Help for Pooing in the Pants, Any Idea?

From what I know about child development, it can be detrimental to punish for potty issues. That is not something that you want to create a battle about, because it can lead to physical and emotional issues later on. I would follow the advice of rewarding for the behavior that you want. If he does poop his pants, I would (as much as possible) not make a big deal about it, and just quickly and quietly help him clean up and move on. Avoid battles, humiliation and punishment, and giving it too much attention. Good luck :)

Don't think punishment is the way to go here. Could it be encopresis?

If so, he cannot help it.
If not, try rewarding him for pooping in the potty instead.

Hi A.,

When I was a nanny, I had a family whose son --of similar age-- was doing the same thing. This usually occured after his coming home from preschool. (Is your son doing this at his preschool-- I saw a previous post that he was attending a program-- just wondering if this is only happening at home or both places.)

Because kids so often won't tell us the root of the cause of their regression, I make it a point to do some observation before trying to correct the problem. Here's one idea:

Make a little chart or some notes for yourself. Nothing fancy. This is primarily to notice for patterns. You want to keep track of when, during the day, that he's pooping in his pants, and how often. Is he going into a corner to hide, as many do, or just doing it right out in the open? What sort of activity is he engaged in? (is his body responding to these activities as 'cues' for pooping, because he's getting into a habit?) And what sort of mood is he in? I only ask because some children might do this when they feel less in control of a situation than they would like, and this is one way to have some power. Not a preferred option, of course, but from your description of his holding it when he is placed on the toilet and then going later suggests that there may be some stress; the muscles of elimination require us to relax for them to be able to work. If you are hanging out in the bathroom, waiting for him to poop, it will likely shut down his ability to do so, much in the same way that a stressed mother in labor can actually have contractions and dilation stall. (If you've read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Midwifery, this isn't a big leap in thinking: she calls it "sphincter logic". )

If it were me, I'd look at the notes after a few days (4-5) to notice any patterns. If he's regularly soiling his pants at 2:00, I'd invite the child into the bathroom at 1:50 (don't ask him to go, Tell Him "time to go poop now" and make sure he heads in there). Have a basket of fun, small things he might like to use while he's waiting for his body to do its work (books, magna doodle, etch-a-sketch... ), and a timer set for 3-5 minutes. Let him know that when the timer goes ding, he can come out. I'd encourage you to keep the time short. Then, if he hasn't pooped, wait maybe 10 minutes or so and send him in to try again.

Also, when there are accidents, in lieu of time out, have him stay with you while you do the cleanup. He will need to help: he can put the poopy pants into a plastic bag for the laundry, stay there (in the bathroom) while you do cleanup; have him hold open doors for you... in short, he can't go play until you can get back to what YOU were doing. If he's choosing to mess in his pants, this will make it less convenient for him. I would caution against overtalking it, because while simple statements are fine, long lectures and warnings only add to the attention. Just simply "It doesn't take so much time to clean up when you poop in the potty." or "You know, when you use the potty to poop, you have more time to play, because you won't have to help me clean the mess up."

Let us know how this goes... this is a tough one. Some kids go back and forth with this for a while. I also wonder, is he getting a lot of attention when this happens? Even negative attention by your being upset is a way to spend time with you, so if you think this might be the case, find some other times of day to spend time with him, without interruptions. (And I have to ask, is there a new baby in the house, or on the horizon? Sometimes, older children will do this to 'relate' to siblings who aren't using the toilet yet.)

Good luck!
H.

Did u try a small reward for when he does go in the potty? sticker, m&m, something like that might work...get super excited when he does go in the potty.. i have a neice that would go great for me or another family member, or daycare..but for her mom, she would go in her pants too..hope that helps in some way...

Many children develop real issues with pooping and hold it until they damage their bodies and lose the sensation that tells them when they have to go. We went to a pediatric GI Dr. and he said the problem is pretty common and often starts around 3 yrs old. I dont think your son has a problem with constipation or encopresis YET but he is at risk. esp if you use punishment to force the issue. do some research on the subject and the problems that it could cause and then ask your self if it is worth it. Have you tried a potty seat that he feels comfortable sitting on? even though he is big enough to use the regular toilet maybe he is scared or uncomfortable, I would reward him with stickers and a small treat if he poops on the toilet.

It's good to know we aren't the only ones going through this. My son was, like yours, about 3.5 and having occassional poop issues. He pee trained fast...we haven't had a nighttime accident of either sort for 2 years. Now he is 5, and suddenly refuses to poop on the potty. He will go in his pants and lie about it. I've tried rewards, no use. I've tried punishment, time out, or taking away one of his toys every time he messed his pants or lied about it. He had quite a few toys taken before he tried to sit on the potty to poop, and then lied to say he did it! I told him I knew he was fibbing, but it was a big boy thing to do to try, so gave him a toy back when he tried. He did it for real once. Now, he obviously trying to hold it, but is avoiding the pot unless I put him on. If you find a solution, let me know. Do you worry about stressing him too much about it, and making a bigger issue? If you find a solution, let me know please! Mine is starting kindergarten this fall, and this is becoming a huge problem. Good luck!

PS. found a description of encopresis on the pubmed website. Thanks Denise! http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH###-###-####

Treatment

The goal is to prevent constipation and encourage good bowel habits. Laxatives, and sometimes enemas, are used to remove fecal impaction. A stool softener is often prescribed.

A diet high in fiber, including fruits, vegetables, whole grain products, and adequate fluid intake will promote the passage of softer stools and minimize the discomfort associated with bowel movements. Another way to treat this problem is to give flavored mineral oil to the child in sufficient quantity for the oil to leak from the rectum. This is an excellent short-term treatment, but it must be avoided long-term because of interference with calcium and vitamin D absorption.

Parents should be supportive and refrain from criticism or discouragement. Pediatric gastroenterologists often provide education to the parents and child and use biofeedback for the child to treat the more difficult cases. Psychotherapy can help the child deal with associated shame, guilt, or loss of self-esteem. For encopresis in the absence of constipation, psychiatric evaluation may help determine the underlying cause.

We wouldn't put up with it when our #4 DD did this at the same age. She knew when she had to poop and if she did it in her pants, she had to clean it up herself. She had to take the responsibility for it and clean it up. A couple of times when it was really bad I stuck her in the shower to help her....for her that was horrible because at the time she HATED showers. Once I think I was so mad that I made it a cold shower. I know that it mean, but after that one she stopped doing it. Good luck with it.
J.--SAHM of 7

Hi A.,
My boys had to just stay on the potty until they, "produced."

I left them alone in there to reduce the drama, and the first one threw a real fit the first few times (they were 2.5 and 2.0 when I potty-trained them); but we have - so far - had ZERO pooping in pants on purpose (they are now 5 and 3.5).

You are 100% correct: he understands what you want him to do: and he can control it.

Good luck.
t

My daughter did this with peeing. She was quite a bit younger, but she was definitely doing it intentionally. I would set her on the toilet and get her into her pajamas - we co sleep. When I would go to get into bed, she had peed- ON MY PILLOW! She did this twice. At the time I was still nursing her (she was 2) After the first time, I told her if she did it again I would get rid of the na-na. The the second time, I didn't nurse her when she would ask for it, and I told her that it was because of the peeing in my bed (both times on the pillow) so after the next night when she did not pee in the bed, I went back to nursing her. Granted your son may not be doing this intentionally, but he is old enough to know when he has to go. If he is getting busy and forgetting it is one thing, but if he is doing it intentionally, as you say, then yes, he needs to understand that it isn't appropriate. The only thing I would suggest, and I am sure that not all mommies will agree, but I would tell him he has to be put back into 'baby' diapers until he is capable of being a big boy. Is there anything that may be making him jealous? Also, my daughter had accidents when she got older during growth spurts, so that may be an issue too. The other option is taking away something special, like TV or play time. He may be doing it to get attention.

Julie C. LOL- My DD threw a MAJOR tantrum at a friends house, and she had been playing in the kiddie pool earlier that day, so at my friend's suggestion I took her out and clothes and all (no shoes) I put her in the pool. Now anytime she throws a tantrum at that friends house we laugh and ask the older boy to go inflate the pool and instantly the tantrum stops :)

any punishment can make it worse. It will happen you have to be positive with him and also see if for him his poop is too hard. Many boys address this issue different then girls. If they are having a hard time with pooping they seem to be more comfortable doing in their pants or pull up. It's an issue and it's on the internet. I would highly suggest not spanking, showering in cold water. There are some book on it out there. Remember most everything is just someone opinion. A gastro doctor will tell you to make sure you are giving him something to make sure the poops is soft for him to get out. yes it may seem soft but it's his bottom when it comes out when pushing it might not feel soft.