My 2.5 year old son refuses to wear a jacket or sweatshirt. I think it's because it's a little conforming and he runs a little warm. He will say, "I don't need a jacket/I'm not cold" and when I put it on him, he will have a fit, scream, and take it off. So, to compensate, I've dressed him in two shirts (one short sleeve and one long sleeve), but sometimes I feel it's not warm enough. It gets quite blustery in the valley, and I often wonder what other adults think when I'm wearing a jacket and my kid isn't.
I try to pick my battles, but I"m wondering if this is one where I don't give in and continuously battle with him, which is difficult, since he can take it off himself. Sadly, I have bribed him with Skittles when it is especially cold and I want him to wear it.
When I feel his torso, he's warm, but his little hands get quite cold. Any suggestion on how to make him wear one? Or should I let him tell me it's cold and then put one on? I always carry one around in case, but he doesn't really ask for it. Is this an age-appropriate power struggle? Thanks for any comments/suggestions.
Hi Everyone,
Thanks for all the great advice and support! Of course, after I post this, it is beginning to warm up. I definitely agree that he will learn to respond to his own body and will learn to ask for a jacket, and I will continue to have keep it in the bag. It's better than always being cold...I accept that I have a robust child! Thanks again!
I have 2.5 that also hates to wear a heavy jacket. He likes his zippered (full length) sweatshirt as his jacket that I put on him. It is a little baggy so he doesn't feel confined.
It is quite possible that he finds the cold fascinating. It is such a different experience than being inside. He probably has a very scientific mind.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things-bringing a coat for him with you, choosing your battles. I would only suggest one thing and this could make you a million dollars:
Design a mother's coat with some kind of message written on the back of it with some kind of catchy phrase. Something like, "my son is weather dyslexic" or a shirt for him that says, "pneumonia is for wimps." Or something more to the point on a cap, "Wisdom through natural consequences when necessary."
If only department stores carried clothing racks in the mother's section that had clothing for specific issues like these. I know I would certainly buy mother's pants that say down the leg, "confidence at any size is attractive.”
Imagine the possibilities!!!
Good luck with your first million!
If defiance in general becomes an issue where horns are locked on issue after issue there are some great books available these days on conflict resolution between parents and kids. Generally any requests a parent makes out of fear of what others think will be met with resistance. Kids don't like to fuel or support parental paranoia. They do become very pliable when we are willing to hear their ideas and work for a win/win outcome.
Like you said with choosing battles, there are times to draw the line. If they are doing life threatening, violent, damaging, or insensitive behavior, if they are being rude, crude, or derogatory then tender tough love, as we call it in my family, needs to come into effect.
Otherwise, it is such fun to learn the magic of life together. My 17 month old is learning about chilly fingers and the like right now. He doesn't like the restrictive presence of his mittens. So when my 5 kids and I went to the park the other day, I let him have his mittens off. I kept a close watch on his fingers and as they became reddish I came over to him and we started playing together with his hands. We practiced words like, well, we live in Japan, so words like samui, which means cold, and itai, which means ouch. I held my mittens over his hands and we practiced words like atatakai, which means warm, and sugoi ne, which means wonderful, hu! He kept looking at his fingers with such amazement and reaching to my nice warm mittens.
After having 5 children and having my figure trashed and rebuilt 5 times now (through eating right, sleeping right, and exercising right) and my house strewn with mess and put back into order 5 times now (because a new life form in a home always requires adjustments), I care very little about what others might think of me because I have learned anyone who would judge me is probably suffering from a plethora of their own neurotic fears and cannot be happy. There are also great books available on communication styles that build those kind of people too. Besides, I want to raise brilliant scientists. Scientists who will build and bless our world for good. I have heard the best way is to encourage them to seek great interest in the magic of life. Happy exploring!!!
Hi M.,
I'm assuming it must be a stage thing. My daughter is almost 3 years old too, and she doesn't like to wear jackets either. Or shoes and socks for that matter. Our flooring in our house in wood, and although I encourage my children to listen to their bodies and decide for themselves when they're hungry, cold, tired, etc. my DD seems to ignore it. I will feel her little hands and her little feet, and they are always cold. Sometimes they turn red. I am constantly reminding her to put her socks on, but she seems to rebel every time I mention it. If I were you, I would let your son be. LIke you said, pick your battles. This one doesn't seem like one I'd personally choose. Besides, look at it this way, it'll teach your son to respond to his body, and be more tuned in with his body. I must admit that I too sometimes look at parents and wonder, "Why is she wearing a jacket and her son not, but then I remember,I too have a rebel child. That's why." Don't beat yourself up for it. Instead be proud that you have raised a strong minded son. You're doing a great job!
Wow, our boys must be related! My son - just turned three - is going through the same thing, as am I. I also find myself explaining to strangers and even friends about how a jacket creates a huge struggle and I can't believe he's not cold. By the way, my son will ONLY wear short sleeves (no matter what great character is on a long sleeve shirt or jacket). Just this past week he has decided to wear a jacket on two occasions when he was really chilly at the park. When we go in the car, or to the grocery store I take along a toddler sized blanket and he "wears" it willingly - I'd rather have him be warm and comfortable than force that it has to be a JACKET that keeps him warm. You are so right about choosing your battles - you might take a look at "Raising your Spirited Child" (Don't remember the author), it talks about children who just don't feel things like we do - he may really be warm enough - or who are just really slow to adapt to changes - I think I got a little of both of these things. I would say, in the end, if it's not putting him in danger just let it go and try to have a sense of humor about it when adults give you a look or ask "Isn't he freezing?"
M.,
Sounds like you are doing a great job. Don't worry so much about the jacket, the double shirt thing is a great idea. Is he into superheros yet? My son used to wear mittens/gloves according to the hero he was that day i.e.,"Redman". When he gets cold he will ask for a jacket kind of like when he is hungry he will eat. Keep up the good work.
Hi M.,
My son is also 2.5yrs and hates to wear jackets, esp with hoods. He WILL wear this one jacket that has CARS on it just because that is his favorite thing right now. So maybe you could try finding a jacket with something he likes on it, or even just put a patch/iron-on on his current jacket to make it "cool" (as we call it around here).
Good luck!
Hi! I saw your question and hope this advice can help you!:) my 4 year old son jacob likes to pick out his own clothes... At around 2 years old, children are learning they are separate individuals from their parents and like to have control over their choices, including what they like to wear. I understand, because i like to choose my own clothes too! So, when my son was younger, i dressed him in aloha shirts and matching aloha print shorts. Now, i let him choose what clothes he wants, and he picks out clothes with characters he likes such as buzz lightyear and spiderman. He has 2 spiderman jackets too, he likes to wear, several buzz lightyear sweatshirts and a wide variety of character shirts which he picked out himself! Letting your son choose also supports his independence and self esteem! :)hope this helps you with your son! Sincerely, J. f
Sometimes these clothes issues are sensory related. My daughter doesn't like things that make her feel uncomfortable and would rather wear a hoody sweatshirt than a jacket. If you are really concerned with it see if letting him go to the store and pick out a jacket works...he can choose the material and thickness he likes. If it is a sensory issue, you probably won't win the battle. I gave up and let her wear layers and hooded sweatshirts...she's still like this in middle school.
I remember wearing shorts all the time in elementary school even when my legs were purple from chill. My mom figured I'd put on pants if I really got cold...by middle upper elementary I did!
Good luck!
I have had the same problem with my now 4 1/2 year old son off and on. If he is really opposed to wearing his jacket, I just take it along in case he needs it. I decided not to worry about it too much because I figured if he got cold he would wear it, and I decided not to make that a battle. Sometimes they need to experience what happens if they don't do something and then they decide on their own to go ahead and do it. It mayjust be a phase that he'll grow out of soon.
Maybe you could get your son some mittens if you are concerned about his hands being cold, if he'll wear them. Also, make sure his jackets are not too confining. I know it's hard to see them running around with no jacket when you are cold yourself, but everyone's body temperature is different, and I wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks.
Good luck. This is just one of many power struggles you will probably go through.
