a special trip, then I can see where your sister or parent should pay something willingly as a thanks!

If it were a one time deal, and they didn't offer anything, I probably wouldn't ask. If it were a multi-day thing, I would ask.

I wouldn't worry about it for one trip personally. If she expected me to take her several times per week,then yes I would expect some help with the gas.

It wasn't wrong to ask about gas money. If it is only one time thing or even few time thing, I think i wouldn't ask unless my gas is empty already and no gas to do this.

But, more than 3 times, i think I will ask too.

I can understand why your mom freaks out like that... this is just really wrong or different expectation when it comes to family.....

I wouldn't ask for gas money, but I would suggest for her to possibly help out around my house or with my kids.

She's your sister, not your daughter. If the girl was going to drive herself before the damage anyway, sounds like Mom is trying to save a buck by not paying you. She would've given it to your sister, so why not you? Are you rolling in dough? I doubt it.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets