12 Year Old Keeps Loosing Clothes at School

He must be taking the sweatshirts off in order to lose them right? So, he must be getting too warm. Don't send him to school in a sweatshirt. The classrooms are warm and recess time is usually spent running around and playing hard and getting warm. He could just be a warm blooded kid! I do not "sign up for that class" with my 12 year old. If he chooses not to wear a sweatshirt that is his decision. Final note, cold weather does not cause colds - so if chooses not to wear the sweatshirt - then don't "sweat it" mom! Same goes for hats! No hats to school!

At this age they don't understand. You would think they are old enough, but they're not. It's been my experience that when he starts choosing his own clothes, and caring about what he wears, then he'll keep track of them.

In the meantime, you might try just refusing to replace the lost items. Tell him you just can't afford to run out and replace something because of his carelessness. So he doesn't have a sweatshirt and he's cold? Well, he should have thought about that when he lost the last one.

Last year, my daughter would leave her 6 jackets/sweatshirts at school. Every day a new one would go to school, until the day she didn't have any at home.

It was a typical northern CA winter day, cool and blustery. She realized she didn't have a jacket at home. I announced it was time to go. She got in the car and she was cold. That night all her jackets came home.

My point is get him one jacket. That's it. If he looses it, he'll be cold and start remembering where he leaves it. It will be important to him.

Tough love seems in order.
Stephanie

My son loses his sweatshirts too. The best results I've gotten is from having him do "just one thing." That is, have him concentrate on just remembering one thing when he leaves school. When we do this he more often remembers his sweatshirt, but then might leave behind a part of his homework LOL.

It would be great if my son had the same awareness of his belongings as my daughters do, but I might as well wish that my dogs could learn to meow. My son hates that he loses his stuff as much as I do, and even when he tries to be more conscientious, he's only partially successful.

I've mostly decided that I'm expending wayyyy too much energy on this one issue. He's mostly a great kid, so I've let go a bit.

I do write his name in all of his sweatshirts (you never know when a kind soul will return one), and I buy sweatshirts for him on eBay or at Goodwill. He lost the $65 sweatshirt from Macy's as fast as the $4.00 one from Goodwill, so I figure I might as well not throw away my money. eBay has some pretty good deals. I always shop for "lots" of clothing (more than one), and the per piece price ends up being pretty low. A lot of the things we buy are practically new.

Good luck!

Well.... My son is 10. He has lost sweatshirts and jackets and the final straw was when he borrowed "MY" jean jacket and left it at school. I was very disappointed with this and let him know that he needed to do everything he could to go through the lost and found and ask everyone he knows if they have seen this jacket. There was nothing special about the jacket. The only thing is, kids know that they will get new ones. You will buy a new jacket or sweatshirt because you don't want him to be cold. Well. We are not made of money and yes I can buy him a jacket and so can his grandparents... But I had to explain to them that I was trying to teach him a lesson in life. That we need to value everything we have and especially take care of the things we borrow from people. I didn't let him use my sweatshirts... or buy him anything until all avenues were taken to find that jacket. I gently reminded him of the fact that I missed my jacket and left it at that.

He came back for weeks saying he couldn't find it..... and then called me afterschool one day with some exciting news... HE FOUND IT.

He told me that he went through all of the lost and found jackets and sweatshirts... and looked on the fence where they also hang lost and found items and low and behold!! THERE IT WAS.

So, I do have to tell you I have not been able to get my jacket back from him... and don't really want it. I think he appreciates it and will work hard not to lose it again.

Time for some tough love. I think all of us parents are too WIMPY when it comes to standing ground and I think it is leading to spoiled kids that will feel entitled in the future.
Good luck.

Hi Stacey,

My little girl just turned one, so if anyone loses her clothes, its me. But here are two suggestions: 1) when he runs out of sweatshirts, make your son use his allowance money to purchase what he needs - explain to him that these are the consequences to his behavior - it doesn't sound like he really cares (not in a bad way - its just not something he puts energy in) like when I was that age, my mom would buy me what I needed, but if I wanted a particular ridiculous brand like Guess, I was responsible for that purchase - kind of the same idea or 2) go to Goodwill to buy his clothes. This way, if they get lost, you lost $2.50 instead of a lot more.
Good luck!

First of all, I agree...make sure his name is in EVERYTHING-I always feel really bad taking things out of L&F is I am not certain it is mine. You may want to go down to the school, and see what things you can claim.

Then you become a coat closet. All his coats/sweatshirts/hats are with you (your room, laundry room, wherever there is space). And your son has to check out that item for the day, and cannot check out another one, without trading in the other item. If he lost it, or left it at school, then he'll have to rent one for $1/day unti he is able to locate the one left behind.

He is probably too young (and therefor allowance too low) to truly be expected to buy himself a new one. But either being cold, or seeing his allowance dwindle, or having to pick up extra chores to pay rent for a coat-will give him incentive to find the ones that are missing, and not leave them behind.

Maybe if you don't replace the sweatshirt at all, then make him save AND go buy a new one. Maybe if he realizes that he won't have one unless he gets it himself, he will hold onto it. Glad mine aren't there yet! My brother was like that: always losing stuff.

The first thing I would want to know, is this a new thing this year or did it happen before? You might not want to think of it in this way, but there is a real possibility that he is not losing them at all. There is a possibility that he could be getting pressured or bullied, or he could be trading them for something you don't know about. If he has cool stuff, someone else is going to want that cool stuff. He could be using it to barter or he could just be getting punked. I know that is not something we like to think about, but in junior high or earlier it does happen.
So, I would take the subtle approach and try and get information the back door. Maybe ask his teachers if they have noticed anything, and then try and approach him without being direct. Boys don't want their moms to know these sorts of things, if it is true, so he may be hiding the truth from you because he doesn't want to look bad.

Hope that helps.

M. S.

Don't let him wear them anymore to school. A few days on the chilly side without one worked for my son.

My little brother who is the same age does the same thing! My dad gets so frustrated. Finally, he told him he wasn't buying him any more jackets,
So he has one that I gave him and one my dad bought I guess, but if he loses them then he has to go without a jacket.
If you are unable to find his jackets in lost and found then obviously,as is my brother's situation,he sets his jacket down and someone else is stealing them. Good luck.

don't buy him new clothers. take him to the thrift store and let him pick out some things and if he loses them...no huge lose. that is one answer. of course there are tons of other things you can do with consequences and i haven't read other answers...but i am sure you got some ideas.

I haven't been in this situation but if I were I'd probably let him go to school without for a while so he'd learn to value having a warm sweater when he has none. He won't care about losing warm clothing if it just new stuff just keeps showing up. Or I'd send him to school in one of your old Christmas sweaters. The next sweater you give him, make it a girl’s sweater and tell him it's all that's left because he couldn’t be bothered to keep track of his other clothes.

Maybe he'll make an effort to find them as they are probably still in his classroom somewhere, stuffed in his desk or in the coat rack and bring home "lost" clothing that he's really just too lazy to remember to grab and it's just piling up in the classroom. Have you asked his teachers about the missing clothing?

On the other hand… maybe it’s a bully. Ask him if someone is taking his clothes from him. Point blank. You don’t want to punish him further if he’s the victim of bullies. You’ll need to get in contact with his teacher to alert him/her to the situation as they are with your son when these sweaters go missing.

Do not keep replacing things. Your child will never learn the natural consequences of things if you are always there for the rescue. The natural consequence of leaving behind something is not having it when he needs it. As previously mentioned, one mother's daughter went to school cold one morning, and she brought home her coats. I would try this with your son.

Dear S.,
I had a terrible time with my daughter's clothes, but they were being stolen. And I was furious. If she got a new coat, it was gone in two days. Every time. I started writing her name all over the inside of her jackets and she got to where she would just tie them around her waist. I was lucky, I could pick her up after school and say, "Where's your coat?" I have never had that same problem with my son. He keeps an eye on his things like you wouldn't believe. And, he goes to a small rural school, so, if someone leaves a sweatshirt in the cafeteria or somewhere, a kid who knows who it belongs to will turn it in to the office.
My suggestion would be to go to a thrift shop such as Good Will, and buy about 5 sweatshirts or so and make it a rule that those are the only ones he can wear to school. Your son may not like it, but if he can't keep track of things, there's no reason to just keep shelling money out. If he continues to lose them, then don't buy any for a while. I went to the dollar store and literally bought 10 umbrellas. My daughter left them in her locker or at someone's house. She got soaked a couple of days on her way to the bus stop and all the sudden appreciated having an umbrella and the reason behind keeping track of one.
Just tell your son that all of his sweatshirts will come from a thrift store until he can learn to keep track of them. If he gets an allowance, deduct the cost of his sweatshirts from it. He will learn to keep track of his things and you won't have to go broke.
Best of wishes!

Are you sure he losing them or is something else going on?

I would quit buying him new sweatshirts or jackets no matter how cold it gets. Then when he doesn't have anymore, then let him work for the money to go with you to the store to buy one with his own money. Then he might know the value of something if he worked for it himself.

Some kids just do that, and if you argue/punish you will just be in for a lot of battles.

I suggest buying him really cheap sweatshirts -- you can get them at Target, etc. for less than $10, or you can even do Goodwill.

That way you won't have to stress.

You have some great idea's posted for you. First ruling out if he is being bullied or something ,I would buy maybe 2 sweatshirts or jackets at goodwill. I do most of our shopping there and find great name brands in very nice condition. So something you know he'll like and wouldn't choose to lose. Then if he dose lose them he has to go with out for awhile. I agree that it has to matter to him before he can change this. Hopefully that will work and if not at least your not throwing big bucks away on new ones. The love and logic way to do this also is be supportive if he's upset about not having something warm to wear. "Honey I am so sorry your cold" "It's such a bummer you lost your coats again"."It might take me a little while to get the time and money to buy more but as soon as I am able I will". Don't say, "Hows it feel" I told you you'd be cold".No digging it in. When ever I am working on a problem with my kids I use the love and logic way and it makes for great results.There is a book on teens I think. Best wishes

Have you sat down and talked with him to see what the deal is with losing his clothing? I sometimes forget to talk with with my kids before I get upset with them over stuff. Barring anything like having his clothing stolen and being afraid of telling you, the best thing is for him to suffer the natural consequnce of losing his sweatshirt. He doesn't get another and he is cold or otherwise inconvenienced. My son and daughter often prefer not to wear a coat (even when I really think they would be more comfortable with) because they do not want to have the bother of dragging it around later in the day. Just a thought.

Is there a possibility that he may not be losing them and just wanting you to get him different ones?
The only reason I ask is because I see kids at work, adn often times thats the answer they give me when I inquire about them losing their clothes at school. Maybe there is more to it?

Good luck

Hi S.,
This isn't advice but I empathize. I'm a first grade teacher and I am shocked at how many clothes are left at school, beautiful, quality gear! Especially boys. It just goes to show you that they are thinking about fun and learning, not their outerwear which is what we want. I am also the mother of a gifted nine year old who tends to leave his clothing at school, at his friend's, in the car, you name it. I did buy him a pair of "extra shoes" at the thrift store (which he despises) and I threatened to make him wear them if he doesn't have his shoes with him. The other thing I do is keep "good" clothes like ski wear separate so that he will in fact have a ski jacket if his school one goes missing. Other than that, be assured that it is perfectly normal. Thanks for asking the question, I will be interested to see what other moms say.

S.,
My son did that at much younger age. I would guess that at your sons age he may not like the clothing choices and want something else, but does not want to tell you, unless you ask. Especially since he has even had to pay for one himself. At this age my brother went a week without going to school because they were making fun of his clothes at school. He kept telling my mom he was sick, then she finally got a clue and took him shopping.
I hope you find out soon what is really going on.
W. M.

Hi S.,

When I read your post I thought you were talking about my son and most of his friends.
This is very much a developmental issue for many boys. Not only does my son forget his clothes, it's his lunch box, homework, backpack etc... when he was 12 and younger.

He is now a freshman in high school, (14) and still forgets and loses things. But we try to remind him all the time, to check his stuff. The funny thing is that he has found kind friends who pick after him and remind him on what he has forgotten or lost.(mostly girls)

Yes, I agree with other parents to have him go jacket-less or pay for one with his own money. But if he's anything like my son, he gets angry with himself when he loses or forgets things. Then does it again. Doctor says it's puberty, and some boys brain's regress back to a three year old...
Don't know if that is true, but it does get better as they get older.

I'm in contact with many high school and college students and I constantly ask the boys what they did when they were your son's age. And majority give me stories exactly like yours, how their parents would get so frustrated with them, and that they didn't do it on purpose - they just forgot.
I know this doesn't give you a solution but maybe this may make you feel that you are not alone.

Good luck, love him for what he is...

My son is this way, it is a real problem. he is 16 now, tends not to lose as many as he did in Middle School. Our joke is, IF YOU DONT FIND IT< YOU ARE A LOSER< NOT JUST A MISPLACER!
That said, may I suggest buying low cost hoodies? My son also loses KEYS, MISPLACES phone, etc. Also buy the hoodies that DO NOT zip, they are less likely to toss it off while playing a hot game of hoops. Do not buy coats (cost too much). Walmart. He does get nice hoodies now a days-at xmas, etc. It was not until high school that I realized how truly DISORGANIZED he is...it can be a real problem.
And remember this, other kids will rip off hoodies, especially the way cool ones, FAST. And gym clothes in high school.....Just try to take it in stride, mom, and dont spend a lot...

My youngest son also seemed to lose a lot of things at that age. Of course, I put his name in everything and checked the lost and found periodically. Many things were still never found. I ended up just buying things at the thrift store that he tended to lose the most. If your son loses sweatshirts, buy a dozen at 50 cents each at the thrift store. At least you won't be wasting much money. And don't worry, he'll grow out of this too!!

Others have come up with some great ideas. I only have one thing to add... put his name inside EVERYTHING! This will help teachers and other kids who may find his clothing and want to get it back to the rightful owner. At his age, I'm sure he gets to playing, gets hot, and takes them off. Then when it's time to go back inside, things tend to get hectic and clothing is forgotten. Just visit any schoolyard and you'll see that your son isn't the only one who loses his things on a regular basis. It's one of the biggest nightmares of teachers everywhere. Lost and found boxes tend to brim over all the time, and after so long a time, most schools end up simply taking everything to Goodwill. (Maybe if you take the advice of people and start buying there, you'll find some of your son's lost items LOL!)

Go to Goodwill and buy a bunch of sweatshirts. Then the money won't be as much of an issue. I have found so many great quality but inexpensive clothes there.

Put his name in his clothes and have him check the lost and found at school each week or two. I used to get so upset about this, too, until I checked the lost and found and saw the incredibly overflowing bins/boxes of clothes other kids had lost. I realize it is a developmental thing and they just don't keep track of things very well at that age.

When I read this question, I thought I wrote it! I too have a hormonal, active, social 12 yr old boy who has lost 4 sweatshirts this year, plus other stuff I am sure!! I have done the - cold thing (no sweatshirt - kinda works, for alittle while), pay for your own, and of course the favorite of mothers, lecturing! So, here is the deal, they are hormonal and our job is to coach them along with love and boundaries and to pick our battles. So, pick your battles wisely for your own child and give them a place that loves them and accepts them - because at this place in their lives - hormones - they are needing that extra acceptance and understanding.